Exploring Adoption/located in Mass.

Updated on September 21, 2010
L.Z. asks from Arlington, MA
7 answers

Recently I posted a question about IVF and peoples' experiences with it - thanks so much to all who took the time to reply! My husband and I are researching all possibilities as our goal is to have another child, and since I had my tubes tied 3 years ago, our options are IVF or adoption. We are now researching the adoption route. I had a conversation with a representative from a local agency, who was very helpful. She told me that the wait time for a child varied according to domestic vs. international (for example, there are a lot of kids available in Russia right now), age, and race. We are not less desirable because we already have kids, which I feared, so that was good to hear. She said it is basically what touches a birth mother and interests her in someone's profile that can move things along. What some birth mothers desire for the child they are giving up may be different than another.

I'd love to hear from those of you out there who have direct or indirect experience with this process; we want to be sure we are doing the best thing for our family in choosing either option. I am not naive enough to think the process would be "easy", and keeping the child's birth parents and history alive is obviously an important issue. Our preference for a child is either gender, under 18 months, and caucasian. I realize this group of babies and toddlers is in highest demand. Regardless, any information you can give to help us educate ourselves is appreciated! Thank you!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers


answers from Providence on

My husband and I adopted our son at birth. He is now 3 years old, and is the joy of our lives. We explored our options, and after 3 failed attempts at IUI (intra-uteran insemination), the fertility specialist recommended IVF. We took a break, then a few months later opened the discussion; what to do? IVF, adoption, or just being Auntie and Uncle to all of our friends kids? My husband said he never imagined not being a father...my heart melted, and I said okay, so what's next? We decided against IVF, because of the emotional, physical and financial strain we knew it could invoke. We chose to adopt. I can honestly tell you that, within 20 minutes of holding our son and gazing at him, I felt that he may as well have come from my own womb. It was an amazing experience. However, I can also tell you that, although we were sent the perfect child, the little soul that was meant for us, we could write a book about what NOT to do...it seems that we made every wrong choice as far as the adoption process goes. Long story, but here's the gist: We spent far too much $$ by working with a facilitator, having our homestudy done by an adoption agency, hiring the attorney we were told we had to work with because she was our birthmother's representation...in the end, we found out that we could have worked with the state agency (who would have done the homestudy themselves) and hired an attorney of our choice (who would have charged hourly rates instead of a high, advance-paid fee)...we would have saved thousands (really, THOUSANDS) of dollars if we had known what not to do. Thankfully, it ended well...with the boy of our dreams as our son forever and ever. For that, we are MOST grateful.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Burlington on

My husband and I adopted both of our children. We did not specify sex or race, although preferred caucasian simply because of the lack of ethnicity in our area. We adopted 9 mos after completion of our paperwork and homestudies and beautiful black baby boy, and 7 mos after completing paperwork again (when he was 18 mos old), received our biracial daughter who is strikingly beautiful! We had actually preferred black for second child so our first would not feel left out. Today, I couldn't picture things going any differently or any better. We chose domestic rather than international for many reasons, help is needed at home first, less travelling (international often requires multiple trips), we wanted an infent (can't imagine missing 18 mos of their lives if it was possible, not that older kids don;t need homes too!), and better access to healthcare for the domestic side. Contact has been us sending updates every six months with pictures, and we have told them their "birth story" for years now so there are no mysteries surrounding how they wound up with us. Happy to answer any questions if you have them.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boston on

We too went the infertility route - IVF, egg donation - with no success. I've always wanted to adopt and my husband was on board as soon as he realized we could not have a biological child. We went to a number of meetings at different local agenices which seem to specialize more in international than domestic adoptions (although they all did do some domestic). My husband was leaning towards international and I was leaning towards domestic. Ultimately we chose the domestic route only because I wanted a newborn. We ended up choosing a small local agency recommended to us by our infertility docter.

The process, for us, was easy and straightforward. There is a lot of paperwork and some might find some questions uncomfortable to answer but the end result is what is important. We were extremely comfortable with our social worker - who is also the owner of the agency - and still maintain contact with her.

