Expectong Too Much?

I understand how you feel and I completely get it.

I was raised writing thank you notes, showing gratitude for anyone who was kind to me. I raised my daughter the same way.

I've learned to not expect anything and a verbal thank you is usually all I get if that much. I have stopped sending gifts to some in my own family because the LEAST you could do is let me know you got it!!!

Yes. You are expecting too much. There's no point in selfless giving if you expect anything in return.

My thought is yes you are. They told you thank you when you gave it to them. Why do you need another thank you? Even when I looked up what was the etiquette for graduation thank you notes it says that if the gift was given in person and you thanked them it is not necessary to send them a note. Just because it's something you would do does not mean you should expect everyone to do the same. It was very thoughtful of you to do something special for your friends.

I'm 49. I always say thank you, and usually follow up with an email or text to say it again. Sometimes, though very rarely these days, I will send a real note or a card, if it was particularly special or thoughtful.
I don't ever EXPECT thanks when I do something for someone.
It's nice when it's received but I just don't expect it.
Don't go through life expecting what you think others SHOULD do, that's just a recipe for disappointment and dissatisfaction.

You're right it would be nice and even proper to receive a thank you note or acknowledgement of your generosity at some point.
But some people don't do these things anymore.
No thank yous, no RSVP-ing - nothing - and they'll happily take everything you give them anytime/every-time you give it.
Some people are givers and some are certainly takers and then some are out and out moochers.

Many write letters to Santa but how many write him thank you notes?
None that I can think of!

If it's starting to bother you then you need to re-think why you're doing this.
The point of giving is to make you feel good and if it's not making you feel good anymore perhaps you should scale it back and not do that again unless you are getting the feedback you desire.
There's nothing wrong with giving without any expectations at all of any kind.
There's also nothing wrong with expecting a small 'thank you' either.
The only thing you can change is yourself and your own expectations.
Others will do as they do do - and there's no doing anything about it.

I agree with you. It's so frustrating. Thank you notes have gone the way of RSVPs - people just don't think they're important.

You can either do these things for others because that's your gift to them, or you can scale back and cut out people who aren't appreciative. Decide how you will feel if you don't do those things, at least for those people. If it would bother you to stop, then doing the meal is for YOU and not because you expect something in return.

We stopped giving to some relatives because we heard for years that "the thank you note is coming" or "I don't buy stamps because I pay my bills on line, so we can't send thank yous." We kind of got yelled at when we finally stopped, but we said, "Gee, we never hear from you, so we thought the kids didn't like the gifts or the cash. And we didn't know if it had been received so we decided to stop risking sending cash through the mail." You can also give to people who REALLY appreciate it - food pantries, clothing "pantries" and so on. Bake muffins for the holiday shift at the police department or the night shift at the fire department or the staff at your doctor's office who just deal with sick and crabby people all the time!

Most thank yous now are by email, text, facebook, or verbally right when you give something to them. You can wish all you want that you'd get handwritten notes like you give, but you will most likely be disappointed.

The joy SHOULD be in the giving. But it IS hard when you feel they take you for granted. The best thing you can do is not worry about it and give to someone else the next time. Or not give. It's okay to FEEL the sting, but then, let it go. Honestly though, PLEASE let go of expecting a handwritten note...

i am related to a high school English teacher. every year she goes over the proper way to write a thank you note and when to write one... and every year she hears out of most of her students that they have never written one before. so i think that thank you note writing is a lost art and i wish every English teacher were like my relative and teach this lost art to youngsters because apparently the parents failed that area

If the family for whom you made dinner is experiencing difficult circumstances (like, say, you made dinner for a family whose child is in the hospital, or who has received tragic news), then I would excuse them for not writing a thank you note.

If you hand delivered birthday gifts to a family, and if they opened the gifts while you were there, and thanked you, I'd be inclined to consider that enough. If they opened the gifts later, I'd expect a note of gratitude in reply.

My FIL no longer sends birthday checks to one of my husband's sister's kids because they never wrote a thank you note. He has mentioned several times that he always appreciated getting a note from my kids, and they still get a small check on their birthdays.

I think it's best not to expect anything when you want to share something with someone. Make sure you're giving the gift without any strings attached, and be generous. But also, make sure to teach your kids to say thank you, and to learn how to write a proper note. That's where you can make the difference, and somewhere down the road, someone will appreciate your family's ability to express gratitude.

Meh. I've become terrible at thank you notes. When I give to someone, it's nice to get a follow up but that's more of a surprise - I don't expect one and I don't keep score. I don't expect people who are kind to me to keep score either.

Rewriting this -

We say thanks and so do our friends at the time. We usually mention it again day after. Gifts, we thank at time or call and thank, or write a note (grandparents).

I do not expect follow up after that - nice when it happens (usually just genuinely enjoying it) - but otherwise, no.

I feel like some of these things just aren't done as much or to the same degree they were 10 or 20 years ago.

I'm also 45, and I remember needing to RSVP to events and hand write "Thank you" notes. I always make my sons write thank you notes from presents they receive at birthday parties. I also (try to) make a point of RSVP-ing to birthday parties, even if we can't attend.

On the flip side, if someone doesn't RSVP to my son's party, I assume they are not coming. Many people don't feel the need to RSVP if they aren't coming. I've also learned that not all parents make a point of sending "Thank you" notes. Or if they do, it's just a picture of their kid ... no "Thank you" printed on the front, no note. We did thank you notes for one party where we took a group picture of the kids (it was a "nurf wars" party), made "Thank you" notes using that picture and had our son write a personal note to each boy thanking him for the present and/or coming to the party.

I try to have high expectations of myself but not for others. Life is just easier and happier that way.

In today's society, manners have taken a back seat. You're not expecting too much. Much of our society has lost that.

I don't know if you are expecting them to gush over your gift several times or just a thank you note. I would be the model I expect. Hand written notes.

No, not at all! Expecting an acknowledgement of an act of kindness is not too much. To those that don't think so, they are part of the problem.

Thank you notes are a thing of the past. They aren't done by most anyone these days. You are expecting too much. They said thank you already. They don't feel they need to say it again.