Extended Family Trip

Updated on March 30, 2012
A.E. asks from Sibley, IA
10 answers

Hi Mamas! Here's my dilemma. My husband and I have two kiddos 12 and 7. We don't do much without our kids and we are all happy with this situation. We go out to socialize once in a while and that is enough for us. My in-laws have an anniversary coming up where they want to have some sort of large celebration, destination travel has been thrown around as the idea. My husband comes from a family where we are all in vastly different family situations, ranging from no kids, to kids out of the house, to kids with developemental disabilies and us. We live many hours to a couple days away so we are rarely together at the same time. We suggested somewhere where all the families could come together and we could enjoy the family as a whole. One sibling with very young children agrees. The siblings with no kids at home want a trip, possibly out of the country, with no kids. I don't want to disappoint mom and dad on their special celebration and I don't want to start ww3, it could happen, but we really are feeling ganged up on. I don't want to tell the others how to run their family but I don't think it's fair that they are expecting us to be OK with this. I should add, we'd be willing to compromise with a weekend away with the grownups, but there isn't any compromise being offered, it's all or nothing. Thanks Ladies!

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So What Happened?

Mom and Dad asked the kids what their thoughts were. That is why the discussion started. I was trying to request help to find a reasonable suggestion. I don't believe I should have to pay for a European vacation and I don't think I should be told whether I can take my kids for said major trip. I want to celebrate but this is unreasonable. We'll just not go, I guess. Really disappointed with how this has been responded to. Thanks ladies.

Featured Answers



answers from Houston on

We celebrated my parents 50th in the Dominican Republic. There were 10 of us and kids were included. I can't imagine having that type of celebration without kids. They are part of the family too. If you do an all inclusive everyone would be happy.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Houston on

Well, one way or the other, someone is going to have to bend, either the families with young kids or those without. You are all at different points in your lives. This is your mom and dad's anniversary... shouldn't they ultimately be the one who decides.. not bickering between siblings? Really though, whatever the siblings want, they are your kids... you can choose to take them or leave them, screw what anyone else tells you to do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Just for the record, I would feel exactly the way you do. I'm sorry it has gotten so ugly in the family, and hope it all works out somehow.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I agree with the posters. Ask the parents what they want. Do they want a reasonable trip where all the siblings can attend or would they prefer going to an exotic destination with only 2 of the siblings.

It's totally and completely reasonable for you to opt out of the trip, be it for financial reasons or you just don't want to leave your kids for a week. Or maybe you want to save the money so you can take your own kids to an exotic destination.

Frankly, the folks who should feel bad about disappointing your in-laws are the selfish, self-centered siblings pushing for a trip that not everyone can attend.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Lincoln on

Maybe you could suggest something like a cruise, that would have something for the adults who know nothing about having kids, and some things that would be great for you to do with your kids (I'd rather hang out with my kids.) Then everyone could meet for meals and have family time. If they expect you to pay for something huge for the family, then you're entire family should be included.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Spokane on

Personally, I wouldn't go if I couldn't take my kids. I am sure people think I am mean, horrible and crazy. But it's the truth.
I don't get to vacation often (due to $), so when we do go I want my kids to go too! Yes, my husband and I have gone away for a couple nights together, but that's it. Big vacations are for all of us.

Anyway...I'm not sure there is a good solution and I don't have any answers. Just know you're not alone :) Good luck with all of it.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Milwaukee on

what do your in-laws say? after all it's their anniversary...maybe ask them what they would like to do for THEIR celebration!!!



answers from Minneapolis on

The family includes children.. so I just don't see how leaving them out makes it a family celebration. I'm sad that it is separating your family but my position is the same as yours.

I hope that you al are able to find some compromise. What if you did a trip to Florida for 3-4 day on the beach with everyon and those who want "adults only" time can take 4-5 day cruise afterwards.



answers from San Francisco on

It's mom and dad's anniversary, so let them decide what THEY want and then YOU decide if you can accommodate them.



answers from Fayetteville on

Ask your in-laws what they would like to do. It's their anniversary it should be their decision.

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