Family Business Dilemma with Nieces Boyfriend

Tom is a fool. Since it was Tom's decision to quit, I would just let it go and not say a word to the niece unless she brings it up. If I were the niece, I would feel I owed my uncle an explanation.

Let Tom try to find a job that offers 3 wks paid vacation and a higher salary.

This is niece's boyfriend - so not truly a family member just yet.
His attitude makes me wonder a lot about that relationship - sounds like he might be on the road to being manipulative to abusive.

Wow! First, as an HR professional, 3 weeks is NOT typical for the first year of employment. AND his attitude sucks!

You don't TELL your boss you are taking time off. You request the time off. Some jobs are busier in the summer and taking a full week off is difficult. I would have referred him to the employee handbook and state that he is entitled to two weeks of vacation ONLY. I would tell him that the week is NOT approved. Make it his decision to quit.

If he did quit and files for unemployment? Yeah, fight it!! Quitting because you didn't get a third week of vacation is not just cause for quitting a job. What a tool.

No, I would not reach out to the niece. This is business. If she's says anything I would just say that this is between he and Tom. Should other family members try to get involved, that talk needs to be shut down ASAP.

I'm sorry, but Tom can suck it. That kid is deluded. Anyone with a longtime history of being employed knows that two weeks is the standard (and that, usually, previously-planned vacations are mentioned during the time of hiring, not sprung on employers willy nilly). This reminds me off all the naive people who expect flex time/work from home as the norm when they are newly hired; they don't have the life experience to understand that this is privilege one earns over time, not a given.

To Niece: "hey, it seems like Tom had a different vision of how we run this company. We love you very much and hope that there won't be any hard feelings since Tom has *chosen* to quit work with us. We'd love to see you both at family gatherings, and Tom is still welcome as a family friend." End of story.

I agree that Tom is spoiled and entitled, and maybe that's why he had no job prospects other than begging your husband. But your husband has to own his part in this mess - he gave in on hiring him, on paying vacation pay after a short time, and paid more in salary than he had planned.

When I've hired people who already had plans, if I really wanted that person, I gave them the time off, almost always without pay. If I paid them during vacation, they had to sign that they would have that money taken out of their last paycheck if they left the company (their choice or mine) before they had earned that vacation time. Same with sick time for people who hadn't accrued it. One tries to be compassionate, but one tries not to be a sucker in the process.

Tom's problem is that he informs his employer what he's planning to do. He assumes that he is a part of the family and that he has privileges beyond those of other employees. The best thing that could happen is that he would leave the company.

Normally, I would say your husband should NOT involve his niece in this. This is an employment matter and it's confidential. Your husband should not discuss any of this with anyone outside the company - not salary, bonuses, job performance, infractions, nothing. I realize your husband already crossed the line by hiring this man, and that you will probably run across each other in family gatherings. So if your husband says anything at all to his niece, he should say it during a normal conversation (not one he makes on this subject alone), and he should ONLY say, "I hope Tom's departure from the company will not affect our relationship - with him, or with you." He should say the same thing to Tom - at least in writing. Saying more than that to her would be a breach of professional ethics. In family get-togethers, there should be ZERO discussion of the job: "Tom, that's a professional matter and I won't discuss it here. "

Lesson learned, I hope.

I agree that Tom has some pretty significant issues here, such as telling a boss to "get with the times", and requesting more than his allotted share of vacation time.

As you say, he's done a good job, but most employers know that the value of an employee involves much more than that employee's being able to complete a task. I know a woman who has a very high level job who says "you can teach an employee a new skill, but you can't teach character. Hire for character, teach the skills." Tom is showing his lack of character.

However, your husband has to own his part in this too. I think that he should not have tried to justify any employment decisions to Tom, by telling him that more vacation wouldn't be fair to others. Your husband should just keep to the employment contract. And of course, when he increased the initial salary and also provided a vehicle, it may have prompted Tom to figure out that he could manipulate your husband. Also, your husband should not draw comparisons between his smaller company and large corporations. Stick to the subject at hand: "this is my company, and I run it this way, and these are the parameters and rules for employment". If Tom doesn't quit, perhaps a strict talking-to is in order going forward after this.

I don't think your husband should discuss business with his niece. Be nice to the niece, be fair to all the employees equally, and be business-like with Tom.

I would not reach out to the niece. This was business, and Tom quit, he wasn't fired, so he can explain that to his girlfriend.

And FWIW, I work for a very large institution with thousands of employees, and not only do employees only have 2 weeks/year off when they start, they have to earn that time off by the hour, so a person can't take the first week off of work until they have been with the company for 6 months, and if they wanted to take both weeks together, they couldn't take any vacation time until the end of the 1st year. So I think that your husband was already quite generous.

At my company, benefits do increase over time, so that after you've worked here for 3 years, you get a 3rd week of vacation. But this bit about "everyone gives at least 3 weeks of vacation time" is, in my opinion nonsense.

Slow down - Tom said he "was going to quit".

He did not quit yet, right?

I bet he won't quit.

Your DH was VERY nice to even say that Tom could take the week unpaid!! Some bosses would've said "I'll fire you if you leave for that week"!

Wait and see whether Tom actually quits before you worry too much about family dynamics. Unless your neice reaches out to you first.

He sounds entitled. My husband said that quite a few on his staff have this same attitude when they start work.

My personal opinion is that your husband should stand by what he's said. Tom is lucky to even get the personal time off. A lot of companies don't just ok that. It says a lot that Tom booked this trip before even mentioning it to his boss. That is another no no in a lot of companies.

