Fearful of Another Miscarriage

Updated on March 15, 2008
B.B. asks from Alameda, CA
64 answers

i had a miscarriage last year in november at 9 weeks. it was the second miscarriage i had that year. the first one i couldn't have been more than 2 weeks pregnant, and i had no idea so it wasn't as hard, but the second one was VERY sudden and painful. since then i've gotten pregnant again, i'm about 6 weeks now. but i can't help but be so afraid every day that something is going to happen. right now the only person i can talk to about it is my husband because we don't want to tell anyone about this pregnancy until the second trimester, (the last one i miscarried literally 5 days after announcing it to our families) and while he is very sweet and sympathetic, i don't think he really can understand that overwhelming sense of fear that i experience almost every day. i mean, literally almost every time i go to the bathroom i anticipate seeing blood. i hate it, but i just don't want to be surprised again. i don't want to get my hopes up too much because the last time was so unexpected and so painful (and recent). my doctor said that because i have one child already that i shouldn't have any problem having more, but just the fact that i had 2 miscarriages last year makes me feel like maybe i won't be able to. i don't know how to be realistic and still be happy about maybe having another baby.

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So What Happened?

Wow! Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. its really remarkably how many women have gone through this situation before and its reassuring to know that i'm not alone. i had my first prenatal appointment on 3/17 and the dr said everything looked "perfect." we'll have to see though, i'm almost 9 weeks again, and the nerves are definitely kicking in. i've told my parents and my closest friend about the baby, so we have some support, but we're still keeping it quiet until the second trimester. Husband has been very sweet and advocates lots of ice cream and couch time. hopefully all goes well, i'll keep you posted!

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S.R.

answers from Sacramento on

I understand how you are feeling. I had my miscarriage 6 years ago and fortunately had a successful pregnancy afterwards. I would not have been able to get through it had I not gotton the help from a very good organization - Sharing Parents. It is a support group for parents taht have lost a child from conception through a year old. They have a special group for parents who have gone onto their next pregnacy. You can contact them at

http://sharingparents.org/

--- I hope this helps, I found it helpful to talk to people that are going through the same thing at the same time you are.

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J.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello...

If possible I would try to rest... I know you have an 18 month old and they are just bundles of energy, but try to rest when he is resting. I would also try to limit lifting anything over 15 pounds as much as possible. I sat on the floor and played with my son to cut back on him wanting to be held. I miscarried identical twins at 10 weeks and I was a total wreck when I got pregnant again. Once I made it to 12 weeks, the stress definately lessened.

Good luck,

Jen

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D.W.

answers from Fresno on

Are you diabetic? Consider getting tested for it. After not getting past the first trimester w/8 pregnancies, it was explained to me that high blood sugar is toxic to a fetus.

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B.,

First, i'm so sorry to hear about your two miscarriages. It's not an easy thing to go through.

I suffered three miscarriages, all around 8 - 10 weeks, over the past 2 years. The only thing I can say is this: There is nothing you can do to avoid what nature has in store, and there's no easy way to undestand it. The best thing you can do is try to send as much positive energy and thoughts into the world and cross your fingers. Not the most helpful advice, but speaking from experience, I know how stressful and anxious it all is. I want to encourage you to try not to be too scared and nervous -- it's also important (for mental self-preservation) to not get too hopeful and attached. Just try to keep your mind positive and at-peace so you don't accidentally start stressing yourself out and making your body release any weird hormones. Take it easy, put your feet up, eat something yummy and keep your head clear. Send as much positive energy to that little one as you can and hope he/she can fight and hang on.

I'm now 7.5 months prego on my 4th time around, and the first trimester was SO frightening, so I know what you're feeling. I just tried to keep myself really calm and focused on everything good that I could....who knows if that helped, but it's something! : )

Best of luck! I'll be sending you good thoughts!!

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M.Y.

answers from San Francisco on

Wow, thank you for sharing. I really relate to that fear that you are experiencing. After my miscarriage at 12 weeks (the day after mother's day when I had announced to my whole family...), I started to work with an accupuncturist who specialized in fertility. She helped me to get to a very healthy state for pregnancy, and when I did get pregnant, she got me through that difficult period when every day was filled with fear that the baby would not stay with me.

One of the best things she told me is to slow down. She had me stop working out (swimming, yoga, everything)for the first trimester and really take it easy - lots of napping and laying around while the baby attached herself firmly. It was hard to give myself permission to do that, but I know it really made a difference. After that I resumed, and even swam on the day my daughter was born!

(I even rejoyced in every nausea wave as it reminded me that I was still pregnant. Talk about spin!)

After a fabulous pregnancy, I now have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. I think one of the best things that we can all do is talk to each other. There are so many of us (1 of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage!), and yet it is a silent mourning that we can't share easily.

Remind yourself every day that the right child will come into your life at the right time. If your body is terminating "imperfect pregnancies", honor that as your body's way of knowing when something isn't right. This is a physical strength and ability, not a failure. Your next perfect child will join you at just the right time.

Peace to you and your family M.

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Your feelings are completely normal! I miscarried just once after having my first son. I was 11 weeks but what was hard for me was that there was no bleeding, I went to my first check up expecting to hear the heart beat and there was none :( When I finally got pregnant with my daughter I was nervous the entire pregnancy! I thought it would get better at every milestone- when I heard the heartbeat maybe I'd feel better, when I could feel the baby move then I'd feel better, when the baby was viable then I'd feel better but I was just afraid the entire pregnancy that something would happen. Honestly, I was afraid until she turned 1! I was more worried about SIDS with her. I too felt like I couldn't talk to anyone because I knew I was over reacting but there isn't much you can do to change feelings you have. I would recommend trying to do something peaceful each day- something that is relaxing for you and just do what you can to get through. I remember I would talk to her! I would tell her- just grow baby girl- you do what you are supposed to do and I promise I'll do everything I can. Anyway, just knowing you aren't alone might help. Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B..

I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through and can identify. I've lost 6 of my babies. Two were very early, before even seeing a doctor, two at about 9 weeks, one at 16 weeks and one at 6 months. It is heart breaking and you never forget. Unfortunately, men don't understand completely and that can be a little frustrating. I was determined to have children and my doctors said none of my miscarriages had anything to do with any of the others. They just didn't know the reason for any of them except the 6 month one in which I had an infection that they didn't know about until it was too late. That is something you don't need to worry about as they can check you for infection throughout your pregnancy.

