Father of the Year? Updated: SWH

Updated on September 01, 2012
J.H. asks from Collins, OH
20 answers

What do you think of this father who wore a skirt after his son was harassed for wearing a dress? (I'll post the link in the SWH. I'll also post my thoughts later.)

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So What Happened?

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-protects-son-bullies...

I think this isn't so much about either the father or the son wearing a skirt. I think it's about the father showing the son that no matter what, he's got his back and he's there for him. By putting on a skirt, the father not just told the son, but showed him, "Son, no matter what happens in your life, I'm here for you and I'll help you through it." For that I think he deserves the father of the year award.

As far as either of them wearing a skirt: the father said he used to wear them in Berlin, then they moved to a much smaller town and he stopped. I don't know what the social norms are in Germany, so I can't say if it's normal in parts of Germany, and this town is backwards in their thinking compared to the rest of the country or what. It's their prerogative to wear dresses or skirts if they want.

(Oh, and to the mothers who said something about a kilt. I find men in kilts sexy. Not sure what it is, but I think most men can pull it off.)

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I wish more parents were like this and helped their kids embrace who they are rather then trying to force them to conform to some gender stereotype. Yay dad!

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M..

answers from Youngstown on

This father showed his son that no matter what, he had his back. Yes, he is father of the year material. I would do the same for my child. I would never tell my child that she had to conform to the way society thought she should be. I want my child to be a free thinker and express herself. And I will support her no matter what, just as this father did.

7 moms found this helpful

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V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

Okay, I know it's not "socially acceptable" but what the hell is wrong with men/boys wearing dresses/skirts anyway? They do it in Scotland. And, girls wear "boy clothes" all the time and that's socially acceptable. My youngest sister only buys shirts out of the men's department because those shirts fit her better than the ones in the women's department. She has also been known to wear a pair or two of men's shorts. I think she looks ridiculous, but it's what she is comfortable in.

I think that if I was a little boy and I liked to wear dresses and my parents were okay with it, I'd be a very lucky little boy. If my parents loved me enough to stick up for me in a situation like that in the way that that father did... Well, I'd be nominating my dad for father of the year award that's for sure!

9 moms found this helpful

L.B.

answers from Biloxi on

I thought this was lovely.

Of course, this child will grow up to recognize societal norms - he has already been exposed to them.

But he will also grow up knowing that he can push the boundaries and express himself in whatever way he sees fit. He will have the self confidence to follow his own path, not letting others' censorship hold him back.

8 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

It's great he is standing up for his son. However, there is a time and a place for such things. For example, my kids have to wear uniforms to school. Not fancy ones, but they still have a dress code. They are this child's age and they had to learn that they couldn't wear their cowboy hats or Spiderman shirts to school. It's also wise to teach children about social taboos and societal norms, whether we agree with them or not b/c we need to be prepared to be functioning members of society, regardless of our age and customs.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i LOVE this man!!!
khairete
S.

7 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I saw the headline, but I didn't read or look at it. I honestly cannot think of anything it would "explain" that would make me interested. I'm guessing the son is pretty young, in which case, he shouldn't be in a position to be getting teased about wearing a dress. His parents shouldn't have allowed him to wear one in public (to school?).... so his parents set him up to get teased to start with, and now the dad is wearing a skirt? I don't get it. Unless I am WAAAAY wrong and there is a LOT more to it that I just made assumptions about. But if I am right, and the kid is young (pre-middle school) then his dad isn't father of the year in my book. At all.
That's my opinion on it. LOL

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

What a sweet story, Jennifer. Thanks for sharing this!

I think Nils's role modeling is deeper than wearing the skirt: the fact that he is so comfortable with who he is in himself will be such a huge advantage to his son. If you think about it, this sort of confidence on the father's part may end up eliminating a lot of the more troubling father/son dynamics some families experience. It is hard---HARD-- to raise kids in any fashion that appears to be atypical/unconventional and parents risk getting a lot of flak for it,even from well-intentioned loved ones. Seeing someone parent from a place of such self-confidence is wonderful.

I

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M.G.

answers from Seattle on

I think it's a great thing this father has done for his son. Now, whether or not this is worth the title of father of year - who am I to decide that? :) It's refreshing to see a parent allowing their child to be who their child is 100% without feeling the need to force conformity. I believe the child will have a great quality of life from having the support of his dad rather than needing to worry himself with what negativity others have to speak to him.

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E.A.

answers from Erie on

Anyone who thinks this dad isn't a great role model probably teased people in school for being different. I feel sorry for you if you can't see the beauty in this father's gesture.
Sometimes people do things for attention. When I had a mohawk in high school I wanted people to stare at it. But sometimes, what someone is doing or how they are dressing doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, least of all the people who criticize them for it.

eta
Amy, my assumptions about bullying aside, I still feel sorry for you.

5 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I think he is awesome. I read this article last night and thought, good for him. He is more man than the ones that are afraid of "different".

