Expecting Fourth Child - Snide Comments

Just me...but I find the easiest way to stop people from making comments like that is to give them a perfectly direct and crude answer.

Q: "What are you? Rabbits?"
A: "Well, you know how much we like to f*c*!"

Guaranteed they don't ask again....

They are likely just trying to have fun with you. I would hit them right back with it. If they ask if you are like rabbits, tell them, "No, actually Tommy was more like a horse". Smile. And walk away.

Congratulations!!! That is wonderful. My comment would be to smile and say "ready Freddy and Fertile Mertile" and move my eyebrows up and down. But that's me.

I think people are trying to be funny. I would let it roll off.

"What are you? Rabbits?"

Pause a second to let that asinine comment hang out there.

"No, we're L. parents who always wanted a big family."

They will look as stupid as they sound.

You're an adult, be confident in your choices.
Plenty of people will think you're crazy for having four, so what? All that matters is what you think and want.
Though you may agree with those people when those babies are teenagers...

My kiddos are 25,24,23,21,19 and 18 yo twins.

When people made inevitable comments, particularly after the third child, I just worked on my very best smile and nodded benignly.

Some comments are not worthy of ANY response...even a witty one IMO.

Funny though, now that they are all young adults, no one comments on how many 'they' are, just how wonderful!

Water off a duck.

And, for what it is worth, in my experience, more kids are easier to manage than just 2 or three. There is a learning curve so to speak. When the 'youngers' observe an elder kiddo go to time out for a particular thing, they learn from that as well.

The only thing I was never able to really get ahead of was laundry. As they grew, the loads increased! Well that, and milk. Always wished we'd gotten a cow!

Congrats to you and family on your newest addition.

Best

**ETA**

I just SPIT my coffee over suz t's comment regarding 'prophylactic planning' of...conversations!!!

Touche...touche!!! lol

"Our plan has always been 4. We're so excited!"

Ignore the snide comments and change the subject with your joy.

Congrats!

Ours are 5.5, 3.5, 19 months, and 10 days old. Four was always our plan, but our youngest came along a little quicker than our 2 year spacing plan. We got a lot of comments ranging from "You do know what causes this, right?" to my FIL's "What else do you two do??", however they were all meant with love and said in laughter and good fun. Strangers' remarks upon finding out #4 was in my belly ranged from blessings upon my soul and sanity to impressed shock to disbelief. I let it all roll right off my back. I took the good to heart, the disbelief in stride, the cracks in good humor.
Frankly, it's no one's business how many kids yiu have and how close together they are. Be happy with your growing baby and your expanding family and take all remarks with a laugh and a healthy sense of humor and confidence.

PS. I bought a shirt for this pregnancy that says "This is my last one...seriously." It's a large and only worn a few times and if it will fit, I'd be happy to send it to you.

I always found that joking about it seemed to stop them in their tracks. One of my favorites was "you know, we've finally figured out how this is happening, and we're getting cable in the bedroom!"

People will be people, don't let it get to you :-)

The jokes aren't mean-spirited, it's just what people say. Laugh and move on. When we announced our 4th, we got the same reaction. Ours was NOT planned so some of the jokes were spot on. No matter...people will comment on the size of your family for the rest of your life now. For some reason, 3 kids seems normal but 4 or more seems HUGE to a lot of people. It's not a huge family by any means, but that's what the perception is.

Anyway...congrats!

Better to be rabbits than Jack As***! 😜

I'm sorry, that's the first thing that popped into my head. Probably be better not to say in your out loud voice.

Congrats and I hope your pregnancy is uneventful.

that's not a particularly sensitive remark.
it's not the end of the world either.
4 kids isn't some giant number. i guess i don't really understand the nervousness about telling people. maybe it's coming from the REALLY prolific mormons<G>.
i'd handle it by not handling it, really. maybe just toughen up your skin, just a little. try not to read too much 'snideness' into everything that's not precisely what you'd like to hear. there may well be some snideness. probably less than you're 'hearing', and so what anyway? you and your husband are fine, the baby is wanted and anticipated, you can take care of your babies, so let people have their 10 second judgment if they must (and seriously- most people won't. most will be delighted for you.)
you just can't go through life prophylactically planning conversations.
khairete
S.

