Financial Issues

I suggest you start with the Movie "The Secret". It is empowering and a nice starting point before making decisions about exactly what you want and need to be happy and successful.

Peace
J.

Hey there:
While I cannot give you much, but to hang in there. You are not alone. For we are in the same exact situation. I'd like to think that maybe it's the area. But who knows. The only thing I can do is remind myself, when all is lost, something will give.
Mother of 4.

It sounds as if you already know the answer. Now you just need to commit to following through. I wish you all the best!

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and went through financial problems at the beginning of our marriage. We were way over our heads in debt. My husband is actually great with money but we seemed to have one crisis after another and before we knew it our credit cards were all at their limits. We often fought over money and even talked about divorce but what really saved us was going to the bank and getting advice. We ended up consolidating all of our debt into one loan. We then took every credit card out of our wallet and I honestly have not used a credit card for any reason in 12 years. I have a bank card that I use for my daily purchases but I can't spend what I don't have in the account. My friends can't believe I do not have a card and ask me "What will you do if you have an emergency"? So far, in 12 years I have not had an emergency that I couldn't just cover with my bank card. We are now have great financial stability and no longer fight about money. It wasn't easy, we had to really cut out buying silly spontanous things and I still have to talk myself out of things. Just set your standards a little differently. I shop at 2nd hand stores and love yard sales. Look on Ebay for things that you otherwise wouldn't have considered. There are many other places you can find designer items without spending the $ at the mall. Take a deep breath and start considering other ways of getting your life back on track before letting your marriage fall apart. Divorce becomes really expensive and complicated and will only make the financial problem worse and right now it sounds like you both need eachothers support. Good luck, it will get better if you work on it together.

First of all you are not a bad person, just in a bad situation and you need to face it or you are at risk of losing everything.

My husband and I have just recently been facing this issue. One because we just finished five years of graduate school and two because I am staying at home with our two little ones, which we feel is very important. It did mean many changes though.

The first thing that really helped us was to come up with a plan of how we were going to get out of debt. We had moved across the country and had to sell our house at a loss, which had really strained every other area in our financial lives.

We made a list of everything we owed, interest rates and minimum payments and added it all up. That really helped know exactly where we were, which surprised even us.

Then we called the credit card companies and began consolidating our loans. You have most leverage to do this if you have good credit, but even if you don't it's worth a shot. Most of them don't want to lose you as a customer and benefit from you consolidating. We also asked, and got our credit card APRs decreased on two cards to less than have the percentage we were paying, which helps us climb out faster.

We created a budget and have been sticking with it. You have to really look at the "needs' and the "wants." You need medical coverage, a place to live, food and utilities. You don't need vacations, weekly salon visits and cable.

For us, my husband brings his lunch to work every day, except on a rare occasion (such as a celebration for his boss or a close coworker) and we rarely eat out at all. We bought tea and coffee and brew some each morning instead of buying it at coffee shops and we make a list of things we want and things we need and save up to get them when we can actually afford them.

I pick up freelance projects for companies and make extra money doing that, but depending on your skills you can consider extra income sources.

Good luck! It is doable. We are a good year into our plan and feeling better about it every day. It was difficult to cut out some things we really enjoy, but we know in the future we will be able to truly enjoy them knowing we have the money to cover them.

You can do it! There will be setbacks and frustrations, but fir us, once we started truly working toward paying things off and have actually seen accounts with a zero balance because we paid them off, it is a sweet reward.

Also, be honest with your kids. It's ok to tell them you can't afford a sweater they want or a new toy they want. In high school my family had little money for other reasons but we also had what we needed and it was all we really needed.

Only you know where you can make cuts, but you have to be really honest with yourself. Good luck! You can do it:)

Feel free to email me if you need support:)

B.,
What more can I say then, been there, done that! Listen I have to give the same advice that a lot of others have already give you. Don't trust credit counslers. It costs you money for them to help you. Yep you heard me! A lot of them claim to be free of charge, but they charge you a service fee to deal with handling charges. So why pay another bill? You definately need to check out Dave Ramsey.
I can honestly tell you that he saved me from myself. If you want to spend money on an investment that will save your life, buy his book "The Total Money Makeover". If you read that book and really do what it says, it will change your life forever. Pardon me for being so blunt, but you will wonder why you were being so stupid. He also has a radio show that you can tap into on his website. You should listen in. Make sure you get your husband involved too. You both need to been on board with this. It is a lifestyle change that you will appreciate so much more than the rut you are in. This "Makeover" is one that can work for everyone out there, as long as you foloow it. If you are not a reader, the book is also available on CD. These small investments are worth it. I have actually gotten to the point that I buy this book whenever I can, and I give it away to people who need financial help. I hope you take my long winded advice. Good luck.