But the one thing I wanted to tell you is that even though each pregnancy was scarey and emotional, God blessed me with two beautiful, completely healthy boys. One after 3 miscarriages and one after two miscarriages. I too was always watching for bleeding. And with my oldest son, I actually did bleed. He is very healthy today. I had a wonderful doctor who allowed ultrasounds every week through the 36th week. At 6 weeks, you can see the baby's heart beat on ultrasound. Make sure you get a doctor who understands the emotional turmoil you've gone through and ask for tests that will help determine the well being of the baby. One thing I did with each baby was to keep a joural of letters I wrote to each. For those who didn't make it, I also wrote my feelings after the miscarriage. That helped me heal from the trauma. For those who did make it, I have a wonderful collection to read to them.

I think if you decide that you want another baby bad enough, you should keep trying even through the pain. The reward is the blessing of another child. If it is too hard though, then just enjoy your one baby. I just have to say that there is hope. I pray that you can get through the pain of the past and trust that this baby will be alright. Although it is hard, try to start talking to the baby now. Good luck.

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D.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi B.,

I understand.

I had a very painful miscarriage at 7 weeks, painful both physically and emotionally. It was my first pregnancy. Somewhere along the way, I decided that the risk of losing a baby through miscarriage and dealing with the tremendous sadness from the loss was still worth it to get pregnant again and hope again all for the possibility of a baby at the end. I was afraid of miscarriage probably the entire time through my next pregnancy, which fortunately for us, ended in the arrival of my son. That first pregnancy and miscarriage resulted in another soul in heaven giving glory to God, and for that, it was worth it, and I'd do it again. I don't want to have to do it, but if I lose a baby through miscarriage or by any means, I find joy in knowing the baby is in the hands of our perfect, loving, and merciful God who is full of grace and who somehow loves him/her far more than I ever could have.

You learned an extrememly valuable lesson - having a baby is not to be taken for granted. Every day that a pregnancy goes on is a huge blessing for us.

Miscarriages are shockingly common. The more people I talk to that have had miscarriages and have had the cause investigated (usually to no avail), I have learned that it is not science. It's not simple, and it's not just a matter of science.

Don't get me wrong, even though I can find joy in the fact that my baby is not mine but was lost to me as is now in heaven, it's a struggle. And I'd rather not have to find that joy. I want to be able to be joyous about other things.

So, be joyful about the wonderful child that you do have.

Be thankful every day that your pregnancy continues.

If I may, let me tell you about another huge mistake I realized I've made with pregnancies because of fear. I had a couple of major fears that tainted my pregnancies: miscarriage and vomiting (I get really sick and vomit a lot because of the nausea). And this is a tragedy - a tragedy that I caused; I focused so much on the bad parts of pregnancy that I didn't learn how to enjoy my pregnancies. You only get a "few" pregnancies in your life. Even with miscarriages, most people don't have more than 5 pregnancies. I don't miss pregnancy (yet), but I know pregnancies - as awful and as unbearable as they can seem - are worth it for what you get in the end.

Life was very hard for our family when I was pregnant, and I wish I had learned how to be better at being pregnant so that the fear of that experience wasn't what now kept our family from trying to have another baby. I have 2 beautiful children now, and that may be all I ever get to have.

I've had friends that miscarry very late in the pregnancy. I've had a friend who had 2 children and then had 2 miscarriages at like 18 and 20 weeks along, after a full trimester of nausea and vomiting! She didn't cause her miscarriages. The cause of her miscarriages is a mystery. She's also now had kidney stones, so something is going on with her body, but they don't know what. And I have a friend who has miscarried a few times. Her first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at about 30 weeks. she went on to have 1 baby and at least 1 other miscarriage. They have given up, which is too bad and yet understandable.

Pregnancies are not to be taken for granted. They are also not to be ruined with fear. Every day is a blessing. Dwell on the good.

You're 6 weeks along. I hope you have a 2nd beautiful baby before you know it. I wish you well.

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N.M.

answers from Modesto on

Oh, B., I understand your anxiety. I had three miscarriages and a full~term stillbirth all in four years ~ during and after that time I did have a two healthy baby boys. So, with the bad came the wonderful. I finally had my fourth living child last year (a girl!!) and I am so relieved to be done with having kids so I never have to experience that fear of seeing blood during first trimester. (((hugs))

I would aggressively ask your doctor for blood tests that indicate that your HCG levels are increasing ~ this is a great way to determine viability early in pregnancy. Once this test comes back with growing numbers, I would suggest taking each day as a blessing with your growing baby. It's hard to let go of your feelings from losing a much wanted baby before this one, but this baby needs you to keep your chin up and think positively.

In the event that you do suffer another miscarriage, once again, push your doctor into testing you ~ it could be an easy fix (having a clotting disorder or hormone deficiency) or something a bit harder. After a woman has 3 miscarriages, she should be handled with caution ~ I went to a high risk doctor (perinatologist)for my last pregnancy and it was so helpful. Having a bunch of ultrasounds every month or so, made me feel so much better.

HTH ~ peace to you.

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K.K.

answers from San Francisco on

I'll be 40 this year and have come to finally accept that thoughts are things. What I focus on, I inevitably attract. What I focus on with great emotion and feeling, I attract faster to me. I would like to suggest you watch The Secret and teach yourself about the Law of Attraction. If I find myself worrying, I know I'm attracting what I'm worrying about, not the opposite. If you can realize this at your age, your life will be the gloriously satisfying life you wish it to be. I would also suggest you consider your health. 85% of us walk around dehydrated, less than 5% of us eat what we need on a daily basis. Strengthen your heart, mind and soul and do not forget about your body. Take our Health Questionaire for suggestions on the supplements and vitamins your body needs while pregnant. It's free and extremely informative. www.bbu4u.com
You will love The Secret and what your powerful, positive intentions will create. You may also wish to clear any past negative thoughts that may be tickling from your subconscious. Thoughts lead to words, lead to actions, lead to habits, create your character, determine your destiny. Think about what you are so happy and grateful for and keep that your focus. Enjoy the many blessings in your world B.. If you hold your worry, you will get to experience your fears. Let's hold onto hope and love and joy and faith and trust. I wish you many happy, satisfying and joyous experiences and exceptional health and vitality (I can help with that part too!).

