FEEL HORRIBLE...Thoughts...

Updated on April 01, 2013
E.F. asks from Chattanooga, TN
19 answers

This grandmother of a child I had in a child care center I worked at has custody of her grandchildren. All three. The oldest is in college and the middle child is my daughters best friend and then there is the youngest. I have been very close to this woman because I feel for her situation and she has always been so supportive. I have a son whoh is Asperger's and some other issues and it has been very hard getting help for him and I have been very upset over the time we have known each other. I have been there for her as well. Her grandson is doing very well at a new private Christian School she put him in, and then when her granddaughter was of age she put her there too. There has always been something going on with the granddaughter but it wasn't discussed with her until this year at the new school, they asked her to leave, when they felt they couldn't help her. My husband had at one point been her grandsons soccer coach and when he decided to coach again we asked her to sign her grandson up. I emailed her on facbook to say we missed her grandson and hoped everyone was well. She typed back and told me of what was going on. Ever wish you could go back and do something differently??? I do. I luv this woman, we call her granny, she is so great and gives so much of her time when she has it to anyone and has always been there for me. Anwyay, she asked for some info on what we have done for our son and info on the school we have him in. I typed too much at once. This girl has add or adhd or something along those lines, I don't think any of it is academic, but of course my big typing. I had to have offended her or made her upset. I would never have done that on purpose. =( I feel horrible. She hasn't responded. And as crazy as this is, she hasn't commented on any of my posts like she usually does. I do know she is going through a tough time right now so this could be why she hasn't responded, but I do believe I went to far. =( What should I do. She knows I would never do anything to hurt anyone. I lose sleep over so many issues like that because it makes me feel so horrible that I would hurt anyones feelings. Thank you community. Ellen from Chattanooga Tennessee

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So What Happened?

I'm sorry I didn't say what I typed. She knows about the school my son goes to and asked if it would be good for her granddaughter. Mostly it is for children with learning troubles and it seemed from what she had said that it isn't academics that have been the problem. It is behaviour. I talked about mediation that has helped my son and that she shouldn't feel bad if at some point she needs medication. I think I went to far. =( Yes, she is busy with dealing with what to do for her granddaughter. Thank you so much for tho

Featured Answers


answers from Chicago on

Now would be a wonderful time to use that ancient tool called the telephone :-) It is amazing how much can be sorted out with a simple call. Feelings can be smoothed over, positions clarified, and just the simple act of making a call lets a person know that you care about them.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I think the best way to UNdo incorrect interpretation of written communication (email, FB, etc.) is good old fashioned, face to face or voice to voice communication. Call her or stop by. That will clear it up.

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from Dallas on

What should you do? Email back an apology. Tell her you are sorry that you might have assumed too much and overstepped and you miss her input in your life. That's all you can do. You are only responsible for what YOU say. Then the ball would be in her court to do as she will.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Burlington on

Pick up the phone and call her. Your voice can express so much more than an email can. Even if you just leave her a voicemail message, she'll be able to understand how sorry you are.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

If you feel you may have said something to offend her then reach out to her and let her know it was never your intention.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

email or call her. This may have nothing to do with you at all. check it out and apologize if necessary.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

Hi Ellen

Your intentions were good, so try and not worry. However, to ease your mind.. Can you call her or better yet, drop by her house.. you know her well enough to do that ,right? Drop off a little Easter treat (should they celebrate) or not.. and say that you were concerned since you had not her from her... It's not like you told her out of the blue, HEY your GD needs meds!!!! you said that because you have personal experience with that and therefore, you're coming from the perspective of having had to use them for your own child. In other words, you were relating to her and showing concern.... IF she took it the wrong way, then you can't change that.. However, these things have a way of working out..
again, drop by her home.. or call.. I have a feeling it's just a possible misunderstanding..

good luck
things will pan out... :)

3 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

How long has it been since you messaged her? Maybe she's just been crazy busy.

She asked you for information, so unless you said something extremely offensive, I can't imagine that you offended her. You don't say what you said, but it sounds like you just gave her the info (including how to help the child)...

Take a step back relax. I'm sure it's fine.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

What was it that you said?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Victoria on

go to her face to face and explain how out of line and how sorry you are and ask her to forgive you,dont email dont post go tell her your sorry.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Portland on

This is another example of how typing can be misunderstood. Also, it could be that she's really busy and/or is thinking over what you said before responding. I would call her and talk in person to clear this up.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Miami on

She is having to process all of this, and it's hard on her, E..

I think that it would be good if you talk to her face to face. Tell her that you are afraid that you offended her with your willingness to discuss so much of what you do with your child, and that you love her and wouldn't have hurt her feelings on purpose for anything.

Some people ask for your opinion, but then cannot handle your answer. If you aren't close to them, I think that it's best to just back off and not offer your advice anymore. However, you ARE close to her, and I think you need to go to her and talk about it. Offer apologies and tell her that you are just so used to dealing with all this in regards to your child, that you didn't realize that you should have been more careful in talking about it with her.

Good luck,

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

This is why I save the "serious" talks for phone/in person.

I think maybe where you messed up, is that you opinionated and advised on things she didn't ask you about. All you had to do was give her the school info and move on. If, at that point, she wanted to talk some more, you could've met her in person or on the phone.

Call her, meet her, visit her, and go from there.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

This very convoluted, and I'm not sure what you did to offend her...? What is it that your typed to her, that was "offensive?"

1 mom found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Call her. She has 3 kids she is caring for and has a full plate. Call her and apologize on the phone if you feel you hurt her. I don't see how those comments could be considered rude. But call her!



answers from Washington DC on

She came to you to ask for advice. You gave it to her. Maybe she was upset about the response but I'd just let her mull over the information. She has a lot on her plate and sometimes things are hard to hear. You could call her later and just chat or otherwise act normal toward her. You don't know if it was your words or poor timing or what.



answers from Oklahoma City on

Hi! First of all cut yourself a ton of slack. You did not mean to upset her. I can tell how much you care for your friend. I would stop by her house with an Easter lily or candy for the kids and talk. I would start with an apology and go from there. You may discover she is going through a hard time totally unrelated to this situation. Blessings



answers from Raleigh on

In the future, just offer the advice that they ask for and no more. But also forgive yourself, because we have all done this. Either talk to her in person or send her another email apologizing for over sharing. Explain that you realize her situation with her granddaughter is totally different than with your son and you got carried away.



answers from San Francisco on

Can you please break this down into a more understandable post? Paragraphs on each subject would be so helpful and would probably get you better answers/advice. As it reads, it does not make a lot of sense. No offense intended.

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