B.,

Life is sooooo expensive! I understand how you feel, but you are being h*** o* yourself. I am fortunate in that my parents grilled into my head never to overspend and the importance of excellent credit. My husband and I together pull in a very nice income yet we feel "poorer" than when we made half this amount! The cost of living has gone up dramatically, yet people are still spending as if it hasn't. Health insurance is "stupidly" expensive, heating bills have tripled, gas is ridiculous, etc and it affects food costs, clothing, etc. We can't spend like we thought we'd be able to. I have a post graduate education and a very professional job, yet I live in a 1200 square foot "starter" house in a working class neighborhood, get my designer clothes at consignment shops, look for deals on craigslist, and drive a Ford Focus. I get raises and bonuses but they get tucked away for home repairs or our retirement or savings which, yes, sometimes gets dipped into. I don't know how people are buying ipods, video gamers, uggs, take expensive vacations, etc because we make plenty yet can't afford any of this. But we don't have debts or problems that many people are running into. Financial experts are talking about going on spending "diets"....I think this is a perfect term. Don't be h*** o* yourself...it's just that you need to change your perception of things. You will probably have to go cold turkey for while until you get your spending under control, but then you'll be able to "eat dessert" (aka buy yourself some nicer things without getting over budget). I wish more people become like you and realize that they need to make changes to their lives. You don't want to get to the point where you need to settle with a payoff amount and have it affect your credit score. If you want good advice check out the financial experts on www.msn.com. I read the columns regularly and they help keep me on track. Good luck.

B.,

You do have it all - you have a husband and kids and want the best for them. That doesn't mean the big house and a new car. My husband oversees 20+ directors and we live in the least expensive house of all of his subordinates and until we bought a minivan 2 years ago both our cars were 10 years old. We made the decision that I would spend as much time with our kids as possible and that meant buying a house and cars that we could afford on his salary alone, even when we just had 1 child and I was working more (I work outside the home about 12 days per year.)
You will only fail if you ignore what you are feeling right now and don't find peace in your situation. Sell the house - it sounds like it is not improving your happiness after all and is weighing you down. Give up the internal feelings of keeping up with 'your friends'. We face it every day, everybody is always comparing but it is actually a relief to step away from that rat race and be happy with what we have chosen to do. Financial issues can seriously strain a relationship and you won't be doing your kids any favors if you split because of the stress. I bet you'll be relieved when you find something that will help you make ends meet. And remember, nothing is forever and you can't predict what financial situation you'll be in in the future.
Best of luck to you!

Hi there, I hope I'm not too late in responding, but I really want to encourage you to stop thinking you're a failure and that you're failing your kids. Do you realize how many other families in the U.S. are in the same situation as you are? They just have a way of hiding it, because it really can be embarrassing.

Finances have been tight for us for 1 1/2 years, and we've been through having the creditors and mortgage people calling us daily. My husband and I re-vamped the way we handle our checkbook, and this is what we did: each week on payday, we write OUT of the checkbook the amount we need to save for the monthly mortgage, auto loan, and another big bill, so that we have those amounts ready by the time they're due. We also try to pay them a week ahead of time to make sure the bills have enough time to reach the billing department before we are charged with late fees. This has helped tremendously, and we're working up to putting aside weekly the full amount we need for ALL our monthly bills, plus those huge bills that come once per year such as taxes, auto insurance, etc.

Now, when I say we "write out" that amount from our checkbook, I mean that I deduct it from our checking account balance in our checkbook, but I keep track of it each week. It gets tricky when you receive your bank statements in the mail each month, because, of course, the bank shows that you have more money than you're allowing yourself to see in that checkbook. If you think you won't be faithful to keep that amount set aside for bills, then perhaps opening another account at your bank (usually doesn't cost anything) or a different bank completely, would be better for you.

Please don't give up! Credit card companies and finance companies are making it so easy for people to borrow money, however paying it back can turn into lengths of decades that we later regret.

Sincerely,
C. Phillips
Stay at Home Mother of three

I have been there.

