Facebook Etiquette

I would email her and ask if it is okay. I have a lot of my husband friends on my fb friends list and they are single. they asked permission first before inviting me and i did the same if i invited them. Sometimes its because of farmville or other games it is all very innocent. good luck.

Ignore his request. You have nothing to gain from it. Some people on FB are all about "collecting" friends. The more you have, the more popular you are? I don't get it.

No need to talk to the girlfriend either. If you ignore him, then you already showed her (if she cares) that you have no interest in him.

don't call her specifically about this. don't accept his request in meantime. when you see her next time, find a way to say: hey, so and so sent me an FB request. do you want me to accept it?
you have nothing to hide.
i still say you owe the other friend a call. but i already said that.

I don't think its a big deal, but I realize why you are a little gun shy keeping the past situation in mind. But honestly calling someone's husband for relationship advice is far different than friending them on facebook. I'm sure you have learned your lesson about the past. I would accept, but obviously if he tried to contact you with private messages that were inappropriate or anything I would let your friend know. More than likely he is just someone that friends everybody he even talked to once =) I have probably 300 friends myself--some are close BFF's, some are guys I dated in college, some are people that work at the place I get my haircut! LOL....FB is meant to just be a fun social network. Actually I have used it in the past to contact my Best friend's husband and organize a surprise party for her last birthday....but I have never done anything any of my friends would even consider as questionable behavior, so they know they have nothing to worry about.

I remember your other post and I remember thinking how completely ridiculous your friend was being. I am a little more lenient than most women, and so is my husband, so I may not be the best person to answer this. We both have friends of the opposite sex and that is ok with us. I know some couples are not like that at all.

Most people I know do not behave the way your friend did, and most people look at facebook as a very casual thing. I have a pretty strict rule of not having "friends" that I don't know. But I do have husbands and wives of friends, and so does my husband. And Kaye is right, it will post it on her news feed when you accept the request, so she will know anyway.

One of my friends and my husband are friends on FB, and after they accepted the request (I'm not even sure who sent the request) she mentioned something about it, to make sure I was ok with it. She just did it very casually. Something like- "I saw your hubby said he will be home in a couple days, that's great. Oh, yeah, he's my friend on FB, that's ok with you right?" Like I said, I am totally fine with that kind of thing. I can see why you want to check with her, and any girlfriend would appreciate you asking. Just don't make it a big deal, like you said, you don't want her to think you are taking it seriously and think there is an issue.

Call your girlfriend and ask her if she minds that you accept the friend request.

Yes, ask her if she is cool with your beign FB friends with her boyfriend. You cannot tiptoe around possible implications. You have to deal with what is right in your face. Your girlfriend will either appreciate it or not (more likely yes), but that is not why you're doing it. You're making sure that she is okay with that. My co-worker is now a friend and has become a FB friend. When her husband sent me an invitation, I jokingly said, "-- sent me a friend request. Doesn't he know that I don't play that game that he likes? I don't have any reason to say no; are you okay with that?" She was and told me that they had discussed it. He is also friends with my husband.

Just do what's right on your end, and let other people worry about the little unknowns that they might have going on. I understand that you are super sensitive to that, now, because of the issue that was raised before, but you cannot let that take over. People need to deal with their own issues.

Also, I never saw your post about the husband you called, but know that that as about them and not you. Now, it might have been a good idea for you to have brought up in conversation with her that you were gonna contact her husband to get a man's perspective and because he knows you well.

Most people treat FB as a way to gather the most friends. Assume that is all your best friend's boyfriend is doing. I would not contact your friend about it because by doing so you are implying something negative when 99.99% chance it is nothing of the kind.

Besides....FB will post a status update for all to see announcing your are now friends and so your friend will know anyway.

If the guy is not a good enough friend that you knew his name then just ignore the invite. Why would you want to have him priviy to all your info when your not really even friends he is a friend of a friend? there is so much drama on facebook

First of all I would not have considered her a loyal friend if she would let something like that break up your friendship, especially since you were friends with her husband prior to knowing her. She is obviously not stable in her relationship with him if she got that mad over a phone call. So as far as the facebook friend who cares add him, I have people on mine that I went to school with that are married. I wouldn't think anything of it at all if I was the girlfriend but then again I am not a jealous type person either. I wouldn't worry about it and add him, if she gets mad then she isn't a friend either.

