First Time Mom Breastfeeding with Pressure from Husband to Switch to Formula
June 08, 2009
I am a first-time mom to a 5-wk old beautiful girl.I feel very strongly about the benefits of breastfeeding & during my pregnancy decided to breastfeed for up to the first year. My little one is a natural at breastfeeding & has not been a problem. I even pump daily to make sure we have a bottle so dad can feed her during his nightly 'shift' so that he can be involved.
My problem is that my husband has a child from a previous relationship & his experience with babies is using formula. He insists that I'm starving our baby & that she is suffering because she seems hungry all the time. Last night he swore that she was too frail.(Keep in mind at her 1st dr appt at 2 wks she had grown 1/2 an inch & gained a pound from her birth weight of 7.4)
She typically nurses every 1.5 hours & when I pump I usually get 1.5-3 oz depending on when I pump, early am, she just fed, etc. There are days where she nurses more often & then there are days when she doesn't seem to nurse every 1.5 hrs.
He has pushed me to use formula or at least supplement since we were in the hospital! I've done my research on breastfeeding & it seems like once you introduce formula,the breastfeeding ends shortly thereafter.I just don't see the need to introduce formula at this point. Our baby seems contented & is typically sleeping for 3-4 hours at night, is very alert, has great color, etc. She doesn't sleep as often during the day which makes her a bit fussy around dinnertime, conveniently when my husband gets home from the office.
I have not given in & we have not given her formula. But things are deteriorating between me & my husband because of my breastfeeding. He keeps reminding me of his 'experience' with babies b/c of his other child & implies that I'm making our daughter suffer for not giving her formula. He has never researched or read anything to understand breastfeeding, nor will he.
Last night he demanded that I take our baby to the ped tomorrow because she is so 'frail' (which she isn't, she is just still newborn) & get a recommendation for a type of formula. At this point, I'm ready to throw in the towel. We fight over this every night when he gets home from work & weekends.I know breastfeeding is best & I've been proactive to do everything possible to make it a positive experience, but my husbands lack of understanding of breastfeeding is ruining our time as a family. We only argue about breastfeeding vs formula daily. How much should I stand my ground? Am I doing this wrong, is he right & she isn't getting enough to eat? I can't take the fighting anymore & am about to give up on my beliefs & just start giving her formula to make our home life return back to noraml. Please advise.
This has been my first post to this website and I'm so thankful for all the wonderful advice & support from everyone! I feel so much better with your words of encouragement! After our initial ped appt last Friday (details below) I've decided to switch to a pro-breastfeeding ped. I cannot believe his recommendation that babies are lactose intolerant of breastmilk! But to be cautious, I have eliminated dairy from my diet to see if that helps plus we have a lactation consultant coming to the house this week to evaluate & assist. Also, she recomended the new ped & we will see her on the 12th. As for my husband, he has gotten much better & is not pushing the formula. I think he is waiting to see the outcome of the lactation consultant & new ped appt.
Again, it is so helpful as a first-time mom to know you are all out there to support, I appreciate every response more than you know!!
We just got back from ped. He said she could be lactose intolerant. I didn't think this was an issue with breastmilk! He recommended pumping & adding lactaid pills to breastmilk bottles to see if that helped. If not, he of course gave me formula samples which I want to hide from my husband (who couldn't go to appt). Baby girl's weight is borderline low, she is only averaging 1/2 an oz per day weight gain. She has gained 8 oz since our last appt, but the dr wasn't concerned with her weight gain at this point.Now I really don't know what to do. My ped is Kutsi Onur, anyone have exp with him?
Tell him that you will take the baby to the doctor, but he MUST go with you. You will both talk to the doc and agree to do whatever the doc recommends. Putting it all in the doctor's hands will make him the bad guy and maybe reduce the stress between you two.
My five year old is lactose intolerant and couldn't handle milk or soy based formulas (I tried - because he was hungry all the time.) I ended up omitting milk and dairy from my diet, in addition to cola, orange juice, tomato products, beans, and bread. And breastfeeding a baby that, by one year old, weighed 25 lbs. He was exclusively breastfed to 9 months because of all the food issues he had - still has, actually.
Be aware - the formula could make everything MUCH MUCH worse.
Stand your ground girlie! The benefits of breastmilk are so profound!
Youmight point out these facts to him: The WHO made a seperate growth chart for BF babies because they tend to be smaller in the begining. Why? Because when breastfeeding, the baby decides when she is finished noit the parent who is looking at a bottle which they feel MUST be finished.
A babys tummy is about the size of a large marble at 5 weeks, so an ounce is alot of liquid to put in that tummy, hence the need to feed more often. If you were to force a 2-3 oz bottle of formula, then sure, she wouldnt want to eat again for several hours, but she will also be overly full, spit up more and most likely cry from being over full.
Breastfeeding protects against ear infections and generally any kind of infection YOU have been exposed to and are now making your own anti-bodies for because youpass them onto her.
As long as your baby is making wet and poopy diapers and is growing at a steady pace, you are prodducing enough milk. At 4 weeks there is usually a growth spurt which starts off a marathon nursing for a few days as baby increases her supply which usually takes 48 hours to catch up to her demand...so more fussiness and more nursing.
Breastfed babies get more contact time with their parents who cant pop in a bottle and walk off!
If breastmilk were not wnough tosustain our babies, generations of people would have starved to death! ALL mamals produce the perfectly balanced food that is required for their young.
The APA recommends EXCLUSIVE breastfeeding for babies to 6 MONTHS before offering solids. ***You might try to get this info from your doctor. If they are any kind of good pedi he will tell your husbnand the breastfeeding is the best decision.
Your baby will be sick less often sutting oedi costs and youproduce the milk cutting formula costs. Remind your husband that formula was created by a doctor in the early 1900's when a babies mother was UNABLE to breastfeed to save the life of an infant that would have otherwise died...not to be a replacement for breastmilk as it is today. No amount of engeneering can compete with natures perfect food!
This is one of those fights worth fighting! Breastfeeding is perfect food, perfect nutrition and perfect protection for your perfect babe...whynot give her the very very best!
** I see your update, if youthink there might be a lactose problem, try an elimination diet cutting our dairy YOU eat. this can solve lost of things. **
On another note, my 6 months old weighs 13lbs from 8lb at birth thats only 1/4lb a WEEK and she is perfectly healthy .BF babies are smaller!
Breastfeeding mom of 5!
Lamaze Childbirth Educator
DONA Certified Birth DOula
Studet Midwife ATM-MTP
Congratualtions on your precious little girl. HOw frustrating that must be! Gee, if babies starved without formula, how did these the human race survive up until this generation???
I would tell my husband that since I have done the research and he hasn't, that I wouldn't do anything without the doctor's approval. Tell him if he feels so strongly, he can go to the pediatrician with you himself. If the pediatrician agrees with his assessment of your daughters "frailty" or need to supplement, you will. That way, you don't have to argue with "Mr. Smarty Pants" anymore. He'll run up against a real expert that he won't be able to bully!
Controlling types are usually very intimidating in private, but put them with someone of real authority and they back down quickly. Stand your ground, or you'll be setting a pattern in your young marriage that your husband can intimidate you. Don't set that precedent.
I would also recommend some marriage counseling if this type of behavior continues in any other area. You need to be strong: you're modeling for your daughter how women should be treated. She'll learn by watching you.
Hopefully, he just wants the best for her and is simply ignorant of all the research showing the tremendous benefits of breastfeeding. By the way, I'm not one of those breastfeeding "nazis"--I did have to supplement my daughter because she was losig weight after a month. I wasn't thrilled, but it was best for her. Tell your husband it makes their poop a lot stinkier!!
I totally agree that you should go to the pediatrician, but you should INSIST that your husband go with you. Your baby's fine and doing spectacularly well, it sounds like. She's hungry all the time because breastmilk doesn't fill them up as long. Formula sits in their stomachs and isn't as easily digested. This is NOT a good thing! He's used to a baby going longer between feedings, but that's actually not natural. Your pedi should have your back on this, as long as she is gaining normally, so your husband needs to hear what the doctor says so he can back off. Men! There's a reason they're not the mommies!
I know you're on the way to pedi today, but I just had to respond. PLEASE hold your ground - this is not just about feeding your baby - this has LONG term impact on the health of your daughter and YOU! Many pediatricians will gladly have you switch to formula (DESPITE the AAFP recommending one year of breastfeeding).
And, as much as I hate to say this, this issue is really just putting the spotlight on the potential for HUGE problems in your marriage and parenting choices. Also, the baby's fussiness may be due to the increase in stress level in your home once Dad gets home - stress will also impact the "flavor" of breastmilk as stress changes your hormonal balance. If you give in now, you are setting the pattern for who makes the critical decisions in your family as to your child's health. IF he's going to assert he's the expert on parenting, your family is in a load of trouble. I have learned after 16+ years that Mom knows best. You can (and should) consider hubby's input, the pediatrician's input, your MILs input, your sister's input, but when it comes to a choice like this, it is Mom's choice. Also, you may need to reconsider DAd's feeding time (if it's in the middle of the nite - I wasn't sure from your posting) as the nightime nursing is key to having a good milk supply. Maybe have Dad feed her in the early evening while you're fixing dinner or whatever. And, maybe part of his grumpiness has to do with the nighttime feeding. IN my experience, the most helpful thing dad can do at nite is to get the baby and change the diaper (before or after feeding) so mom can rest some yet still nurse at nite. He needs to be supporting you now and not directing you.
He also needs to be educated - breastfed babies do need to eat more frequently as the milk is perfect for a baby and more readily digested. As long as she is gaining, she is getting enough to eat. Also, keep in mind that the charts at the pediatrician's are based on formula fed babies and cow's milk formula optimizes the physical body, whereas breastmilk optimizes brain development. If you are willing to put in the effort, he should be supporting you.
First, I would recommend reading www.kellymom.com as I found this to be a valuable resource.
It's important for your husband to remember that breastmilk is more digestible than formula, so baby will nurse more often. This is a good thing and is completely normal.
If your baby is gaining slowly but seems otherwise healthy, it could be that she is genetically small, or that her growth spurt is on its way. I wouldn't worry too much, as long as she is healthy. I wouldn't even concern myself with lactose intolerance, as this is very rare in breastfed babies. Your breastmilk contains the enzymes necessary to digest the lactose. Does she have any signs of a problem, like foamy or bloody poo? If so, that is more likely a hindmilk/foremilk issue that is easily resolved.
I would recommend not pumping for dad to feed. He can hold and talk, love on, and enjoy time with her without feeding her, in my opinion. Does it mean a lot to him to give her a bottle?
For a great pro-breastfeeding pediatrician who knows her stuff, I recommend Pecan Creek Pediatrics in Denton. Are you close to Denton? She is an awesome doctor! She was very supportive of my breastfeeding and encourages it.
I wish you luck! Stay strong. I weaned my son because of what others were saying to me and it turned out to be a disaster. He ended up being allergic to milk and soy and went in to Failure to Thrive because there wasn't a formula that he could tolerate. He was fine when nursing, of course. I wish I would have told them all to shove it and kept nursing him.
I'm adding on:
I nursed my daughter exclusively. She didn't eat solids until she was around a year old, and she was in the 75th percentile for weight and height, so not a small baby, once she hit four months.
When she was two, she was still nursing, and her and my husband got salmonella. My husband ended up in the hospital. My two year old, breastfed baby, was very sick, but did very well. While my husband could not hold water down, my baby was holding breastmilk down just fine. We tried giving her water and she threw it up. The only thing she could handle was breastmilk, and she nursed a LOT. Because I was nursing her, she did not have to be hospitalized, and recovered. My pediatrician said that breastmilk was so gentle, and provided everything she needed to get over this. It kept her hydrated, kept vitamins in her, and coated her stomach with soothing stuff so she was not in as much pain and agony, as my husband was. My husband had never been sick like that in his life... he's a strong man. Watching it take him down so quickly was scary, knowing that our baby had it too. For us, my milk was the medicine that very possibly saved her life.
Girl, You stand your ground and tell your husband to get a grip. Take him with you to the next dr's appointment and have the dr talk with him. As long as your baby is growing then she is fine.
but remember that babies do go through growth spurts and sometimes need more than you have fed them. Not all babies eat the same amount and if she seems fussy and you have tried burping, gas drops, changing diaper then she might want to feed again. It is probably NOT lactose intollerance that is extremely RARE with Breast milk. its probably Reflux. find a woman ped.
But as far as your husband tell him when he is able to carry a baby for 9 months and give birth then he can decide what to feed it.
