Father Wants First Visit Since Son's Birth - Need Your Advice Ladies!

Updated on October 28, 2006
M.S. asks from Fort Worth, TX
4 answers

Hey Mamas,

Here’s my dilemma, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My son’s father has not seen him or even called to see how he’s been doing since he was born SIX months ago. Well, at least that was up until this past Saturday and now he wants to come by! He was not involved at all during my pregnancy. In fact, he wanted me to have an abortion and fought me about the child support, which I am getting now because I got an attorney and took him to court.

Anyways, I am going to let him see my son because I am not going to do anything that would piss off the courts, but what exactly should I do? I certainly won’t allow him to take my son anywhere alone, but what is a reasonable amount of time to let him come over? Should I have him come to my house or should we meet in a public place? If a public place, where? Should I have a friend there as a “buffer?” Etc… What are your thoughts, ladies!?!

I have no idea why he wants to be involved all of a sudden. He said he’d call me this week to discuss coming by on Sunday… should I ask him when he calls back why the interest all of a sudden?

Thanks in advance for any advice, anecdotes, or well wishes you can offer!

- M.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for your responses ladies. However, my son's dead-beat father never called to set up anything for this weekend like he said he would. I'm just glad that my son is not old enough to understand that his father broke his promise to come see him!!!! I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my son deserves a father who cares.

More Answers



answers from Dallas on

At this stage, he can make it hard in court in regards
to seeing his son. He can make it where when you are not
able to care for him, he gets him.
I would have a buffer. Someone else there if you don't want
to be there. You mom. Meet in public. If several of these
visits go good, and you can trust him that there is love
and true want to be a father, then a day with Daddy can be
arranged...that is in a few months or more.
I think the sudden interest is the money, his parents
or a new girlfriend. That is why I think it is going to be
several months before I could trust child with him. Alone.
Public...6 month...Rigmar mall has a indoor park that
a crawling infant/toddler would love. Go on weekday during
school hours so younger ones are there. You and your witness/
buffer/parent/friend stay and watch. Watch your son. He
may be the type that will either be friendly or shy away.
Let son play if he is shy and does not want to be near the
male genetic donator. *don't mean to sound cruel*.
How did his parents treat you? They may be out to take her
away. One said do not let him take child...make sure
you have court papers before that possibility comes out. He will ask as soon as he can...be firm. No, you did not want anything to do with him when I told you I was having your child, and now he is 6 months. I am not sure right now if
you truly care for you son.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Do you have any reason to believe that he will harm the baby? If not then I do not see any reason why you should not feel comfortable with letting him see his son or even take him for a short trip to McDonalds or the playground. If your son starts to get upset and doesn't want to go then maybe for the first few visits you should be there but not in the way, just off to the side observing.The playground is a great place for that.It is tough to see him start a relationship with his father because you will start to feel betrayed but it's good to start now rather than later. Your son may end up hating him and never knowing him. As far as your ex just now wanting a relation ship, not important. What IS important is that he wants one. It is better to foster that and have your son see that you want it too or he will feed off your emotions. You definitely don't want that. Your son may even end up fighting you on it and resenting you.
Any other advise or help just let me know.I do have experience with this.

Good luck



answers from Odessa on

A public place would probably be best at first just to be able to first see what his intentions are. I would maybe agree to go to dinner. This way he can see your son, you guys can talk, and then you don't have to worry about how to get this man out of your house. Then after that you guys can play it more by ear. Good thinking though on not letting him take him alone. Not for a LONG while! Good luck!



answers from Dallas on

Through personal experience, do NOT allow him to take off with your child alone. I also do not believe meeting at your house would be a good idea either. During Christmas of '04 for me, I went to pick up my son from my now ex's mother's house. This was the day after I had left my ex, and he decided to have his mom and sister play car tag with the baby. He had agreed to allowing me to have my child up until the point I told him I was still getting a divorce, then he wouldn't let me. Now, in your case, if you have sole custody, the police may be able to do something. In my case, since I had just left my ex and no custody had come into play, the police told me it was a civil matter and they "couldn't get involved". All of these girls think he should be involved? I think he shouldn't....he didn't want to be in the first place. I can tell you I don't need anyone to help me with my kids, and I definately don't need my ex's help or influence. All he is trying to do to me is use my son against me, even though he has nothing to do with him. I say be very carful, and avoid letting him get to you or using your child to try and guilt trip you, or get you back.

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