Yes, ignore the request! Do nothing and then you avoid a ton of possible problems. You have no idea why he sent the request, so the safe thing is to ignore it. You do not have to allow him as a friend even if you know him. I have been recieving a friend request from someone for 2 years and I still delete it every time it comes in. I don't feel bad about it. We over expose overself on those websites. Keep the friend list and your information to a minimum.
Kind regards,
W.

I don't know the two people in this situation. But if you have a friend who might even have a chance of dropping you over some facebook drama, doesn't sound like a real reliable friend anyways. Your old friend sounds like a real mess and has to deal with some jealousy issues herself. You owe nothing to anyone if there is a pure friend relationship.

facebook is such a crazy thing. The last thing you want is to loose a real friend over a silly website. Chances are she won't care a bit. I'm friends with all my friends' husbands (some I have never met.) It's just a facebook thing I guess. If your really worried, I would call or email your friend. Ask her if she is okay with it.

I would mention it first, very informal, "Hey, Joe sent me a friend request on FB, I didn't even know who it was until I saw his picture, you okay with that?" Or if you play games ask her instead of "you okay with that" say "does he play Mafia Wars" I could use another neighbor...something none threatening.

If you don't get a good feeling about this, ignore his friend request.

There are alot of people on Facebook that make it their goal to have as many "friends" as possible. Even if they really don't know the person they are friending personally, just casually. I have freinded bf's or gf's of my friends only to UNFRIEND when the relationship goes sour. It is easy to unfriend and the other person doesnt get notified you did it, your name is just removed from their list. He is probably being "friendly" to his girlfriends "friends". You are super sensitive for a good reason, but not every body is a jerk and I really don't think this one is.

if you knew the guy then i would say add them. i am sorry but you dont need friends in you life that cant handle you having a convo with there man. since you said you dont know the guy well i would not add him. recently on the news a lady was robbed because she put on her fb status" going to a concert so excited" and let everyone know on fb she would be out of the house. the person that robbed her was a friend from school she had not spoken to in over twenty yrs. but he saw the opp to go in and steal. i am not saying you will be robbed but there is certian info you might not want casual friends to know about. other than that i would add him.

How about you talk to your girlfriend and act like you are getting her opinion. Which you are really. lol. Something simple like, "Hey, I got a friend request from your boyfriend, but I only accept friend requests from my closest friends and I don't know him that well yet. Do you think he will be upset with US if I ignore it? I don't want to cause any problems between you two by not accepting?" That way if she did not know about the request, now she does and the ball is now in her court to either give you permission to accept or decline the invite.

I would decline to be on the safe side. If he asks you why then you can just say something like "well, a good friendship ended b/c of an innocent friendship between your former BFF's husband & yourself so you didn't want to make the same mistake". You could also just say you didn't quite feel comfortable w/accepting his invitation just yet. If he persists, then I'd bring it up to your new BF, just let her know, if you have to, that her b-friend is continuously requesting you as a FB friend & you declined initially b/c you felt uncomfortable but he keeps insisting so you thought you should let her know. Hope this helps, good luck!

I would definitely talk to the friend first. Not to imply that he went behind her back, but that she is okay with him being in communication with her girlfriends. More like if he is also your FB friend, then she cannot get on FB and vent without him knowing about it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with accepting. Several of my friends have befriended my husband and they don't know him very well...they just know he's my husband. :) I don't have any problem with it whatsoever. However, it truly does depend on the person. If she is possessive or somewhat insecure there could definitely be a problem. I commend you for thinking this through and taking precaution. You obviously don't want this to turn into anything major. Some people take things way overboard....so I know why you are thinking the way that you are. Good luck to you. :)

Don't accept. While some women would be ok with this, some are not. You don't know and since you don't want to ask your friend, I would just not do it. I don't think it would hurt the guys feelings. If he ever asks then you can tell him why and that you didn't feel comfortable.

To everyone reading, just because you get a request for facebook doesn't mean you have to accept.

Yes you're putting too much thought into it. 80% of people's friends on facebook are the people they intentionally try not to be friends with. Being facebook friends means nothing. He probably only added you because facebook provided a "friend suggestion" for him and many people purposely try to pad their friend list. It doesn't mean he sought you out with any intentions. If you're still worried, just ignore his friend request and if asked about it, say you didn't recognize his last name. Then encourage your bff to join facebook and be friends with her first.

