Faking Being Sick

At 9 years old he should know better.

I might be a hard core mom, but if my son admitted this I would haul his butt to school the next morning and let him explain to his teacher and/or the principal why he missed school the previous day and I would fully support whatever consequences the school would dole out.

In doing so, he would learn that this is a serious issue and he would definitely think twice before trying to lie about being sick in order to miss school.

We had to do chores when we stayed home without any cough, snot, fever, blood or broken bones. I dont recall ever staying home after the first time of that punishment.

My parents let my brother and I have a few personal days. Sometimes you just need a break and that's what they did. We were not allowed to sit around and watch tv either. We could read a book or do something creative get some exercise, but it was just something that we were allowed. We had good grades and always respected our parents. So we were allowed a personal day.

I think that kids deserve time off every now and then. My kids get a couple days a year just to relax. My daughter will act sick and then just tell me her brain is fried and she needs a break. They bring in good grades and work hard why not let them have a personal day every now and then? I wouldn't punish him maybe just talk with him and encourage communication.

hi Steph, We have all done it, I remember rinsing my mouth with hot water before my mom took my temperature. I would not punish him, especially if this was the first time, what I would do though is take to him about getting comfortable with lying, and where that will take him latter on and i would talk to him about missing school is hurting know one but himself, and what ever he missed today he robbed himself of. I think my daughter may be the only child i know that never lied about being sick so they could miss school. You can tell him if it happens again there will be consequences and let it go at that. J.

My mom used to make us wash walls or windows if we faked sick to stay home. We only did it once

Have you asked him what was going on that he didn't want to go to school... it sounds like he was trying to avoid something/someone.

If it was just a straight up lie b/c he was lazy and didn't want to go to school it has to be a big punishment! What's his 'currency'? What does he love?? If he is into gaming I would take that away for a month and make him do a chore/ chores to help around the house (above and beyond what he currently does) for the entire month. Good luck

Good suggestions from everyone. One thing I'd like to add is that you should give him lots of sincere praise for coming to you and telling you the truth all on his own. It takes a lot of character and internal fortitude to do something like that. You are clearly raising a wonderful, conscientious boy and have cultivated an open, nurturing relationship with him. Great job, mama!

He is just getting used to being loving staying home. I love being home :) I'm sure that even though it is no fun at home, just being home is where he wants to be. No different that times that we don't want to go to work. It doesn't mean that we are troubled at work (or school) just a little lazy after the long weekend. Now, I love that he told you the truth. What integrity!!! and trust that he has in you. You have a special relationship that if you simply talk with him and tell him how troubled this makes you. That you feel like he was wrong and that it puts you in a very uncomfortable situation that you'd rather not be in. Let him know that from now on you will be concerned when he says that he is sick... the old boy that cried wolf...the trust that you guys have will stregthen again but if he understands his responsibility in your great relationship he may hold it more dearly the next time. Oh, and for sure you let him know that if he ever does it again, you won't write him a note and he can tell the office that he told another fib...

Btw: did he tell you early enough to when he could have been taken to school, just late? Just curious, because that would have ruined his master plan.

He sounds precious and you are very lucky to have such an honest little man. :)

I would talk with him first about his reasons, to see if something is going on at school. Then, the only "punishments" I do need to "fit the crime". So I would have him do extra homework to catch up with what he missed. Maybe write an essay about why lying is bad and school is good, something like that.

I don't take my children's things away from them, I don't believe that teaches respect at all. They also don't have a lot of things of their own - no TVs, gaming, iPods, computers, etc. - just shared ones.

I think I would just tell him how disappointed I am that he lied, and tell him next time he feels he is too "sick" to go to school, he needs to also have fever, vomitting or other bodily fluids, rashing, stitches or a broken bone to show for it. When my kids are home sick, I allow vegging in front of the TV only IF they have obvious sickness symptoms. My rule is also that they have to lay down in bed in the afternoon and take a nap. If they are really sick, they will sleep. I am also aggresive about getting their homework brought home and keeping up with studies when I notice they are well enough for it. Also, if they stay home from school sick, they absolutely do not get to participate in any evening activities, go out, or see friends that day/evening.