We consulted a debt adviser. There are a zillion out there, but you need to sit down and read them all over carefully. Some will just take your money, others will pay part of your bills, and the good ones, lower your bills and pay ON TIME. it took about 5 years to finally get everything minus the house payed off. But we did it, and we didn't have to struggle. The important thing is to get help now.

As for selling your house, talk to a Realtor, its a buyers marker right now, but if you have to sell your house you could be faced with having your house on the market for a lengthy amount of time. And be careful about the areas you look at some will have taxes much higher, or on the flip side much lower.

The best thing to do is sit down go over all the bills and simply live on the cash you have. Track your families spending for a month and see where your money goes, you will be surprised. Next look at your interest rates. And look at how much interest vs principle you are paying. If its possible refinance to lower FIXED rates.

Good luck!
Feel free to email me if you want to chat.

E. B.

Only thing I can offer, and not sure if it would help your situation. Call your C.C.C's. up and see if you can make a settlement on them. If so, let them tell YOU the offer they can come up with. (Usually or I should say, after about three different offers to you...it will be half of what you owe)Again, if this would even be allowed or a possibility to you. First You truely have to go in with the frame of mind of cutting those cards up!!! and be a disapplined person or this will cost you further!!! The percentage rate on those cards are just incredible and should not be allowed. If you have to or even thinking of doing anything with your Mortgage...and this too may be a better deal for you....would be to get a reversed one...again..you will have to budget and be disapplined!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!
I don't hate to much....But CREDIT CARDS MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL!!!
Stick with the...DO I REALLY NEED THAT??...RIGHT NOW??? AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH YOUR RUT!
Good Luck!!
T. D

My best advice to you is to create a budget and stick to it. That's what we did. We also cut out a lot of things in life like cable tv and going out to eat 4 times a month. Packing lunch for you or/and your husband to take to work saves money too. Before I started packing lunch for my husband, he was spending 30-40 extra a week on food.
This may have not been the best solution, but we got a loan to help pay off some things and now we can actually make payments when we need to and we are not in the red anymore!

Hi B., I just looked at your email and can feel the pressure you have upon you all. This is such a h*** o*e but you will figure it all out. When I got married I had what you called a starter home. Very affordable to my husband and myself. I could not work as I could not drive at the time. Therefore only one car was needed. As the years went on I lived in a very small house and did jobs that came to me. I babysat and did jobs that would come to the house. I hated every day I lived in my little house but made it into a doll house. It was very affordable for us and we did without a lot of things in life. I lived in that house for 20 years but like I said it was affordable. Now we sold that house and we live in the one I would of loved to start out in but could never have afforded back then. I never did a lot of credit cards as the interest on them is so great. ON those cards I would suggest you put the highest amount on the largest one and maybe pay the minimum on others till you got the high one paid down some...Keep on doing that but pay more, if you can on just the one high one. My advice to you about the house is to do away with it, sell it and get one more affordable or even rent for awhile. I know it is so easy to want things and today get them but when it involves your marriage and fighting, which it will, why I think that happiness is more important than any of those things. Even getting someone who is a financial advisor might be the key for you to get you both in the place you need to be in. Doing this together would be a plus then when you get those credit cards paid off...do away with them or keeping just the one if needed. I hate credit cards and even gas cards I do not like. My car today gets 20.00 in it whether it needs it or not. Sounds to me like you are at the end of your rope. You know Heather I was just married 35 years yesterday. We did without a lot of things to give to our daughter who is now 29. She is penny pinching as well. She remembers how I sacrificed to send her to school...Private school. She knows how much it cost us to do so and she knows how very important that was to her and to us for her to get some form of Christian education...Not only to grade school but to High school as well. It is hard to watch families do so much today and seem to have it all. Bottom line we have know idea what their finances look like. I remember telling my mom or saying I just do not understand how people are doing it mom...Two cars and children and living way over their means. I also never saw there bills. Sounds to me you want to get started on cutting your spending. It is never never to late. Seek help and make your marriage work but do this together....Hope some of this helps you and no its not easy its called work....But put your ideas together and do what it takes to make your marriage stronger. It can and will happen if you both chose for it to happen...Maybe downsize for a bit and work on getting those bills paid....Hope all works out for you two...P.