I think you should go to the pedi so that your doctor can tell you and your husband the benefits of breastfeeding. Also having one child does not make your husband an expert experienced guru on all children. Every child and parent experience is unique and different. I breastfeed both my children and my son gained weight and stayed at the 75% . He is now 6 nd 53 lbs. My daughter however was in the 10% she did not hit 20 lbs until her 18 month check up and now at 3.5 she weighs 27 lbs. She started off lighter and breastfeed longer and has been healthier than my son who battles allergies and ear infections. Let your doctor help you, and let your husband learn about your child with you. My husband had a son before ours and it often bothered me that he compared the two.
S. E., this man is under mining the best thing that you can do for his baby. It is amazing how healthy breast feeding is for your baby. A woman,s body was made to breast feed. Formula doesn't have what your breast milk has. Did you know that breast milk has an ingredient that helps with the development of the brain, also contained in cows milk but much more in breast milk. There are antibodies in your breast milk, there are fewer problems with allergies and diabetes as a result of breast feeding. Just because his first wife did it one way doesn't obligate you to do the same. My mother did not breast feed me and my siblings, but she would have if she had known all the benefits. Your husband needs to go to the ped with you and the baby and let the doctor explain the benefits, as long as the doctor is on your side. Are you sure that your husband is not jealous of the baby, if you know what I mean. Everybody can be satisfied. You are doing the best thing for your baby. I breast fed 3 healthy children, the 1st til 9 mo., the 2nd til 15 mo., the third til 17 mo., introducing food at the proper time. I would feed them food then nurse to wash it down so to speak. You might be able to go to the book store and find a book for the dad of a breast feeding baby. Don't give up, hang in there. Dad needs to be educated, if he want except it from you, find some way to get the message across.
I'm a nurse and based on what we learned in nursing school which was only 2 years ago breastfeeding generally benefits the child more than formula feeding unless there is a specific reason not to breastfeed. It help to provides antibodies and protection against infections. In school they teach that the best way to breastfeed is on demand, anotherwards when the child wants to feed which is what you're already doing so I don't see any problems with breastfeeding s you are doing. Babies at that age have very small stomachs that will gradually grow over time. You know the bouncy balls that you can get out of those 50 cent bubble gum type machines at the mall...that's about the size of a babies stomach at birth and gradually it gets bigger. Most babies can't handle more than a few ounces at a time. Perhaps his children were bigger at birth or perhaps he's just uncomfortable with the unfamiliar but if I were you I'd keep breastfeeding. As long as the pediatrician hasn't said anything and your baby is growing and meeting each milestone there should be no problems. Maybe taking your husband to the next pediatrician appoitment and having the doctor go over some of the benefits of breastfeeding and reassuring him that the baby is growing normally will help ease his mind on the subject. I wish you the best of luck, hope this helps!
STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!! There is nothing better than breastfeeding!!!! I have a 2.5 year old who I breastfeed for 14 months and a 6 month old that I'm planning on doing the same. My 2.5 year old has been sick very little, she is a great eater and not picky at ALL...she eats everything, prunes to 100 % whole wheat bread. She eats fresh fruits and veg. I don't know if you have read it, but babies that are breastfeed aren't as picky of eaters as formula babies. Also, breast babies don't have such a problem maintaining their weight when they get older because they know better of when they are full.
My 6 month old is allergic to milk and soy products which means that I have had to completely cut milk and soy out of my diet (which is not easy), but it is so important to me to breastfeed her, that I will make that sacrifice until she is done breastfeeding.
There is nothing better that you can give your baby than a good healthy start. Your husband is very lucky that you pump and let him feed her. Neither one of my girls would ever take a bottle...their daddy has never feed them. And he is ok with it because he wants me to breastfeed our kids as long as possible. I think that until your husband is willing to do his own research, then he can't make you stop breastfeeding. A mother knows BEST about her children...you are doing what is best for your baby. Make an appt with your dr to make your husband happy and tell the dr that you want to keep breastfeeding. Just make sure the baby is healthy and gaining weight and then your husband has no claim. Best of luck and let me know if I can help you anymore.
How about making an appointment with the pediatrician like your husband wants but getting your husband to go with you? Sit down with your husband before the visit and tell him you would like to go as a family and see what the pediatrician says. If the dr. says your daughter is fine, then you will continue breastfeeding. If the dr. says she is "frail" or needs to put on some weight then you will ask about formula and SUPPLEMENT.
If your husband or you are not okay with this, the next question is is this battle worth losing your marriage over? I breastfed both my kids - the first for 4 months and the second for 7 months. I agree with you on the benefits of breastfeeding and stuck with it as long as I could being a working mom. I was lucky and had a supportive husband who wanted me to do what I felt was best. I am so sorry your husband is not as supportive but you really need to decide if it is worth your marriage or not.
Good luck in whatever you decide!
I did both because I found when I pumped that I did not produce enough milk. I breastfed my daugher and bottle fed her during the day and night. It was easier to ween her at nine months when I was really sick and needed medication. My daughter did not have to take vitamin supplements which turn the babies teeth gray.
I would encourage your husband to go with you to your appointment with the pediatrician. They can address this issue and relieve some of your husband's anxiety and your husband may feel better once he has had the doctor talk to him. He can also talk to the doctor about any concerns he has. If he doesn't go then the issue should be dropped until he does. Breastfeeding is better for the health of the baby. I don't think there is any evidence to the contrary. Formula is a good second option - but if you really want to breastfeed then your husband should understand. Breastfeeding is also a wonderful bonding with your child. Sometimes I think that that is the bigger issue with men...they feel left out or "jealous" to a degree. But, this bonding is important and generally makes for a happier baby.
I just got your update. I would look into a more pro-breatfeeding pediatrician. I've never heard of a baby being "lactose intolerant" to breastmilk. Breastmilk is God's way (or nature's way) of providing all nutrients to your baby while being the easiest to absorb. Formula is expensive and isn't as good for your baby. It is very sad that your husband is making this a big issue at this time also. He should be supportive of your decision to breastfeed and at least do some research on breastfeeding.
You've received multiple notes, so mine might be similiar to another.
Listen to your Doctor since that's the one person likely your husband will listen to about this subject. I breastfeed my daughter and she went from 8.13 down to below 8 and then stayed at the 5% weight level until I stopped solely breastfeeding. My Doctor didn't have concern since she was growing and acting like she should. I knew I was feeding well since she feed on command and it was like a hour each time. My mother-in-law regularly questioned if I was feeding her enough, but I learned to get over that. Gist is ensuring your child is growing and prospering. An infant does not need chubby thighs to be healthy.
My daughter is now 2.5 years old, loves food and is at the 75% weight level. Shows that not having infant chubby thighs is ok.
It is obvious that you need a thirty party to help with this. I would call up your ped's office and ask to have the nurse call you back. Then when she does, ask the ped's stance on breastfeeding, explain the situation and ask what would be taught if you made an appointment and brought in your husband.
Also, point him to the American Academy of Pedicatric's website here:
http://www.aap.org/breastfeeding/ This is the official page of the organization of pediatricians in the US that PROMOTES and coaches breastfeeding.
If your baby is lactose intolerant I would think she would have diarrhea and be in pain after eating, I don't think this is the case though, how are those pills working? Try and get her to nurse more 3oz isn't alot for an almost 2month old.
Now since the BM comes from you, are you eating enough? You have to eat a few hundred calories more than normal.
Being parents is a partnership and this would be a perfect time to learn compromise. Your daughter will get older and more issues will come up and it sounds like he already has his own mindset. A compromise would be that during his feeding he can give her formula. Just an idea. If it was me id ignore him :D
Oh, mama. It sounds like you're doing it right, and you're so fortunate to be able to successfully breastfeed. What a very stressful thing to be going through in this already difficult time! Can you get your husband to go to the pediatrician with you? If it's a good doctor, s/he should be able to demonstrate to your husband that your baby is thriving and give him medical reasons why what you're doing is working. Good luck.
You know it has been a long time since my kids where that age and I did not breast feed either one of them. Looking back, I wish that I did b/c I know it is so much better for them. I know that my friends who did breast feed, felt like that was all they did 24/7. so I really have no great words of wisdom except for you to stick to your instincts. You know what is best for your baby. If you arent to happy with your current dr. maybe you can switch and get a diferent point of view. also I know that the La Leche League has been a great source of advice and knowledge for women who do breast feed and maybe they can share their experience about how much weight a baby sound be gaining etc. So best of luck and I hope that oyu and your husband can iron this issue out.
It is best to breast feed as it helps with the immune system but I did both with my daughter and had not trouble. It was nice to bottle feed around others and breast feed in private. I also did not have any trouble switching her as I had one in my day care that refused the bottle and that made it hard to leave him. I would take her to the doctor and tell him what is going on and that that suggestions back to him. He may just be jealous and he also may want to be more involved but the fighting is not helping the family or the stress you then turn on the baby. If it is impossible to please this man I would do both or switch to formula. But I told my step daughter to do both her her baby was allergic to the formula and ended up in the hospital really sick until they figured out he was allergic as she was when she was new born and sick. So causion to that too. God Bless and good luck. G. W
WOW, 90 responses already but I had to respond to this one. Your husband is WRONG and you need to stand your ground. I feel so bad that you are in this situation and actually arguing with your husband about what you, the MOMMY, knows is best for your baby.
I would ignore the posts that said their milk was tested and it was watery so their baby was starving. I say ignore those because any breastfeeding specialist will tell you that the first part of your milk IS more watery because it quinches babies thirst and the milk that comes after the thinner milk (HIND MILK) is the thicker fattier milk the baby needs. This usually comes out approximately 10 minutes after nursing begins so nurse your baby as long as possible on one breast before you switch her to the other so she can get as much fatty milk as possible. Newborns are supposed to be frail and tiny so what is he thinking she's malnurished for?? That's normal and as long as she's gaining, even if it's a small amount, she's doing fine! You will get more confident the older she gets and the more you see her growing so don't give up yet. Even if your husband is "jealous" of yours and the babies bond, he should never try to take that experience away from the two of you because he's no doctor! I have nothing against women who bottle feed their babies BUT if you can breastfeed your baby then you should. I think the only time bottle feeding is necessary is for infants that absolutely can not breastfeed and it sounds like your little girl already has it down so keep up the good work. Also, I wouldn't suggest you try to give her bottles (or your husband) because that can confuse her latch and she may forget how to latch on you if she ever gets used to bottles. It's good your husband helps but he needs to be supportive of your smart decision to nurse your baby and let go about being the good mommy you are!! Please don't give in to your husband, he sounds as if he might need some help for his controlling ways.
I wish you the best and keep us updated......I'll be praying for you!!
I say tell him you'll be happy to make an appointment for the both of you to attend, with the pediatrician and/or a nursing consultant. My guess is he'll prefer the pedi. If you both really want what's best for your daughter you'll both be willing to listen to someone elese who is more educated on the subject. Then perhaps y'all will come to an agreement on what course of action is best for her. Even if someone has to swallow their pride a bit.
Wow S. - Can you print some information for him on the benefits of BFing? Take him to kellymom.com and poke around with him so he can get some facts - like BF babies eat more often in the beginning b/c BM digest faster (duh - there are not artificial ingredients)?
Stick with it - this is the most important decision you can make for your baby. Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with him being "jealous" that baby is getting you?
I'm now nusing #2 (8 months strong) and as proof - my daughter just came down with strep throat 3 days ago. Not knowing anyone who had strep, I wasn't taking precautions and I know she had a bunch of #2's baby food (after all I don't say know to my 3 year old when she wants to eat baby veggies!) b/c she kept asking for bites. #2 has not had any signs of strep! Just a bit of a runny nose - no fever - nothing. I ask - how is that possible they shared a spoon just the day before she was diagnosed?!?!? I attribute it to BM.
Another example, my DD was in a licensed daycare from 12 weeks on. Her ENTIRE first year, she never had more than a mild cold yet every single formula fed baby had ear infections, breathing treatments, etc. The ONLY other baby that was NEVER on antibotics that first year was also BF.
UPDDAT - I just saw the update from your pedi visit. Another thing I would add - if your baby is content, having the right amount of diapers and IS gaining weight, don't be freaked out by the number on the scale. Both my kids were on the lowest end of the % charts. To the point that DD was negative before the end of the first year. Pedi said she just looks for the upward trend and meeting milestones. #2 is trending the same way...at 6 months he was 14 lbs 5 oz. At 7 months 2 weeks he started crawling and now at 8 months 1 week he is pulling up. There is NO way he's going to be gaining a ton of weight now that he's on the move and burning it off. I have many BFing mom and we've all noticed our kids are always "light" on the weight chart and we believe it's b/c formula feed babies weigh more. I can't help with the lactose intolernace thing, but why would he think that?
