Feeling Green...

Updated on September 13, 2011
H.M. asks from Boulder, CO
10 answers

Ok - so how you do get past stupid silly jealousy fits?

Right now I'm in the deep - my bff is always taking these 'girls only weekends" where she dumps her kiddos with the hubs and goes and parties like a rock star with some of her old - no kiddo - gfs. seriously - it happens at least 2 times a year if not more. It makes me crazy with jealousy.

my other gf and her family just got back from a 10 day vacation at lake powell. she doesn't even have a job!!! of course - though - they all have family that will float them and as a result they get to do all sorts of great things.

I know I shouldn't complain but i just get so jealous - i work full time - my hubby works full time - we're trying VERY HARD to climb out of credit card debt and as a result took NO vacations at all this year - other than a few long weekends to local places here in the state.

It just seems like everyone I know has some family throwing them cash whenever they need it and I can't help but feel jealous sometimes - i've had to work for everything we have and i know it builds character - blah blah blah - but i still can't help wishing some random family member would dump a butt load of cash in my lap (which has happened to both my friends in the past year) ughh...

ok - i feel a little better - thanks for listening and your thoughts

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So What Happened?

Oh it isn't so much about 'we can't afford it' - we can - i just get tired of watching other people live a fabulous life that i KNOW they can't afford. Aside from paying down debt we've made a commitment to travel to ny to visit family this year and we are saving up for that. i'm just in a mood today - mostly a pity me kinda of thing- and i'm getting over it. I think it's really about hypocrisy - and the whole say one thing - do another - type of lifestyle people live today. My husband just got a large bonus and if we really wanted to we could take every penny and spend it on a fabulous vacation - but it's not practical - not smart - and not in the best interest of my family. So instead we focus on paying down debt - building our kids college funds - fixing things around our home. blah...i just need to get over myself today...thanks for listening

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answers from Dallas on

Nothing in life is free. If people are throwing money at them, you can bet there is a price. I would rather do without, then have to explain myself or ask permission. I don't envy that at all. I do get jealous when I see all the women in my office going on great vacations with thier well paid husbands, while I have to scrimp for months to take a 3 day weekend with my unemployed husband! But, at the end of the day, I'm really blessed to be able to support my family and the time we get away is really great. I don't owe anybody any money or explanations and I didn't have to swallow my pride to ask for anything. I think they should envy me.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

You know, there is no better feeling than knowing that you have earned everything that you have. It's worth it. It's worth the sacrifices. and getting out of debt will allow you to be able to plan for fun stuff!
Don't waste your energy on envy.
It's a useless emotion.
You know that.
and you know you're doing the right thing.

(And don't you realize yet that the people shouting from the rooftops about the *great, fun life* they have are the ones that need to do that to convince others because generally, it's just not true?)

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Charleston on

I think it's normal to feel the way you do. Some people are just (for lack of a better word) "lucky" to be bailed out of everything, but then again is it really luck or just spoiled? And what are they teaching their kids? That they can be catered too forever? Just a thought...

Take stock of your own happiness. Find joy in the little things. Take your family out for a day-vacation to a place you've never been. Take a "mommy day" by getting your husband to watch the kids so you can go out and spend the day with some friends and go window shopping. That doesn't cost anything but gas! I think sometimes it's the little things like that that end up creating the best memories for you and your children.

Keep your head up! :)

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boca Raton on

One thing that I've realized as I've gotten older (41 - not THAT old, but old enough) is that things are not always as they seem from the outside. Sure it looks and sounds great, but who knows how these families really feel and operate behind closed doors.

One of the best things about doing for yourself is that you don't have to listen to family members "suggestions" about how you run your life. You call ALL the shots (which is how it should be for grown, competent adults).

IMHO the sin of coveting is dangerous for a different reason than many of us think (the Bible says don't do it so it's bad). To me, coveting causes you to take your eye off what God wants to do in YOUR life (not someone else's).

Run your own race, and take heart in how far you have come, and where you're going.

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answers from Los Angeles on

Most people can afford anything they want. They just cannot afford everthing they want.

We all have to choose what is the most important. To some families, being free and clear of debt is the most important. To others, its going out to dinner multiple times per week is more important. Your choice.

My wife really enjoy cruising. We were really bummed out that we couldn't afford to go. I finally started to analyse where we were spending our money. We gave up going out for lunch at work and some of the more expensive restaurants and "found money" enough for a 7-day cruise for the both of us.

If you want some suggestions on how to "find" money in your budget, e-mail me.

Good luck to you and yours.

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answers from New York on

I was feeling that way yesterday. I was telling hubby, why is it that he works and I tend to the children, we pay our taxes, try to be honest citizens and things don't seem to come our way in the way we are/were hoping. Our friends too, have kids and yet they really know how to enjoy their life.They've all lost or don't have good paying jobs and yet they seem to be living it better than us. I think that we're not relaxed about things. I see that the more you're laid back in life, and take things one day at a time everything floats well.
Take things with stride. You'll see things will come your way.
take care

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answers from Portland on

Been there, honey. For YEARS I was stuck there. It made me very bitter. What I came to realize is that my peers--who kept getting chunks of money from parents or rich aunts or having houses bought for them while my husband and I ate PBJs to save up for one--there were strings attached to all of it. There is always a POWER play involved when someone gets that kind of "help." For instance, I was on fullride financial aid in college (I grew up on welfare); my friends who had parents paying their way had to negotiate all sorts of ugly politics within their families because of it. Me? I was FREE. I've learned to enjoy that freedom more than being "helped." Good luck hon. It takes a while to adopt a new mindset, but it's worth it.

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answers from Redding on

Well, you say you work for everything you have. Save some money for a cool getaway and enjoy it. A vacation with the family is something that makes the entire family "feel" good, it's definitely not a waste of money to do something that will be long remembered. Camping is a relatively cheap vacation and I can remember ALL the camping trips I took with my grandparents when I was a kid. Everyone has some credit card debt, you never really ever get out of it completely, it's just something you "manage" year round.
If you are wanting to join the girlfriends on one of their excurstions, get yourself a jar and start saving. We like watching our jar fill up with change. That's how we bought our big TV... it adds up faster than you think. Especially when you have a goal in mind. You quit vacuuming up pennies when you start saving.

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answers from Seattle on

We only get to go do things because of our family..So I guess I am your friend in this situation.

We have no CC debt..anymore. It is all my medical bills. All alomst 100k of it.

My in laws love taking mini vacations..and spending time with us and the grandkids.

We dont float off of anybody. When there is soemthing they want to go do as a family..Like stay at Great Wolf Lodge for the weekend...I am not gonna turn them down. My kids dont deserve to be stuck up in a house because I was sick.

So, yes we do take the vacations if they are being asked of us. Because I dont know when we will ever be able to go stay some place or take a vacation on our own.

Our family understands or money issues right now...They dont hold the fact we are struggling with things because of medical bills as us just being lazy and floating.

I work hard at home to bring in money I can....and my hubby works 60 hour weeks sometimes more...just to make sure we have a roof over our heads.

I know that my friends(even close ones)get green eyed at us for the same reason.

I try and include them when we can and the moeny and event allows.

My FIL and his Wife always love taking kids to the big State fair we have here every year....a day for seven(eight if we bring someone)can be 500 bucks.

If I told them no. they would be hurt. And there have been plenty of times where I feel like I was having to take there gift as a hand out...but they have assured me...it is not a ''Handout'' that regardless of where we were at with our money they would still take us and do it that way.

My hubby and I are kinda keeping a running tab...cause when we do(and we will get outta the red)get back on top...we want to take everyone on a massive trip(this of course right now is all wishful thinking...but dont kick a girl for having hopes).

It is ok to be green eyed about it. It does suck. And I cant speak for the people you know in their own situations...

Mind though is the fact that my kids deserve to do the fun stuff. they didnt cause my illness.

People might look at your situation and say wow I am jealous they have it so together and are working on paying down CCs.....Man they will feel good when they can walk away from that stuff..and vacation whenever you want...I can say I am green eyed at the thought of that sort of freedom.

The grass is not greener in floater ville..it actually is brown and we dont like it...but this statement could be used in both directions....

I wanna make my tone clear..I am not saying this angrily. I am saying it matter of fact. you do have some very good points and rights to feeling green.

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answers from Norfolk on

Someone always has more than I do.
But then again someone always has less than I do.
Doesn't everyone dream of winning a really big lottery?
It's a nice day dream, but I still do everything I can to live within my means and I'm proud of what we've accomplished.
I've known plenty of people who go on that yearly vacation and they are hocked to the gills trying to maintain that facade.
We don't need or even like to do it every year.
What will really make you feel much better is volunteering at a soup kitchen.
You'll feel great for the work you do, but you'll also be so much more grateful for what you have that others don't.
And suddenly it won't matter what your other friends do or how often they do it.
A little bit of perspective can make a world of difference in your outlook.

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