Family in Law Ignoring My Kids

My MIL is like that a bit. She will spend $1000 on my nephew for Christmas when she spends $50 on my son...and I'm not exaggerating. My nephew's parents do not have a lot of money, but it still bothers my DH and me. I'm just waiting for my DH to say something to her, & I'm also waiting for my son to notice.

It sounds to me like you are justified and jealous. It sounds like you're jealous that the other baby gets all of the attention but good for you because you should be. It shows that you care about your daughter very much and you have every right to be jealous. I think you're %100 justified in your actions if you are not the only one who sees it. Your daughter is as much a part of the family as the other baby and should recieve just as much attention. Baby's need attention from their family. When she gets older, if she starts to see the favoritism of the other baby, it could have a huge effect on her self esteem and you need to keep her with people who love her and want to give her attention. If they can change then by all means, let them see her, don't keep them away, but why should they get the privelege of seeing your amazing kids when they don't appreciate them? I definitely agree with your choice!

There was a favoritism thing in my family (both sides: one side I was the "favorite" and the other side I was very much "not"). I was aware of it at 3 years old. Hopefully things will get better before then, because you don't want your children to miss out on the family. Family, for all its good and bad, is important. But if you believe it's to the detriment of your children, back out gracefully. Stay in touch with your husband's parents since they are aware of it and aren't part of it.

I am not close to the aunts and uncle on either side of our family so for us it is our parents that matter only.

i can tell you this from my own exp. When i was little i had an adopted sister who was there before i was born so to me she was my bio sister. But, when i turned 9 or so i did start noticeing my aunt (mom's sister) was giving my sister expensive gifts and i was getting ave. gifts. I mean Diamond Ring (my sister) and a toy for me.

After telling my mom I then found out why much later. My Aunt was my sister's bio mom. my mom spoke to her sister and explain to her that Christina was no longer her daughter and she was her niece. That her attention to one over the other was not appropriate...and if she was to buy a expensive gift for one then she needed to buy for the other.

This took care of our prob.

In my current family we do notice favortism to the grandkids that live in the town his mom lives in. Where we live out of town but even when they come up for sport events that they participate in they never come to visit us or see our daughter.

We now do our own thing and dont worry about it if they complain that we dont come down that often we respond with the road travels both ways. We still attend family funtions but only if we want to and it doesnt interfere with what we have planned already.

Wish you the best.