Blessings,
K. Nicole

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C.M.

answers from Sacramento on

I know just what you are going through. Sadly, I am having a third miscarriage right now. We have one 2 yr old daughter, but this is the third miscarriage in the last year. It's very discouraging and heartbreaking, but I just can't give up all hope that we will have another healthy baby. I don't think anything will give you peace of mind until you pass the first trimester. Hopefully, all will go well with this pregnancy for you. I'm sending good wishes your way. If it doesn't work out, they will likely start doing different tests to see if they can figure out why you are miscarrying. I am in that process right now. At least you are young, and have many more childbearing years ahead of you. Since this has happened to me, I have heard of MANY women who have had multiple miscarriages who go on to have healthy babies. But like I said, I really hope all goes well this time for you!

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J.P.

answers from San Francisco on

I also had two miscarriages - one at 2 weeks and the other at 8 weeks - and I had the exact emotions you are describing when I was pregnant with my daughter (who is now a healthy and happy 5.5 month old). I was so scared that I didn't tell ANYONE other than my husband, a trusted best friend who had also had m/cs and my mom until I was 12 weeks. Even then, I really didn't "announce" until I had my Level II u/s at 19 weeks. I'm not typically a superstitious person but I was so afraid that I would jinx it that I just kept it to myself. I don't think I ever really relaxed about the pregnancy but it did get easier when I started to show and got closer and closer to my due date. My husband is also a wonderful, compassionate, and patient man but I don't think any husband can truly understand this type of thing. It's hard to describe unless you have experienced it.

I would be more than happy to chat off-line if you want to talk more. You are certainly not alone! Please send me an email via this message board if you would like to talk.

I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

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S.F.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi B.,
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I also had several miscarrages- 3 before my twins and 1 after. My first miscarrage was 2 weeks after we announced it to our family & friends. I was 14 weeks the first one, 8 weeks the second and 6 the third. My first miscarrage happened in WalMart- alone- and was very tramatic for me. I bawled in the Dr office when she confirmed it.
After the first one I didn't tell anyone the next couple times I was pregnant because I was afraid of being publicly disappointed. The fouth time I got pregnant I decided to tell everyone- why deny myself the support I could get from those who love me?
I also decided that God had a plan and I couldn't change it.
I got pregnant 2 years after my girls were born and miscarried at 6 weeks. That's when we decided that 2 were enough!
I know it doesn't make it better, but I hope you don't give up and get depressed or bitter.
My girls are almost 9 and we are planning to do Foster Care to 2 boys. So were going to have a bigger family after all! Plus I don't have to deal with the 9 months of throwing up, or the crying, teething, diapers and lack of sleep.
Take Care, S.

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A.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I had a traumatic miscarriage before conceiving my healthy 15 month old girl. During my pregnancy with her, I felt the same way you do every single moment of the first and most of the second trimester. My OB was supportive. She had seen me through the miscarriage and allowed me to come in for ultrasounds every 2 weeks during the first trimester to reassure me. It REALLY helped me to see the baby growing. She even left my husband and I alone with the machine once for a few minutes so we could "bond" with the baby.
I understand what you're feeling and the only way I found to cope was to stay pretty busy. Keep taking care of yourself, but try to stay away from triggers and sad things.
Good luck!!!!!!!
A.

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J.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Dear B.,

I am so sorry for your losses. A miscarriage is a devastating experience and unfortunately, tends to taint future pregnancies with worry!

I don't know that I can tell you not to worry except to say that once you hit 10-12 weeks, your chances of miscarrying go down significantly and once you're into your second trimester, the odds go down that much more.

I hope that once you get past this rough patch that you'll be able to enjoy and be more excited about your impending bundle of joy!

I had a few miscarriages before I had my now, 14-month beautiful little girl, so, please don't think that a miscarriage means that you'll never have another. They're very common and are usually followed by a successful pregnancy if you keep at it.

Here's wishing you all sorts of sticky vibes for your current pregnancy and that your worry begins to fade...

Best,
J.

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D.P.

answers from Fresno on

I remember also my two miscarriages before the birth of my last child. Your loss is more real to you than to anyone else because those lives were not only PART of you, but INSIDE you. I remember the sinking fear of seeing blood everytime I went to the bathroom. In fact, I actually DID start bleeding with my last child while in my first trimester (an entire weekend), but the beautiful 9-year-old in my life today was born healthy and happy nonetheless. The bottom line is that you carry a precious life within you, and as parents, we have the duty and blessing to love our children for as long as we have them whether it be two weeks or 75 years. Love carries the risk of heartbreak, especially for parents, but the rewards of this love far outweigh the risks. Ask your doctor for a referral to a support group of moms who are struggling with this issue...you are so not alone and you need each other to get through this. I am praying that you will get responses back from other expectant moms who are dealing with similar feelings right now. All I can do is offer you encouragement to trust and believe and take the chance to love again. You will remain in my prayers.

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W.W.

answers from Sacramento on

I too had a misscarriage. I was told years ago that I would never be able to conceive and even if I did I would not be able to carry to term. Last year I DID give birth to my beautiful baby (he's 12 months now). You've been given lots of great advice. Try to stay calm and positive. What helped me was to do some ritualistic type behaviours. I marked off every single day of my pregnancy (yes, I saved the calendars!) It did nothing in reality, but it gave me a little peace and serenity to know that I was still pregnant. Find something to do every day at the same time that makes you happy and allows for a mini celebration of you and your pregnancy. I wish you a happy, healthy, stress-free pregnancy!

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A.B.

answers from San Francisco on

It is hard not to dwell but keep yourself busy so you are not thinking about it every moment of the day. Activities with your child; church; friends and family that are supportive of your emotions. Stay away from people that are insensitive or poo-poo your experiences. Your faith will prove very helpful. I had 6 miscarriages in the course of 10 years and never thought I would have more than 1 child but now have been blessed with 4! There were definitely some very difficult times and low points, but perserverance paid off. I once remembered all the dates of my miscarriages and their respective due dates. Not anymore. Have faith and good luck.