Hi B.,

WOW! It's very scary how much you sound like me! We had the same financial issues and we are now turning things around. I read this book that my company had highly suggested and it has saved our lives literally. It is called "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. I read it in three days. I couldn't put it down. It was like it was written for me. What kept striking me was how he kept pointing out that the average family makes just over 40,000 a year and they are able to get out of thousands and thousands of dollars worth of debt in 2years or less. My husband and I make so much more than that so I knew if they could do it, there was no reason in the workd why we couln't. It has also helped our relationship in more ways than you could imagine. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

A house is just a house - your home is where you make it.

Hi B.,
trust me, i have been in a similar situation. now is the time to live on love. have you really sat down and looked at some corners that you can cut for the time being? i know it really sucks, but just try. and trust me, if you are getting "collection calls" don't ignore them, believe it or not, banks, utilities, etc are willing to work w/you. i know you've probably heard so many times that "you'll get through this" and yes, it's easier said than done but you will. i've been told "god often gives you setbacks so you can move ahead" and it's true. you'll figure it out. i wish you all the luck in the world and as far as your relationship goes, please, if you love each other, be supportive to each other and talk it out, never hold your disappointment in and do not think for one moment that you have failed, you've gotten a little behind. good luck and keep your head up.....

Hi B.. My husband and I just finished reading David Ramsey's Total Money Makeover book. We felt as though we were drowning in our debt and would never get out. Now we have a plan, even though we know it will be hard, we are dedicated to getting out of debt. Hope this helps.

Try www.providentliving.org
Click on family finaces on the left.
Not all the stuff will probably apply to you but it has some excellent advice and it will walk you through things. Debt and financial stress is a leading cause of divorce and family stress. You need to keep your family together. It sounds like you are realizing that your family is what is important. Everything else are just things!
I have four kids, I stay at home and my husband has a low end salary. We don't have cell phones, cable TV but we have healthy food, hot water, clothes, reliable car and a roof over our head. We budget and make do so that we can have a good happy family life. Things don't make a happy family life as I"m sure you are realizing.
If you want to know anything I do to help budget and make do with little feel free to send me a personal message on mamasource. You can turn things around but it make take some sacrifice.

B.,

You are NOT alone a lot of families are struggling right now! ok, first, are you a stay at home mom, or do you work full time? What are the ages of your children? Do they go to school/preschool/daycare? I may some ideas for you, I am creative that way. There are several ways that you can earn money from home, with NO risk! I would LOVE to share, I have been doing this myself for sometime to help supplement my hubby's income. If you want to find out more, please email me at ____@____.com I wish you the best in finding a solution to your problem. I really think I may be able to help you! ~L.

Wow! I could have written this myself. We are in a bit of the same situation. My advice and what we are trying to do it number one NO MORE CREDIT CARDS! then we are sitting down and writing up at tight budget. Paying off debt paying the bills and the mortgage and getting back on track. Budget is a scary word but do it this way it works. Start with what you get paid if it is weekly set it up weekly. So put in what you get paid then subtract all of your bills that need to come out of that pay check. Then all of the other expenses like gas and groceries that need to come out of that paycheck. For a while you may be living on very little from week to week but eventually this number should even out. If you want a format I can send you one email me. Good Luck you haven't failed keep your head up!

Hi B. -have you contacted your lenders (mortgage and credit cards?) to see about any sort of slack they can give you? Talked to a credit counseling service? Do you feel like your house will continue to be too big/too expensive, or is it tough right now because of other expenses? Depending on how long you've owned the house, equity, etc, you may not want to put it on the market now. It's sluggish and interest rates are higher. One thought might be to rent it out (if that's possible) while renting a place yourself...if you can get a renter who covers your mortgage, and find a cheaper place to rent, you could apply the savings towards your debt. And though I hate to suggest this -do you have family members you could ask for a loan?

Good luck......

Have you ever thought of maybe owning your own business. I know that it has come in handy for me. And what I mean by your own business is like Slumber Parties (the company I am with), Tupperware, Party Lite, Mary Kay. Any type of party plan. It could help bring in extra money to pay some bill. It is not a second job where you are given hours but a business that you make your own hours. Also there are tax breaks that you can take with being with a party plan. I know last year my husband and I received $5,000 refund from the Feds. I know that I wouldn't have gotten that if it wasn't for my business. If you want to talk more about the opporunity, please feel free to contact me.

The other thing you can do is go to the bank and see a Financial Advisor. Maybe they can show you where you can cut back on and free up some money. Sometimes it is hard to give up the small things but they do add up.

I wish you all the best

A.