I remember back in the day when some girls HAD to wear dresses and skirts at all times, when not at home. and absolutely no pants for some girls and their moms.

.. Same with women who worked. remember pant suits? and what a brouhaha that was?.. It was scandalous, that women would dare wear pants to work.. This was in the 60's.. How many of you moms, never wear skirts or dresses now?

Some people are very afraid of people that do something different. it rocks their world. But thank goodness for the people strong and confident enough to challenge "normal" or all of us, would be washing clothes this morning on a rock..

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

He's his son's hero, that's for sure! :)

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B..

answers from Dallas on

I think teaching his son he is awesome as he is...well, that's great!!

There isn't a place on earth, that is gender neutral. He is setting his son up for hardships, not teaching him how the world views this. You can allow your child to be who they are, but it's the responsible thing, to explain to your child how the world works. There are always social and societal ramifications in these kind of choices, and parents owe it to their children to be honest about that. His father will not always be around, and this child needs to know, that he WILL be bullied for this. There is no way around it, he just will. (That does not mean I agree with it, of course.) He can empower his son, and give him confidence. He also needs to make him understand, that his confidence won't always protect him. That's the reality.

I don't agree with all the gender stereotypes, but that doesn't make them go away. They are there. He will continue being bullied, and his father has to prepare him for that. The world is simply not going to wear skirts for him. Sad, but true.

No, I don't think he is father of the year. Naive father of the year, perhaps. Clearly, he is a very good father. I just think you can empower your child, without setting them up to be extremely bullied. Confidence only lasts so long, when other people have the goal of making your life miserable.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think he is a truly wonderful father.

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J.D.

answers from Chico on

I have not followed this closely but I have heard about it. I think the real question is "How did the son feel when his dad wore the skirt?"
If he felt supported and backed by his dad, then it was wonderful!!! Something they will discuss & laugh about much later in their lives.
Mom's do wild things to protect & support their babies growing up daily This dad has done something a little out of the ordinary,for western society, and people are not accepting it as a dad defending his child because he loves him.

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L.M.

answers from Cleveland on

I only read half of the article. Like someone else said I'm not that intersested in thsi.
Maybe the do things different in germany all together,

when i read that Dad used to wear skirts before they moved, and then stopped wearing them in hte new town, and now when his 5 yo asked he decided to do it again i'm even more NOT impressed.

there are certain cultures where that is perfectly acceptable. Where i live it isn't, so to me if my neighbor guy just liked wearing a maxi skirt in the grocery store it would be his choice, but he should expect to get some crazy looks.
i'm not a socialogist but it seems like we have social norms and customs for a reason and people defining those norms are looking for a reaction. Sure i can do what ever the hell i want when ever the hell i want, but i better be prepared for the repercussions.

speaking of defying society: I'll comment that from the picture I wonder if the kid is autistic. theres a little hand wave there that struck me as typical of that.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I didn't think much of this guys particular taste in skirts.
A kilt definitely looks better with the pleats and right socks.
A confident man in a kilt just has the right swagger in his walk to pull the look together.
We like going to Renaissance fairs and highland festivals and you see many men wearing them.
I WISH I could get my husband to wear one to these events - the man's got gorgeous legs!
As for Father of the Year?
It's great he's showing support for his son.
But he could have saved his son some trouble if he'd explained the dress wearing needs to stay at home (or at least out of school) or he could get him a real childs kilt instead of sending him off in a sundress.
Someone is making clothing decisions for the kid when buying clothes in the stores.
The least they could do is make some fashionable/attractive choices so the boy has something better to choose from.

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

We all need to support our children in a positive/realistic way, so while I appreciate he was doing what he thought was best for his child at the time, I don't think he would be up for the "Father of the Year" award.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

If more parents supported their kids & differences, than tried to force"normal" down their throat for fright of what society might think, it would be a far more beautiful world.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

Meh. I don't think joining his son in the behavior and holding his hand is teaching him to have a thick skin when making a controversial choice.

I used to live in Germany (small town near air force base), and I presume Berlin is like NYC (used to live in NYC too)-some artsy hipster boys with trendy parents wear dresses and pigtails etc, and lots of people think it's dumb. In our current small town, people wouldn't care for encouraging the kid to wear a dress, but a hipster transplant may try it anyway (haven't seen any hipsters here though since we got here 6 years ago).

So. If my son wanted to wear dresses, I'd say, "Son, I love you no matter what you wear. It's not socially the norm for boys to wear dresses and lots of people will be upset. Here is why______. Are they morally right? No. Lots of social norms are simply old fashioned customs. If you still want to wear the dress, I won't stop you. You'll need bravery to defend many of your future life's actions as a free thinker. I know I did. So get ready to use your Tae Kwon Do skills to defend yourself. See ya later."

And no, talkstotrees, I never bullied anyone nor do my kids. Also, we're an unconventional family full of kooks. I don't care if guys wear dresses. I always dated freaky-fashion boys when I was younger.

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