I don't have much to offer but to hang in there. Breastfeeding is the best thing that you can do for your child. I think she sounds like she is doing fine. Breastmilk is more easily digested than formula and that is why she may want to eat more often than if she was on formula. Plus her tummy isn't that big either right now. Do you have a pedi that is for breastfeeding, maybe go ahead and take her to the pedi for a weight check to satsify your husband and talk to for pedi. Mine always recommeded breastmilk over formula. Maybe remind him that breastmilk is also free.
Sorry I haven't offered to much help but I just wanting to offer some advice. I have nursed my two year old till she was 15 months and I am nursing my 4 month old right now. My husband wouldn't let me stop even if I wanted to. The health benefits that he have seen in our girls are so worth it.
Everything you originally said sounded like normal breastfeeding behavior to me. I'm sure somebody has already mentioned it, but try getting with the Le Leche League for more breastfeeding support. I understand your husband's concerns, but he has to understand that you wouldn't do anything to harm your baby. Until a pediatrician shows actual concern or feels your baby is failing to thrive, I think you should continue to breastfeed. I feel that sometimes pediatricians just give you what they think you want (like the formula samples) rather than listening to what you really need (support and help with the breastfeeding and the knowledge that your baby IS growing and gaining weight). My pediatrician is Dr. Prater in Mansfield (I don't know where you are located). I love her. She takes the time to listen and understand what I am asking and always gives thorough advice. I don't know if she's "pro-breastfeeding", but she always supported my decision to breastfeed exclusively. If you'd like her info, just let me know. P.S. Give your husband time. You may butt heads a little while longer, but hopefully he will come around. Your baby is growing fast and is obviously going to nurse frequently in the beginning. You're doing a great job!
I would recommend both of you going with the baby to the pediatrician and talking it over with him/her. It sounds like your husband is being closed-minded. Getting a recommendation from an objective, professional, third party (the doctor) may be the best strategy. And, I hate to tell you this, but get use to the kids being more fussy (whiney, whatever, as the get older) around dinner-time right before daddy comes home. For me (and others I've talked to) that seems to be the worst time of the day. From what you wrote it sounds like you're being smart about this. I breastfed my kids for the first year.
Of course, if it comes down to it, your marriage and peace at home is probably more important than breastmilk vs formula. Good luck!
You poor thing! My baby developed lactose intolerance after we both had a nasty stomach bug with lots of vomiting and diarrhea. We were never able to go back to nursing, because apparently all the vomiting and diarrhea did something to her digestive tract that left her unable to process my milk. We switched to soy formula and never looked back. She was able to drink cow's milk again when she was 1 or so. Anyway, I treasured the first three months of breastfeeding, and I wish it could have lasted longer, but I have to admit that my daughter thrived on the formula. I'm sorry your husband has been so unsupportive.
we supplemented with formula when the baby was little b/c he had jaundice and continued to do so until he was one along with my breastfeeding. usually i would only give him a bottle a day and usually at the urging of my husband. are you sure you have enough milk? are you sure he is getting any? he still asks me these questions and my son is 13 mos and still breastfeeding. i no longer use formula but he is drinking cow's milk/soy milk. he breastfeeds on demand and i give him regular milk at meals.
i think he was trying to have some input. he felt pretty helpless and wanted our son to be healthy and getting enough food. even after i kept assuring him he still wanted me to supplement. he is our son's parent also so i would comply with one bottle. usually at night.
good luck. your husband is probably not trying to tell you what to do. he just loves that baby as much as you do and wants it to be healthy and happy. consider yourself lucky that he cares. :) if you have any questions, just email me.
If your husband feels so strongly about it, you should listen. I'm not saying you should stop breastfeeding but I am saying you may need to have your milk tested to make sure it is providing what your daughter needs.
I tried to breastfeed my youngest son and my daughter. My son cried alot and I just thought he was a fussy baby. I talked to my pedi and she sent a sample of my milk off for testing. My milk ended up being almost water and I also wasn't producing what I should......my baby was starving! Once I started him on formula, he was a very happy baby!!! When my daughter came along, I tried breastfeeding again. It was the same problem all over again. I don't feel bad about not being able to breastfeed. I know I tried and that's what counts!!
I saw your note about going to the pedi and him saying your daughter might be lactose intolerant. I would NOT hide this from your husband, unless you want to have more problems with him down the road. Explain to him that you want to give the pills a try first and have your milk tested. Then you will be able to make a more informed decision about how to proceed.
My best wishes to you and your family. I pray you and your husband will work through this quickly and get back into a healthy family environment. Congratulations on your new little one!!
I was in a similar situation when my son was born last year. I just stuck with my guns and continued breast feeding. Unfortunately I had to stop when my son was 3 months old because I wasnt producing enough.
If you are producing enough continue breast feeding and take your husband to the doctor with you so he or she can tell him the benefits of breast feeding.
I am a nurser too and kind of went through this with my first. Now my hubby is super-supportive.
Can you take your hubby with you to a pro-nursing pedi appt (hopefully your dr is pro-nursing) telling him you want to discuss nutrition and feeding with the dr for you both to hear and pre-arrange with the pedi to talk to you both about how great nursing is for both mother and baby and how your baby is doing great on charts (weight, devolpmental, etc) and how much better nursing is than formula and stress the pros of nursing? Maybe coming from a trained professional it will mean more that from you, a first time mother (whom knows what she is doing but has not managed to convince the daddy). What about other nursing mom's/parents in the family or circle of friends to maybe have dinner with and non-chilantly (sp) talk about how wonderful nursing is going for them? Try to expose him to people that push nursing or really support it so he can see reasons why or at least that others nurse too and have "normal" healthy children.
I do not suggest supplementing until you have to. Pumps are the best non-breast supplement method and 5 weeks old is not really long enough for you as a mother to have a fully established milk supply yet to decrease milk demand. With decreased demand, especially this early, comes decreased milk supply!
Too, know that sometimes you will just have to be the mom and do what you know is best for you and baby: tell hubby that mothers know best and you agree to dis-agree with what he is telling you about nursing and that this is your child and you are doing most of the feeding and you will continue to do what works best for the child and yourself!
BEST OF LUCK AND HANG IN THERE!!!! It will get easier!!!! Esp. once they start eating some solids!
I see Dr Brothers is your OB -- she was mine as well -- and is also an EXCELLENT and pro-breast feeding resource. Others are right, be wary of your ped as some are not very informed or even down right anti-breast feeding. Educate yourself and you might also consider contacting your local La Leche League. They are an excellent resource for nursing moms and they have seen it all. Give them a call! Kellymom.com is also a great online resource and has a lot of info on whether or not your baby is getting enough. The thing is, if you supplement, it's going to hinder your supply. Nursing is a supply and demand thing and anything that gets in the way can potentially set you back. I also think you should stand your ground. I wonder if this is more of a control issue with him and not necessarily about your child. If you give in on this, what else will be down the road? There are lots of ways for fathers to bond with their babies aside from giving them bottles! I suggest he look into these.
I do hope that the tension level goes down between you and your husband. You have so many responses that I couldn't read them all! I did read your response and thought I would add my 2 cents.
Get a second opinion - from a pediatrician that supports breast feeding! I've never heard of a lactose intolerant breast fed baby. And with all the reading that those of us that prefer breastfeeding have done, you would think that one of us would have come across it before!
I don't know if this would help, but what if you expressed some milk and had your husband feed it to your baby when he first comes home from work when the baby tends to be fussy? Sit him down with his favorite beverage, the baby and the bottle, and the news or some nice peaceful music.
You could be doing the loving wife fixing dinner routine in the kitchen while they're drinking and bonding. :) Like I said, I don't know if it would help, but it seems like it's worth trying!
Why don't you call a lactation consultant to come to the home (that way he doesn't have to do the research himself) and meet with you AND your husband, and they can tell you guys exactly who's right and who's wrong! Or, at you next doctors appt, beg the doc to call your husband (if he won't be there with you), and tell him personally that he baby is JUST FINE!!! If he can't take hearing it from someone else, then you need to tell him he needs find some sort of way to get over his feelings, because you are NOT hurting your baby, nor would you, and the arguing is getting ridiculous. He's basically telling you that you're abusing the baby, and that shows a HUGE lack of trust and respect.
This is the same kind of thing that happens when a woman keeps insinuating that her husbnad cheats- he can reassure her all he can, but at a point, if it doesn't work, the husband just has to say, look, get over it, I've done all I can do to eas your mind, so obviously this is YOUR problem, not mine.
I will never stop being amazed at the issues suppressing breastfeeding. This does not sound like a feeding issue to me. If it was your husband would be willing to look at the evidence and help you with what is best for your baby. This sounds like a control issue over not only the baby but also you. I know couples who had similar issues because the dad didn't love the time that was taken from both mom and baby where they shared the unique bond he could not share in and the stress actually caused her milk to dry up. Consider counseling and follow up closely with your baby. Babies hit growth spurts at around 5-6 weeks that cause them to grow but not gain a lot of weight. Monitor diapers, pees and poops, you should have 6-8 daily as a minimum. Then also remember bottle fed babies don't eat as often as breastfed, this is a good thing for the stomach. You are correct, most formulas contain lactose, so does breastmilk minus specific proteins that are indigestible. Speak to a consultant together so that you can both approach the same page. If your husband refuses, consider a pastor or counselor to help you work out the control issues.
If she is gaining steadily she is getting enough milk. Go to the ped and take your husband with you. Maybe he'll trust what the doctor says! GEEZ! Remind him of how expensive formula is and maybe that fact will get him off of your back too. Best of luck!
This is a hard subject to deal with. I would suggest you take him with you to the doctor and discuss it with the pediatrician. Let the doctor inform him of the benefits. It is better for the child and creates a wonderful mother/child bond. The other option is to let him feed her formula in his overnight duty.
The mother's milk bank might have some wonderful literature for him as well. I wish you luck!
I have never heard of a baby being "lactose Intolerant" to mothers breastmilk. That sounds crazy to me. Is she having a problem with stomach upset or spitting up? Anyway, I would stand my ground. YOU are the primary caregiver of your baby, you don't have a problem with nursing her, so I don't see why your husband does. You need to get someone other than you to talk to him about the distinct benefits of breastmilk over formula. He also needs to be told that this baby is not his other child, and just because this baby isn't exactly like the other one (i.e. him thinking she is too frail) doesn't mean that she isn't getting enough to eat. She is just a different child. As long as she is gaining weight, is having enough wet diapers, then she IS getting enough to eat. I wouldn't back down, you are doing whats best for your baby. I like the idea of having a lactation consultant come into your home and talk to you AND your husband, to help him to understand that breastmilk has everything in it that your baby needs, its always enough, and its the best thing for her.
I guess from your husband's experience he also remembers how much formula COSTS!!!!!!!! Does he realize you are helping the family by not spending that money??? I think it's absolutely crazy for him not to support you. You are doing such a precious thing for your baby! I'm not a breastfeeding nazi. I understand the benefits of it and believe that it is the best thing for your baby, but I understand that it doesn't work for everyone. However, if it is working for you and your baby there is absolutely NO reason to stop! If your baby is lactose intolerant, you can adjust your diet to help her. You can drink soy milk, etc.
Congratulations on your little girl. I would second Jessica R's advice. We go to Dr. Christina Deuber at Inwood Village Pediatrics and she is wonderful and very supportive of breastfeeding. We also used Judy Eastburn when our first child was born 2 years ago and she is amazing. You need to make your husband go to the dr. with you so you can both hear first hand the drs. advice.
I'm sure this is nothing you haven't already heard, breastfeeding is the best thing a mother could ever give her child. And as long as your baby is gaining weight, there should be no reason why you should switch to formula. If you go to your pedi, take your husband with you and let him hear it from the doctor. Or better yet, got to a lactation consultant and insist he goes with you. Stick to your guns girl! You may be a first time mom and new at all of this, but you know what is best for your child.
Dr. Karen Goff is amazing! She only accepts newborns, so you might still be able to get in with her!!
I had trouble nursing my 3rd baby, and he wasn't gaining weight...she said there may not have been enough calories in my milk...so sometimes that happens...
but it shouldn't be a 'formula' vs. 'breastfeeding' issue....i would make sure dr. will assess the situation and do what's best for the baby...it might be that you have to add some formula....but that's definately not because formula is better than breastfeeding! its just that every situation is different.
check out dr. karen goff and see if you can't get your daughter seen....