I have 4 kids, 13, 10, 7 and 4.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Dear B.,
I am so sorry you have been through these losses. I have been there, myself. I am 45 now, but I was told I could never have a baby. I ended up with two beautiful children, 10 years apart. But I went through an awful lot of sadness in the meantime. The first thing you really need to try to do is relax. Fear, anxiety, stress....they are all very normal in your situation. But, they are not healthy for you or for your baby. Get plenty of rest and as much healthy nutrition as possible. It really helped me to just trust that God knows what he is doing. It didn't hurt any less, but it helped me to cope. On one hand, I would say that you are right not to tell your family in case the worst happens. But, they are your family, and I don't know if you and your husband should necessarily try shouldering all of this alone. Your husband may be just as frightened as you are, but not know how to express it. Your ob/gyn may know of someone you can talk to that can help with all these feelings. You are so young to be going through so much.
In the meantime, you have a beautiful, healthy, 18 month old baby and you can really revel in the joy that he brings you every day. Try to concentrate on what you have been blessed with as opposed to being afraid of what you will lose. It's torture, and I know it is. 40 weeks is a long time to face worrying about. So, just take care....one day at a time, and try to relax. I understand preparing for the worst, but you need to be as emotionally positive as possible right now. You and your body have been through a lot, so now is the time to be really good and gentle with yourself. Don't give up hope.

I will keep you in my thoughts.

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N.L.

answers from San Francisco on

B.!
Congrats, try to be more happy then worried. That may help. Try to stay off your feet (bed rest)is very important. You know sometimes things happen for a reason. I've been trying to get pregnant for almost two years now and i feel sad but I just left it up to God if he wants to bless me with another child. Like I siad things happen for a reason. God bless

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L.C.

answers from San Francisco on

I understand you feelings and fears. I hope that everything works out with this pregnancy.

I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and it too happened about 5 days after we announced it to everyone in our family. It was hard putting the bad news out there and making sure everyone new. It was not what I wanted to be spending my time worrying about.

With my next pregnancies I did not tell a lot of people but I did tell a couple of my closest friends and my mom. I told them in confidence so they did not share it with anyone else. These were people that I knew I would tell if I had another miscarriage so why not tell them that I am pregnant. I think it is important to have someone that you can talk and share with and sometimes husbands aren't the perfect fit for certain topics. I don't recommend telling a lot of people but if you have a close friend or family member that you normally talk to it might be nice for you.

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A.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B.,
I feel your pain and fear. I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks and then infertility issues, IVF and a healthy 2.5 yo boy and a "surprise" 1 year old :) Ask your OB if you should be on low dose aspirin ( to stop possible clotting that causes misscarriage) or progesterone suppositories ( to help increase your levels that helps your body carry the fetus until the placenta takes over at 12 weeks). My progesterone levels where fine but I swear it helped me keep both my pregnancies. It can only help, not hurt, so if your OB will prescribe it, it may be worth a shot and may get you some piece of mind :)
Good luck and try not to stress. Stress hormones have been found to be bad for the fetus. You will have your second baby, I promise!

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T.B.

answers from Sacramento on

B. - not really advice, just wanted to share with you that I can understand and relate to what you are going through. I too had a m/c in Jan. this year, I was almost 12 weeks along. We haven't started trying to get pregnant yet, but I am sure I will be a nervous wreck through the whole process from, "will I even get pregnant?" to "is this pregnancy going to result in another m/c too?". Did you get pregnant fairly easily? How many months did it take? It is hard - this is supposed to be a joyous time. But since we have experienced the pain of m/c, it kind of ruins it for us. Good luck to you, and let me know if I can help.

T.

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B.B.

answers from San Francisco on

At first I stopped to read your entry because of your name. I am also B. B. It is so coincidental to have another B. B in my area who is also a new mom. After I read, I realized that I am no expert, and that I have not gone through what you have. Yet I still feel inclined to write what I felt, and that is to simply encourage you to be kind to yourself about your feelings and fears, but to do whatever you can to remain healthy and possitive. Your thoughts and words are powerful, so be sure to focus on the healthy and safe environment you are making for your child, the loving feelings you have for the child, how you are ready to help the child grow and be healthy and happy. Reflect on your good feelings during pregnancy, feeling blessed to have the opportunity to start a new life. I know, I'm starting to sound a little hippy here, so of course say these things to yourself in your own possitive words. There is no win for you with any negative thoughts or fear. It's okay to feel it, but try to do so and then let it go and replace the thoughts again with something possitive. Of course check in with your doctor as you should, and take care of yourself - rest and nourishment. Many women have miscarried in the past and have gone on to carry healthy babies to term. That is what will happen for you now. Know that, so it will come to pass.
Best Wishes.

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R.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I can totally understand how you feel! I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks and when I finally got pregnant again, I had the same fears and concerns. So, I guess I would say 1) You are totally justified in feeling the way that you do but 2) There is very little that you can do to stop the miscarriage of a non-viable pregnancy so 3) focus on the positives, which are that you are relatively young and you are not having a problem conceiving and 4) try to enjoy every moment of your pregnancy. Your current thoughts will play in the background for the entire pregnancy, if you are anything like me....just don't let it consume all of your thoughts. Your second little one is on the way!!! Congrats!!!

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A.J.

answers from San Francisco on

B. - So sorry for your prior losses. Miscarriage is such a hard thing because so many people discount the pain especially if the miscarriage happens early on. I miscarried in 2004 just a few days after we announced at 12wks. I would like to tell you things get easier but I'm not sure they do until you can actually feel the baby move, and even then I was always waiting for something to go wrong. I am in my 2nd pregnancy post-miscarriage and had a hard time being joyful and optimistic like I had with my 2 pregnancies pre-miscarriage. I know there are some sites online that actually rent out doppler monitors so you can hear baby's heartbeat (this are dr grade not the ones you find at baby stores and so catch heartbeat earlier on - though they are expensive - I checked into it but never followed thru). I pray you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and baby.

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A.B.

answers from Bakersfield on

Dear B., I pray that all is going well with your pregnancy. I hope you have been able to talk to your doctor to find out that your miscarriages were not your body's inability to carry another child. Early miscarriages are very hard on the parent's hearts, but usually because the baby is unable to keep developing correctly, and not anything to do with your body. Fear is its own worst enemy. Worry does not change the situation, so believing the best keeps your heart at peace the best you can. We haven't lost children to miscarriage. We have lost them to failed adoptions. But we prayed and healed and trusted God again, and now our two has become five. Keep asking for peace, and trust those close to you to help you have peace even if it feels risky. I am so thankful for those friends who have been there for us all these years. With His love, A.