Be careful of debt counselors. When you consult them, they can show on your credit report as red flags that you don't know how to handle your finances. With that said, if you really absoulutely need to by all means contact them.

Do you have enough equity in your home to get a second mortgage? You might be able to consolidate your debt and have the tax write off too.

I know with the rising price of gas and all of the kids activities, things get very tight. We had 2 mortgages for 10 plus months and wiped out our entire savings account. We are on the climb back up financially. It is very hard to do, but stick with it. Put yourself on a budget...take only cash to the grocery store and only buy what is absolutely necessary (bread,eggs, milk,etc) If you have extra stuff you don't need, put in on craigslist...it's free to list stuff and you might be able to get some extra cash to help out. I too agree that our society spends way to friviously (and I am very guilty of that myself....unfortunately) We purchased our dream house and have come to the conclusion that we thought we needed a bigger house because we had so much stuff....now that we have a bigger house, we want to get rid of stuff! Pretty ironic huh! I still want the big house though...just not the stuff.

It is very hard and very stressful not spending $$, but my kids are also learning a good lesson too....$$ doesn't grow on trees and they are just fine without the newest gadget.

Besides working full time, I also sell southern living at home for extra $$ and it also affords me time to get out and meet new people. If you have any interest, please let me know!

Wishing us both the best of luck!

37 y.o. mom of 3 boys 11, 9, and 4. Work full time in healthcare and married to my best friend for 13+ years.

Hi B.,

If you do what you can to resolve your situation and stop it from getting any worse, then you have not failed. Getting out of this situation will definitly take some up from sacrifices, but in the long run it will save your marriage and your family. Do whatever it takes and know that you are doing the best thing for your family!

Good Luck!
M.

There IS hope! Especially when your family is healthy.
Please do not get depressed. I've been there and it is very hard to get out of it and not only do you suffer so does your family. I do not know all about your finances but if I have learned anything in our 16 year marriage is that the possessions do not matter-not even to the Jones's. If you feel that your home is eating you alive get rid of it. Before it eats up your happiness with your family. Remember to think: What is more important to me the health and happiness of my family and marriage or the home,car and things that credit cards buy. Have you contacted all your creditors? They often will help with deferment of payments or even lower your payment for a few months. Start to re-evaluate your spending. Maybe instead dinner and a movie, start making pizza and home movies for a while. Trust me, when our kids hear the words "Theater Night AT Home" they are very very excited and that's because we go out on occasion too! They prefer being with us than going out all the time. You CAN do it, trust me. I know how you feel about hating to lose the house. But remember it is only a house. The family is what counts. We have been where you are: over spending what we earn. But as my husband said you only fail your family when you don't take their best interest to heart. Talk to your husband-keep communicating how you feel (with no blame!!!) We are out of our huge home and making more money but still happy now. We have ONE credit card - that's it- for the last 10 yrs. We had a hard time giving up our possessions too but that only got us bad credit. Now we are trying to work that out but we don't even miss the credit cards. If there is more I can offer please let me know. There is so much that you can do now that I have learned about credit and bills and money UGH. Don't let it get you down!

My family is in the same boat. More month then money! We have 6 kids, 4 are still at home. My husband works is a car salesmen, so with the economy the way it is, things are tight! Having 4 at home, I stay at home because if I worked, my income would go to pay a sitter! This situation is exactly what got my butt in gear to do my Mary Kay full time. It has allowed me to buy groceries and things for my family. My husbands check goes towards household bills, even though it doesn't always cover it. I contacted the consumer credit counseling concerning our credit cards. We kept the lowest interest card and the rest turned over to them. They will close the accounts. They can't help you with mortage or car loans, but they took our credit card payments from $950 a month, to $258. And 3 of the cards went from 37% interest to 0%. If you are a stay at home mom, check into a home based business. You could work when your husbands home then you will avoid paying a sitter, or like me, I pay the sitter with Mary Kay product. I hope this helps!!
B. Golden

Hi,
You're not alone. Several people said this already, definitely check out www.daveramsey.com
Good luck

Hi - I am sorry for your troubles. I think so many of us are a pay check away from big financial problems. It seems like others have given you some good advice. Oprah.com also has a lot of information on debt management that you can print out and work out for yourself, with your husband.

In reading your other requests I see that you have interest in starting babysitting out of your home. I have a friend who did that. And she has a full house of children everyday. She has another friend help her out with the kids. Both are stay at home Moms making a couple of hundred extra a week for their families. If you are still interested in this, write me back and I will get you in touch with her for more information. Good luck to you.