Congrats on your little one! I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are right breastfeeding is best. Ask again for your husband to research the issue. Show him the overwhelming research and recommendations by doctors. Make an appt. with you baby's pediatrician and ask him/her to explain to your husband that your baby is heathy and growing fine on your milk. ASk the dr. to explain his/her recommendations as to feeding bm vs. formula. Finally explain to your dh how much he is causing you stress with his behavior. If he refuses to listen to the doctor or the research, then you have a way bigger problem on your hands in regards to your relationship. His experience doesn't make him an expert, at all. Please don't doubt yourself on this one. Hang in there. This would definitly be a battle worth fighting, imo. Good Luck and good job Mama!
*Edited to add: If you are in the Arlington area, I know a great bf support group for you to attend. It is free and led by a professional lactation consultant. She brings a baby scale to every meeting. I also know a great pro. bf doctor. I would DEFIITLY change after your last pedi appt. Contact me and I can get you the info.
You can quit eating dairy to see if it helps, but you didn't mention any problems your baby was having so I don't understand why he said this about lactose intolerance.
Find a new pedi, demand dh do his research and FIND the time to come to the pedi appt. with you or leave you the heck alone on the subject. My heart really goes out to you. Frankly it makes me angry that your husband is being so ignorant, stubborn and arrogant on this issue. Ridiculous. One baby does not make him an expert.
Everything you are saying about bf is accurate. Sounds like your baby is getting plenty to eat. The only problem seems to be baby's daddy! www.kellymom is a great source for bf info. and remember that if your baby was having problems gaining weight, formula would not be absorbed and utilized by baby's body as easily. I hope it is all better soon.
You seem to be doing what is best for your child and it sounds like she is getting enough food, gaining weight, and happy! I say take her to the ped w/husband in tow, and see what they suggest. I would think that if the baby is truly doing well, maybe your husband will listen to the doctor. GOOD LUCK!
that sounds like a difficult situation and you both have strong opinions about this subject. I myself have two kids and each was breastfed 14 months, so you could say I am a pro. (-:
I loved it and I didn't let anyone talk me out of it. I never pumped, because I am too lazy so they never got a bottle. I can not tell you how to change your husbands mind about things, but I think everyone knows the benefits of breastfeeding !? My kids for example have no allergies, are seldom sick and are very bright. Of course we also eat healthy and educate our children, but I think everything you can do to give your child an advantage in life and a good start, should be done. Some women can't breastfeed, because of health reasons, or because they have to be at their job after 6 weeks and it is too stressful. I understand that, but if you are doing good with the breastfeeding and your doctor confirms that your baby is healthy, don't let him talk you into using formula instead. I wish I could help you, because I think that breastfeeding is the most beautiful thing you can do for your baby and the healthiest. Maybe he should talk to other people about this, I know someone that gives birthing classes and is highly experienced in that field. I could give you her contact info. Maybe talking to your pediatrician would help as well ?!
Let me know !
have your hubby take her to the ped if it is that important to him. i would also call the ped and give him a heads up as to what you husband is expecting so the ped can set him straight. sounds like poor education. just because he had another child doesn't make him an expert. and he should have form faith in you as a wife and mother not to starve your child. sorry but this would be fighting time for me.
I strongly agree with the maojority here when they say YOU ARE RIGHT & HUBBY IS WRONG IN EVERY WAY!! Make it clear to him that you are not his EX and you will feed your baby the way you want to. YES it is important for a baby to have a father/daughter bond BUT that can come with time and the most important thing your baby needs now is your milk and the bond it will creat with the two of you. I would never take away what is best for my child just so my husband won't feel left out or jealous.
No offense but it sounds like your hubby needs to GROW UP and get control over his controlling ways. IF you stop breastfeeding simply for your husbands pleasure then it will only cause MUCH more problems down the road and you will start to resent your husband which will then only cause the two of you more marital problems.
I'm so surprised that he is so anti-breastfeeding, I've just never heard of a dad being this way.......doesn't he want what is best for your baby??
Tell him he needs to back off and maybe you should just take over all of the feedings until he can help feed her when she eats more solids. That way theres no more arguing over what she's eating, just tell him you will do everything for now on and he can help out more with baths, diaper duty, etc. Having a newborn is exhausting and I'm sure you're sleep deprived but hang in there and don't let him get to you. You need to do what's best for that baby now and put hubby second! That little baby will be much healthier in life if you continue to breastfeed her and will still develop a loving bond with daddy.
I nursed my first baby girl until she was 18 mnths old and I never pumped in a bottle so hubby NEVER got to help and to this day, my daughter is the biggest daddys girl there is so tell him not to worry!
Like I said, his bonding with the baby can come later and it's much more important for her to get mommys milk now especially if she's already got the hang of it down. If you stop nursing her, even for a few days, you can lose your milk supply and never get it back and it sounds like you don't want to take that chance.
Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk. Congrats on your new baby girl and I think it's wonderful you are doing what's best for her....stay strong and best wishes to you!
Stick with your instinct to breastfeed for the first year. I am also a new mommy and made a very conscience decision to breastfeed for the first year and am so glad that I have. My daughter, who is about to be 11 months old, is thin, but healthy. She still has not hit 20 lbs yet, but she still nurses 3-4 times a day and eats 3 meals. She is a great eater. When she was 5 wks old I had to put her on formula and pump to keep my supply up due to the removal of my gall bladder and I hated every minute of her being on formula. Everything about stunk, I thought, and was so glad to be back to nursing. It is from God so how can it be wrong? Good luck with your quest. You will be glad you stuck with it in the long run!!
You are not wrong, the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh formula, but here's how I see it. If breastfeeding is a "10" for your baby, formula is probably an "8". It's not bad by any stretch of the imagination. There are plenty of people that can't breastfeed, and as a non breastfed baby, I was still very smart, etc. I did breastfeed all 3 of mine one for 12 months, one for 10 (by the baby's choice), and the last for 13 months. My middle son always seemed hungry and we suplemented with formula after I had nursed him. My first 2 got bottles of breast milk once per day and did fine. My middle son always seemed hungry and didn't sleep very long at night seemingly because he was hungry, so we supplemented with formula AFTER I nursed him. My last nursed on demand and hardly had any bottles. My point I guess is this, every child is different, and you hubby needs to understand that - even though he has previous experience, that doesn't mean that formula will work for your baby. I would suggest that you take the baby back to the pedi WITH HUBBY and let the doctor explain about being breast fed. Breast fed babies eat more often than formula fed babies...not because they are hungry but because the breast milk is more easily absorbed. If he still thinks she should be on formula, after talking to the doctor, then maybe you can compromise with giving her the night time feeding of formula instead of milk. In my experience, most babies that stop breastfeeding don't stop because the bottle is breast milk vs. formula, it's because it's breast vs. bottle. If you are already giving her a bottle anyway, why not appease him by making that 1 bottle formula? I would have the following point to share with him before making this compromise -1. Breastmilk is best. 2. Formula is expensive. 3. Formula is more likely to cause gas/stomach upset. 4. breast fed babies grow just fine unless they don't get enough, in which case you would supplement anyway. And 5 - breastfeeding is work. I'd tell him that I am willing to work at it, but support is key and necessary. Once you come up with a plan you can BOTH agree on, then tell him you expect his support for the breastfeeding side. I would also insist that before ANY changes are made that both go to the pedi to talk to the dr. about it. If he refuses to go, then I'd stick to my guns. If he feels that strongly about it, then he should be willing to listen to an outside 3rd party (the Dr.) about the pros and cons. Good luck! I commend you for trying to breastfeed, like I said, it's work!
Sounds like a tough situation with your husband but you should do what is right for your little little girl. Is your doctor supportive of breasfeeding - if so, maybe he could come to a doctor's appointment with you and have the doctor do some explaining and reassuring. Just an idea!
When I first had my twins my ex INSISTED that I supplement as well, because he had also had a child before as well, and as a result, they stopped latching on. Every single doctor says it's best, so who is he to tell you it's not healthy? Not all babies are the same. Don't let him tell you what's best for the baby, sounds like she's doing just fine. (Also, if you continue fighting, stress can make your milk supply dwindle!)
if it is purely because your husband is ignorant on the subject...it sounds like he needs to get informed. if i were you, i would look into finding resources about breastfeeding. call your dr's office or the hospital you had the baby at and see if there are any breastfeeding classes or ask if they can lead yal in the right direction.
remember the saying "knowing is half the battle"
oh lord, please tell me that quote isn't from G.I. Joe.....??
So sorry that your husband is forcing you to make an ignorant choice that is not in the best interest of your child. Formula does not compare to breast milk-breast milk changes to meet the needs of your child throughout the day, as you probably know. It is amazing and perfect. You must eat right, take your vitamins and take herbs to make healthy breast milk (I drank mothers milk tea and took capsules too) to breast feed your baby. Let's not forget the antibodies that keep your girl from getting sick. Have your Doctor talk to him about the baby's growth and percentiles, have your doctor explain that the immunity boost is necessary in this era of communicable diseases. Maybe you could "swine flu" scare him into making an informed decision. Anyway, you are doing right and it's too early too stop-how will you feel if you stop and she starts getting ear infections, colds, etc. ?
STAND YOUR GROUND! You sound like you are doing a truly fabulous job! I too, was a first time breastfeeder with our first child-also a little girl. No one really fought me on it and I was very discreet both for myself, the special bonding time and because I knew a lot of family was undecided on it.
My daughter too, took to it like a little pro and I had no issues. Yes-it's completely normal to breastfeed so often. Some days it seemed like that's ALL I did. Other days I worried because it wasn't like that. Through it all, our daughter was JUST right. She's wasn't a fat little cherub will rolls all over. Instead, she had (and still has at age 7) a great metabolism. For a long time, the largest thing about her was her head! At one time I recall looking at her and you could see her ribs easily, and her head looked big but her pediatrician was delighted by her. She was always right in line with where she needed to be and as she got older after that first year-she often surpassed the height and milestones long ahead of other children around us.
Perhaps this is just the way she was created, maybe the breastmilk had something to do with it too. At any rate-I never regretted my decision to nurse her. I amazed myself at going so long too. It remains a very special memory now.
Your husband only knows one way. Sometimes it is necessary for a mom to use formula and some women find it easier. NOT ME. With our second child I experienced some rather severe post partum depression but knew it for what it was. I went for help because my particular symptoms were extremely disturbing. I'll go into detail if you request it but hesitate to post it for all eyes to see. Anyway, the medication I was given was said to be ok for nursing though it wasn't exactly recommended. The medicine did wonders for me and I was able to function better. The downside was that our daughter seemed to develop reflux. We began supplementing to see if it made a difference as to what she'd hold down.
Then at 6 months I got really sick and had to go on a medicine that was not safe for nursing because it was the ONLY way to get better. I had to quit nursing cold turkey and I grieved it! To our surprise though, switching to formula was better because of the previous issue.
Our first born refused a pacifyer at 4 months and never used one again. She didn't suck a thumb or finger and never had a special blanket or toy she just HAD to have. She had me-as much of me as she could get her first year and I think that's why.
Our second kiddo began sucking her thumb right about the time the reflux first started, and she attached to all silky things-and STILL is. She's going on 4 now...Quite the cuddle bug but needs.
What you do is tell your husband that when he carries a baby INSIDE himself for a full NINE MONTHS and then PUSHES out a child (insert your infant's length and weight plus oz) through a 10 centimeter hole and (go ahead-relive the gory to him details like delivering the placenta-any episiotomy, etc.) when he goes through all that HE can choose how to feed the child HE carried but UNTIL THEN YOU ARE THE MOMMA AND WHAT YOU SAY GOES!!!
Formula does NOT hurt babies. Breastfeeding DOES give children the BEST start. Colostrum is HUGE proof and no one can say otherwise. You did your research and YOU KNOW! As you pointed out-he has nothing to back up his arguments but what his previous wife did. I tend to be a bit sharp tongued at time but I betcha I'd mention that he picked you and THIS is how you ARE. This is YOUR domain. He can harp all he wants but he's not right this time. Supplement if you want-it won't hurt anything but nursing breastmilk itself is best and always will be (provided mom isn't eating just junk so the breastmilk isn't drawing all the nutrients her body has out of her and her bones). It's not the baby that gets the hard end of the deal there!
Keep up the great work and have confidence in yourself as new mom who knows what is best for her new baby! Feel free to write me if you need further encouragment.