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M.F.

answers from Yuba City on

Dear B., I understand your fears. I too had several misscarriges. First, it isn't your fault. It happens, God's way. For your first 3 months, try pampering yourself. Get plenty of rest and elevate your legs when you can. If you aren't working, try cat naps. Eat well. This helped me in my times of need. I carried 3 babies to full term. God Bless.

Linda Field, Downieville, CA

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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Unless you have gone through this no one can understand. Just know this that a miscarriage in not something you caused. I felt the same as you only I was told I could not have kids then got pregnate and miscarried twice once with twins. With my third pregancy I started to bleed and my heart sank but after a few days the bleeding stopped and I now have 3 grown sons. I can't take away your worry but if you need some one to talk to I'm here for you.

53 year old Mom of three sons.

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H.D.

answers from Redding on

Hi, my name is H.. I too had two miscarriages after my first child. The only difference is I'm 42 and my ob/gyn told me I was too old to have any more kids. As I type this
I'm holding my 8 week old son, so don't despair. Until you have your first ultrasound and see a heartbeat, your going to be scared, I was. Its rare to miscarry after seeing a heartbeat though, so see if your Dr will give you an early ultrasound, mine did and it gave a lot of peace of mind. I know you don't want to hear this but those babies weren't right, they weren't meant to be, and you don't want a sick baby. Good Luck.

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L.O.

answers from San Francisco on

I am so sympathetic. I know where you're coming from, because I myself had 2 miscarraiges before I had my first son. That was even worse, because I didn't have any children at that time, and was so scared that I could never have any. Thank God that I had my son during my 3rd pregnancy. I did the same thing as you did; every time I went to the bathroom, I would fear seeing blood when I wipe. It was a constant worry and I didn't talk to anyone about it either cos' I didn't want pity from others. The doctor said that there was really nothing I could have done to prevent the miscarraiges that I had; it was because the eggs were just not healthy. I think he was right but for my 3rd pregnancy, I tried to rest a lot during my first trimester and drink lots of water.

I know exactly how you feel. I wish you all the best.

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D.K.

answers from Sacramento on

B.,

I believe that the best thing you can do is be happy and healthy! Stress (fear) may be your worst enemy. Find a way to be optomistic and live in the moment. If your body chose to miscarry the past two pregnancies you have to assume that it knew something you did not and it was for the better. If you give your body all of the love and support it needs, you will allow it to make the right decision. Eat Healthy, exercise (swim if possible), and love your body and your baby! Do what ever you need to do to keep stress out of your life!

Love is letting go of fear.

Wishing you endless happiness!

D. & Layla

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K.S.

answers from Sacramento on

I feel for you! I had a miscarriage at nine weeks and went on to have two perfectly normal pregnancies. From what I have heard, miscarriages are very common. I know it is hard not to worry, but give yourself until the 12th week. After that rates of miscarriage risk drop to less than 5%. Plus, worrying won't do you or the baby any good, try and stay positive!

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R.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Having your husband in a time like this is great! It may seem like your alone, but I'm sure your husband is scared too. Talk to him about your fears. I too went through a miscarrage and both my husband and I were devistated. It was comforting knowing that I wasn't alone with the pain. You can also talk more with your doctor about your concerns, maybe there is something they can do to easy your mind a little bit. Hang in there I'm sure this pregnancy will be a success!

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D.K.

answers from San Francisco on

Being fearful of another miscarriage is very normal and you are not alone. Remember that at least one in four pregnancies miscarry. This is natural selection. (Easier to mentally understand, than emotionally - I understand) If you think about it, it is amazing that one cell becomes two, then four, then eight, etc and eventually cells become the heart, the lungs, the brain, etc. These first trimester losses are usually because something happened during this process and thinga are not progressing right. This DOES NOT mean you did something wrong - it's just how the process works. My mother tells me that when she was having kids, no one was sure if they were pregnant until they missed two periods. Now we have home tests and know very early in pregnancy that we are pregnant. Maybe the older generation was luckier, many times they miscarried but assumed their period was just late. I have known women who had two or more miscarriages and went on to have several healthy kids. I miscarried early when we were trying to have our fourth child. Now I often think that if that pregnancy had not miscarried, I would not have my wonderful fourth child and I can't imagine what life would be like without him. Good luck to you and your family

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M.M.

answers from San Francisco on

My sister had 2 miscarriages in 2 months. So although I dont understand how you feel, I know what it can do to a person. I am very sorry for your losses. My suggestion, which is one my sister found and is going to try, is taking one baby asprin a day during your first trimester. I thought this was crazy until she told my mom, and my mom had 3 friends that could not maintain a pregnancy without the baby asprin. Dont ask me how it works cuz I have NO CLUE! All I know is that there is something in baby asprin that can help you maintain a pregnancy. She has talked to her doctor about it, and there is nothing wrong with taking such a low dose in your first trimester. I would talk to your doctor about it first, but this is just something I have heard from several people. Again, I am very sorry for your losses and I hope that this little one continues to thrive.

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S.L.

answers from Stockton on

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, my only advice would be is to relax and stay positive. Listen to some mediation tapes and spend some time just relaxing. Don't expect that something bad will happen. And remember that a miscarriage is NOT your fault, it is nothing that you did wrong! And you have a healthy, wonderful son and this pregnancy will be fine also. Good luck!

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C.S.

answers from Sacramento on

My first pregnancy was fine, like yours. But the second one was almost a miscarriage at 16 weeks. They hospitalized me and demanded a DNC if I didn't miscarry within a certain time. It was quite traumatic and a shock. I refused the DNC, started doing a lot of research, applied it and ended up holding on to that baby and made it full term. I am pregnant for the 3rd time and threatened to miscarry again at 16 weeks.
I applied what I had learned the last time and have been able to carry on. I am now 28 weeks. Every day is a gift.
I've learned a ton about hormones, diet, etc. that I know has helped me keep these precious babies.
I've asked my doctor for a certain blood test - she said she wouldn't know what the results would mean. So we've worked it out. She orders the blood test and I figure out the rest. :)
I'd be happy to share any of that with you.
C.

