Feeling Lost, Scared

Updated on May 19, 2008
K.M. asks from Hillsboro, OR
8 answers

not knowing what to do.

I got the dreaded call Thursday from my Gyno's office that my paps came back with abnormal endometrial cells. After looking it up....it's most likely cancer. I've had no symptoms and seems I fall into the 5% of women who find out via their paps! Ladies get your paps and mammo's done!!

I'm scheduled to have an ultra sound on Tuesday the 20th and from what I've read that is hardly ever done first thing with this condition it's usually later to find a tumor! Yikes!

Oh well I keep telling myself it is what it is and just deal with it. Right now my sister just started a 6 month or longer treatment for breast cancer and she lives over a thousand miles away near my Mom. I am calling them all the time and am trying really hard to not cause any more worry for them and to be upbeat. Also my son leaves for Japan in two weeks to live there permanently and I don't want to give him any reason to stay and not get on with his life, he's planned this for so long and is so young so much ahead of him. So for at least two more weeks, longer if I can hold out I really need to keep this to myself.

Seems so silly talking to strangers on the Internet but I have no other community, no friends or family here. It's a scary feeling and I find myself crying all the time and I don't feel like doing anything all the gardening I planned to do seems silly now. I may start it and not be well enough to take care of it, ugg!

Well thanks ladies for listening and I hate being a downer but please, please take care of yourselves! These tests, mammograms, paps and the like are cheap enough and many times you can find foundations through your local hospital to help with the costs so there is no excuse to not have them done! I wish you all well and peace!


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So What Happened?

Finally I got a call back from the Doctor on Friday after my Ultra Sound Tuesday. Man the waiting is the worst!
Good news is there was no tumor! One small fibroid though which isn't of concern. Next I see her in her office on the 30th for another procedure which I think she is doing a biopsy and we'll go from there as to how to best treat it.
Whew....I am so relieved and what an ordeal to go through, the unknowing is the worse!!

Thank you all for you wonderful thoughts, prayers and private messages to me it is so nice to know so many people care. The stories you've told about your own experiences with this kind of thing also touched me, I thank you for this personal glimpse and insight, it helps to know how others have dealt with this kind of thing and that many have survived even the worse case scenario.


UPDATE 6/3/08

Doctor's office called and the results of the biopsy were begnign for cancer! Yay! I am so relieved and as long as I remain symtom free it will be yearly check ups for me. Whew! I wasn't prepared for how the little office procedure (biopsy) would make me feel, basicly I feel sucker-punched, very sore. Kinda like how you feel after giving birth, LOL. It will pass every day I notice I'm feeling better.

Other news is my son left for Japan this morning and I had told him last week about the Ultra sound and right before he called me to say goodbye from LAX I got the call from my Doc so I was able to give him the good news too, he felt better about that.
Bitter sweet times....you raise them to get their wings and fly away, then they do, sigh.

Big thanks to Tera C for calling me I sure hope we can meet up soon!

Give your kiddos a big hug for me I'm missing my kids bunches!


More Answers



answers from Portland on

Hello Kate, the doctors found a massive amount of something in my daughter when she was 16 and told us it was "probably cancer". My answer to them was NO! To make a long story short it truned out to be a what they called endrometriosis. It happened because she had a blockage in her cannal and when she ovulated only the left side came out. The right side was blocked and from the time she started ovulating the right side hit the blockage and went back to her right side and then around to her back. She was ovulating on the right side but it wasn't comeing out. She was only 16 but the doctors removed all of her female organs on her right side. She was told it wouldn't be a good idea for her to become PG but at 19 she had a baby boy. I call him my miracle grandson. He's the only one I'll ever have biologically as by the time my daughter was about 25 she had to have the other female organs taken out as the endrometriosis was back. She leads a full and happy life now. Please have faith in your Father in heaven and know that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are always with you and also with you sister. God bless you and my prayers will be with you. J.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Hi K.,
First of all don't feel 'weird' about connecting with people over the internet. I'm 53 and have been meeting people on line (friends only...I'm a happily married woman) and have truly enhanced my life by including the wonderful people I've met over the years. Besides I truly believe that all of the best changes occuring in our world are because of the internet and how it connects us all no matter where we are from or who we are.

I just wanted to respond to let you know that you are in my prayers and that I am sending healing love and light to you. Expect the best and you may be surprised at the outcome.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

my heart goes out to you. i have not had cancer myself, but have many friends who have. you might join a church to find friends & a supportive community, or ask your doctors to recommend support groups. i imagine there are many online, too, that are cancer specific. attitude is everything- i know it's difficult, but try to stay positive. best of luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on


I have not had cancer. But speaking on behalf of us daughters that have dealt with sick parents...please tell your children. I know your first response is to protect them from hardship but 1) you need their comfort and love and 2)when they do find out that you didn't tell them you will be dealing with more hurt feelings, a sense of betrayel and pure fright from miles and miles away. Tell your son what's happened but that you will email him everyday of your recovery and that you are so proud of him accomplishing his goal.

You are in my prayers.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on


If you need an ear...call me ###-###-####

My mother-in-law is a breasst cancer survivor.

I remember the scare we had.

I understand wanting to keep the news to yourself for a while until all is for sure on any end...

However, you still need a shoulder.

I have twin toddlers that would love to see visitors. Call and we can get together for lunch, tea...

I stay at home currently, and always can use a new friend, too.


1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Hi K.,

As hard as it is, keep a positive attitude! "the mind plays a beautiful part on your body" - my doctors words of encouragment. I had a lot on my plate with being a mother of a 1 year old and caregiver for my mother so I didn't focus on me. I prayed and read or listened to music with uplifting words of wisdom. I had two bio's and now my last pap has been normal. You're right...it's important to have scheduled exams. Create a wonderful day and live one day at a time!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Portland on

Please please please talk to your family....If you were my mother, I would want to know what was happening to you and be there no matter what....why give up on the things you love..enjoy what you can and take your own advice in you "little about me" comments...why waste a day alone when your family can share life and love with you????????I would be so angry if I found out that my mom went through something like this alone. Please try to find a support group or just someone you can talk to personally.......It is so important to be positive! Please please please take care of yourself emotionally and reach out to your family.



answers from Portland on

I just want you to know that I read this and I'm praying for you. I could say any number of things that just wouldn't really mean a thing here. It just seems that words are not enough, especially anonymous, typed words. So just know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. Even though I don't know you, God does...He knows the number of hairs on your head and what color they are! So I'm lifting you up in prayer, praying for peace that transcends all understanding, wisdom for the doctors and wisdom for you as you decide what it is you will do next. You can not bear this burden alone...Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matt 11:28 Also praying you will find this rest.

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