Twice in the past couple of weeks, two different "moms" in SUVs with children inside have ranted and screamed obcenities in the presence of my children. The first time was as my husband was pulling out of our driveway, a woman was speeding down our street and then screeched to a halt to scream at him about how next time she would hit him. He didn't understand what was happening at first, since he was stopped at the end of the driveway. The woman's pre-teen daughter repeated to my husband her mother's profanity filled comments! Then, I was crossing a street in our busy downtown area with my children when another SUV came speeding around other pedestrians a half block away and then the woman screamed at us to get out of her way -- using obcenities as well! This woman had young school-aged kids in the car! Why would people feel the need to scream and swear in front of children? My kids were scared in both cases and asked what those words meant and why the women were yelling. I really didn't know what to say, but it is still very upsetting. Has this happened to anyone and how did you deal iwth it?
Yes!
My 3 children were all under 6 when a man yelled at me in traffic. He called me a 'wetback' so I yelled back 'shut up' & he did. My son asked me: what's a wetback? It was the first of many opportunities to explain bigotry, rude behavior and the poor way some people have been raised.
People drive around here like they just robbed a bank or something. I'm so tired of rude drivers who think they've done nothing wrong and feel they are entitled to yell at everybody else when they don't get their way. You can explain to your kids that people are not civil anymore and that road rage is a perfect example. And you can remind them to never act like that. My 20-year-old says people have been tailgating her and yelling at her since she learned to drive. She has tried to remain calm and civil in these instances. She knows how foolish people look when they lose it like the folks you're talking about. Also, let your children know they needn't be afraid of people like that. Usually people like that are cowards if confronted themselves. They're pretty tough when they're behind the wheel and can speed away.
I too am noticing the increase in road rage behavior and just general incivility surrounding car issues. I hate it! This fall I mistakenly used an alley by the kids school as a cutoff b/c traffic is so congested at pick up. So I was in the wrong...but two people starting yelling obscenities at me with faces contorted by anger. All over the precious use of their alley. I actually think they were hanging out there waiting to catch evil mothers picking up their kids. Just a few days ago I was honked at 2x on a 15 round trip to the high school for not jumping out of the gate fast enough at a green light or turning when there were kids in the crosswalk.
Everyone needs to take a deep breath and calm down!
my children and I just pray for them. Everybody does bad things. This behavior is totally unacceptable so we pray they see their way...
Wow, how sad! I have had someone yell names at me in front of my child and one I was watching as we played in our front yard (long story) and lucky for me and them they were too young to understand what was happening.
I think it was wonderful that you and you husband did not respond with the same unacceptable behavior. Children learn what they live and by setting an example for you children and talking about the event with them and what could have been done or said instead of the hostile reaction is a great learning tool. Children will come across these people when you aren't there, so knowing how to handle it is important for them.
I also tell my kids that the "person doing the yelling is very upset and not in control of themselves, we need to wish them well and hope their day gets better. It is hard when you are having a bad day." There is a fine line between compassion for others, but not acceptance of the behavior. You can't control what other people do but you can control how you react.
Also, I am guilty of getting upset at other drivers while we drive (minus the bad language) and I have then told my son that my reaction was not okay...it is okay to admit or own mistakes and use them as a teaching tool too.
Hi P.,
The same thing happened to us not that long ago. My husband was taking our son for a walk to the library for a play group, minding his own business and someone drove past him, stopped in the crosswalk so he couldn't cross and started screaming at him. They called him a fag and other nasty words and he didn't do anything wrong! He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He also was waiting to cross the street one time with our son (with the signal mind you) and someone again stopped in the cross walk (she was going to make a right hand turn) and screamed at him about how people with kids shouldn't be going for walks because they block traffic. She had all kinds of hand gestures for him as well. He was shocked and of course didn't say anything back to them. He got their license plate numbers and called the police and reported the harrassment. They said they would look for the cars but couldn't guarantee anything. He felt better that he could at least report it, but shocked at how people can be so cruel for no reason. My son isn't old enough to understand what happened, he's only 1.5 years old, but I am not sure how I would explain what happened. Maybe that some people are just angry all the time and we just have to do our best to be pleasent to them, even if they don't return the favor. I hope that you will post any good advice that you receive as I am curious to see how other moms would explain this. I hope that your little ones are not too traumatized by this ordeal, I know how upsetting it is to experience that type of verbage. Too bad we don't have polite police, huh?!