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M.E.

answers from San Francisco on

HI there-
Well, I have been fortunate to have my one baby without complications and I am so sorry for your experience but I want to share someone else's with you. My client who has four healthy kids ranging from 21 to 4 yrs old had one miscarriage (& two once) between every one of her children. No explanation for it as she obviously carried another child full term after all of the miscarriages....doesn't diminish the anxiety of having another, I know but there is hope. I'm sure your dr probably already told you to take it easy. If it were me, I would put myself on "temporary couch/take it easy rest" period. If you were further into the pregnancy, that is what is recommended, right? SO why not just do it now. Just give your body all the extra time and energy it needs right now and allow it to focus on the most important thing....getting that baby all settled in.

Pregnancy can be so stressful as it is such a huge responsibility for us... try to pamper yourself and relax as much as you can with a little one running around.

Best of luck to you!
Take care,
M

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K.H.

answers from Stockton on

Dear B.,
I am so sorry that you had miscarriages. That must be so hard. My best friend has several and now she has 6 children. The best of luck to you and your husband.

I don't know if you have a computer job. They are finding that women that sit in front of a computer all day, could be at risk for Autism and many other diseases. The radiation goes right into the womb area. There is protection for computer, phones, monitors ect. Go to mybiopro.com and http:solutions.emf411.com
The solutions site has research for families, children and adults, hormones, ADD and ADHD.
Please call me if you need any help on the site. K. H

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K.D.

answers from San Francisco on

It could be a number of things. I too had a miscarriage. My first pregnancy! I was devastated. I blamed myself because I was a waitress & I think I was just running around way too much. (was verybusy)Since then, I had two more pregnancies & 2 beautiful sons.
I'm sorry if this sounds unfeeling or cold but...
Most of the time, it is just natures way. Sometimes the fetus isn't secured proprely, or "God forbid"- something just isn't perfect.
All you can do is...follow your doctors advice, take care of yourself, don't take any silly chances...(climb ladder,run downstairs, etc...) And, if it is ,meant to be...you will carry full term & your son will be a big brother.

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L.C.

answers from Redding on

B., please stop this cycle of negativity. Your growing baby needs your joy and love, not fear and worry. It is hard to do but you can. Having been here and done this, I had to look at the present not the past. There are so many reasons for miscarriage that they cannot be gone into here but you can help your baby by visualizing health and talking to the baby, making it real instead of a fear fest. People who haven't had a miscarriage cannot understand the pain and sorrow of your loss but the baby inside you sure feels it right now. Try looking for an EFT(Emotional freedom technique) practitoner to help you with emotional issues that are blocking you now. Your new little love depends on your love now. Good luck.

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C.L.

answers from San Francisco on

I am so sorry you had to go through what you did and that you are so fearful this time around. I know all too well the fear and uncertainty you are going through. I m/c'd then had my son then m/c'd twince more before my daughter, the third time was at 11wks. When I bled red at 9wks with my daughter, I thought for sure it was over but we had a happy ending and the bleeding was unexplained. The only way I was able to stay somewhat sane was to talk to other women who had gone through it, my husband just didn't/couldn't understand. Try to keep in mind that every pg is different and new and though you wont know the reasons for your losses, it does NOT mean this one is not THE one to have a great outcome. Hang in there and take it day by day. The early weeks are so hard anyhow but to add the fear is something none of us should have to go through. Try your best to relax and take it one day at a time. Good luck!

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T.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B., I definitely feel for you. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks before my son was born, and during the first trimester of my pregnancy with him I refused to believe it would work, and didn't allow myself to get excited at all. We didn't tell anyone until 13 weeks or so, and it wasn't even hard to keep the secret because I didn't want to talk about it at all. Not even to my therapist! I remember having the same feelings when I went to the bathroom, and I would dream about it too. I was really surprised at how devastating the miscarriage was and felt like no one around me could understand. Don't know if this really helps you, but at least know that you are not alone. And if this helps, I have a friend who also had 2 miscarriages after her first baby, and went one to have a healthy happy baby.

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H.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I had two miscarriages while trying to have a second baby. The first was at 8 weeks, the second at 7 weeks. I saw the heart beating via ultrasound with both babies. Needless to say it was heartbreaking! I had a great doctor who was very supportive, willing to do all the tests (none of which helped figure out what was wrong!) and try different things. I ended up taking progestrogen hormones and my Daughter was born a year after the first miscarried baby was due. It was a tramatic time, but it makes me think I was destined to have her. Both miscarrages happened during times of stress (one job related and the other during my fathers terminal illness) and I'm convinced that had something to do with it. Take it easy, take care of yourself and know you are not alone.

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R.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B., My heart goes out to you as I am experiencing the same fears , I am early in pregnancy (7weeks). I've only had one miscarrage and 3 healthy babies but you never forget that pain. With my first daughter I was in the office evry week certain i'd lost the baby. I did do progesterone shots with her because I tested low . I agree with Natalie to be persistant with your doctor to do everything possible to rule out anything that can be done to be on the safe side .I found my doctor to laid back about it but he listened to me when I came in with info and said lets check for this or that. I wouldn't just let it go. While you do need to find some ways to ease your fears I dissagree that you are in any way going to attract or bring this on your self. If that where true I certainly wouldn't have my first daughter because I was so , so terrified during that pregnancy . I'd wake up at night paralized with fear certain there would be no heart beat. So what is helping me this time is that when I do feel the fear creeping in I distract myself with the children I have . Loving them, caring for them ,being thankful for them and trusting the Lord that his plans are perfect. I also started homeopathy this pregnancy and with my third baby. This is a wonderful thing. It really dose ease the worry and helps it not be past on to your unborn child. My third has been the most calm and easy baby, child, I am sure it has to do with the remedy I was taking. I strongly recommend it. Blessings to you, R.