I know it's a bit of a hike for you, 'cuz he's in McKinney, but Dr. Chartrand( http://www.harmonyfamilyhealth.com/ ) is definitely pro-breastfeeding and will help you out. Unfortunately, many pediatricians, even the well-intentioned ones, are not very well-trained re: breastfeeding. You should absolutely, positively bring DH with you to an appt--schedule at a time he can come, and don't let him back out--so he can have his concerns addressed by a medical professional. You may also want to schedule an appt with a lactation consulant, and again bring DH along.
I'm thinking that your husband's concerns may come from one of two underlying causes. 1) He wants to be more involved with the baby. BF'ing means that all the baby's feeding--and much of the baby's time--is focussed on you. He may feel left out. Try to help him find other ways to spend time with the baby. When my DD was that young, DH did almost everything except feed her--he did all the diapering, spent a lot of time holding, rocking her, etc. If you figure you do the feeding, you all sleep a little, and he does the rest, that works out about equal. It can be hard on new dads feeling like they're not really sure how they can be involved. Try to help him with that. 2) He may have issues with the baby being on your breast. Some men think of breasts as primarily sexual, and it can be hard for them to adjust to them being used for a non sexual purpose (even if this is what God intended!). Let's face it, a nursing bra with pads for leakage isn't all that sexy--not to mention the fact that DH probably isn't gettin much--if any--action these days! So maybe you need to find a way to give him some attention. If you don't feel up for a lot of stuff yet, still watch a movie together, cuddle, make sure you still show him some affection and let him know he still has a place.
Finally, if it really does become necessary to supplement with formula, you do NOT need to give up BF'ing entirely! I started supplementing at 10 weeks, mostly for my sanity: DH took over the midnight feeding every night. In our family, this worked out great for everyone. DD had no trouble going back and forth, I got more sleep, DH got more involved. I still BF'ed for all other feeding at that point. At 4 mos, I went back to work part time, and DD got forumula as a supplement while I was at work (I pumped, too, but was never able to pump enough to keep up with her appetite). All told, I BF'ed at least some of the time until 10 1/2 mos. Many people will tell you it's all or nothing, but that's not even vaguely the case. You CAN mix the two, if that's what works best for your family. GL with everything!
I would take her AND him to the ped's office- the pediatrician can listen to both of your concerns and reassure you both of her health and nutrition needs... if she's frail, the ped will tell you, if she's perfectly healthy and getting what she needs from breastmilk- he'll tell your husband- it's a win win situation.
I'm sure someone in the 86 responses has already said this. Babies will suck down a bottle faster than breastmilk because it just comes out faster from the bottle. If he wants to do formula for his feeding, I think that would be okay. DD is getting breastmilk the other 90% of the day.
Also, with my hubby, he made a comment to DS during a nursing session, when he was just a newborn, "Son, you see more of mom's boobs than I do!" Could that be part of it? That he's not getting "any" esp, since it hasn't been 6 weeks after the delivery?
I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is fighting you on this!!! You are a super rockstar mom for standing your ground. You and ONLY you know what is best for your baby!!! You are the mom and that is your responsibility and that is why we women have "intuition". My prayers and heart goes out to you. Please try (if you haven't already) contacting your Lactation Nurses at your hospital. Call the Frisco Baylor Woman's center and ask to speak to a Lactation Consultant if your hospital doesn't have easy access to one. They may be able to help provide documentation for your husband or speak to him directly and also may know more about lactose intolerance. I thought that lactose intolerance was not possible with breastfeeding. Check kellymom.com its a GREAT website for breastfeeding moms. Maybe your husband can look at some articles there or attend a La Leche meeting in the area with you. Our pediatrician is pretty good...his name is Dr. Thai Hoang ###-###-####. Keep putting her to the breast as often as possible. Breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby girl. Blessings and best wishes!!!
Wow, this is a hard subject to do deal with. With everything else going on with a newborn this should not be that hard. Breast feeding is natural and what god gave babies to eat. You made a choice as the babies mother to do this. It is a hard road sometimes but at least you are having no issues with latch on so you are off and running on a wondrous road. I have done both sides of this argument. My first child had issues with feeding in general from day one. I dried up and had to put her on formula. I now know I could have done many things to keep my milk going. With my second child he took to nursing like he had always done it. No matter how tough it was or negative comments I got- I had made my choice and stuck with it. But I was always worried if he was getting enough. Every well baby visit I asked the pediatrician if all was well and if formula was needed. We have an open and honest relationship and if I had needed to he would have told me. Until the day I had to wean he was always getting enough from me.
My only advice to you is that maybe you need to schedule a sit down appt with your pediatrician where your husband could join you. That way he can hear an "expert" (as he obviously feels you are not one) tell you both how your son is doing and your pediatrician can tell you both whether he has any concerns with your babies nutrition needs.
Our first child was never even really on the chart for weight. She was and is very tall but very skinny. Our son on the other hand is holding steady at 50%. So no one can tell you more about your child than your pediatrician, lactation consultant, or after birth doula. These people have studied the "norms" and would be able to help your husband and you with a decision.
I hope I have helped and hope to hear the outcome of your dilemma.
OK-you are doing the right thing. My son is 2 and still nurses a little. He has been 97%+ since he was 6 months old and is now 38.5" tall and weights 36.5 lbs - and he's only 2. And he did breastmilk only from 4 months. I had a MISERABLE first 4 months getting back to normal with breastfeeding cause I got sick with shingles right after having my son.
The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for 2 years, American Pediatric recommends 1 year. Formula was not invented till around world war 2, so what the heck does he think babies were drinking prior to that - BEER? He needs to stop fighting with you about it because THAT isn't good for the child. Yes, he has "experience" with another child, but sorry, he's not a mother, and doesn't have the same experience you do. It's second hand, and you need specialist input. He needs to stop.
Anyway, take him to the pedi with you so he knows she's healthy from a "professional". You can also see a lactation consultant to have her weighed after feeding so you know for a fact that she's getting enough milk. They have special scales that tell you exactly how much milk she gets from you. it's pretty cool!
Several generations of moms didn't breastfeed in the US due to the formula industry promoting how much "better" it is - formula is OK, it's just not better - breastmilk is always better unless something is wrong - formula doesn't have antibodies, etc. But since a few generations of women didn't breastfeed, the hubbys didn't get comfy with it either.
A lactation consultant might have suggestions as to how to help your hubby get more comfortable with it. You may need to give him some extra attention after feeding her, just to get some positive reinforcement going.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Stick with your guns.
I'd contact the La Leche League to get a recommendation for a pro breastfeeding doctor. One that will help you through the lactose intolerant stage. Also, if YOU cut back on your milk intake that should help tremendously. Also, the LLL should be able to give you tons of support and advice for the situation. You are doing the best thing you can for your daughter by breastfeeding! I'm so sorry that your husband isn't supportive. I'd also remind your husband that formula costs an average of about $100 per month so your bills will go up! That liquid gold that you produce is free.
The links above are news sorries about what he will actually find in the formula these days. You may have to copy and paste the links. I was a strong supporter of you have to do what works best for you until I read these articles. Now there is no way you will find me even supplementing. Have him share his concerns with a lactation specialist or your pediatrician I am sure that they will be able to give you the information to help sway him. Don't give up. Just tell him that you are done arguing about it and they you wish that he could be supportive about breastfeeding but that if he can't he needs to keep his negativity to himself. Leave it at that and don't say anything else about it even if he does.
I would make an appt with the pedi and have your husband come with you. That way he can address his concerns with the doctor and be reassured that everything is fine. That way it is coming from a "professional" and not just you.
I would stand my ground on this and insist that your husband talk to the doctor. Every baby is different and just because he's had children in the past doesn't mean they are all carbon copies. He is being a child, and I believe he is jealous of the baby's time with you, which is very natural and normal for some. If he is that insistent that you are doing something wrong, then he should go to the doctor with you. He is in the middle of a blame game, in which you cannot win. Stand firm, go with your instincts, and keep the baby on the breast. You have read the books...it's best for your baby, unless your doctor tells you different. Until your hubby is ready to do the work (ie - research), I'd say he doesn't really know what he's talking about. I would be stern, yet respectful and leaving him the ability to walk away with dignity, however, strive to convince him you are going with whatever the doctors recommend. This, too, shall pass. This is all new to him, too. Hang in there, mama. Good Luck! B.
Apparently your husband needs to be educated in the breast feeding area. All experts will tell you breast feeding is always the way to go because of all the natural nutrients she receives for growing & developing. Formula is really only for moms who have a hard time breast feeding, or just plain don't want to do it, then formula is what you would call a substitute. Now a days, the formula is way better then what it use to be back in the days, but still, your husband needs to understand that breast feeding is always better.
Could there be some other reason that your husband dislikes having you breastfeed? Does he feel like it's taking away your time and attention from him? Try to figure this out, and it may shed light on the subject. If there's some other way to meet the need that he perceives as being unmet, then this problem might subside.
I have 3 boys that at birth were all over 10lb. I brest feed the all 3 but with the 3rd his blood sugar was so low at 1st we had to use formula as well! He was my happiest baby We would give him 2 bottles a day one right before bed he seemed to sleep better. I would nurse him a while and the give him the bottle, he did great and seemed much fuller that the big boy's ever did when they were little. This way you have the best of both worlds.
Don't let your husband talk you in to giving your baby formula. Breast milk is best for the baby and I'm sure she is getting plenty to eat. Babies go through growth spurts every so often; therefore, she is going to eat more during those times. Your husband needs to understand that breastfed babies are usually more healthy than formula fed babies. My advice is to keep breastfeeding and not give formula because if you introduce the formula, the baby will prefer the formula over the breast milk and your milk supply will decrease.
Stick to your ground mama! Breastfeeding is best and the reason why formula fed babies "plump-up" faster than breastfed is because the number one ingredient in formula is corn syrup! Yeah, that's healthy! Sometimes supplementing is necessary when mom goes back to work or when breastfeeding is not an option, but even then I would opt for a goat's milk formula which is closest to human breastmilk as you can get. Dr. Sears, has a great formula for infants and how to make it once your baby starts eating solids. Here's a great link about the difference between formula and breastmilk:
But, if your baby is a pro at breastfeeding and you're not in a position where going back to work would make it more difficult, keep it up. It's your baby's best chance at fighting off colds, it actually helps round out your child's immune system. Formula fed babies actually have a higher incidence of ear infections, bowel issues, etc. Have you noticed that your baby's poop doesn't stink? Well, put her on formula and whew! Baby's that are formula fed don't have the proper gut flora balance and have a higher E-coli ratio. Remember, the majority of your immune system is in your gut!
He is insisting that you take your daughter to the pedi. Fine, but he has to come with you, voice his concerns to the pedi and let your doc tell him the truth. That's she's just fine, thriving beautifully and perfectly healthy where breast is best. He needs to hear is from the doc. I'm sure his concern is only that of your daughter and not that you're breastfeeding. I'm sure it will then ease his mind and he'll stop hounding you.
Ok, I am shocked that your doctor ISNT pro-breastfeeding...its what is BEST for them. Your husband may have had previous expeience, but that doesnt mean he had the best information that time around! I would go to a lactation specialist (when we had our kids we were required to meet with one several times...it was a free service from the hosp) I would make SURE your hubby could make it to the appt...he can get all sorts of questions answered and learn that it IS what is best for your baby...if baby will eat, no allergy issues, etc....
I am concerned about you. This husband sounds controlling. You need to find another pediatrician. A lactose intolerant baby would be throwing up and not wanting the breast. Breast fed babies do eat more often. Further, with the diseases floating around, breast milk is the best way to keep your baby healthy. But, suggest you and your husband go into counseling for his controlling and possibly verbally abusive behavior. Undermining your position as mother will only continue when the children get older and will eventually wear you down. And it will be bad for the respect he should be showing you in front of the children. The children will learn to disrespect you as well.
Oh S. - I'm so heart broken for you to hear about the lack of support you're receiving from your husband. I've been lucky in that department - my hubby is a huge supporter of breastfeeding. He wasn't breastfed and has terrible allergies as an adult and he's personally convinced that it was because he wasn't breastfed. Having a support system at home is HUGE for breastfeeding to be successful. Perhaps you should insist that your husband attend the next pedi appt w/you - my pedi is a huge supporter of breastfeeding and I can't imagine how appalled he'd be at your hubby's ridiculous idea that breastfeeding is hindering your little one. I would think your pedi would be the same. Keep breastfeeding!! If she's over 8 lbs and continuing to gain weight, she's perfectly healthy and is getting enough! And continue w/your pedi appointments so that you continue to receive that validation. You're doing great, momma! Shame on that husband. Stick w/your momma's intuition!
