Feeling Under the Weather...

Updated on December 17, 2011
S.R. asks from Oak Lawn, IL
7 answers

I just opened up Yahoo to read an article of a baby born at 24 weeks with very little chance of surviving. The baby is now fine at 4 pounds and the doctors are ready to discharge her from the hospital. Happy for the baby and family.
I can't seem not to feel down, four years ago I suffered a still born, her due date was Dec 25, she was actually delivered August 13 at about 19 to 20 wks of gestastion time (my water bag broke). Behind my mind I always wonder what were the chances of her survival if the Drs gave me the opportunity fo stay in the hospital with out delivering her the moment i got admitted. I know of a few other ladies that went through the same thing and they now have their babies with them. I always have that thought of WHAT IF?
Do any of you have the same thoughts/ feelings?

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So What Happened?

Thank you ladies for you responses and sharing your experiences. : )

More Answers



answers from Chicago on

S., I didn't have anything like that happen. It had to be so difficult, but I want you to know I will remember you during this holiday time and pray for your peace. I know it is so sad and painful just letting you know we care out here.



answers from Madison on

You can't live with the WHAT IFs. My nephew died at 3 week old - my SIL had a virus that he contracted during the emergency C-section (dr thought she was in labor, she had placenta previa and had a scheduled c-section the next week). They were asking what if they had waited for the following week. What if the dr had taken her temp to see she had a fever . . . but you can't, somethings you'll never know why or understand. I'm sorry for your loss.



answers from Boston on

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wonder sometimes how people who have suffered so much go on and make it through another day, I honestly do. I have had a really rough year and a half or so, many failed IVF attempts and lots of emotional heartache, which reared its ugly head today in a major way and has left me feeling so empty. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, and the "what if" game is something I play almost daily. It is so totally normal; you are trying to gain some control over something that has left you powerless and full of sadness. Something you probably feel could have been avoided, if only your body hadn't failed you - I understand. I also am rendered angry and depressed when I read stories or experiences of people in similar situations as I was/am in, who achieve success and happiness when mine seems so elusive. I don't have any magic advice, I wish I did, but I would tell you to grieve and feel what you need to feel in the way that makes sense for you. There is no right or wrong way for you to feel after such a horrible thing. I wish you peace in the new year.


answers from Chicago on


My cousin's wife delivered at 23 weeks after contracting Listeriosis. She tried to convince the doctors to do what they could to save him, but she was told his chance of survival was basically none due to his gestational age and exposure to the bacteria which had gotten into the amniotic fluid. The fluid was green when they delivered him. He lived for five minutes. She still wishes they could have tried to save him. They couldn't keep him in any longer, or the infection would have killed her.

There are some things that there are just no answers for. Wishing you peace.



answers from Chicago on

I'm so sorry for what you went through, and the loss that you'll live with forever. I can't speak to this specific situation, but I know that we all have things that could drive us crazy if we hung onto the "what ifs". My brother died three years ago and I could do the same thing... What if we knew then what we know now? What if I'd been with him that day? There are parents who lost their children to AIDs or cancer twenty years ago, and now they can look back and say, what if we'd been able to hang in there just a couple more years until better drugs were available. Maybe my child would still be here today. I'm not sure if that makes what you're dealing with any easier, but just know that you're not alone. We all let ourselves go to that place once in a while. The important thing is to let yourself wonder and remember, but not to spend too long in that place. Sadly, we can't change the past, so we must move forward. Hugs.



answers from San Francisco on

I am so very sorry for your loss. This is what faith is all about. I know you can't help to have the "what ifs" but you have to trust that this is all part of God's devine plan. We will never know why; just know that this was part of God's plan.

My father's birthday was 12/25. He passed three years ago. The holidays can be as hard as they are joyous!



answers from Chicago on

I am so sorry for your loss.

My sister delivered a beautiful stillborn daughter at 39 weeks four years ago. She had every test done to herself and to her baby, and there was never any explanation on why her daughter died. My sister is always filled with what-ifs. What if she had induced at 38 weeks when she could still feel the baby kicking? What if it was something that she did to cause her baby to die? What would her daughter be doing today if she had survived?

I have another friend who delivered her son at 37 weeks. She did not realize that she had been leaking amniotic fluid during her pregnancy. He had had stopped receiving nutrients in-utero and was low birth weight. He is almost 6 years old now, and is in special ed. The future is very uncertain for him, and his parents have to worry about whether or not he will every be able to live independently when he grows up. My friend is always haunted by "what if" and wonders how life would have been if she had known earlier that she had no amniotic fluid.

This must be such a depressing time for you. The days leading up to your daughter's due date are just so hard. Know that you are not alone, and that this is probably how everyone who has ever suffered such a horrible loss feels. It doesn't matter how many kids you might go on to have after the loss. There is still a void that will never be filled. Once again, I am so sorry.

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