We were open to a child of any race but initially specifically listed caucasian as that is what we are and, although we live in an ethnically diverse area, our neighborhood is mainly caucasian.

We began our journey in September 2004 and brought our first son home in September 2005. He is a beautiful transracial child - caucasian, african-american and hispanic. Our adoption was an expensive one as we ended up in a dual agency situation where a second agency contacted ours regarding our son. The second agency expected to be paid in full as if they had done all the work -- homestudy etc. It took a bigger bite out of our wallets than we had anticipated but we have certainly never regretted the decision.

Two years later while already in the process of looking to adopt a second child, the second adoption agency once again contacted ours with the news that our son's birthparents had another child and were not in the position to parent. Long story short...we adopted our son's full biological brother. Although we were hoping for an open adoption, our children's birth mother has only seen the boys once and has not had further contact. Maybe one day she'll be able to part of their lives again. We have been blessed to have the opportunity to parent these two incredible boys. Can't imagine our lives without them.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Boise on

Hi Again! My friends adopted a brother and sister from Russia. It was quite a process. They had to live in Russia in an apartment for several months. They said the Russians prefer or have laws that if an infant has a sibling, the sibling must be adopted along with the baby. Their children are adorable and healthy, as far as I know. Also, the siblings were not bonded to each other because the orphanages had the kids all separated by age. The girl was two and the boy was an older baby. They had to go to Russian court before a judge in Russia to finalize the adoption. They were supposed to promise the judge that they would raise the children in the Russian Orthodox church, or whatever church it is called, but they talked the judge out of it by saying they would let the kids choose when they were older what church to belong to, but as small children, they would take them to their own religion.
From what I remember, they found it easier to live there and do everything in Russia rather than from the states. Her husband telecommuted his job while he was there. They were near Siberia.



answers from Boston on

Hello There,
Your question is one I know a lot about. I hesitated to post a response, because I don't have a very "positive" one for you. But, I see you only have one repsonse and thought I would share my experience with you. I'll try to be as brief as possible.

We have one son who was conceived via IVF, after two miscarriages. Then after he was born, I had another miscarriage and mentally was done with that. My husband always wanted to adopt; I was a little hesitant. But, we wanted a sibling for our child, so we went through the adoption process when my son was about 2. We decided to choose domestic adoption because we thought the travel requirements of international adoption would be too much for all three of us. We went through the entire process, home study, approvals, interviews etc. It took a long time and was a lot of work. For one full year, we didn't even get a "bite"...not one birth mother even asked about us. Our social worker told us it was because we already had a child and most birth moms want their child to be the first in a family.

So, each year you have to renew the long, laborious home study, which we did. So, when year two came around and not much action (basically one or two cases with a drug/alcohol addicted mom/baby which we turned down), we still decided to pursue adoption and go through the home study a third time. Then, as my son was approaching his 5th birthday (three years later), my husband and I took a hard look at what we were trying to do. We decided to not renew the home study again (would have been the fourth) and not pursue adoption. It was a very difficult decison for us, but after three agonizing years of waiting and not having any luck, we basically gave up. We were all getting older and decided our family unit was pretty good as is.

I am absolutely not trying to sway you either way, because I firmly believe in the wonderful merits of adoption. I just wanted to let you know that there are many different things that can happen in that process. It is quite possible that we didn't choose a very good agency and that may have contributed to our lack of success.

I will wish you good luck, peace and happiness in whatever you choose for your family.



answers from Boston on

My spouse and I adopted a biracial baby from Indiana. We waited three years in Massachusetts and were not able to adopt from Guatamela due to it closing down in 2007. We found out that adopting a baby who is biracial or African-American would take less than a year in Indiana. We adopted our baby boy in August 2009 as a surprise baby. Massachusetts does not promote adoptions due to stigma and shame. I will be happy to talk to you more about it. I counsel families on their options in my private practice.



answers from Boston on

Check out Tiny Treasures located in Mass. This may not be what you want, but who knows! :) or online

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions