Family Bed- Suggestions

I am mom to an 18 mos. old son. We were accidental co-sleepers for quite some time. We live in a small bungalow with tiny bedrooms. No room for a crib or pack n play in our bedroom, but we did have the Arm's Reach mini-cosleeper. Breastfeeding was a fiasco that didn't work out for us. My son never latched, so I pumped and pumped fo months. Despite that, he still slept in our room. Usually in the co-sleeper, sometimes in our bed. He's a small guy, so he used the mini-cosleeper until about 6 mos., but he was crawling at 6 mos & it just wasn't safe. We tried his crib & he just cried & cried. We were nervous about him in our bed with the blankets & possibly too soft mattress & us being so exhausted. We were worried we might crush our tiny guy! So when we inherited a Graco Travel-lite pack n play that could squeeze next to our bed in the space where the cosleeper once was our son started sleeping there. Around 8 mos, we were getting tired b/c we felt like we had no time to ourselves & almost no sex life to speak of. Plus our son woke us up and we woke him up. So, since he took naps in his crib, we just started putting him to bed in his crib. If he woke up crying, he came into our room. At some point, we put the pack and play away b/c our room is TINY, so if our son woke up, he came into our bed. So for months, we were back to family bed at least half the night! Eventually he would wake in his crib, but could be rocked back to sleep & would stay in his crib. Around 14-15 mos. he started sleeping through the night (9-11 hours) every single night. Our pediatrician and others have told us to cry it out. Well, my son is teething again & I am sure that's why his sleep has been bad, but pediatrician made me feel guilty about us going into his room to help him get back to sleep. So, last night I tried crying it out...30 minutes or less. My little guy got so upset, when I checked on him he was asleep, in his own vomit! It was everywhere. Lesson learned - trust my instincts. I know what is right for my son. If I had spent 10 or even 20 or 30 minutes parenting him to sleep, it would have been easier than all the laundry & clean up & guilt that I felt. The doctor does not live in our house nor does he hear my son when he cries. From now on, I will listen to myself & go to my son if that's what I think is best for him. Good luck to you. You will figure out what is right for you. I think if you take precautions to be safe with the co-sleeping & you and your husband have time for yourselves (my husband works odd hours & travels, so we don't get a lot of alone time)you should be fine. After all, you know what is best for you & your family. I happen to know (maybe b/c I have talked openly about our son being in our room for so long) that there are A LOT more people with "family beds" even if that's not what they intended or what they call it -for a variety of reasons. Trust your instincts & as long as you & your husband are o.k. with the arrangements, I don't see why you should change anything. Good luck!

I tried it both ways. I think it is easier to keep them with you but you don't sleep as well. They become too dependent upon you. My 3 year old had a hard time adjusting to fall asleep by himself. We made him by age 2, sleep in his own bed. I would sit by his side until he fell asleep. I would sit by the bed the next week. Then I would sit by the door and kept putting him back in bed. Eventually he would fall asleep that way. He would wake up and crawl into bed with us. He still wants to come into our bed from time to time. Our first 2 did not come into our bed. They have no sleep issues, and do not try to come into our bed except for the time my husband went on a business trip.

I had my youngest daughter (13 months) in with us until she was about 9 months old. She was waking up every hour or two to nurse and it was killing me. One night, I set up a pack'n'play in "her" room (really just a spare bedroom) just to see what happened and she woke up once the entire night. Apparently I was the one keeping HER up and she needed her space :) Now she wakes up once around four or five, I'll bring her into bed and we'll have our snuggle time then. It works great for both of us and we're very well rested!

My daughter slept in a sidecar bassinet (removable 4th side) attached to our bed for about 4-5 months. We planned to move her to the crib at that point, but because I was breastfeeding, I was honestly too lazy to get up and go to her in the middle of the night, so she came into our bed. My husband and I both enjoyed having her there and watching her sleep! We kept her there until she was about 9 months, when she was moving too much and kicking me. We were done with night feedings so it seemed like a good time. The transition was easier than I expected. We got into a good routine with bath and books and such, and just put her in there. It was difficult for about a week, but after that she seemed to accept it fine. I'm not a fan of cry it out, but we did do gradual extinction. We would go into her room at intervals, but never more than 20 mins. And I would only pick her up if she was absolutely hysterical, and then put her down when she calmed. Most times I would only comfort her verbally. I don't recommend staying with her until she falls asleep. Try to get out when she is comfortable but still awake. We do have a crutch of a little music player but I don't think it's such a bad thing.
She is now almost 18 months and actually asks for bed. Good luck!