Road Rage? It's not only road rage. People are stressed to the max and showing it in all areas of life. I try to remember that everyone has a their own life story going on. This is easy to say, hard to do. There is absolutely no reason for obscenities of any kind in front of children. If they are screaming and intolerant like that, that is the kind of behavior they are teaching their children to take with them into adulthood. It would nice if you could record someone in that heated moment and play it back for them later so they could see what they look like. Unfortunately, they drive on and feel justified in their actions. As for explaining it to your kids, how about "Wow, that person is really having a bad day!" And leave it at that. Like I said, easy to say, hard to do, but it's best not to spread the idiocy around. :)
My attitude of "road rage" has changed over the years. Aside from the occasional word "IDIOT!" that I may say in the privacy of my own car, my children know that I am very careful to not participate in any kind of angry behavior beyond that. I have explained to them that "sometimes people under stress do crazy things. We have to do our best to stay away from them...or "They have other concerns in their lives that we don't know about...just ignore them." This wisdom comes from a moment in the early 1990's on the Kennedy Expressway....a road rage ensued with a car and a van and a little girl was shot....minutes later, I witnessed the grief-stricken look on parent's face as they were holding the little girl and later in the evening, I heard the awful news story. This taught me the hard lesson to never engage in Road Rage. Good luck.
That is really appalling! It's a shame that people are in such a hurry that they drive like maniacs and risk other people's lives. About a year ago, I was on the way home from picking my daughter up from kindergarten, and I was at a stoplight with a no turn on red sign. So, as I was waiting with my signal on, the man behind me starting honking his horn. I ignored him until he got out of the car and started ranting at me to turn. I pointed to the sign and asked him what it said. He went nuts in front of my 2 kids, and was calling me every name in the book. I just calmly told him that he can break the law if he wants, but that I obey the traffic laws, and will not be pressured to do otherwise. After he got back in the car, my kids were upset and calling him a meanie. I just said there are a lot of bad apples in the world, and that you just have to do what you think is right and not let someone make you do something that is wrong or that you could get in trouble for.
In my experience with friends and family experiencing road rage from other drivers, they usually deserve it...ie:they are crappy drivers.
Example:I have a friend that when stuck in highway traffic drove for miles on the shoulder to get ahead of everyone. She did this on the way home from Wisconsin with the mini van full of children and in front of everyone, while she was doing it, asked me if I thought it was wrong for her to do. Of course it was wrong...it was even more wrong in front of the kids, teaching them that this was an ok thing to do! I have driven with her so many times and she drives like a nut case. She complaines all the time about people shouting things at her while she's driving...I'm sure she deserves it.
I have another friend that complains all the time about people cutting him off on the road and yelling at him or "starting something" with him while he's driving. I have driven with him many times and he doesn't use his turn signal and drives erratically. He drives like a nut and is always swearing at other drivers. I finally told him that I won't drive with him anymore because it is always such a disturbing experience. He deserves the road rage.
I could go on but won't. I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it...so not worth it.
So in conclusion. The people who experience the most road rage coming from others probably deserve it.
In your case...maybe mom and daughter just had a huge fight and sent it out the window at your husband. Maybe they were both texting someone and looked up and saw your husband backing up and freaked out...who knows?
Be honest with your kid...he needs to start learning what driving is all about!
P.,
Unfortunately this happens way too often. Just the other day, while driving, I made a turn. I did have the right of way and the driver behind me was honking the horn and flashing obscentitis at me. Unfortunately statistics state that children will mimick the way their parents drive. My opinion is to explain to your children that of course that behavior is not acceptable. Continue to drive safely and calmly and your children will know what is acceptable and will become one day safe and cautious drivers just like you.
Unfortunately, it's a sign of the times. These parents were not raised with respect for anyonelet alone themselves; so, you can see the kind of parent they're going to be. Explain to your kids that some people don't know any better and what they're saying is not nice so DON'T REPEAT what those people say.
Elizabeth H. said it best - wish them well, pray for them, and tell your kids that some people behave in angry, mean ways because they are not well or have lots of difficulty in their lives.
P..........Sooooo sorry your children encountered women of the"it's all about me" society. It seems we live in an area afflicted with "affuentenza",people thinking first and foremost of themselves and not others,how sad that their world ends at the tip of their noses,they can't see the affect their actions and words have on their own children.My advice is to be the best example to your own children,they are like sponges,as you already have seen,with the daughter repeating her mother's profanity....they soak up everything-good and not so good...explain that some people don't have Jesus in their lives and because of that they are very sad and often mad at others....get them involved in a good church,I recommend Christ Community Church in St.Charles on Randall and Bolcum,they offer a great kids programs...Awanna K-5th grade...Genesis 6th-8th grade...###-###-####.....this will help you ahow them how to forgive and love others in this "me first and only" society.......Blessings,P.
Hi P.-
I too have been noticing some people (not all) are just losing all courtesy on the road and even becoming aggressive and hostile to "teach you a lesson". I try to drive within the speed limits for safety reasons and this gets a lot of people very angry! I've been stalked in the car as has my husband for following the laws of the road. I did confront a rude angry man once and tried to reason with him only to have him scream profanities at me. Luckily my baby was not in the car.
Anyway, I agree with an earlier comment that was said about saying something like "wow, that person is really having a bad day" and try to move on. It's really important to set a good example. If other people want to model horrible behavior let them deal with what goes along with it. It's so hard not to get angry but that kind of behavior is dangerous and unacceptable on so many levels. You really don't know what kind of person you are dealing with and it's best to stay calm, keep yourself and you kids safe and pray that they don't end up hurting anybody.