This is tough because, as moms, we sometimes forget that dad's deserve a say, too. If your pedi had said your daughter was gaining enough weight, I would think breast milk alone would be fine, but since the doctor said her weight was a little low, I would reconsider supplimenting with formula. This is just the first of many disagreements you and your husband are going to face when it comes to your child. I'm certainly am not saying you should always give in to him just because he has other children, but you do need to open the lines of communication. Communicate, not argue. My husband and I went through a terrible time because of disagreeing about how to raise our first child and it took years for us to get back on track. We've learned to ease up and talk, not argue about it. Sometimes I give in and sometimes he does, but we always try to compromise. Good luck to you and your husband. I'm sure you two will work this out because of the great love you have for your daughter. And congratulations on your new baby girl!
Oh my goodness gracious, men do think they know everything don't they?? Huge props to you mama for sticking to your insticts about how best to feed your baby! If she is sleeping and not fussing all the time then you're doing something right! Some men just don't understand the desire and need for us to breastfeed. It may be tempting to give in b/c of his prior "experience" but remind that every single baby is different and so is every mom so he shouldn't compare the two. Get your pediatrician to back you up and DOCUMENT it. These early months of bonding are vital and you can never get it back so enjoy every minute! Best of luck!
Call the La Leche League ASAP. They also have a website with forums that may help you. Also, there is a doctor in Downtown McKinney named Dr. Chartrand. YOU NEED TO SEE HIM! If McKinney isn't close there's Dr. Morchower in Richardson. It is very important to have a supportive husband when you are breastfeeding and he needs to understand the benefits of breastfeeding. It's great that he recognizes it if she's not thriving, but he needs to realize there are other reasons why that might be. She may be smaller being breastfed than formula babies, and she may be bigger! My kids were smaller, but my sister's little boy was HUGE. All breastfed and healthy. You are a good mom for standing your ground. Just because he has a child doesn't not make him an expert in all things for children. Every child is different. And if it does turn out you have to supplement it's not your fault. Some babies just need more calories. Both mine were preemies and in the NICU. We had to supplement one bottle a day with Neosure. It added 500 calories. It was one scoop added to the breast milk in a bottle. Maybe that could be his feeding. But he can't add it to every bottle, only one a day. We only had to do it for a couple of weeks and then they were fine. Good Luck.
You are doing the best thing and introducing formula is going to just cause issues. Your body will stop making enough milk etc.
I would talk to the pediatrician to ease you husband and try to keep him happy and feeling good about the babies health.
Contact La Leche League also if you need reinforcement information for your husband. So many pediatricians give bad advice on breast feeding. Sometimes I think they are getting kick backs from the formula companies. Mama's milk is the beast and the formula is just that , a formula (humans trying to figure out how to duplicate what God has already done perfectly).
I'll say a prayer for peace in your home and that you can keep BF!
I also highly endorse Judy Eastburn. I went to her when I was struggling with BF'ing my low birth weight/premie son, over 6 years ago. BTW - he is now on the charts at 40/50 height/weight and he was BF for 18 months and NEVER had supplemental formula.
Your husband needs to freakin' chill.
As for advice for you, start taking some Fenugreek (found in herb/vitamin sections) and take a whole bunch of it to increase your production. Take 3 capsules with each feeding with a huge glass of water. Also, eliminate dairy from your diet if they're so concerned about lactose intolerance.
My first reaction to reading this is, "What a jerk". I am a mother of 8 and I breastfed each of my children. Your husband is either making excuses for not wanting to learn about the facts of breastfed babies or maybe since it sounds like he didn't experience this before, he may be "turned off" by it? Either way, I feel you are doing the right thing for your baby. It bothers me that your husband does not appreciate what you are doing for your child. Alot of moms (from my experience), choose to simply give their child formula because they don't want to "mess" up their breasts by breastfeeding (ie. sagging etc.)and it's easier to just mix a bottle of formula. Sorry, that you don't have a more understanding husband. Good luck!
Wow! I'm so sorry your husband is giving you a hard time! He needs to understand that breastmilk is best and gives your daughter all the nutrients and antibodies that she needs. Tell him that it will protect her from illnesses and reduces the risk or SIDS. I have been breastfeeding my son since he was born and he is 14 months now. He was in daycare for about 9 months and he never really got sick. Even when he did, he never got as sick as the other babies who were on formula. You need to stand your ground!!! Breastmilk is the best for your daughter and he needs to support you. The reason why it seems like she isn't getting enough to eat is beacause breastmilk is a natural laxative (sp)? and it doesnt stick her stomach. I gave my son formaula sometimes and he went back between me and the bottle just fine. Don't ever give up! It is soooo important that you breastfeed! Not only for her but for you too. It will help you loose weight as well. If you need to talk anymore, just message me! Good luck!!!
-I just read your update and your doctor is wrong! Breast milk is made especially for your daughter!! She can not be lactose intolerant to your milk! that makes no sense.
First off, you are doing a great job and having a newborn whether breasfeeding or not will put stress on a relationship. I suggest you take his advice and take your baby to the pedi and be sure hubby comes along. I am sure the only way your pedi is going to suggest switching is if your baby is not having adequate weight gain. It does not sound like that is the case. Maybe your pedi can answer any questions/concerns he has and maybe that will reassure him having the information come from a doctor. Most babies do have their fussy periods around late afternoon and early evening, which is all that your husband is seeing. I think it is just hard for men to understand breastfeeding and it is very unfortunate that he does not give you the support you need. Don't give up if you really want to breastfeed. This very stressful time will pass. It sounds like she is eating and sleeping just as she should be. Seems like all I did was nurse for the first 6-8 weeks. They know when they are hungry and the best way to keep your milk supply is to nurse on demand!! I would simply tell him that you are going to breastfeed and his support is necessary. Your milk supply will start to suffer with all of this stress. You may end up feeling resentful and always regretting your decision to give in, so think about that. Not as easy as it sounds. Hang in there and hope he comes around!!!
Please get a new pediatrician. If she is lactose intolerant, she probably wouldn't be gaining weight and would be crying after most/all feedings from upset tummy and gas. (You can try cutting out dairy except for yogurts, kefirs, and hard cheese since the lactose is out of that). Do some google searches or call La Leche. This doesn't sound right and I think your instincts are telling you that, but you are being ganged up on- very draining.
If she is gaining weight, is nursing 1.5 to 3 hours apart, wetting and soiling diapers normally, than she sounds like a very normal breastfeeding baby. You can have her nurse fully on one side per feeding and pump the other side. This would ensure that she gets plenty of the fatty hindmilk.
Also, this is very stressful and can harm your milk supply. Be sure to drink lots of water, rest when baby is resting, and enjoy plenty of snuggle time to help keep your milk supply up. I'm not sure what area you're in, but Linda Worzer in Richardson is an excellent lactation consultant if you have milk supply concerns.
Did your husband get to feed the other child? He might be pushing for formula so he can get some snuggle time in. My husband felt left out with our first because he kept fixating on the one thing he couldn't do. Maybe he can do bath time or be the master comforter. If he tries it out, leave the room and/or do NOT criticize him in any way (verbally or nonverbally). The baby will still be clean his way. If he wants help, he will ask for it. He will need to have some way to feel connected and successful with the baby.
I know many breastfeeding advocates are anti-pacifier, but if she will take the paci and snuggle-time with Daddy... maybe that will satisfy him. (Just make sure she has her tummy taken care of first.)
Some concern is going on in your husband's head for him to go against the American Assoc of Pediatrics- who are finally on board. Hopefully he's not feeling guilty over the first one getting formula and pushing you to do the same because of it. In that case he may need reassurance about the first child doing fine despite having formula and that the best choices were made for that baby at that time. (I didn't say the concern was rational. I know some people who think that by doing something different the second time they are admitting that they didn't do right the first time or implying they did wrong. It's frustrating and very hard for them reconsider.)
I know with my husband I would refuse to talk to him about something like this until he could provide me some literature or research showing me that I am harming our baby. Your body was good enough to develop the baby for 9 months. Why isn't it good enough in his mind to continue nourishing the way God/nature intended?
With all that said, your baby won't die if you have to feed her formula... so. Ideally you would feed her for the first 12 months or longer, but if it's costing your marriage maybe you can work out a moratorium for the first 6 months. There is plenty of literature out there on the benefits for baby and mom. I am baffled that your husband would push you so hard to do something like this without doing any research.
You have some very tricky research to do about your husband, because it sounds like you and baby are doing fine with your breastfeeding. I am proud of you for loving your baby so faithfully. I know you don't know me at all, but please feel free to email me if you need some support. Your marriage is important, but I know if you feel forced to cave this could also be bad for you and the marriage. I'd be happy to just listen or throw out ideas so you can decide what might be useful to you in your situation.
WOW! I can't comprehend your situation, but I TOTALLY AGREE with your decision, which is the best decision for your baby! God made us so that we alone could nurture our babies! It's the most natural thing in the world and it's my understanding that it's perfectly safe to solely breastfeed until your baby is a year old. I think we don't usually do that, though, because society has decided that food should be introduced before that time. I nursed both of my daughters until they were about 20-months-old. (Towards the end it was only at night, though.) There are studies that prove that breast-fed children have higher IQ's and do better in school. I don't know what to tell you in regard to your husband, especially since he won't listen to you or read anything you've found on the subject. He's going with what he knows, but his history does NOT make him right. You're the mom. You know what's best for your baby. I'm so sorry to learn of your situation. If you need to switch in order to bring harmony back into your marriage, then that's what you need to do. However, you're absolutely right in your decision! The nutrition that YOU are providing to her is what your daughter needs! You never read or hear about a baby having an allergy to breast milk but it's very common for a baby to react to different formulas. It's a man-made product that doesn't even come close to what you're providing to her! I wish you the best of luck!
Have you thought about going to a lactation consultant. They can tell you exactly the amount of milk your baby is getting during a feeding. I went to an LC twice because my daughter wasn't gaining enough weight. My daughter is just petite and was gaining enough for her size but not according to the charts My pedi was excellent about being pro breast feeding. He never pressured me into formula. I breast fed until my daughter was 14 months. At 20 months, she is still very tiny for her age. One other item you may want to tell your husband is that breast fed babies usually aren't as sick as formula fed babies. My daughter has only been sick once.
You have gotten a lot of great advice. I hope you hang in there. I didn't breast feed my first two, but did try with my youngest. I loved it, but was unable to produce enough milk to keep her full. She was a natural too and I loved it and wished I could have done it longer.
I can also relate with your husband. My husband went through that too since he got to be hands on with the older ones because we strickly used formula with them. They did sleep longer because they were full and they were both healthy and happy babies. They still are so I don't think they denied anything by not having breastmilk. My husband I think, was trying to help solve a problem because I was spending so much time with our daughter when I was breastfeeding and he felt left out. Men think that when a baby cries they are hungry. All 3 of mine got cranky at dinner time without fail. I used the snuggly and that worked out great, since they just wanted to be with someone. I even got my husband to use it our just swaddle the baby.
I guess what I'm saying is hang in there! Take him to an appointment and have the ped talk to him. Formula is great for those of us who can't breastfeed. You can give her a formula bottle at night in addition to the breastfeeding. The formula isn't the same but is better than it was and I have had several friends who breastfed and gave formula at night without a problem.
I hope this helps. Let me know. You can send me a pm if want. Take care!
Here is my pro breast feed 2 cents...tell your husband, that formulas can cause problems...along the lines of gassy, constipation, intolerance to milk *which is in all but the soy ones**even then read the ingredients*. To get a book listing the good and bad about both...that he has to read it. all babies are different. If he wants her to have formula, it will be the one bottle he feeds her...and make he has to read the book first. It sounds like he is jealous of the little one getting his pair of toys. Or finds breastfeeding offensive. Ask him.
If she was not getting enough...you would be with her at all times with her suckling...continuously. She is small, will look that way for a bit longer.
If she is lactose intolerant...it is the milk products you are drinking/eating.
Has the lactating specialist visited yet? What was the outcome.
If he will not talk or read, he can not expect you to give up what you feel is best. He can not honestly give things a compromise or even really listen to your beliefs.