Well FB is one of those things where you have tons of friends and not even chat with them. Just have 'em to have 'em, that's it usually. Since you went through something with a friend I would mention it to your friend. Just tell her you are probably being crazy but her friendship is super important and you don't want to do anything she wouldn't like with regards to the BF. I think it is fine to take the request I have most of my friend's hubby's or BFs as friends and it is never a prob. Good luck!

Ha, my daughter laughs at me because I do not automatically accept acquaintances on facebook.

I told her I use it as a way to keep in touch with my close friends family and old classmates. She said that is funny, because young people use it just like meeting people at a party. If you have been introduced to them and they find you on facebook, they usually accept them as a "friend on facebook." just a different generation thing..

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A bunch of people have already answered--unless you think this friend is likely to blow a gasket, if you want to friend him, do. Is your friend also on your facebook? If so, she can see that you friended him. If not, send her an invite, and say, "Hey! [boyfriend's name] just sent me a friend request, and I realized that you're not on here, either!" And if you don't care/don't want to friend him, just ignore it. Calling someone a best friend implies a certain level of trust, and it doesn't sound like your former friend had enough.
This might not be a bad time to sit down with your friend over coffee or something and bring it up--you obviously think it's a bigger deal than many of us here at mamapedia, so let your friend know that you feel insecure about this. She should either respond by saying "Oh, don't worry about such a silly little thing! It doesn't bother me at all," or by saying "Wow, thank you for bringing this up to me instead of friending him [with the "behind my back" implied or explicit." This gives your relationship an opportunity to grow and become closer since either you get reassurance that she's laid back and values your friendship over insignificant things or she learns that you're a trustworthy friend who will take care of the things that are important to her.

ignore it. it's not a rejection. sometimes the best action is inaction.
if he mentions it, assumedly in front of the girlfriend/good friend-since why else would you two be together!?, then you can ask the good friend right then and there.

wow I guess I am in the minority in the accept if you want to. Who cares? Shoot I told my friends to look for my boyfriend and if they want to add him to add him. It's just facebook, you can always delete later.

It's Facebook. It is conversing with others, some you know & some you don't know at first. If the content or conversation becomes uncomfortable or strange, then delete the friend. I think, if you are worried that by doing something that is not illegal, immoral, or unethical will upset this friend, then maybe it is the relationship with the friend you should be questioning and examining. Feel the same for a spouse. You can't trust me to talk to others then there is something wrong with what is between us.
Just my thought.

You've got a lot of opinions about what to do about your girlfriend's feelings. However, there is something else to consider about FB: If they break up, what are you going to do now that he's your friend? How comfortable are you in unfriending people? If he's my friend's ex, I might not want him to read anything about my life once he's out of my friend's life, and if I unfriend him, is he going to find a way to retaliate?
So, unless this relationship is starting to look relatively permanent, I might just leave that friend request there for the time being and not act on it unless they become more stable. Then I'd probably let my girlfriend know that her boyfriend friended me before I accept, and consider her feelings.

Several people say that you shouldn't have to consider her feelings, and sure, you don't have to. But if you don't, she has the option of cutting you off if she doesn't like what you're doing, and you know all about that! So, when the time is right to consider friending him, I would definitely let her in on it if you want the friendship to last.

Do you want him as a FB friend? I say let it go and do not friend.

When it comes to whether or not to accept the request, you really have to consider the girlfriend herself, not your past experience. Does the boyfriend already seem to have several (unrelated) female friends? Is the girlfriend a little/some/not at all possessive? If any of these factors made me feel uncertain, I think I would go the route of ignoring the request and see if the subject is ever broached by either of them. It's better to be safe and respect the friendship.

When it comes to the past relationship, which I understand has already been brought up and addressed, I have a strong opinion. And, I see that a lot of folks are saying - if she can't handle you talking to her man, too bad for her. I am a woman whose husband has a very close relationship with two of his ex-girlfriends, with one of whom he was VERY much in love at the time, and I'm fine with the relationships. But, I say that a woman going to another "woman's man" as it were, about HER relationship with another man is an implied invitation.

You can disagree with me all you want, and I am very open to friendships of either sex for either partner in a relationship, but it is my unwavering opinion that girls should talk to their girls about guy problems. And you can even talk to your single male friends about your guy problems (although I feel like you are playing with fire, even there - "oh sweetie, I would NEVER treat you like that, do that to you, etc....") But, your relationship problems should not be laid bare with another woman's man, ESPECIALLY in the other woman's absence.

Best of luck to you in making a wise decision,
B.