Feeling Good and Bad a the Same Time!

Updated on October 02, 2007
B.R. asks from Wind Gap, PA
13 answers

I go to NCC. I am a distant learning student because I do not have a sitter for my daughter. I went to the study marathon that they had last week and learned that they have a free fitness center that I can use because I am a student. I can go whenever I want. But again I don't have a sitter. So I am able to take her with me but she has to sit in the common area where the students can study and stuff. The gym walls are windows so I can see her the whole time. I just feel bad because she is sitting out there either doing homework or playing her Nintendo. I went over some rules as if someone where to grab her she is to scream and she is not to leave her seat. I feel bad she is sitting there but I need to work out so bad. So how can I feel so good but so bad at the same time?

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone who has responded. I went yesterday and I rode 6 miles on the bike and I walked 1 mile. I felt so good afterwards. She did fine sitting out in the lobby. She got all of her homework done and she had time to play her nintendo. But I told her she coudl nto move from the chair. I worked out for about 45 minutes and by the time I got out there she looked like she was going to burst because she had to go to the bathroom. So we quick went in and decided that she will use the bathroom before my work out and if she really needs to go she can go. I woudl like to get a walkie talkie or something. That way she can have one and so can I. Thanks again for all your great advice.
P.S. Working out in a gym is so much better then working out at home!

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answers from Albany on

I would be willing to watch her if you need me to. we can meet for a mini interview. I have a BA in Child Deveopment and a minor in Psychology. I worked in Child care centers for 4 years before my son. He is 3 years old. He loves other kids. :) I would be willing to help you. We can work out very inexpensive rates...

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answers from Buffalo on

B. -

I feel your pain!! I have 3 small children and no family in the area and no one I really trust to babysit (not to mention that babysitting costs a fortune and most days I simply cannot justify it). I recently starting working out at the BAC myself and they have childcare that is very inexpensive. It all seems so perfect however, half the time I am called out of my workouts because one of my children is crying so hard that they can't calm them down. I know when I walk out the door at least one of them is going to run after me and cry. I feel so guilty, however, I have started to realize that my workout is one hour about 3 times per week. That is a total of 3 hours a week and there are a lot of hours in a week. The rest of my time is spent doing things for or with them. Although it is so easy as a mom to feel guilty and selfish, sometimes you just need to do things for yourself. That probably doesn't help when you are there, but it is important to remember. My husband always says, "if mama aint happy aint nobody happy" and although we laugh about it, it is true. You have to take care of yourself to make sure you are good for your children too. Hang in there.



answers from Syracuse on

I'm sure she is fine. My 8 year old wouldn't mind that at all, as long as she could see me. Just make sure she has that Nintendo, a book, a drink, and snack, and I'm sure she will continue to do well while you work out.



answers from Philadelphia on

First of all, I have to say, YOU GO GIRL! Taking care of yourself is so important for YOU and your family, although I understand how easy it is to feel guilty... You are in a rather safe environment at the gym and if you can keep a relatively good watch on your daughter while you're working out, then go for it!

Your daughter is also learning a valuable lesson very early in life! If she sees you exercising and taking care of yourself, you're leading a GREAT example for her future. Kids are pretty good at entertaining themselves for 30 minutes or so!

If you are sticking to cardio, do 30 minutes and then get your daughter involved with stretching with you after you're finished. If you want to weight train, but worry about the time, do full body exercises like a lunge with a bicep curl or shoulder press- check out SHAPE.com (or buy the magazine) for some ideas and helpful hints to maximize your workouts! :) GOOD LUCK!



answers from Utica on

Well is there any reason why she doesn't like to go? How long do you work out 30-1 hr? I am sure it's no big deal.
When we were kids, our parents used to take up to the old timey bars in the afternoon.
Mom would be drinking with the grandparents out front, and us kids were eating pretzels & peanuts, drinking falt soda in the back empty dining room.
God I was good at shuffleboard and dig-dug back then. Now that is something to feel bad abaout.
Take her to the gym. Ya know she is old enouh to understand if you tell her you really appreciate her going with you so you can exercise. Remind her how nice it is that she supports you in this by giving her a little reward some nights after gym. Or get somthing special just for her to do while U R there.. SOme embroidery threads to make friendship bracelets etc...



answers from Binghamton on

Well there is a lot of things you can do to make her feel comfortable. Well for one let her go spend sometime with friends. You can even put her in activity that she likes, well you go to the gym. Dont let yourself get down let her know that this is the one thing that makes you happy. Then later on that day or week do something with her or for her that makes her happy so you have a happy medium between the both of you. Always let her know that you 2 have to stick together because that is all we got.



answers from Rochester on

Can you go to the gym while your daughter is in school??



answers from Buffalo on

Hi B.. First of all cudos on juggling school with motherhood; that is something I've yet to master. Although I am not in your shoes, I constantly feel guilty about leaving my children to do anything for myself. Lately, I've just been trying to tell myself that if it helps me feel like me, then it's doing them a favor. Most often, we're the ones who feel bad about things that aren't even affecting our children negatively. It's not really advise, it's just a way to help you maybe feel better about letting her wait for you...I hope I was of some help. Take care and good luck!



answers from Syracuse on

Hey you. You go GIRL. Good for you. I am a single Mom too and I know how difficult that can be BUT good for you for continuing to strive and model to your daughter that LIFE is hard adn certain situations cause us to do things in an unconventional way. It doesn't mean jeopardize safety, which you are not, it just means we think outside the box. If you were at a GYM like Bally's or GOlds Gym or whatever other membership driven gym there is around, she would be sitting in the child's area with younger children most likely doing the same thing. So what is the difference? You have a plan in place...She seems like she is perfectly capable...it's working. You just need to cut yourself some slack. You have to do some things for you. Working out is healthy and it's a break. You just make it work. Maybe you could trade services with someone else. Like watch their child another time. You could go through her school and talk with other parents and maybe set up certain days where she could go over to their house and their daughter could "chill" with you? Just an idea. Mom's have to band together. Or maybe there is a college friend of yours or around your age, that could be the "big sister" or "auntie" and take her during that time. My girls have LOTS of AUNTS. They have come through for me time and time again. Build yourself a goood strong support network, that is the key.
Don't feel bad.....You are showing your daughter how to have BALANCE. It may seem "out there" or unfair" but it really isn't. Voice your gratefullness to her for understanding and cooperating. She needs to know that her willingness to do it adn follow the "plan" is needed in order for you be able to have that luxury and how much you appreciate her for that. When you are a single Mom, you an dyour kids are a TEAM. Not that other mom's and kids aren't, but I find we have to really make it work together. There is no one else but us. Just tell her...Always let her know.......



answers from Elmira on

There are things a child of 8 can do to keep fit too. She can use the chin up bar, if she can reach it, the heavy bags, punching bags, walking. Not that she will be liting weights, but in my Jr. High, we worked out daily to keep in shape.



answers from Scranton on

I understand how you feel. i have my son and my 5 week old during the day. Theres not much my son can do with the baby so he kinda gets bored. His big sister just started kindergarden. During the day i need some down time while my baby is sleeping...but that leaves my son bored.



answers from Syracuse on

You shouldn't feel bad, you're doing good things! I think sometimes as single moms we have to improvise as long as we're not putting our kids in danger. Eight years old is old enough to follow instructions well and to keep herself entertained, plus its fortunate that the walls are windows and you can see her the whole time! Its important to make extra efforts to still do things for ourselves as people so we can be more then just somebodies mom. Next time you feel bad just think of the good example you're setting by taking care of your health and continuing your education even though its not easy.

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