I have worked for small family run companies - I will say that it does not always go over well with regular staff when the family members (or friends) get special treatment. Your husband is bang on.

I don't think he needs to involve your niece. I think he should treat Tom just as he would any other employee. That's just my feeling. If Tom quits over this, then let him tell the niece. Your husband just has to stand by his policy. I am assuming this is a policy or his work terms, contract, etc.

Frankly, Tom is lucky to not be fired for his attitude.

Your husband should let Tom quit and not bother with it any more than he would with any other employee. This is a private employment matter. The fact that Tom is dating your husband's niece is irrelevant. Does he call other people's wives or girlfriends to explain himself? Probably not.

I think there is a strong chance Tom is bluffing and won't quit. Your husband has already showed favoritism, which was unwise, but Tom knows what he has in his hand already. It is super important that your husband maintain the upper hand and do things by the book from here on out.

Added: After 14+ years at one company (with 5 weeks vacation) my husband switched employers. Their policy was Zero vacation time in the first year, 1 week in the second year, 2 weeks in the 3rd year. If I remember right, 3 weeks doesn't happen until the 5th year.

My husband, having much experience to bring to the table, negotiated to start with 2 weeks.

Tom does sound entitled. I was able to negotiate 3 weeks vacation with my current job--and that is because I was rehired by my employer. I work with large corporations and if you want something extra, you negotiate and earn it. However, negotiation does not always guarantee you get what you want.

Ugh no good deed goes unpunished. Good for your hubby for standing his ground. If he had given this additional week I can bet you there would have been another week later on in the year. At least Tom is now someone else's problem

Keep work at work. Your husband is not out of line to not give the extra leave, and no not everyplace gives 3 weeks now, 2 is still very much the norm unless someone has been with the company 5+ years and then often extra leave is earned. But unless the niece comes to you I would not involve myself in their family life, business is business.

Your husband needs to tell him that it's too bad he feels that way, but wish him well in his endeavors and tell him that he accepts his resignaton and ask him for the keys to the office. In other words, he should call his bluff. Your husband doesn't need this disloyal blowhard working for him. Tom is going to go on his vacation, and when he gets back, try to find another job. He may find one, but he will end up losing it just like he is losing this one - by trying to manipulate and push and act entitled to something he cannot have. Or he won't find one because they won't like his attitude.

He is wrong about new employees getting 3 weeks of vacation a year. Even if it were true, new employees have to wait for 6 months being at the company in order to qualify for paid leave. What MOST employers do when someone like Tom is trying to get a job is to say "We can allow you to take the two weeks off that you are asking for, but it will be unpaid leave." OR, they will say "You can take the two weeks off, but you cannot be paid for it until after you have been at the company for 6 months." That way they can't get paid for vacation time that they have not accrued, by leaving before they have been working for 6 months.

I honestly don't think your husband should talk to the niece unless she comes to HIM or unless this guy leaves her. She will only take Tom's side. Nothing he says will matter.

I do hope your husband won't take him back when he has trouble finding another job. I wouldn't be surprised if the guy actually tried that...

I would write him an official notice with a copy of the employee handbook where it states that all employees earn vacation time after they have been there a year. They earn a day of vacation for a certain number of days worked.

This way he can see, in writing, what his expectations are. So many people are seeing a crappy workforce coming out of colleges these days. Even younger too.

I can't imagine this guy expecting to work at a job for 6 months and getting to announce he's taking a weeks vacation and he expects to be paid for it. Good riddance.

I've never worked anywhere that "I" didn't earn my vacation time and I couldn't use any of it until after I'd been there a year.

I don't think your husband should pay him any vacation time until he's been there over a year.

I have a friend that opened a Greek place and he's had the worst time getting employees. He had about 25 people, mostly high school kids, come in and fill out applications. Nearly every single one put minimum wage expected as $15 per hour. He tossed each and every one of those in the trash.

He had a couple come back in. He told them he didn't have an application in their name. They chatted a bit because he was willing to give them a try because he was having a hard time getting anyone to work.

They told him they thought minimum wage was $15 per hour and that they deserved that much. He told them they were deluded and that minimum wage was $7.25 an hour. They laughed at him and told him no one would work for that much.

Guess they don't know where money comes from, that bills have to be paid, and that they are going to make a lot less than that while they're on un-employment while waiting on those high paying jobs.

It seems that Tom is burning his bridges early in life.
He's got to earn his perks and he wants instant gratification and his demands met asap.
Bummer Dude but the world doesn't work that way.
If he ever gets to a point where he's running his own business (and he's going to have to - at the rate he's going he's not going to be employable for long) I wonder how he'll react to employees that demand the sun, moon and stars on a silver platter?
He's got a lot of growing up to do.
Leave the niece out of it unless she comes looking for explanations.
At that point, you tell her your side of what went on (cause she's only going to hear boyfriends side of it for now) and even then she might believe him over anyone else.
Basically Hubby and boyfriend had a contract and boyfriend couldn't live with the written agreement and Hubby wasn't about to gut his business because boyfriend is living with/sleeping with a family member.

Tom has a horrible attitude. Your husband was really generous to even let him take unpaid time off. It almost seems like he views himself as being more important than every other employees.

I think he's bluffing and I'd call him on it. Three weeks is not standard. The company I work for now offers PTO that is based on the calendar year. They offer 3 weeks the first year, but the three weeks is prorated based on your start day. So nobody ever gets the full three weeks their first year unless they start on January 1st.

I'd leave the niece out of it. If she wants to know what happened, she can ask your husband.