Finding Suitable Funeral Attire for Tween

Updated on November 13, 2008
J.M. asks from Fort Worth, TX
33 answers

Hello,

My family will be experiencing the death of an amazing woman in the near future. The problem is that I want to try to find my daughter appropriate funeral attire for her before it happens. I don't want to have to worry about this when it does happen, nor does she.

She is a "Plus size" tween. It seems like so much available is holiday or not appropriate.

Thanks.

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N.H.

answers from Dallas on

Stick with seperates that you can use over and over with different pieces. Jeans can be worn if they are dressed up.

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D.W.

answers from Tyler on

I would say a nice skirt or slacks (not jeans) and conservative top would be suitable. It does not necessarily have to be black- but something that is conservative and not slouchy or immodest.

Hope this helps.
D.

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L.W.

answers from Dallas on

Try a resale shop or Salvation Army/Goodwill. Lots of good expensive used sometimes brand new clothing way less than the actual price. Good luck.

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B.P.

answers from Dallas on

Try Lane Bryant, The Avenue or Dress Barn Woman. She will be able to find something there.

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L.A.

answers from Dallas on

I'm sorry to hear about your anticipated loss. I have a nineteen year old "Plus Size" niece whose mother doesn't spend much time shopping at the right places for her. This summer when she was visiting, her grandmother and I got her to go into Lane Bryant. They have very stylish clothes for the Plus Size of all ages. We were able to find many outfits for her that fit nice and were very becoming to her figure. She enjoyed trying the clothes on and coming out to model for us. (Something she has never done before). We were very honest with her about the way the outfits looked and I think it gave her a lot of self confidence. She is looking forward to coming in town again and going on another shopping spree. Try them out and good luck - I know shopping with a teenage girl is not easy.

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L.D.

answers from Dallas on

I would suggest Lane Bryant or Torrid. Torrid will have a lot of clothes that would NOT be approriate, but I'm sure you could find something there. I tried on a very nice pencil skirt from there that would be appropriate. And Lane Bryant has very nice clothes that are trendy, too. I'm 26, and have been shopping at Lane Bryant since I was a teenager.

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T.D.

answers from Dallas on

I have had two plus size tween girls. We have been able to find clothing for them at JC Pennys in their kids section they have plus size girl clothes up to size 18 1/2. I agree that a nice pair of dark slacks and a nice shirt would be just fine.

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S.P.

answers from Dallas on

I think you are a very intelligent woman to deal with this head on. I am sorry for the loss approaching as your description of the one departing is such a tribute already.

My suggestions are resale clothing shops and Ebay. Many a time I've found JUST what I needed through Ebay when the current season was not desired.

Another thought might be to look at JC Pennies or Sears. Sears has been the place I've discovered all of the dresses I have bought in the last 3 years for an excellent price and fitting for very different occassions when I had exhausted the search EVERYWHERE else. Now I go straight there for myself. They carry a good selection. Funeral attire is much simpler than it used to be but I agree with keeping appropriate.

Sincerely,
S.

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J.H.

answers from Amarillo on

There are shops and catalogs that have plus sizes for tweens, you might check it out on the computer, as I don't know if the shop I'm talking about is near your town, I think it is Deb's. The catalogs, I'm sure they would have a web sit if you just put in tean plus size. Otherwise if you live in a climate where you would wear a jacket, a nice button blouse with a little jacket or vest over it would be fine. And you can find a few skirts or pants that have conceiled elastic in the belt, or just on the side or back that may help the outfit look appropriate.

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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

J., May I offer my sympathy to your family , as you anticipate the passing of your loved one?
Now to the proper attire for your daughter. I think a dress that is simple, and modest, as to coverage, and nothing that will draw attention to the wearer. It does NOT have to be black with veils as in many years past. Navy blue or black with white collar,or pearls? I would not wear red, or bright shocking colors . I've even seen nice slack suite, or nice pants IF it is outdoors and really cold. Hope it helps,most anything you would feel comfortable wearing to church.
After all,you are there to be respectful and not to make a fashion statement.
BF

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

The tweens are tough enough and adding on emotional stress such as a funeral is enough!!! I am sorry to hear abouty our situation.

My daughter went to her first funeral in Dec of 06. This came in the middle of exams at school. The counselors were nice enough to allow her to skip the 1 exam she would miss because she had a steady A in that class all semester.