First, congratulations on your wonderful news. My favorite reply when people make ask inappropriate and rude questions is "Why do you ask?". Usually stops them in their tracks. So, What are you? Rabbits? Oh, heaven's no, why do you ask? They stammer... or, Don't you know what's causing that? Of course we do, why do you ask? More stammering.

I think it's just their knee jerk response to the news.
TRY to shake it off.
IF you really feel that it's mean spirited? Say nothing. No response at all. No smile, no words, no stammering...silence.
It will be O. nanosecond until they get your point. Promise.

Your'e too sensitive IMO. I have 4 kids and just had fun with peoples comments, I didn't get offended. Can you say "we only had sex 4 times in 10 years of marriage"?

Congrats and hope you find peace with people joking with you.

I'm with the crowd. Shake it off if it happens. My best friend had 10, yes 10...all single births and at every turn someone was saying something to her. Her 10 kids were more well behaved than some of the kids that only had a sibling or two. Her youngest is 12 and oldest is 30...they have all turned out to be wonderful young adults..nobody says anything now!

Four is a beautiful number! So is five!!!

Congratulations!
M.

Congratulations!

You think they are trying to be mean or that they just think it's a funny / light hearted remark? I had 3 kids in 4 year there was definitely some jokes along with the congrats, we aren't serious people (outside if work) and we did not take offense. we laughed along and made jokes at our own expense.

if I thought there was malice behind them then I'd probably come up with a comeback instead.

I think I would let it slide, especially with family (unless they're being really intrusive).

My cousin and his wife just had their fifth baby . . . it seemed like every time he came home from a deployment a new baby would soon be on the way. :P We joked about that but in a loving way. I was truly very happy for them; they are the sweetest family.

Congratulations - would love to be in your shoes. One of my biggest regrets is not having more babies (have two - 20 and 17 LOL).

I have four and if comments like that were made I never really noticed. I would suggest you are being sensitive. I mean what are people supposed to say when you have more kids than they ever think they could handle, oh, your're effed, good luck with that?

You are going to get a lot of comments, if they upset you you will be in for a fun life, or not. There is nine years between my middle two. I got a lot of second marriage comments. Should I be offended? How the heck would they know, most people don't wait 8 years to have more kids. Most people don't have four kids, most people do not know what to say. Get over it because it won't end with the birth and people do not mean it the way you are taking it

Oh and how to respond, smile, and say you are excited about number four.

Since it is one of your select people that are responding with "what are you? Rabbits?" I can only assume it is someone relatively close to you. I'd respond "Not at all, if we were we'd have more than the Duggars" and wink.

You could go with "well that's sort of rude to say when we are so happy with this blessing".

I think people say stupid stuff to mask their own discomfort. One of the best things you can do when you don't know what to say is to just pause, smile very slightly, and say nothing. Let the other person fill the silence - which they will do because they are uncomfortable to begin with. So just look either blank/deadpan, or smile sort of benignly (as you would with a child you don't want to encourage but you don't want to critique either). Then you can respond, if you wish, with "How nice of you to say."

But I also like Doris Day's comment that "We've always wanted four children, we're excited, you should be too."

Then let it go. It's not about you being inappropriate. It's about the other person's lack of finesse, etiquette or comfort with someone who can happily manage a big family.

Congrats and here's wishing you a symtom-free pregnancy!

I'd tell them "We're only half way done"....then watch their jaws hang open.

I truly think people should have as many or as few kids as they want. Most of my friends have 4 - 10 kids. My best friend in Jr. High and High School was one of 12 so I was used to big families and wanted one myself. I was unfortunate to only b able to carry one pregnancy though.

I applaud you for having the family you want. Just smile at them and shock them.

Come up with answers like, "We're really good at raising kids so we wanted another one." or "Wow, you mean they don't come off a store shelf?!" or "See, Dan, I told you people can see your ears."

My DH's standard (stupid) joke is, "You know how that happens, right?" He's just being funny...if lame. But he says it to everyone with more than one child, so if the joker is usually like that, don't take it personally. Smile and say you're quite happy with #4.

Ditto and LOL Mamazita.

Just because they tease you, it doesn't mean they aren't happy for you. You need to take the comments as a joke and respond back that maybe you need "the talk", or some other funny way to respond. "we're trying to form our own sports team", "we need enough kids so down the line we can force them to do all of our chores", I don't know, but think of some cute comebacks. Or just ignore their snide remarks and smile. Congrats!!

I think it's wonderful - congrats.

