Experience with Toddlers

Sounds familiar, my little guy is 2 and very independant. Patience and persaverance is all I can come up with. It won't be like this forever and they need to learn limits now. Hang in there.

Hi D., I have a busy 1 1/2 yr old girl as well. I use the words "no touch". If she still doesn't listen I remove her from what she is touching. Consistancy is key. By 30 months he clearly knows what he's doing. I would take something he values away if he doesn't want to listen. Favorite toy, stuffed animal etc.... and let him earn it back by good behavior. Getting down to their level and having eye contact while talking to them has always been a good way of communication. Hope this helps.

I have 3 toddlers (2 boys and a girl) and whenever I go anywhere with them they must all be in a cart or holding my hand (I will hold all 3 hands if I have to). You would find that you have more control if you limit what they are allowed to do. As for at home, according to "Supernanny" when you put them in timeout there is an order that you should follow to make it work. First, you give a warning, "This is your first warning, if you do ____ again you will go into time out." Next, when he does it again you take him to time out, bend down to his eye level and explain why he is going into time out, "You're in timeout now because I asked you not to do ____ but you chose to do it anyway." The next thing I believe is the most important part and that is, do not say another word to him or make eye contact even if he gets out. You are to just pick him up and put him right back over-and-over until he gives up and stays. After he's stayed in timeout one minute per year of age (3mins=3 years old) then you go back and again explain why he was put there in the first place and have him apologize and hug. You must be consistent for this to work. You cannot say, "If you don't stop doing that I'm going to put you in timeout." 4-5 times before you actually take action. Make sure one warning is all he gets and then take action.

Hi Donna! I completely understand your frustration...I have a 12 yr old, 6 yr old, and a 12 month old. What worked for our family is from a book my husband found called 1,2,3 magic. It is so easy and simple and it works!!!!!!! The only catch is that the child has to understand some consequence. In other words, you must explain the rules first so that the child knows when you say stop and he does not, then there is a consequence. period. Every time they do it there HAS to be a follow through. In other words, don't tell the child to stop doing something or threaten without following through with your threat. There is absolutely no yelling or screaming. Just "Do not do that". If they do it again you say Dylan, that's a 2. and then if he does it again , you pick him up and put him in the naughty chair for 2 min. (1 min. for every year he is.) No yelling, no screaming, just action. Then, when he has served his 2 min. you ask him if he knows why he did what he did, ask him to apologize to you and when he does, give him a hug. That's it. done with. But be willing to do this EVERYTIME!!!! It works! B. B.

Hi D.,

I was actually catching up on my emails when your post caught my attention. I have a 3.5 year old boy who is very, very active as well. He is very strong willed and temperamental and has a mind of his own. I am still learning, but I have found that you just have to hold your own and stick with what you say. I really think it's more of a phase as long as you're consistent and do everything in love. My son seems to do better if I give him tasks to do and let him choose when it doesn't really matter. I have a hard time keeping him in time-out so most of the time I put a toy...the one that's most special for that day...in time-out or at least threaten. That usually works. Hang in there!! I would love to trade ideas with you more. Feel free to email me personally if you would like!

My daughter is almost three and we have the same problem.It is just the age I think.I tell her if she cannot behave like a big girl than she either has to ride in the stroller or if we didn't bring the stroller I tell her she has to go sit in the car till she can obey.I have had to walk her out and let her sit there till she is ready to listen.If you do this make him sit in one spot like a time out spot in the car just like you would at home.Don't just let him climb all over the car our he will just view it as play time. I am sure you can use the same concept and if you are at the mall. Make him sit on a bench until he is ready to listen.Anyway just my two sense hope it helps.

Does "you may touch with one finger" work? A lot of times, instead of saying "don't run" I say "walking feet" in a sing-songy voice. or "don't hit" with "gentle hands" I find when you say "don't" followed by whatever, that is all they hear. No running - they only hear "running" etc.

This has been my experience. I agree, I think it has a lot to do with the age. I have 3 boys, one has already been past it and one is in the midst and these things work fairly well with mine. The oldest is more temperate so it always worked, and the second is very (read: very!) high spirited and it works most of the time.

I also find that if behaviour is unacceptable then it is unacceptable, period. Do not let it continue until you are frustrated.

You may want to set ground rules before you arrive someplace and then enforce them during the stay. A good idea is to arrange set times you can practice these things with him. For example, take him to the mall with the sole reason in your mind being to enforce these boundaries, and if he does not comply you can leave or enforce whatever consequence you want and when he learns mom means what she says you may have more successful outings.

Good luck!

Here is the way to look at it: He will grow out of it but in the meantime he will learn from you -if you are not patient he will learn impatience, if you yell, he will think that is how to communicate, if you hit he will think it is OK to hit someone when he is frustrated, if you act mad he will copy you.
It is hard to be quiet and low key with a toddler (or teen) but it works best if you are. Remember that babies come into the world to learn how to live a life. If they never question or refuse to do what the parent wants them to do how will they learn what is OK AND WHAT IS NOT OK? There is a reason it's called the terrible twos -sometimes it's the terrible threes or tens but it is all normal, it is their way of testing the limits and the best way to handle it is to be patient, listen and respond without anger. Try to change the focus, re-direct their attention to something else. If all fails go into the next room or across the room and try to read or pretend to - count to ten and remind them you love them and would like to help them feel happier or do something fun or have a talk. Offer to play a game or call a friend or make a fort.
NEVER resort to angry yelling or hitting unless you want your child to handle things in that way. Be calm. Be loving. Sing. If you let it become a power struggle both of you will suffer.
It's OK to give in sometimes , I mean if a child wants to drink out of a blue cup and not the yellow one, why not change the cup instead of refusing. Save your refusals for the important issues that are not negotiable because of safety issues or values. If your child wants you to go get a toy and you'd have to leave him in the bathtub by himself of course you should not do so - it would be dangerous for him to be left alone. You have to stand your ground- you can explain why you wont leave to get the toy. Then talk about something else.
Learn to use psycology- remember your little one will grow up and if you raised him with love and gentle discipline you will feel sucessful, happy and you will have his love and respect which he will pass on to the little ones he may have someday. You can do it!!!!

My oldest is turning 4 this month. He's a doll, but what a handful. We started the terrible 2s around 18m and we are still challenged everyday sometimes 2-5 times a day. For what it's worth, we've been very specific and consistent for acceptable and nonacceptable behavior. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. When we can see a meltdown coming we try to divert his attention w/ positive behaviors such as asking him to help make dinner or telling him we'd like to build a puzzle or read a book. Sometimes this works and some times it doesn't. We get the same look from my guy and even a slight grin that screams, "come on, what are you going to do if I don't listen." Hang in there. You're not alone.

Toddlers are curious so it's natural for them to want to get into everything. I sometimes use timeout, but I also try to redirect them when possible. Sometimes the more I react to something the more they want to do what they shouldn't be doing. If my son is getting into something that he shouldn't then I'll try to redirect his attention somewhere else. My son loved to bang on our TV, so whenenver he got close to the TV I would bring out a special toy, so he would forget about the TV.

Yeah I used to yell at my child too, and you are absolutely correct it does only make it worse. Children are amazingly adaptive and if you yell they will eventually become used to it (they may never like it)but they begin to ignore it or think this is the way to handle yourself when something is not going your way.
You are right you do need to discipline and your child is not bad, no child is actually a bad child, they are curious and things they do are not meant to make you made or to test you, he's not even three. He is doing things and bringing it all into his brain not thinking "this is really going to go against what my mom wants, but I will do it anyway."
A couple of suggestions
*limit where you take him, if it is a place that it would be hard to control him and he would act out or scream or disrupt other peoples rights (by that I mean when I go out to eat I don't care to hear a screaming child, I understand it happens but my husband or I will take our child outside to calm him down but also to respect that other people didn't go out to eat to hear our child have a bad night)
*if you need/want to take him out try to make it a kid friendly place
*if you know you are going somewhree that is not kid friendly you can begin to talk with him about it the day before and that day about the expectations you have of him, and remind him the entire time you are there - you can also bring items from home that engage his attention some books or toys.
*try to make it a time when he is not overly tired and grumpy already

Remeber that you do need to discipline him, but I call it guidance, not discipline. You need to guide his actions the way you want and give him all the tools necessary so that he can meet your expectations. He loves you and wants to meet your expectations and yelling does no one any good.

My 3 year old is the same way. I have to literally almost yell at him to get his attention. Not because he is being disobedient but he is literally not paying attention to me! We have started doing some attention getting techniques that have worked well. We say "look at my eyes" when we are talking to him and say it over and over to make sure he is actually "with" us when we are talking. We ask him to repeat what we said. We make sure nothing else is distracting him when we are trying to talk to him (t.v., other people, toys, etc.). Sometimes, he deliberately ignores me. That is when we have an "eyeball to eyeball" talk about what we are supposed to do when Mommy (or Daddy) talks to him. Don't let your son fool you. He's smart and he most likely knows exactly what you want. You really have to work hard at knowing when it is actual disobedience and when it is pure lack of attention span that all preschoolers have! Good luck!