I believe she wore a black vlevet skirt that she wears when her orchestra group performs with a nice top. She is 5'4" and about 105Lb.

I have no idea where to find plus sized tween. I believe a department store like Dillard's or Macy's should have something appropriate. You might have to look in the misses section. I would target something black, maybe even a skirt with nice top. A "nice top" can be as simple as layered quality tees all the way to the shinier fabrics. I would keep the main colors dark.

If she is set on a dress, try Whatchamacallit or Special Occasion Dresses.

Best wishes to you.

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T.O.

answers from Dallas on

A simple long skirt or pants in black. And a nice sweater or blouse would be fine. Like the other poster said, Dillard's or Macy's or even Kohls... and you might try the petite women's section and go for the larger sizes. A skirt with an elastic waist would be easy and simple to accessorize.

Funerals aren't as formal as they used to be.... even for close family members black isn't always worn anymore... at least in my experience over the past few years.

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R.V.

answers from Dallas on

Try taking her to NY Learners or Torrid. Old Navy has some cute stuff too. I am sure you can find something classy. Try Sears as well. Hope it works out.

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R.H.

answers from Dallas on

I did the same thing this past summer for my daughter. I didn't worry about black, I just found a conservative dress that she could wear. You have the benefit that there are darker clothes this time of year. Dress pants are also appropriate.

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E.S.

answers from Dallas on

A nice pair of black pants or a black skirt works well and is versatile. She could pair it with a cute dark colored blouse or even something lighter or with a print. A dark colored dress is appropriate as well, but may be not as versatile. Really a "teen" version of what adults wear is ok. If she wanted to wear a cute suit she could do that, but it's easiest to just wear a dark pair of pants with a blouse or sweater. I've been to a funeral where many of the people were teens and most of them just wore nice clothes. While traditionally dark colors are associated with a funeral light colors can work. Just keep it nice and not too casual and nothing that's too skimpy. Hope this helps! In advance I'm sorry for your loss of a friend. Wish you all the best.

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J.W.

answers from Dallas on

I'm not sure where you are at, but they do have those "gently used" clothing store for tween/teens...Plato's Closet. Also, Sears usually carries some larger sizes. If anything, black dress pants and a nice top are appropriate.

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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

With all the responses I am surprised nobody suggested Fashion Bug Plus. We have one in Mesquite. Not sure about other locations.

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J.B.

answers from Dallas on

Since funeral attire no longer has to be black or a dress, concentrate on something that can be worn for multiple uses such as church, something special at school,or a trip to the theater to see, for example, the Nutcracker. Find something that she is comfortable in that is also appropriate. Simple is best. Now is a good time for her to learn about accessories. There are many things appropriate for that age for a funeral at most of the popular stores. Nice dress pants that fit well, a blouse (maybe a couple of different ones to change the outfit), a cute jacket (suit, not outerwear) or a beautiful sweater. The most important thing at this age is for her to feel comfortable in what she chooses and that it is something that can be worn for many things. Have fun shopping together and keep an open mind.

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A.J.

answers from Dallas on

Try Platos Closet in McKinney... Also try Ross, and tj max they have a good selection. I also like Kohls...and you might be surprised with the great selection of clothing on EBay I always find hard to find sized and types of clothing there. Sorry in advance for your hard times.

Good luck
A. J

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O.J.

answers from Amarillo on

I'm sorry to hear about your impending loss. I lost my Grandfather when I was a Teen and my younger sister was a "plus size" tween. My parents had to scramble to find her something appropriate. As a mother now, I would suggest a long black skirt, maybe broomstick type, or some black slacks. As for a blouse, I would suggest a black button down type that she could use for other uses. I hope this helps and I'm sorry for your impending loss.

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M.C.

answers from Dallas on

J.,
Hi, my sisters both shop at a place called Torrid. As a matter of fact, they both bought funeral attire there recently. It is specifically designed for the plus size teen/young woman with trendy clothes. I think they do have things that would not be appropriate, but overall they have really cute stuff! www.torrid.com
good luck!

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A.R.

answers from Dallas on

Dress Barn has lots of sizes and the clothes are very fashionable

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C.E.

answers from Dallas on

Try Limited Too or Justice for Girls also. They both carry tween clothes in girls plus sizes.

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

I had the same problem when my daughter was growing up. Seems that most manufacturers forget that not all pre-teens and teens are skinny little things. I'd love to say that things are getting better but they're nowhere near what it should be in that area!