I would bow out gracefully, still talk to the ones that don't do that. The ones that are doing it will not notice anyway. I would let it go. But not put my children or myself in that position to be hurt.
what exactly are your children missing out on anyway? they have their grandparents on both sides to shower them with love. you do have feelings of jealousy, but i have found that it is usually rooted in something more. you have not confronted anyone so how can they be expected to change when they don't even know that there is a problem. or that they don't realize what they did. and your children are not lacking in affection or attention, then basically you are mad because you have been snubbed and your children have been snubbed, or you are not as important as you thought...because your kids deserve the same as the others.... and that you are not as close to some of these people as you thought. and that is probably is what has your dander in an uproar.
my mother-in-law has always treated my nephew as her favorite. me and my husband were a couple, expecting and planning the wedding. his sister got married about 3 months before us. we had our son, the first grandson. then she got pregnant when mine was 9mos old. and i was pregnant again also. so my middle son and her first were born two weeks apart. then i had a third, and three months later her second was born. Each time I have invited my MIL to come and help with the babies. But of course she can't because she has to help her daughter. All my nephews and now niece (of coarse she had to have 3 kids because I have 3 kids), are all by different daddy's and she is on her third marriage (of coarse she had to have the only girl).(I told my husband I think she is trying to be me or compete with me, because she has since gone to nursing school to be an LVN and you guessed, i am an RN, everything i do she either does it first or copies me). her kids get more attention, time, and presents. i finally just had to let it go. my SIL lives closer, daughters are generally closer to their mothers(?), and she acutally does need more help than me. It did make me mad for a long time that MIL saw her other grandsons all the time but couldn't visit us on her own to get to know my sons. she would always bring nephews on visits to us. They always monopolized her time while with us and my kids still didn't get to know her because she always had my nephews with her. or she couldn't come visit because she had to babysit a kid for part of the summer etc. But she never offers for my kids to come visit for 2 weeks or even a day, but she will keep my nephews all the time during the summer. I am nice to her when i see her, but i don't go out of my way. i invite her to our house whether she brings my nephews/neice(whom i do love) or not. she usually doesn't visit anyway. we have been married 13 years and she has been her maybe 4 or 5 times. so the average is with me, that i can tolerate her bahavior for a short amount of time. when we go there i just make sure to keep the kids entertained, i do take my nephews where we go, like to the park for a while. and just come back home. i have just come to the conclusion that we are just not close to that side of the family. i take it for what it is. and work within those guidelines. when i stopped expecting more, or different i was able to let it go.
the anger comes from wanting it to be one way, or expecting it to be one way, or operating under the assumption that it was one way......and you found out otherwise and you feel betrayed or snubbed.
i always thought a grandmother should do x,y,z. and when my MIL didn't i got mad. or when she showed favoritism. what didn't occur to me, that my cousin can say the same about me and my grandmother and my boys. we live closer, i have 3, she only has 1. i visit my grandmother all the time, and she doesn't. but again i am closer to my grandmother than she is. and my grandmother doesn't snub her, granny is just old and can't travel as much. but she babysits for me more, because i live closer. etc. then i realized that my husband is his grandparents favorites. His grandmother always said my third son, was "her boy" because he reminded her of my hubby when small. because his grandparents helped raise him. and what ever 3rd son wanted he got. 2nd son is his great grandfathers fav, because he is named after him. my oldest is my dad's favorite, his first grandson and he helped babysit him alot while a baby before second son born. they all still love all the kids, but feel a special connection to one or the other, or get along better with one or another. i think is is just natural.
so, foster the relationships that are close to your kids, let the others go. don't go out of your way to be mean, don't cause strife either. but don't go out of your way to visit the people who do these things. invest more in the people that are closest to you. and realize those other people aren't that close to you. i would go to family functions with no expectations. i would only sit or talk to the people like your in-laws, that pay attention to you and your kids. and when the others approached i would talk, and if they didn't come to me then i would leave them alone. i wouldn't approach them, i would just wait for them to approach me. if they didn't then oh well. if anyone asked i would tell them nothing is wrong. i'm just not as close to that group as i am my MIL or FIL. i would still have a good time seeing the people that mattered to me. but if the others don't want to talk to me than they are missing out. you can't make people want to hold your baby, or give attention to your kids. and you can't possible be close to everyone in his entire family.
some of these things are just human nature. and all ebb and flow. and realize that somewhere what you are saying about them, someone is saying about you.
and are all of these people that important to you? they can't possibley be? all of them, that you would be so offended. It's not like your MIL did it? or your own mother?
let it go. and rise above it. i can't make my MIL be any closer to my kids than to offer her the chance. If is her choice to take it or not.
I like the quote that the road travels two ways. that is a good quote and very good advice.

i am in this kind of situation too. well my husband and i r more closer to my side than his side. when i had my son cameron, u kno everyone was excited to see the baby, but my sister-in-law had her baby 3 wks after and were all over her. at first i ignored it. but then when his grandmother and biological father came to town everytime, they were always paying attention to my niece. so it really pissed me off and told my hubby and he agreed witt me..but he dint wanna start anything witt them. we chose not to talk to them anymore(his grandma and biodad) they do call like once every two months and they chat for a cpl mins but thats all.one day his grandma called and i told her how i felt and she said she only does it cuz my sis-in-law always gets her way and thst she would be mad and not talk to her or let her see her kid anymore and i told her what about wat ur doing to me. how about if i tell u never to call us again and u will never see my kids again. i havent talked to her since that day. and my mother in law is the same thing, we got her a phone with our plan cuz she cant afford anything cuz she's too lazy to get a real job. well we dont mind paying for it but she has been goin over her mins and our phone bill has been over than 400 for the past 2 months and we gave that to her to call us but she never does. but she can call her daughter to see how her granddaughter is doin. but cant do the same witt her son and her grandkids. pretty messed up..but oh well.

Go to family functions. Don't worry about the baby. Squash your ill feelings. She will notice your attitude toward the extended family a lot sooner than she notices their lack of attention. Besides, if there really is a petty issue they are clinging to, it will fade over time, and they will give attention to your sweet little girl, too.

Don't worry.I know it hurts a little but just wait it will hurt the kids more in the long run.I know i went thru the same thing as a child.The kids really need family.