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J.G.

answers from Bakersfield on

Dear B.,

I have done some reading in a book called The Estrogen Alternative: A Guide to Natural Hormonal Balance by Raquel Martin and Judi Gerstung, D.C. It has tons of information about hormones and the ill-effects of not having the right combination. I would recommend picking it up and reading what it has to say. They site Dr. John Lee (He also has several books regarding hormones.) on p. 82 "Progesterone is needed to facilitate implantation and to prevent rejection of the developing embryo. Basically, it is recommended to have a balance of natural progesterone to help stabilize levels. You can buy the progesterone cream at Kohn's healthfood near the Valley Plaza or order it online cheaper at ihealthtree.com. The online place does do express delivery.

I hope this helps. This book is fabulous for any woman, so I really recommend it.

J.

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L.F.

answers from Sacramento on

i'm sorry for your loss. and i DO relate to your fear, as i have had five miscarriages myself. all i can suggest is to try to place the pregnancy in God's hands each time your fear arises and try to "let it go" (the fear, the outcome, etc). since u were able to maintain one pregnancy (your 18mos old) is a positive sign. if this one goes to "baby heaven" u might wanna ask your md to do testing to determine why ... given your young age. course, also, 25% of pregnancies at your age are lost but most folks don't know it b/c it happens very early in the pregnacy (6-8wks). TRUST that all will be well, WHATEVER happens, and cherish your 18 mos old! blessings...g

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A.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Congrats to you! All I can suggest is that you try and relax - as hard as it might be. Stressing about a possible miscarriage doesn't cater to a healthy pregnancy. Go for walks, do prenatal yoga, breathing exercises, keep yourself busy and try and enjoy this time. Think positively. You can do it!

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K.I.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello B.,

I just joined Mamasource and I felt the need to respond and share hope. I am a Reliv Distributor in San Jose, CA, and we have excellent nutrition, patented. We have testimonies of mothers who have miscarried and once on the product they have been able to carry through their pregnancy fully. You can contact me at [email protected]____.com, you can check out reliv.com. The company is a DSA member, publicly traded in NASDAQ and featured in Forbes and Success from Home magazines to name a few.

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B.G.

answers from San Francisco on

My advice to you would be to pray about it. If you have any spiritual faith, pray for the safety of this pregnancy. If the Lord wished for you to have this baby then He will. It is in his hands. I have a girlfriend who went through this and was afraid also. She now has a healthy little girl. Be positive and hopeful. Try not to stress as that isn't good either. Again, pray for a healthy baby and that the Lord blesses you and your husband with a another child. I will pray for you as well! Always turn to your husband also. Guys aren't as sensitive, but he will understand as he lost a baby also, just not physically. You are strong and this baby will be strong too!

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B.,

I'm sorry to hear about your first miscarriage. But to give you a differenct perspective: Miscarriages happen for a reason. It is a way of ending a pregnancy that is not "right" (could be chromosome or genetic defect). Miscarriages are predetermined from conception and it is not your fault, nor is it caused by stress.

The good news is that you can become pregnant, which is an issue with many women trying to have a baby.

At 10 weeks, when you hear the heartbeat, the rate of miscarriage will decrease a great amount. And at 13 weeks (end of 1st trimester) the chances of miscarriage will decrease even more. I'm sure your doctor will monitor you a little bit more closely to make sure everything will be ok. So, maybe you and your husband can wait at least 13 weeks before telling friends and family.

Just remember that miscarriages are very normal and you are not alone. Very soon, you will be giving birth to a very healthy baby!

Good luck.

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S.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B.,

I know that you have many responses to read, but I just want to add a little. I also went through a miscarriage. That pregnancy was our first. It was very tough, we miscarried at 11 1/2 weeks. We had told all of our friends and family and so we did have to tell everyone what had happened. I think it was one of the hardest things that I have had to do, BUT I also think it helped me heal. I would dread talking to another person, but then just talking about it helped. It seemed that was one way I was able to deal with everything.

We had our miscarriage in Sept. and then that same November we were pregnant again. I was very afraid and had the same fears of going to the bathroom and finding blood. The thing is, around 8 weeks I did have blood, and a lot of it. It was very scary for the first 24 weeks, but then, everything was normal. I just want you to know, that it is normal to have the fears, just don't let it take over your life. I know it is easier said than done, but try to think positively and things will work out.

We went on to have a healthy (over due)baby and is just the happiest joy of our lives!

One more thing, have your doctor test you for your progesterone and HCG levels. They check these by doing a blood test every couple of days. I had to have it done for 16 weeks! If your levels aren't where they should be, they can usually do something about it.

Good luck and hang in there!
blessings

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D.M.

answers from San Francisco on

hi B.,

i can understand your fear most of all...i am a holistic health pratitioner and certified holistic massage therapist and i have worked with many pre/postnatal clients who have had similar experiences with miscarriages. i have helped clients clear the energy of the past, identify certain emotions that contribute to why women have miscarriages, and how to help move through the fears and have a successful pregnancy...healing begins with us first and sometimes we are "push" to healing ourselves more quickly when other factors become part of our "wholeness" including a baby...

doctors will say what they will based on statitics, etc, but i believe that everyone is different and not just a number...the more you fear having a miscarriage the more likely it will happen because you are putting so much attention into something you don't want. as you have heard with the book "the secret" and the "law of attraction" when you give attention and energy to something you will attract or manifest what you want or don't want...

if you are interested in learning and healing your fears i'd be happy to work with you. i am a single mom and i have my own business and wellness practice...i live in san francisco and have clients throughout the bay area. feel free to look at my website for more information...www.healinghibiscus.com

best of luck and think positive :)

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P.H.

answers from Fresno on

HI B., I can totally understand your fear of another miscarriage. I have been there and done that! I am now 43, married to a wonderfully supportive fun man and we have three children, 18, 15, and 12.

I have had two mmiscarriages. My first one was after I had my oldest daughter. She was about 1 1/2 years old. I was 8 weeks along. It was very painful and hard. I was so scared afterward that I would either a) miscarry again or b) wouldn't be able to get pregnant again! WEll, neither of those happened! I got pregnant about 6 months later and had a very normal pregnancy! Then 2 years after that, I got pregnant again and had a VERY normal pregnancy! After my son (my3rd) was born, I got pregnant again when he was about 9 months old. We were NOT planning on having anymore children, so this was a very hard adjustment mentally for me! I was angry. BUT, eventually, I softened and began to see all of the wonderful things about being pregnant and adding a new family member to our brood. Then the unthinkable happened. I miscarried at 6 months! That is pretty rare. I didn't even know I had miscarried. I went in for a normal exam and the dr couldn't hear the heartbeat, so he sent me for an ultrasound immediately...and there it was confirmed....my little one was gone. That has to be the hardest day of my life so far.
But GOd is good....I have healed from that and I know one day I will get to see BOTH of my children/angels in heaven!