I guess I'm in the minority and too easy on kids but I used to fake being sick as a kid. I think my mom knew sometimes but given I was a really good student and responsible, she let it go. Sometimes people just want to stay home and if you can't do it as a 9 year old, when can you? It didn't develop into a problem for me either - ie: do it at my job as an adult. I'd talk to him about the lying - hard to let that go - and tell him to talk to you next time. Is he an otherwise hard working, responsible kid with good grades so far? (9 is still young). If so, maybe work with him on this. Adults call them mental health days. Maybe kids get something too as long as they understand being responsible etc.

When my stepson would get "sick", his father let him know exactly how much his time cost (when his "symptoms" caused us to go to the doctor over nothing), plus the copay, etc. Child was told that should this EVER happen again he would be working to repay our time and money.

Secondarily, we also talked to him about a probable cause and helped him find other ways to deal with it.

We are pretty reasonable and will let a kid stay home now and then if all else is in order, but the lying I don't like. If a kid is lying, that gets it's own consequences here. It depends on the lie, but maybe having to do a book report on the boy who cried wolf?

It also tends to cut down on the "sick" when the kid is not allowed to do normal things. If you treat him as sick, it's not so much fun. Like "You don't get pizza for dinner. You said your stomach hurt so you get broth." or "No, you can't <go out to play, see friends, ride your bike, go to the mall> since you were sick today."

My brother did this one day and our father made him polish pans and clean out cupboards all day long.

My daughter is 11 and we have run out of consequences too!!!! Just this last week she got in trouble at school for lying and I gave her standards. She hates standards and hasn't had them in a long time. But you are right, at this age it is harder to come up with consequences. We don't have video games, etc that can be restricted, she doesn't watch TV during the week so standards is something that can be done immediately and then it's over.

I didn't read all your responses but was surprised at how many people would let it go unpunished! Lying is serious business and does not go unpunished in this house.

Good luck!
J.

Steph,

I wouldn't worry too much about this. Every kid, at one time or another, fakes sick. Adults need a day off once in a while, kids do too. I have a 12 year old on the autism spectrum, and he will fake sick when life at school gets to be too much. Staying home sick means you stay in bed all day. He has no TV in his room, only books and a few toys. He will sleep all morning, but by lunch time will fess us to just needing a day off. He said he was sick, he still stays in bed all day. That is usually punishment enough.

I would use this as an opportunity to talk to your son about school, find out if there is an issue with another child that is causing your son to feel stress. Sometimes even the best teachers aren't aware of issues such as this. Assure your son that you understand that sometimes everyone needs a break, but follow it with the expectation that you deserve respect because you are the parent, and thay you expect him to be honest with you. I have found that when my kids know that they can tell me they need a break, and that I will really listen to their concerns, they will just tell me they need a day off and not fake sick. It only happens about once a semester, sometimes only once a year, we can usually work out a deal to send them to school, even on those days they really would rather stay home.

Look at the lie for what your son needed to accomplish. I don't allow lying, there are worse punishments for lying that for telling the truth. He fessed up, as they usually do in these cases. The lie lasted a few hours, did not harm anyone or anything and in the grand scheme of things, was quite minor. Punishment for the lie should fit the crime, something simple that is over and done in a day. If it happens again, you will know that there is something going on at school that he is trying to avoid.

The most responsible kids need a day now and again, it just cannot become habit.

Best of luck,
G.

What SN said makes sense. But do find out why he wanted to stay home. I remember being teased a lot when I was young and was so anxious I felt sick. If there's an actual issue, that needs to be dealt with rather than punished.

My son tried faking being sick once.
He brought me a thermometer and said I better take a look because he was pretty sure it said he had a fever and couldn't go to school.
I took one glance and said, "Son, you're not sick. According to this, you are technically DEAD. You let the water get a little too hot before running the thermometer under it. Better luck next time."

He couldn't believe I knew exactly what he'd done. I told him I knew every trick in the book. He asked me if I also knew about putting the thermometer on a light bulb because that was the other one his friend told him about.

I didn't punish him. He was busted, it's not like it worked. I just told him to get busy getting dressed or he'd go to school in his underwear.
I don't know that you need to punish your son. He fessed up.
Just tell him that you're on to him from here on out and it's like the boy who cried wolf.....you'll have a hard time believing him when he really IS sick.

I think all kids try this. I'm surprised he waited until 9. My son was young enough not to realize a person can't be alive with a 120 degree fever.

Just my opinion.
Best wishes.