Perhaps you could try somewhere like Consumer Credit Counseling. Im pretty sure it is a free service- their # is 800-251-2227....Good Luck!

Hi, B.! That seems to be a very overwhelming situation. I would sudgest hiring a credit counsler to look at your debt and help get you out of the hole. They may not be abe to help you save your current home, but they will help you figue out how you got into this sistuation in the 1st place. Do not go to any persons that you see on T.v or heard about on the radio. Look in the phone book for non-profit counslers. They will still cost you money, BUT they aren't making a fee off of you or your hardtimes. When you go, take ALL you bills. Even the things that you don't want your spouse to know about. Its also probably best to cut up all your credit cards or stop using them. If you NEED to use a credit card then you don't need that item and can;t really afford it.ANyway, I'm not trying to sound harsh, but it sounds like youa re feeling things are very dire. Get on the phone and on your way to finical recovery!

Hey B., I read your post and we were in a very similar situation. We both make a good income but still were falling far behind. I knew there was something that I could do to make more of an income and get ourselves out of this mess someway or another. Then, I found work at home united. This company allows me to make money from home by not having to buy any inventory, or anything like that. I have been with them for such a short time and it's been such a postive experience for us. I feel blessed to have come across this company. They believe in Financial freedom. It may be worth it for you to hear about us and how we can help. A recent book that I have purchased through the company is called "Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey. This book changed our ways of how we spend our money and how easy it is to save money. I would recommend this book and I would suggest you contact me. This could make the difference for you!
A. P
www.greensthewaytobe.com

My initial reaction to your post is to tell you that having to sell your house is in NO WAY a measure of your success to your children. They won't give two hoots what house they live in (after the move, of course, and they get adjusted). Size doesn't matter:) to them, "having it all" doesn't matter to them... having happy, unstressed (or less stressed, at least) parents is what matters to them. I'm sure they can sense the stress you are both feeling and your family will be better off without the stress. My opinion is that it's better to be poor in "things" and be happy than "keeping up with the Jones'" and unhappy. I hope this helps.

Hello B.

I can so understand where you are coming from. My family is in the same boat. WE are doiong a bit better now. I am a stay at home Mom and decided to do something to help out financially and FOR MYSELF. I got into Premier Designs Jewelry. It is the best thing I could have ever done. I make so much more than any part time job I could ever have and I get out of the house to visit with other women so I am not so depressed. I can so UNDERSTAND. I would just cut back on things you don't need and PRAY. That is what I had to do and let me tell you it HELPED me make the decision to start my own business and it has really been a blessing. I wish you all the luck in the world and if you need to vent I totally can relate. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!
K. Lawson

Just some ideas that I have thought of for ourselves as well. Maybe you could trade in your car for a used one. It can help with your monthly payments, if not eliminate your car payment all together. You could use your tax refund to pay off some of your credit card debt or catch up on your mortgage. Also, when I get my credit cards too high, I take them out of my purse. If they are not there to use, I will only be able to pay with cash or check. You are not as tempted to buy all those little extras. I know that they add up. Maybe you or your husband could get a part time job. Just make a decision together that this is a hard time but you will stick together to get through this. In the end you will come out of this a stronger couple. My husband and I have been there.

Dear B.,

I think we all feel overwhelmed by everything and the fact that the cost of living keeps rising despite the money coming in. I have three kids and we just make ends meet, and we can't seem to save a dime. You are not alone out there, and I hope you can work it out. Maybe refinancing may work to consol. some of your debt, now the rates are a little lower. I'm thinking of doing that, although sometimes it just seems like a band-aid. Somedays I'm sick to my stomach with everything, but my worry doesn't make things better, so I try not to let it get to me. If you are able to downsize and make a profit on your home it may be worth it, but then you have to consider finding another home in your area and the cost of packing and moving! Good luck and best wishes...E.

B., Many people are going thru the same thing right now. There are options for you. The fist step is to get in contact to your bank to see how can they help you. I am realtor and I would like to help you through this difficult time.
Please call me at ###-###-#### or contact me via email at ____@____.com.