Both Gap and Old Navy carry plus-size fashions for girls online and have some appropriate styles that would work for a funeral service. I checked today and Gap has some cute young girls dresses that go up to XXL. Or perhaps you could find a cute cable knit cardigan with a white tee under it paired with a black skirt. That's a sweet look for a pre-teen. Many of the junior skirts are short these days and might work for a tween.

Best of luck to you. I hated shopping for clothes for my daughter when she was young. It got a little better once she was old enough to shop at stores like Lane Bryant, but it is still tough. She's 26 now and still struggles with finding cute fashionable and affordable clothing.

K.

T.H.

answers from Dallas on

I have two teen daughters and unfortunately we have experienced several funerals of people very near and dear to our family. Including a former Dallas Police chief who had a formal funeral with full escort. Dresses are not mandatory attire for girls or women at funerals any longer. With that said my daughters have worn skirts but mostly end up wearing slacks. We keep the colors in black, gray, purple or dark brown. The girls always look very nice and blend in with the crowd. With dresses and skirts and todays styles we find it hard to keep the length modest enough for the event, regardless of size! The girls wear long sleeve shirts for fall and winter funerals and sometimes they pair that with a vest or sweater. One daughter always wears flats and the other is always in heals...so I let them choose the shoes they are comfortable in. The only rule we truly try to stick to is no bright colors and to keep things comfortable and modest. It ends up working out well.

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K.D.

answers from Dallas on

I'm sorry for your upcoming loss, and the job of having to shop for funeral clothes. :( I'm not a tween (I'm 30), but found myself in the situation last month of needing clothes for my dad's sudden funeral. I'm a teacher, and most of my "nice" clothes are suitable for sitting on the floor, but not being in front at a funeral. My husband and I ended up at Kohl's looking for a nice top to go with my black pants - since I really didn't want to spend money on something I wouldn't wear again. We ended up with a nice white button-down, my black pants and a pretty necklace, and I felt very appropriate at the funeral (well, as far as the clothes go). I was a "tween" for my first funeral and remember feeling really awkward in a new dress that I wasn't used to. From both experiences, I say something she's comfortable in, that's nice and not flashy. There were many young women at Dad's funeral last month in black pants, so I think the dress code has loosened up a bit over the years.

All that said, I pray peace and comfort for your family through this season.

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D.C.

answers from Dallas on

First, let me say I am sorry for the loss you will be going through. Next, I just recently had to go to a funeral and let me tell you they are not what they used to be as far as attire. There where people there wearing anything from black suits and ties to shorts, khakis and tennis shoes. Having said that, I think the best way to go for a teen is a nice pair of black pants or dark blue and a very nice dark colored type blouse or button down sweater. Maybe a dark red or maroon or even brown or black. That is completely appropriate. It is more about honoring your loved one, but you still want to look nice as well. I'm sure whatever you find will be absolutely appropriate.

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S.W.

answers from Dallas on

Is she plus size in women's sizes or just too big for junior's clothes? If she's plus size in women's sizes, try stores for plus size women like Lane Bryant (sizes 14+). They have very nice black pants and jackets and depending on the store, they may also have black dresses and skirts too. Just because a store carries plus size clothing doesn't mean it's not fashionable for a tween or teen. Besides, she just needs something appropriate for a funeral, not for going out with friends.

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K.M.

answers from Dallas on

Hi J.:

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Anticipating a loved one's death is heart breaking...

How about something very simple. Plain black top, plain black pants (or black skirt). It's sophisticated, appropriate and can be used for many occasions, as a set or separates.

It always seems to be my go-to style for such occasions.

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A.C.

answers from Dallas on

JC Penney, & Sears both sell plus size clothes for kids that are appropriate for their age. I have also found appropriate clothing at Kohl's. Walmart also sells plus size clothing for girls.

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C.M.

answers from Dallas on

JC Pennys has a good selection of plus size tweens. Hope this helps.

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K.E.

answers from Dallas on

Loads of good suggestions here. The only other thought that I have is one of the uniform stores that supply private schools. If you are in a larger city they carry a wide supply in every size imaginable. You can always find a nice dark green or blue skirt and matching cardigan. She can wear a simple white blouse under the cardigan and dark tights.

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M.B.

answers from Dallas on

Burlington Coat Factory has a ton of dresses or pants outfits. You should be able to find more there than just holiday or party dresses.

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