We had a family bed with both our children. For my first this was not a problem, he actually never had a crib. He went from our bed to a queen size mattress on the floor in his own room. When he needed/wanted us, he would come to our bed and was always welcome. They are 4 and 2 1/2 and still always welcome in our bed if they need/want us, but start out in their own room/bed each night. For a time they wanted to sleep together and we let that happen until they didn't want to anymore.
I had to transition my second child to a crib because she was using me like an all night buffet. (And was just a different kid all around. My first used a pacifier so I think that is why it was not the same. She would "smell me" and want to "nurse" but it wasn't really nursing so I began to get sore and sleep deprived. I had to move her to a crib. I used the co-sleeper bed next to our bed, but that was more like a bumper since they both ended up next to me during the night after a feeding.
I LOVED co-sleeping and will do it again if I have a third. It make night time parenting so much easier and I don't believe in letting them cry, when they were right with me they never had to it was as if our sleep was together also and I sensed when they were stirring for a feeding would pull them in bed and fall back to sleep nursing. I never fully woke and worried about them because they were only ever an arms distance away. It was peaceful and perfect!
I know that not all mothers can do this, because sleep is different for everyone. But my husband was not woken up by a crying baby because, they never had to cry. Also, having the co-sleeper next to the bed gave us a chance to have "our bed" when we wanted that time too.
Good luck to you. It is a very personal family choice and it is just what works for you and your baby and your family.

Our daughter is the same age, an october 08 baby and we do a family bed. I love it, we all love it. We gave up on the idea of the crib all together, Our daughter never allowed us to transfer her when she was sleeping and hates being walled into the crib so we said oh well. We are now starting to put her in her own room to start out the night. We just put a full size mattress in her room and it's all babyproofed, so if she wakes up and gets out of bed there is nothing that can hurt her. When she wakes up I just bring her into our room. I'm going to let her decide when she is ready to sleep in her room all night. As of now she still wakes to eat, which our doctor says is perfectly normal and not to worry about it. It works out the best for us and I feel like I am able to allow her to communicate her needs that way. Plus the doors are all open so she can come to our room whenever she wants.

My daughter (almost 2) still sleeps in bed with us. Around 15 months I took the side rail off the crib and raised the mattress and put it up against our bed for more room. She now loves her little space and crawls to me to nurse at night and then either stays and cuddles or rolls back into her space. One of these days (who knows when) I plan on moving the crib away from our bed and then someday move it into a whole other room, but these are only plans!LOL!Good Luck!

Hi A J
My Daughter slept with me untill 5 months, then went to her crib which she loved untill she was 3 years, she is now 5 years and still sleeps woth me. I love it, the bond is so wonderful, I put her in bed at 6:30 and she falls asleep on her own, If it works for your family that's great, the most important thing is she fall asleep on her own and be able to soothe herself so to speak. I'm not sure my Daughter will go to her room anytime soon, however she does take her naps in her bed.
Good Luck
Happy Co-sleeping!!!

V.

Hi AJ! Congratulations on doing the family bed! We've done it w/all our kids since our youngest was born - which will be 7 yrs ago end of January. We coslept w/2 kids a couple of times. Truman, my oldest, moved out of our bed into his own just before turning 3. Hunter, my middle son, was 1 at that time. HE made the switch several times back and forth, but has also been in his own bed for about a year now (he's 4). We are currently sleeping with - and nursing - our youngest, Mandie, who'se 2 1/2. It still works great for us as she's got several life threatening food allergies and I like to keep a close eye on her at night yet. Hope some of this helps! -J.