Hi S.! I see that you have already had MANY responses, but thought I'd throw in my 2 cents as well. I nursed both my kids until their 1st birthday and here is what I found out. The first 2-3 months of both my kids lives, I felt like a human pacifier. Both my kids seemed like they wanted to eat ALL THE TIME, but truthfully, I think most of that time they just wanted the comfort of suckling. I became their form of comfort even when they weren't hungry. The way women were made, was to produce milk based on your babies need. What I mean is your body will make more milk as your baby grows to keep up with your babies growth. Occasionally, that means your baby will be hungry for a day or 2 when going through a growth spurt, but that is how your body knows to make more milk. If you offer formula when this happens, your body does not respond by producing the extra amount because it is not a part of the equation at that point. Does that make sense? Also, if your baby is lactose intolerant, I believe that just means you have to eliminate milk/dairy from your diet for a while. I don't think you would need to pump every bottle and add pills. I would get a second opinion if I were you. In addition, stress can drastically reduce your milk supply so hopefully your husband will be more supportive and open minded to your decision to breatfeed. Remind him your breasts were created for this reason---not for him! A GREAT perosn to call is Kay WIllis at the Nesting Place in Grapevine, Tx. She offers lactation consulting and parenting classes. If you live in the area, she would meet with you and your husband on your time and discuss these issues specifically with you. The Nesting Place is also as store, so if you call there, you can contact her. The number there is: ###-###-####. Please call her! I bet she could be a great mediator for you and your husband! Good luck!
Regarding your update: my ped is Dr. Karen Pilgrim-King. She is amazing. I cannot say enough good things about her. I have friends who go to her even though she is 30 minutes away from their homes in NRH and West FW. She's on Pioneer Parkway and Davis.
I nursed my son to 2 yr, 8 mo and never received a look, a word to stop, anything. She just accepted it. Her phone number is ###-###-####
5 of my friends go there and I keep recommending her on this site. I may have to stop, because she is getting quite busy! It's taking longer to get an appointment with her.
I had to stop consuming dairy with my daughter. She had projectile vomit and lots of tummy cramps.
I wish you lots of luck continuing your breastfeeding.
I didnt read all 83 of your responses...but I didn't know that I wasn't making enough milk for my first baby...until one week later...I talked to my dr...in the office we supplemented and gobbled the formula down!! I left in tears!!! Felt like I had been starving my baby...I just didn't know!! :-(
I breatfed all of my children and they ate about every 1.5-2 hours as well. Breastmilk is digested faster than formula and has important antibodies to help your daughter fight of disease.
If you feel strongly about this, or any other issue, you MUST stand your ground. Your husband is probably feeling left out because this is a bonding experience he can't really share with his daughter. Maybe you need to tell him that HE needs to take her to the pediatrician and find out if the baby is doing well or not. If the doctor says she is growing, he needs to drop the subject.
WOW. First of all, bravo to you for doing what you know to be right. Not only did you research the benefits of nursing first but you have been wise to listen to your own natural instincts. Your husband needs to take a clue and read up on just about ANY child rearing advice source to be able to agree with you about what is best for HIS child. I would insist that he go WITH you to the doctor and just listen to the doctor's opinion on this. Surely he won't disagree with an expert. It is very unfortunate that he is sabotaging a beautiful bonding time as a young family to force his ignorant opinion on you. My advice is to stand your ground. Remind him that you won't be nursing forever and you are doing the most natural thing in the world to benefit your child's health. Good luck!
i'd contact the la leche league and kelly's group (an online resource). they are great for this kind of thing. stick your guns if you want this. it's your body and your right as long as the child is healthy. for now she is, so don't worry about it.
I am a mother and I breastfed 3 of my 4 girls. I would suggest to wait and see what another month does. In my experience, my 3rd child was breastfed for 8 months and after 2 months, she "plumped up" and was not so "frail", but then my babies were 9+ pounds at birth, but this baby was the "skinniest" of all of them. She was also eating every 2 hours, and at least 2-3 times during the night (that I can remember). I am sure that your baby's little body is still getting used to the breastmilk. Be patient :)
I could shake your husband! He needs to stop comparing this to his experience last time. And he also needs to research breastfeeding and it IS SO much better for your baby. It is hard enough nursing not to have any added pressure especially by your husband. I'm sorry but this really struck a cord with me! He should be supporting you and telling you what a good job you are doing and how you are sacrificing for the health and well-being of your baby. And if the ped says she is healthy, which I know she is, he needs to lay off. I am 7 weeks in to nursing my 1st born and loving every minute of it. Keep the faith and please keep breastfeeding your beautiful baby girl.
I admire your desire to do what you feel is best for your baby even with the pressure you are receiving. Some people are born to breastfeed and some who are not. As for me, I am not....and like you...I went through a lot of high pressure from many people but I stuck to my guns as well. I have a perfectly healthy 14 yr old daughter.
You must do what is right for you.
I also agree that your hubby might feel uncomfortable watching your feed and bond with your baby.
One thing I did as a new mom was insist that hubby go to the pedi appointments with me and we did not have disagreements about the baby. That way, he heard from the pedi that things are all ok and we were both happy.
You are not wrong. Breastfeeding is the best and always will be. Your husband obviously does not understand. At your next Dr. appt bring up the subject, explain to the ped what you are going through and ask for suggestions. Maybe they would be willing to give your husband a call to explain - that way it would be coming from an "expert" and not you. If you can't wait until then give them a call and see if he/she or their nurse would be willing to talk to him. Also, the hospital where you had the baby should have a lactating consultant available to you - they are great resources, use them. Tell them your situation and they will help. They are the best advocates for breast-feeding! Have you printed info off of the internet? Maybe give up some extra reading material. It is hard enough at this stage of the game just being a new mom. He definately needs to try and make things easier - not harder on you! Good Luck!
Wow. not sure why I am surprised, since people freaked when I was nursed my son ten years ago. Your husband will probably start coming around pretty soon when the baby is not so tiny. While my husband would have never been that ballsy to talk to me that way, it certianly made him uncomfortable for the first 6 to 8 weeks. And at times he questioning my choise surely was not handled right and I bit his head off, well pretyy much everyone that had something to say had to suffer my hysterics. He never knew anyone that bf and certainly not to the extent I did. I nursed my son for 16 months. But he eventually came around and became one of my biggest supporters, still it was hard on both of us at times and our marriage. Having babies can be hard and new even if you have been there before.
Unless recomended by the docotr do not supplement. And you may take advantage of the economy and calcutlate how much money you are saving by not using formula. Good lcuk, I am sure he will come around. He just needs to better educated about and sometime to get used it. It comes so natural to most of us women. It still seems very taboo to many people here in the states.
It's beautiful to hear that you are sincerely concerned about your husband's feelings as well as your daughter's. It would be easy to dismiss him, even if he is being irrational. It sounds like you are a very devoted wife.
We all know breastfeeding is best. But remember, giving a baby formula is not like giving her cigarettes or crack! LOL! Some very militant mommies make nursing mommies feel bad for offering formula to a baby. I would suggest a compromise with your husband: tell him you will start giving her one bottle of formula a day (or, better yet, HE can be the one to give the formula) if he will read a book about breastfeeding. If he won't agree, then gently explain that you are being reasonable and he controls whether or not the baby gets formula. All he has to do is read a book.
Bottom line, though: this is not something to ruin a marriage over. Your daughter will thrive with either the formula or breastmilk, with a caring mom like you. Hopefully your husband will be willing to compromise. Maybe your pediatrician can talk to him to help him understand.
One last thing, about the baby being lactose intolerant: this was the problem with my daughter too. She is not intolerant of MY milk, but rather the milk I was drinking while nursing her. She had BAD problems whenever I drank milk, ate cheese or yogurt or sour cream, etc. But once I eliminated all dairy from my diet and gave it about a week to get out of her system, we were back to normal and she did just fine. I never used lactaid pills so I can't comment on those, but now she is 18 months and she drinks the Lactaid milk - she still can't tolerate regular milk products.
The other posts seem pretty nice. I would be furious. I fed both my babies until they were one year. Both very healthy kids now at nine and four. I made the decision to breastfeed as long as I could and if I couldn't that would be fine as well. We make milk for a reason and it is to feed our babies! I think it s great that you can feed and pump, with my first I couldn't pump so he was with me the first year because he would not take a bottle. Your husband needs to realize this is a different child and you are a different mother and you have committed to trying to make breastfeeding this work. As long as you can breastfeed you will have a healthier child! There should be plenty of research you can find online to back this up.
I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. Being a new mom is hard enough without this kind of added stress.
Please know that you are absolutely doing the right thing. Breastfed babies eat more often and do not "sleep through the night" for a very long time. They are also more cranky in the evenings (cluster feeding seemed to help when mine was this age). That is ok - babies aren't supposed to be convenient. Please ask your pedi to provide your husband with the facts. If YOU want to stop breastfeeding, that is your business, but please do not do something you are uncomfortable with just because your husband is pressuring you. You know what's best for you and your baby. Hang in there!
I'm so sorry you're having such a battle with this. I went thru a similar situation with my daughter when she was born. She lost almost a lb after brith and was having a hard time playing catch up. My pedi is WONDERFUL! Her name is Dr. Tammy Kennedy and is in Dallas at Lovers and Inwood. The other doctors that she works with are great too, I just go to her. She is so nurturing, treats the child, not just the illness, takes all the time you need, explains things so well, and is very pro breastfeeding etc...
When we were dealing with the nursing thing she gave me a lactation consultant's name whom she recommends. She came to my house and spent time making sure she was latched on properly, she weighed her before and after a feeding (on both sides) to see how much she was taking each time. She's great!! I think it was maybe $140???? I think it was totally worth it though because she was so helpful and calmed our concerns. When we were done she faxed over the information so Dr. Kennedy could have it for our next appt.
I love both of them so much and highly recommend them. Feel free to message me if you have any other questions or want just some more encouragement. :) You sound like a great mom and as a mother you know what's best for your child. Good luck and don't hesitate to ask me anything!
If his concern is "medical", maybe he would take information from a medical professional. Perhaps you could tell him you'll call the pedi on Monday (alleviate the stress for the weekend) and do so. Call, tell the nurse your situation, and perhaps the nurse or the pedi could talk to him on the phone. If you have a good pediatrician, he/she will be fully supportive of exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months and might be able to put your husband's mind at ease. Did he go with you to the 2 week appt? Does he know that just regaining birth weight is the milestone to look for at two weeks? To have gained weight over birth weight at that point is awesome!
By the way, lots of pees and poops(6-8 wet diapers in 24 hours) (and weight gain, filling out) are the keys for knowing a breastfed baby is getting lots of milk. Tell him every time he changes one of those (non-stinky breastfed) diapers, that's how you know your baby is doing great!
eating every hour and a half, almost sounds like she is using you as a pacifyer, or else she really is hungry, and isn't getting enough. I don't blame you for wanting to nursse, but maybe giving the baby some rice cereal in a bottle at the last feeding at night, and see if she sleeps a lot longer. I don't think you would dry up if you breast fed her all day, and then did the formula at night. That would make you both happy and you could see if the baby gained more.
When my mom had me and my sisters (almost 30 yrs ago) she got a lot of harsh words from her sisters about breastfeeding. They all told her that she should formula feed and thank God she DID NOT listen to them. She successfully breastfed me and my 3 sisters up until we were all a year old. I've exclusively breastfed all 3 of my children and have NEVER gotten a negative remark about it from my husband. I am sorry you have from yours. It would be very inconsiderate for him to try and separate the special bond a mother and child gain through breastfeeding. If you stop nursing her now, you may feel much more resentment towards your husband for being the reason you stopped and you'll never get that chance to breastfeed back. You can always formula feed, but you can't always breastfeed. Your baby is very lucky to have a mother that is willing to sacrifice the time and energy that you put into nursing her and do what you know is best for her even if others do not agree! You've gotten a lot of helpful advice here and I hope you get more encouraging posotive words. To the post that said she's using you for a paci, that's not true. She's 5 weeks old and a 5 week old BF baby is going to eat every 1-3 hours. Keep up the good work and don't let your husband discourage you from doing the best thing in the world for your baby. As long as you are taking your vitamins and eating a nutritious diet, she will be fine!!
I breastfed both my girls for 14 months and 11 months. When they were babies, they were both scrawny little things but that's because that didn't get that "fat" look that formula gives your babies. My 2 daughters now are probably the healthiest girls you've ever met. Take your husband to the doc and let them explain...also, print out info off the web that explains the difference and why breastfeeding is better. hang in there...you're doing the right thing for your baby.