First try consumer credit counseling. Contact your mortage company and see if you can work out a new deal...intrest rates are falling and the market is slow and if you have had a good relationship with them up until now they should want to work with you. It may involved re-financing your home at a lower rate, just make sure you stay with fixed intrest. You might also want to contact your credit card companies and ask them to work out a payment plan that fits into your budget. Look at your budget. Be realistic and cut back on the extras...look at where your shopping and what you are spending your money on. be honest with yourself and look at where you can cut back. If you have to forget that nice vacation or cut back on the presents it isn't a bad thing. If you only have pizza once or twice a month instead of going out to eat once a week, that's okay to. If you have to you might want to explore bankruptsy options. But only as a last resort. Many more people that you realize have gone through bankruptsy and have kept their homes, cars and other vital things. There is more than one form of bankruptsy.

We have been there, and it isn't fun. The important thing is to admit that you made a mistake, learn from it and move on. Fighting about it at this point is just wasting energy you should be using to figure out a way to solve the problem. Once you form a plan and start working towards the solution you will begin to feel better. Try to take some time and go for a walk or a quick bike ride as well...fresh air is always great to help you clear your head and lift depression as well. Hang in there, it will get better if you work on it! Best wishes

B. I definately feel you on this topic. I recently relocated to the Allentown area from NY. Coming w/not much money and not able to get a mortgage yet to to working on my credit we decided to rent every day is a struggle my hubby working 2 jobs and myself trying to find something that works w/his schedule, my 2 older kids school schedule and my 4 months olds schedule I know exactly how u feel in fact I miss counted money a few days ago and put us down in rent over $100 thankfully we managed to pull ourselves together but theres constant arguments here also. I would love to go out w/the girls make friends have family over but the financial situation holds us back to I don't know if your religious but recently finding and going back to church once moving here has realy been helping just clearing out our heads and praying daily. If you ever need to talk feel free to contact me anytime. I truly know how you feel!

H.

HI,
I've been there. It's hard to deal with and puts a strain on your relationship but there is hope. To get back on our feet, we sold on ebay anything we could that was not a neccessity and cut back on spending. No dinner out, no anything that required spending money. It will work out if you have faith.

B., don't feel bad! There are a lot of unexpected expenses that come with young children that can really rock the finances. Even "small" things begin to add up. My husband and I hit that point about a year ago before we took major steps to tighten the belt - planning detailed menus and shopping lists, not eating out as much, no incidental purchases, not buying anything unless we had the cash in hand to buy it. It was amazing how many things we usually bought that we suddenly didn't. And it did make a difference in the bank book. Before you sell the house, see about refinancing and taking out a small loan to pay off some of the credit card debt. That may let you keep the house and lower your payments. Good luck!

Hi B., Check out this website: http://www.daveramsey.com/

His very practical advice has done wonders for us and I pray that it will be helpful to you, too.

If possible, try to call in to his show - he sometimes will give a free copy of his book or even free tuition to his local classes on money and debt management to people who call in and need them. He's on from 2-5 PM weekdays, on radio station 910 AM

Good luck!

B., you've gotten a lot of responses and some resources to check out. The biggest thing for us when we were in a similar situation was to cut up the credit cards and not use them! Keep one with the lowest interest for emergencies only! Make a budget and stick to it .. both you and your husband have to commit to that .. if you do that it will be tight for a while, but you will eventually come out alright. Cancel all high-ticket things such as cable TV, satellite TV ... all the bells and whistles on your phone service .. cut every thing back to basic. My cousin and his wife use NetFlix for movies - they don't have cable or satellite .. and it saves them tons of $. I don't recommend turning in a car you bought new for a used .. you won't make the money back that you've already spent. If you lease a car however, that might be a good option. Car pool if possible to split gas costs with others. Join a babysitting co-op to enable you to get out and have some alone time with your dh without having to pay the sitter. The most important thing is to be honest with each other about the financial situation, and limit spending to necessities .. not wants. I shop at Thrift stores still, even though we are no longer in such dire straits .. my girls look at it as an adventure .. and you can be very choosy, only buying what you like and what still looks good. I've found jeans with the tags still on for myself and my girls. Keep yourself positive .. and work together with your husband. Get the kids involved, be honest with them, they can help if they are old enough by doing little things for neighbors for a small fee. Like walking dogs or cat-sitting. Mowing lawns, raking leaves, pulling weeds .. there are tons of things out there. Anyway .. just a bunch of ideas .. some I am still doing just because I don't ever want to get into such debt again! We STILL only use the credit card for emergencies. We don't buy something we can't pay cash for!