We have an accidental family bed. We had a co-sleeper for our daughter which she slept in until she started dangling dangerously over the edge at about 9 months. She has a crib in our bedroom, and we put her in there when we put her to bed at night. This gives my husband and I time alone. When she gets up to nurse in the middle of the night, we bring her to bed with us and she just stays there. We all love the snuggling, and the morning waking is just so sweet and hapyy. I'm a working mom and having that closeness at night helped both of us alot, and enabled me to keep nursing when I might have otherwise been tempted to wean just for the sleep. My daughter is now 2, still nurses, still sleeps in our bed. There's no crying at night unless she's had a bad dream. We're hoping to add to our little family next year and haven't quite figured out the logistics of a new baby AND a nursing toddler in our queen sized bed, but I'm sure something will emerge on its own. I truly believe that biologically, we were meant to be together and they leave on their own as they get bigger. I'm sure some people would be horrified to hear our daughter is still in our bed, still nursing, etc., but we're all happy with arrangement. We fell into this naturally, rather than by design, and it works for us.

I have both my kids in my bed (4 yrs, 18 mos). Six months ago I bought a toddler bed and put it near my mattress. He sometimes sleeps in it, but prefers to stay next to me. It might be awhile before he sleeps alone, which is fine with me. I try to keep in mind that he will be out of the house in a few short years and I will have many years to sleep without kids.

benefits: I work and breastfeed and it helped me get through the infant time period. I think the closeness is helpful.

My favorite is waking up on a Saturday and the joyfulness they experience. A nice way to wake up.

cons: Sometimes I have to move him into his toddler bed because he sprawls crazy.

I try to make decisions about parenting based on how we were created to live and think outside of our cultural traditions. Putting our children in another room to sleep is a new tradition and I don't find it to be natural or beneficial for our family.

There's a book about scientific research done on co-sleeping by James McKenna at Notre Dame.

We coslept with both kids when they were babies. My son moved out of our bed over the span of a few months around age one, and moved right onto a mattress on the floor after a few failed attempts with a toddler bed (he's a wiggly sleeper and would end up on the floor frequently, though he didn't seem to mind it and only woke up for a minute before falling fast asleep again). We started with the mattress in our room so we were still close and could watch him, then after we were confident he was doing well with the change we transferred the mattress into his room and he slept in there from then on with a gate across the doorway so we knew he couldn't wander around or get to the stairs and fall in the dark.

My daughter actually ended up sleeping with me quite a bit longer, till she was almost 4 years old... due mostly to the fact that we didn't put together a room for her till then. Since she's much older the transition has been wonderfully smooth and we didn't need to do any interim steps to get her out of the bed (it's much different when you can reason with them and they are excited about the idea of a new room!).

Pros and cons -- I loved the closeness. My kids hardly cried when they awoke during the night because I was always right there to nurse them or comfort them. I never had to make any nervous trips down the hallway to check if they were breathing during the night. If it was stormy or windy or cold, we'd just snuggle closer. The cons were the fact that my husband and I obviously didn't have any privacy in our own bedroom with a baby or child there all the time.

My son slept in a bassinet next to me until he was 3 months old and then our plan was to spitch him to a crib since my maternity leave was coming to an end. He never really loved his crib and we didn't love the idea of the cry-it-out method so he moved into our 'family bed' so everyone could get sleep. This worked really well for us. When our son turned 2, we bought him a twin-sized bed with fun sheets and he was excited to have his own bed. We transitioned him into the bed by laying down with him until he fell asleep for about a week or two. After that, he was fine to sleep on his own. He's 3.5 now and there are still times when if he wakes up at 5am or 6am, he'll crawl into our bed to sleep for a few more hours but we're fine with that.

Good luck!

We co-slept with my son exclusively for the first 6-9 months, then he started getting big and we tried to transition him to his crib. He was very good at napping in his crib, but it took a while to get him to sleep there at night. Now I feel we have the best of both worlds. He goes to sleep between 7-8p everynight in his crib (no crying - he loves his space!)and he wakes up sometime in the middle of the night (usually early early morning) and he comes into bed with us for a few hours until we get up for the day. I love having him with us! but I also love being able to put him to sleep in his own crib and having time with my husband alone. He is a little over 2 now and we have our second baby on the way, so we plan to transition him to a toddler bed soon and are a little worried about what will happen when we add a new baby to the mix, but we will work it all out and I wouldnt change a thing! Everyone has to find what works for them tho! So good luck!