Fighting Kids

Updated on July 22, 2014
C.D. asks from Putnam Valley, NY
6 answers

I have 4 kids and my three girls are constantly fighting about everything. They are 12, 10, 10 & my son is 6. The girls fight about clothes, hairspray, clips it is driving me crazy. I remember fighting with my sister but not all the time.

Any suggestion on how to keep peace in my house.
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answers from New York on

Well, I can relate - I have two boys, 5 and 8 who have spent the better part of last year at each other's throats. They seem to be in a good groove now which leads to me to believe that these things go in cycles (though that cycle may seem like forever). A few years ago, I read this book called Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me, The Solution to Sibling Bickering by Anthony Wolf which really helped me. He suggests that if they aren't bothering YOU (eg really really loud) or seriously injuring each other, you stay out of it. If one of them comes to you and complains, you either say "do you need a hug" and don't offer advice or tell them to work it out between themsleves. This has been my technique though I find myself occasionally getting involved. But, truly, my kids do get along better when I stay out if it more. The two things I have realized are that these kids have different personalities, they are forced to live in a house together and they need to learn how to work things out amongst themselves. As long as no one is getting hurt physically or mentally, I'd say stop getting involved with it...try to learn to ignore it a little bit more.



answers from New York on

Have you tried buying each child their own bins to keep their own stuff in....Bins in different colors or ID them by marking their names on them and set rules that they have to put things back into their own bins when they are finished using something and aren't allowed to take things from each others bins. And once something like this is organized I would add to the rules that anything they now fight over will now get thrown out. Tell them if they can't learn to share something without fighting over it, then they have to do without it. If YOU actually stick with this rule, they will in fact work it out among themselves as they wont want their stuff thrown out the next time a fight starts over any of these items.

They might think you went nuts on them...but your defence is and be sure to tell them that you don't think material things are important enough for your children whom you love to be fighting over.



answers from New York on

I find that as long as they're with in the family "rules" of disagreement (nothing physical, no hurting feelings, no name calling, and people are allowed to have personal possessions), then it's good to give them some space and let them work through the smaller battles themselves. They'll carve out roles, expectations and learn about compromise - it's okay for them to learn how to disagree and work it out. Of course, when the hairdos turn into hair pulling, that's when I step in and scold based on where they crossed the line. Also if it's a reoccurring battle, maybe you could elevate it -- for example, on the hair front, maybe put a basket in each girl's top draw with clips, rubber bands, etc., and replenish it regularly to help the morning routine to more smooth?



answers from St. Louis on

I got an idea tell them that if they have money and they buy there own stuff but when u buy the item they have to share



answers from New York on

I'm sorry i don't have an answer for your question but i do hope that you can respond to mine. How did you get involved with working from home? I am interested but there are so many scams that i am scared to invest. I have three children, two boys,6 and 4 and my daughter is 20 months. I work full time a 9 to 5 and i used to work from home with a callcenter but i still had to follow rules and answer to my boss.



answers from New York on

I only have one kid, and we never fight ;-) so I can't offer you my own experience to help you here. But, I know lots of people with more than one child, and one person in particular has a wonderful way of helping her kids get over these rough spots. If I didn't know them personally, I'd be suspicious about how nicely she says their kids get along, but I do know them personally, and they really *are* wonderfully supportive and kind to each other.

She is also an advocate of sorts and has written about this and other related topics on her website, which is

I sincerely hope it's helpful for you!!!

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