If I were you, I'd think up something to say that would just end it there. Something simple like - "aren't we lucky" or "we still have lots more love to give" or something like that. Make it a positive - it will shut 'em up!

And just to let you know, with only one, I get comments too. My favorite - don't you think she needs siblings to play with? Now, while it was my choice to have only one, the general population doesn't know that!

I see you have a ton of feedback on this so I'll be brief. loving what Loving M wrote and I completely concur. I have the opposite issue in that I get "input" on having an only. The knee jerk reaction is to defend our decision and list the benefits of onlies etc.... I've learned through the years, this is a waste of my valuable breath. Choices like these are very private and very individual. Congratulations on your newest edition....I'm sure he/she will bring you great joy and another unique dimension to your family. :-) S.

I would let it slide off your back.

Surely not every life decision you've made up until now has been approved by all friends and family? You've never picked an art history major? Dated a "bad" boy? Gotten engaged too quickly or not quickly enough?

Anyway.

Married for 10 years with 3 children it's certainly time to stop caring what snarky comments people make about any life discussions you share with them. Smile and nod. Move on.

ETA: BTW, congrats!

Wait. So a person with 7 (seven. SEVEN!) children accused you of being a rabbit. Did I read that correctly, per your SWH? And you couldn't come back with "Well, we've still got LONG way to go to catch up to you! Hahaha!"

Their comment shows how insecure THEY are about their own choices and less about YOU and YOUR choices. Let it roll off your back. Say things like "Yes, our FOURTH! We're so excited!" "We've always wanted four - we're so lucky it's actually happening!"

You don't ever need to *defend* your decisions, but you can certainly express your joy. People who are rude are unhappy and often insecure. They deserve our sympathy and not our anger. YOU are happy, ecstatically so. THEY are not. Feel sorry for them.

The only way you can feel ok in the face of these comments: Is to feel OK in the face of these comments. You don't need a come back, but "BA HA, VERY FUNNY" usually works.

People say things wrong all the time in the world. Don't get upset about it. To be perfectly honest, if I was having a fourth and someone cracked a comment about it, I wouldn't mind! Heck I'm a single mom of three and certain friends and cousins rib me all the time about it. It's funny! Once I was walking in NYC with three separate friends who are all in married couples. One couple has one kid. The other two couples have no kids. My kids were running all amok over the place. My one male friend said, "Jeez, all these kids belong to the single parent, what does that say about society?!" I was laughing for 20 minutes it was so funny and rude!! :)

"What are you, rabbits?" from a family member is a JOKE. It's not even pertaining to kids since everyone knows lots of kids does not mean lots of sex. Like, oh, now you guys have had sex FOUR TIMES? It's a joke. Maybe a joke you don't think is funny, but let it go. And don't be fearful of other people's opinions. My cousin has seven kids. She laughs about all the comments she's gotten. You don't have to defend yourself with income and family statistics: You don't need anyone's permission to have kids!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! I wish I had four :).

I think people make light jokes when they find someone is having more than 3 kids. There is nothing wrong with it and CONGRATULATIONS! As long as you can provide, go for it. Ignore the comments, but know that people are likely making them just to keep the conversation going.

I disagree that you should purposely try to make someone uncomfortable for saying these silly remarks. That's all they are, silly remarks. Finding out someone is having a 4th child does seem to warrant more than just a cursory, no-big-deal-type "congrats", right? Number 4 is a big deal! not everyone goes for four these days! It's impressive! So they throw in the extra little jokey-joke or lighthearted remark to express the "wow" factor.

I would take it with a sense of humor and say something equally light-hearted back.

Congrats! I would love #4, my 3 are just about the same age as yours :)

Firsts off, Congratulations!.

All that matters is how you feel about this. Ignore the comments, my guess is they are envious that you are doing well enough to have that many. I know that I am done with my two, we have no space or money for any more. When I see someone with more I think.. wow, how do they do it. I just met someone yesterday that is pregnant with #10 so yes, there are still some big families out there.

Since you're already a parent and are going through pregnancy for the fourth time you should be used to this kind of stuff. There's always SOMETHING certain people will latch on to when it comes to your personal decisions.

How people choose to create their families, experience pregnancy and birth and how they raise their children are subjects that illicit strong opinions. It isn't pleasant but it's life.

Use a funny but pointed come back and move on, you have more important things to think about.