I think at this age, you have to be realistic about what you can expect from your son. What I mean is this: if he runs around touching things in a store, that seems normal. At this age, his curiosity about the world is way stronger than his ability to control his impulses. I would recommend keeping him in a stroller, cart, or backpack when you are in a place where he usually runs wild. That way, he can still see all the exciting things, but you don't have to constantly discipline him. I hope that helps!

Welcome to toddler world! It's not that he's "bad" he's being a toddler, this is where they learn their independence, and learn what buttons to push on you. My son is 2 and half and we are going through the exact same thing, even to the point where I'm arguing with a 2 year old! LOL! (and he wins!)

It's natural, it's nature, and he will outgrow it, you just have to figure out a way to not get stressed out about it or get mad, then they know they got you! I argue back, I throw hissy fits, everything he does, and you wouldn't believe how quick he calms down because he thinks mommy has lost it.

Just like me, you have one son, have fun with it since you can focus all your attention on him, because eventually, it will become funny to you...trust me, it became funny to me!

Good luck!

Hi D..

I have an almost 3-year-old, and we had the same problems. He was and still sometimes is very active and curious, and we now have a 9-month-old as well. It's hard to manage the two when we're out, and he doesn't listen well, either, when we ask him to stop what he's doing. What works best for us is to walk up to him, get down to his level and look him in the eye - making sure he's looking at you - and explaining the circumstances. "If you touch that, you can get very sick and we'll have to to go the doctor to get a shot." Sometimes we exaggerate the outcome just to get the point across, but it usually works, because he responds with, "Oh. Why?" Then we turn it into a question game, to see how many why's he can ask! :o) I also ditto the response below from SuperNanny - the time-outs have to be consistent to work, and no eye contact because he has to know you mean business! Good luck!

I can relate too, I have a 3yr old boy & 5yr old girl. I find the days of rebellion are much worse on the days I haven't let them get out and run around...b/c I'm so busy, sometimes those days happen a lot more than I ever wanted. Fortunately, I have a neighbor who has a regular regimen for her boys, and they are outside in the afternoon everyday for "outside time". It's inspiring. I think it is also a great idea inspired by having 3 boys. Maybe if he can go outside w/ a couple of optional activities? Open-Gym at local gymnastics places is also great...it's a free-play time for one-hour, usually at 12pm. I feel like it's all about wearing them out.... boys really do have a crazy amount of energy.

It's typical but you do have to discipline him as well. I do this with my son and it works. If he is not listening at home I will tell him No and give him a warning. If he doesn't listen again he gets put in time out - no talking, no watching t.v., he just as to sit there. Reminder - time out lasts as many minutes as the child's age.

So now when we are out say at a store I usually put him in a cart or his stroller. If he wants to walk that is fine but if he doesn't listen he will be put in hos stroller.

I have told him that if he misbehaved we would leave the store and he did so we left. You must follow through or he will call your bluff. He is testing you but do remember that there are places he can run around and explore. You just have to be firm and teach him there is a time and place for it.

Hello,
It sounds like to me that Dylan is a very typical 2 and half year old. Boys are busy and need a lot of outside playing and exercise. Without that, they can be "bulls in a china shop". I rarely took my son shopping but when I did, I kept in mind that he was with me and let him walk and enjoy the experience. The good news is they will outgrow it! But for now, I would spend my days at the park and mall where he can get a lot of exercise before taking him anywhere he can't touch things.

Sounds like your little one is a tactile learner, and is interested in learning all about his world. At this point, the only thing you can do, w/o hitting or yelling, is to pick him and say "no" firmly. Yes, he will fuss, but that's part of having a toddler. They fuss when they don't get their way. Nature of the beasties. :)

Something I found w/ my little one, at this stage it wasn't so much me disciplining her, but me disciplining myself to not give in to her.

I'd save yelling for when its a dangerous situation. That's when its appropriate to yell. IMHO

Something else to think about, if he isn't hurting anything, and if he isn't in danger, why not just let him go? Another thing to keep in mind, if this is his nature, maybe find times to let him be this way? Find or construct a place that's safe for him to run around touching/grabbing at things. Maybe channeling that curiositity and energy into a constructive and safe place while curbing it in inappropriate places will help long term

Hope this helsp some.

try 1,2,3 magic. you can by this book @ any book store. it will help you with stopping the yelling and get more control over your son. It helped up us, lots of work! good luck.