My heart aches for you. You are doing the right thing, but I know this is causing you stress, which isn't good when you're trying to breast feed. Stand your ground, since you know that breast feeding is best for your daughter. I would say go to the doctor and have him/her give you information to take home to your husband about the benefits of breast feeding. It's been 17 years since I breast fed my last child, but I remember the conveninence and the bonding that went along with breast feeding. Your husband needs to get informed about the benefits. Do this in a non-accusatory way, perhaps bring home some information and go over it with him over a cup of coffee and a couple of homemade cookies! Show him that you, too, want only the best for your daughter, and you are giving her the best. I'l pray for a good outcome for you!
Breastfeeding is important, but your relationship with her father is more important. I would ask your husband what you can do to help him understand that she is getting enough. Maybe he could go to an appointment with you and ask the doctor his own questions. I will pray that you can work this out because I agree that it is best. I nursed five. However, the truth is that you really need to do your best to honor your husband, even if it means not "being right". There are lots more repercussions to divorce than there are to giving the baby formula. My parents divorced, and it was not fun for anyone. I did give my fifth formula, he has DS, and took some time to start nursing. He was finally able to nurse at three months, and he nursed till he was 14 months. The only reason that he stopped then was because I had to go on antibiotics that I could not nurse with. Medela makes supplemental feeders that you can use while nursing. You could try that with formula in it. The supplemental feeder only gives formula if your daughter isn't getting enough breatmilk. Keeping your relationship with your husband is very important. Blessings on your family. I will be praying.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. We, as mothers, just want what's best for this little, perfectly dependent person, but I think Daddies do, too. Unfortunately they have stranger ways of expressing this desire. I went through the same thing with all 5 of my little girls from my husband or mother or some random stranger I have yet to see again. What I can say is that you are doing an awesome job! You are at least pumping for him to be involved, and you're taking care of your little one through your body, still. However, you have to relax and focus on the good you're doing. Easier said than done, right? Not really. Tune him out! If that means you nurse her in another room when he starts in on you, then do that. If it means you remove or hide (or fail to have any knowledge of a "missing" can of formula)anything that comes into that house that you don't want your baby to have. As long as you're willing and she's eating and growing you are doing what's right.
I do, however, suggest you enter into a serious discussion with your husband about the disrespect you're feeling. His comparing your current situation, child, and feeding choice to any in his past is unacceptable. My husband and I are about 10 years apart in age, and he would make comments like, "I've been taking care of kids since before you could even. . . " I felt horrible--like nothing I did for this precious gift God had given me was good enough. Even though I nursed and/or pumped with all my girls the last one was hardest because we hit some road blocks and I had to exclusively pump. It was tiring and disheartening, but I am sure that giving her breast milk exclusively until she was 8 months old was the best thing for her. And you have to feel that way as well. Regardless of how you choose to feed your baby, someone will have something to say. It should not be, however, the only person who adores this baby as much as you do. Talk to him and work out the negative communication while explaining your desires to keep her healthy and thriving.
Dr. Robert in Grapevine is fantastic and very supportive of breatfeeding but will also tell you if there truly is an issue (because of my prior surgery I couldn't make quite enough for my twins and needed to supplement). If your daughter is lactose intolerant have you tried cutting all dairy from your diet? That should help without having to pump all the time. Make an appointment with a doctor who supports your decision and make sure your husband goes too.
Hi, I saw your post and want to say KEEP BREASTFEEDING!!! My Husband and I took B.F. classes and read a lot about it, our son is now 10 months old and doing GREAT!!! I understand that some people choose not / can't go that route, but I say go yes to B.F.!!
Talk to your DR. and get support, Breastfeeding has WONDERFUL benefits!!!
Congrats for hanging in there under so much pressure! My husband acted a bit like that with our first baby too....he didn't have any other experience, he just thought bottles would be easier. I remember many battles with him over that subject! After 2 kiddos though, he'd be the first to tell anyone who would listen how breastfeeding is the way to go.
I would follow his lead and make an appt for a weight check for your baby. BUT, make sure he takes off work and goes with you so that he can ask the Dr questions while you're there. Maybe even warn the Dr ahead of time of his concerns so that she can know what's going on. Sometimes all it takes is hearing from someone else (other than you) that everything is going well and that you're on the right track.
Hi, I know you've received a ton of responses, but I wanted to add that maybe you could try spacing your feedings by 2-3 hours. That way your baby will get more food at each feeding and your husband won't think she always seems hungry. I know she is still very young, but I breastfed my twins for a year and am nursing my 7 week old and I always try to go for 2.5-3 hours between feedings. Eventually, she will even go 4 hours between feedings, when she's older. I don't think you should give up and I hope you can convince your husband of the benefits. It is so rewarding to know you are creating a wonderful bond and at the same time helping her grow and protecting her from illness. It's okay if she's petite...a lot of breastfed babies are. It's probably most important that she's growing and that she's "on the charts". Good luck!
I have breastfed all three of my boys. They all were slower to gain weight with breastmilk vs. formula. My youngest turns a year in a few weeks and he has just doubled his birth weight. Dr. Aaron Kaplan has not been concerned since his linear growth and development has stayed steady. My middle child did wean himself at five months and I did formula for the rest of his first year. He was my chunkiest baby.
Here are several ideas: if the baby is lactose intolerate (meaning she isn't breaking down milk protein well from cow's milk, not human milk), then I am not sure what formula will do for her. Formula is a cow based product.
Secondly, I would hire a lactation consultant to come to your home and do some "coaching" with both of you. Judy Eastburn at ###-###-#### has been highly recommended to me.
Thirdly, if this does continue to be a major issue with you two, then I would seek peace in my home. I know that this situation is not fair to you or your baby, but your hubby is who you have your first relationship with. He may be dead wrong, but arguing over formula is not a life/death arguement nor is he asking you to do something illegal. I would seek counseling too. He may have some fears from his previous child-raising experience that are motivating his overt reaction to this current experience.
First of all, God bless you for wanting to feed your precious little one the all natural way since God created man. Second, you sound like you have a very controlling husband which is very unhealthy and stressful for you. He really needs to back off! He is not a woman, does not have a mothering and nurturing instinct and is wrong on every thing you mentioned!
Your baby get everything she needs, including water, from your breast milk, for the first year or more. They nurse very often when they are that little and if you meet her needs, she will grow at her own pace and be healthy. You cannot compare babies, they are all different shapes, sizes and lengths.
Feed on demand and you will feel fine and be so close to her. You don't need to pump unless you feel it is necessary to freeze the milk for a bottle later, but some do not interchage very well and the breast is primary. Also she may be tired or hungry around dinner time and you need to feel what is best for her at that time, a short nap or wear her close in a sling while you prepare dinner. My daughter has 5 and has done this for all five and the sling is a great comfort when all they want is to be held. For the first year, you cannot hold them too much. It does not spoil them. Read about other cultures and how they wear their babies all day sometimes. They are the happiest and most secure babies of all. Good Luck and stay strong on your own convictions!
Also lactose pills for her are wrong and formula -her digestive tract is not ready for formula and it can cause lots of problems. You can do without all dairy while you are nursing if she has shown signs of being dairy intollerent-which I did not see in your letter and it is too soon to tell anyway. You can dink soy milk and eat soy yogurt and no cheese, etc. for a few months. Little to give up when you only nurse for about a year to 18 months and it is for her good.
All doctors are not the same as for as advice and not as friendly about full time breast feeding. Use your gut feelings and stick to BF all the time. Call Le-Letche League for help-they are very supportive and can help you.
I would say that you need to change your tactic. Don't let this be something that drives a wedge between you; parenting an infant is hard enough.
When he brings the formula thing up again, don't push it away. Tell him that you appreciate that he's so concerned and so involved as a father (after all, not all men are). Tell him that you'll agree to defer to the pediatrician. Peds allow you to come in for weigh-ins without it being an office visit. So, go in and have her weighed. If she's lost weight, then you'll make an appointment with a lactation specialist to talk about ways to get her weight up. You can always supplement with formula, and it won't mean it'll be a full-time thing unless you let it be.
BUT...if she hasn't lost weight, and especially if she's gained weight, he needs to agree that your baby is doing just fine on breastmilk so HE needs to drop the subject. Set this expectation before you go in to get your daughter weighed.
Good for you for breastfeeding. If your daughter is fussy after she eats it might be something you eat. If you are worried about her being lactose intolerant you can cut down on the amount of diary you have to see if that helps. My daughter was born 7 lbs 13 ounces and is now at 11 months old and in the 10th percentile for her weight. She just has never gained weight steadily. My doctor told me not to worry about it as long as she was active and alert. When she first got out of the hospital they wanted me to supplement with formula to get her back to her birth weight, but she refused to take the formula and only wanted breast milk. Just remind your child that every child is different and what might have worked for his first might not work for yours. I had to correct my husband to quit comparing our daughter to his from his previous marriage. He finally stopped after a few months.
Tell him you want to make an informed decision and so should he. Go to the ped together. I cannot imagine that the dr would tell a sucessfully bfing mom to stop. Also contact a LLL leader or group for some support. This is such an essential part of your child's health. Don't give up!
I think your husband needs to let you be the mom and do what you feel is best for your child. Breastfeeding is the best bond you could have with your child, and it is a blessing that your daughter is such a natural at it. I nursed my first until he was six months old and am nursing my second now, who is 3 weeks. I only pump about 3-4 ounces per sitting depending on when I pump, and my son eats about every 1.5 to 2 hours, and some days will go longer in between feedings, or shorter. Just stand your ground and do what you feel you need to do. Let your husband tag along to the doctor appointment to see for himself that your baby is happy and healthy. If you are worried about your milk supply, you could try tea that helps to make you produce more, you can get it at a central market, or world market. I don't remember the name of it. I hope that helps!
Have you asked him to go to the pediatrician with you? My husband and I have had arguments like this. Our arguments were because of his lack of knowledge about something rather than his past experience. He thought the carbonation in coke was the caffiene and didn't want me to drink it while I was pregnant. He was fine with me drinking tea! (no carbonation)....when we went to the OB I asked him about it and he reassured my husband that #1. The carbonation was NOT going to hurt the baby and #2 in moderation, it was ok to drink. Once the doctor said so he was fine.....Is there any other female in your family that he trusts that agrees with you?...whenever my husband have these kind of debates we ask my sister. He trusts her judgement and advice. Sometimes she agrees with him and sometimes she agrees with me, but she settles it for us...My husband is also VERY into the books and tv shows etc, so if we have to, we refer to the book. Our arguments were more during my pregancy than when the baby actually came.
I'd say in your case, ask him to go to the doctor with you. Both of you agree before going in, that you will do whatever the doctor recommends and cease the discussion. If he refuses, I'd ask him if this is more about a power trip or is he feeling insecure because he's not lactating his own milk to feed the baby! =)
If breastfeeding is working than stick with it. It is the best food for your baby. It is the easiest way to feed your baby - always ready and the right temperature - no bottles to prepare and wash, and it is free. I soley breastfed my 2 oldest for a little over a year. My husband did help with giving the baby a bath and getting the baby in hte middle of the night and changing his diaper. Now, my youngest baby who is now 8 months - it took him over 2 months to get to breastfeed due to a weak suck and slow weight gain. He did have bottles which my husdand helped with in the middle of the night - he couldn't wait for him to get the nursing thing down. This is such a wonderful time in your baby's life and such a great bonding time. You & your husband will have many more disagreements over parenting as the years go and you giving in is not the solution you have to find a way to make to compromise (which is not always 50/50). You need to find a way to work this out but giving up on breastfeeding I don't believe is the answer.
Tell your husband to look at it from an historical perspective. For many milennia women have been breatfeeding their children. It wasn't until this century that formula was developed. Also God gave us this ability to nurture our babies, and therefore it is perfect. Stand your ground. Once you quit you can't start it back up.
Wow! Well, first off, congrats to you for standing your ground! Maybe you can tell him that you WILL make an appointment with the ped to do a 'weight check'...but only if he goes with you. That way, he'll get to hear FIRST-HAND from the doctor that, not only is your baby perfectly fine, BUT that you're providing the best nutrition.
In my experience, almost all babies are extremely crabby at dinnertime, regardless of being breast- or formula-fed...so your hubby can't use that as an excuse to switch to formula :) .
Granted, your baby CAN still be healthy with formula, but it sounds like your breastfeeding is going great, so there is absolutely no need to mess with such a great thing! And, yes, breastfeed babies CAN tend to have a 'leaner' look than formula babies, but it in no way means they are frail. I think in America, we just have a warped perception of healthy weight...even with babies :) .