Don't be afraid to get pregnant again. CHances are very good that you will have a very normal healthy pregnancy.

Enjoy each day for what it is and what GOd gives you!

I hope that has helped you!

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J.S.

answers from Sacramento on

I have a story very similar to yours. I have a beautiful healthy daughter and had 2 miscarriages this year: one early, and one at 8 weeks. The second one was very traumatic both physically and emotionally. With that second loss, I felt like I also needed to grieve the loss of enjoying any subsequent pregnancies. I just dread all the fear and anxiety that is guarenteed to go along with the first trimester. I'm anxious to see what sort of responses you get to see if any are helpful.

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L.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I understand your fears, and I'm sorry to hear your past experiences.

My only question is, why don't you want to tell anyone besides your husband? I understand that if you have another miscarriage, you will have to tell them... but isn't that what loved ones are for? To console you? If not your family, maybe you have close girlfriends in whom you can confide your fears and who would be a shoulder if the worst happens?

I guess my point is, if you don't tell anyone and the worst happens.. then you have to pretend to those you love that everything is fine when it isn't. You can't share your grief and get much-needed hugs and support.

Another thing... when my friends and family have confided miscarriages, they were all surprised at how many people they know have had the same experience, including me. (and then went on to have beautiful healthy babies later)We keep it so secret that everyone feels isolated, when in fact, we're not.

Of course, the decision of how much to share is very personal and I would never try to tell someone what's best for them. It's just food for thought.

Just my thoughts.
Best wishes for a healthy new baby!
Hugs,
L.

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

The best advice I have for you is to seek natural care to help maintain a healthy pregnancy. It sounds absolutely frightening what you are going through & I think finding a way to be proactive in maintaining this pregnancy would be a significant step in working with the fear you have. Acupuncture and herbs help women have a healthy pregnancy and prevent miscarriage, especially for women with a history of miscarriages. Hope this helps. Good luck.

J. Stevens, L.Ac.
www.yourwholefamilywellness.com
###-###-####

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T.R.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi B., I have a son and a daughter. My son is older and before having my daughter I had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy. I was a Kaiser patient and I happened upon a proactive doctor there who does not believe in sitting around waiting to see if you miscarry again. My doctor started doing weekly bloodtests that show if the baby is growing correctly or not. I had my ectopic first, then my miscarriage so they started the bloodtests with the second pregnancy to see if it was growing correctly or possibly in my fallopian tube. The tests showed my #'s going down and by the time they figured out what was going on I miscarried. However the 3rd time I was pregnant they did the blood tests again every 3 days or so and as soon as my #'s started plateauing they started me on Progesterone suppositories. My numbers went up from there and I went on to deliver my little girl.
You could possibly ask your doctor about these blood tests. They will tell you if you are miscarrying pretty much before it happens. There are however doctors out there that don't believe in these tests and don't believe progesterone helps. The other two doctors in the Kaiser office I was in were totally against it and would not do anything until you miscarried 2-3 times. I was not about to wait that long!!! (Of course they were men and had no idea how hard it was to have a miscarriage) That feeling is something nobody should go through. It almost makes you feel like giving up!! You could call around and see if there is a doctor out there who would be willing to run tests early. Many will say because of your age it should not be a problem and won't be proactive. But fight them on it. My doctor says many women don't produce enough progesterone in their uterus to carry a baby to term. Just ask a lot of questions and I am very sorry you are going through this!! It will be a long 9 months. I worried the whole time. A little less after the initial trimester but you still wonder. I wish you all the luck and will be sending you positive vibes. Also, a friend just had a miscarriage and got pregnant again and now is past her first trimester. So, everything is most likely fine. BUT if you do miscarry again do not let your doctors not do anything. Start asking for blood tests and such.

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C.V.

answers from Sacramento on

You can bed rest until second trimester!!! Watch out for the foods. Drink a lot of water.

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B.J.

answers from San Francisco on

Let me offer you a little reassurance. By the time you reach 6 weeks, your chances for a live birth go up to 75%. By the time you pass 9 weeks, the heart has completely developed and your odds go up to 90%. Stress and worry won't necessarily cause a miscarriage, but those stress hormones aren't really very good for your baby either. So your best bet is to relax. If you're not bleeding or cramping, you're fine. If you start to have any spotting or cramping, sit down, relax, and put your feet up.

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G.E.

answers from San Francisco on

B. I had a miscarriage at 19 weeks almost four years ago. My son will be turning one next week. But the time inbetween was so painful I could write a book. Long story short I found out that I had clotting issues and immune issues that my body was rejected the pregnacies after my miscarriage. I was monitored by a high risk dr and an immune specialist. I took blood thinners twice a day my whole pregnancy. also i was receiving progesterone shots my first three months. I can go on and on about what I did to have my son but bottom line is do not just trust your ob that everything will be okay. They do not get concerned until after three miscarriages. If I had to have three miscarriages i think i would have completely falen apart. please do some research and there are fantastic support groups for people who have had miscarriages. I wish you the best.

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L.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Its very hard to go through this, I know. I had one child, then a miscarriage, then another child, then 3 miscarriages, then my third child (at 41). After three miscarriages, I did not think I could have more children, remembered the anniversaries of the miscarriages, grieved for those lost children. However, my youngest is amost amazing girl, and I feel blessed to have her. You can't help feeling scared, and I am sure you will be as careful as you can be, but there is no real control in this process, you just do the best that you can. Good luck.

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N.C.

answers from Sacramento on

B., I know how you feel. I miscarried my second child at 5 months, and each of the next two pregnancies did not completely relax until I passed that point. All I can say is to try not to focus on the past miscarriages (I know, it isn't easy), because you don't want undue stress in the early stages of this pregnancy. Before you know it, you will be past your worry point and be able to relax. Luckily, your son is laid back and easy going, so spending time with him and your husband doing things together will help this time pass more easily and quickly, especially with the nicer weather coming up. Take care, and God bless.

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