Facebook - Woodbridge,VA

Updated on January 27, 2012
C.C. asks from Foresthill, CA
16 answers

I de-friended my 18 y/o daughter today on facebook. I can’t look at her post and pretend I agree with things that are said and so to avoid it all I have called it quits. When she was finally allowed a facebook I monitored the content, now she is 18 and I don't really want to know what goes on at college. Anyone else feel like this?

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So What Happened?

My daughter asked about why I de-friended her today. I explained my reasonings and she hasn't said anything else. I discovered, however, that you can still view her post even though I am not her friend

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answers from Washington DC on

i'm so glad i can yak with my kids through FB! if they post anything inappropriate (which hasn't happened in forever) i sometimes give 'em a gentle reminder that this can have negative repercussions down the road.
i do have a niece who gets saltier than i enjoy, but i can skip over it or hide her posts if she's really on a tear.

3 moms found this helpful

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answers from Austin on

I am sorry. You have to do what is best for you.

I am not having the same experience with our daughter and her friends.

I think because we really instilled in her that whatever she puts out there can be accessed at some point by anyone that really wants to see it.

Family (beloved grandparents), employers, love interest and future friends.

Some people can handle this responsibility and some people cannot.

If you see dangerous behaviors. Mention you are concerned.. Not because you are being nosy, but because you do not want anything bad to happen to her.

Remind her once again that anything online is out there forever.

I am sending you peace.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on

Well, I have a little trouble looking at my niece's posts. But I want to still be on her FB so that I can see her pictures.

I do think that you made a mistake defriending her. You could have changed your settings to make it so that you have to actively go look at her posts. Now you can't see anything.

Keeping the lines of communication is important. I hope you can do that over the phone, rather than get in fights about what she posts on FB.

When you two "work things out" (since she may be mad at you for "boycotting" her), try to gently remind her that potential employees may be looking at her content and it could cost her a job down the line. Hopefully she will listen to you.

Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful


answers from McAllen on

Tell me about it!!! My 13 yo. cousin posts stuff like "Having le Sexy Time" or other sexually related stuff and I'm like 0.o!!!
but only my cousins have facebook, so to be informed about them I pay that price :(. It's not like we can't talk on the phone, its just that I've noticed that they say more on facebook than on the phone, no idea why.
I will never try to tell my cousin and nieces to be careful because anyone can access their content at any given time, because that would be war, but you can! Tell her that it's very important that she keeps in mind that colleges and employers will look at their facebook, and that can get her in trouble.
My family is a drama loving family, so their posts always cause a stir, I don't unfriend them, I just don't respond, comment or like or anything to their posts, at all. and if it's something I don't like on my wall, I just delete it. Trust me, most of the things they post I don't agree with, and they have the nastiest rounds facebook will ever see, I just choose to read what I read and look at the pictures :P

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I am so glad we didn't have FB when I was in college! My parents knew what I told them and saw only the pictures that I sent them!

She's 18, so no need to continue monitoring her FB account. If you don't want to know what she's doing every minute of every day (b/c for some reason that age group posts such minute details), then go ahead and either unfriend her or "hide" her. I have several friends that I "hide" b/c I don't want the running dialogue, but want to be able to check in on them once in a while.

As others have mentioned, remind her that future employers WILL ask her if she has a FB account and WILL look at the account before hiring her. As someone who interviews people frequently (including my daycare providers), I can assure you that I check FB and MySpace before offering someone a job.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Kalamazoo on

Yes. And she needs to be careful what she puts out there on facebook........it might come back to haunt her one day after college when she is looking for a job!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

My adult son keeps his facebook fairly clean. He does post pics while out with friends, drinking etc. He is 21 so.......
I have de-friended ADULTS for much worse, lol.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

Hi, Consuelo:
You might not agree with what your daughter writes, but
you need to know. After all, if anything she writes is inappropriate,
she needs to be held accountable.
Just a thought.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

I have talked to my teens about posting anything questionable. So far the only thing questionable was bad language. I want to stay connected. I hope that i have taught them well. I have a couple of more years before college. I will make sure that i have a few talks between now and then :)

EDITED: Michelle R. I thought the same way that you did. My sister is a teacher and my husband works in fraud. They taught me differently. Employers have ways to see profiles and pictures. I still dont understand how.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

Although you may not WANT to know, you still SHOULD know. 18 is not really "grown" contrary to many beliefs these days. Further, the fact that she feels comfortable with posting certain things with KNOWING that you are you FB friend says a lot anyway. I've seen that so much lately. So many young girls posting with foul language, inappropriate content and pictures, underage activities, going crazy over the opposite sex and they have their parents as their FB friend. That tells me that not only do they not have any respect for their parent, but also they haven't been disciplined well when growing up, because at 18 I would NEVER think to do something like this while KNOWING it's something my parents could/would see. I'm now 30 and still wouldn't say or do certain things around my parents or elder family members, just out of respect... So in a nutshell here, there's a deeper issue...



answers from Los Angeles on

We made a small sign in my daughters room:

Say it forget it. Write it regret it.

Once the post or send button is hit, what is written takes on a life of it's own.

Madonna, of all people, has a nice picture book called Mr. Peabody's Apples

It is a good story about how gossip spreads, and it can be used as a good email / Facebook analogy.




answers from Washington DC on

I'm not on my sks' FB. They can show me pictures when they are here or email me.


answers from Phoenix on

My kids are tweens and not on fb yet. But all my little cousins are. I do like to be their friends because I keep informed and know what they are up too. In fact, my 16 yo cuz started a new fb page under a different name (only added her middle name) and she popped up on my "people you may know". I was like, HUH? So I texted her mom and it ended up the 16 yo had blocked 26 family members but somehow missed me!!! Thank God, because the mom found out she was having sex, doing things inappropriate over skype, etc. So had I not saw that, she would have been headed down a serious bad road. So I think its important to be her frined on fb for the simple fact you can keep informed of what she is really up to. You don't need to reply to posts and in reality, you probably shouldn't. Just because your daughter is 18, an adult, and can "do what she wants" doesn't mean you wash your hands of her and stop being her mom. Good luck.



answers from Dallas on

Yall are going to think I am retarded... but how can anything you post on FB come back and bite you if you have your account set to Friends Only and nothing is set to public?!



answers from Washington DC on

My 19 year old posts some pretty questionable material on his. I yell at him and he ends up deleting the whole post. It hasn't been a problem since I let him and his 119 friends know that I will not put up with all the language and inappropriate comments.

I told him once I would de-friend him if he didn't stop. He deleted the whole post and kept me on. Plus his friends got on him about it too.

Try to get back on her list and let her know when she puts something questionable. This way you can keep track of her actions and know what's going on in case of an emergency...God forbid.



answers from Seattle on

I'm late in responding to this great question....

As a parent, or aunt, or adult cousin, of family who post questionable material on FB, I have taken the approach of openly disagreeing, or disliking what they have put out there...

For instance, I have one out of control niece, not her fault as her parents are a mess, posting very disgusting, lesbian type pics of her and her friends. Totally trashy and unnecessary. I told her she had better remove those pics and posts before she applies to any federal agency jobs.

So my approach is soft and a bit funny but she knows I don't approve, but I still love her and pray for the day she grows some reason.

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