Expecting Child to Eat All Their Dinner - What Age?

I don't plan to ever make my son finish all of his dinner. Instead I ask him how his tummy feels. This can work both ways ( as in either I don't think he as eaten enough or he wants more of something he really likes and I think he may be over filling his stomach) I think that learning to listen to his hunger cues will serve him better over his lifetime.

I agree with eating at the table. We sit and eat as a family, together. I do not expect my kids to finish all their food and they are 4 and 7. They have to eat until they are full. I can't be the one to tell that, only they can tell me when they are really full enough to stop eating. Sometimes they do finish and sometimes they don't. We try not to make any issues with food. We need them to be able to listen to their own body and know when they are full and to stop eating. Forcing them to finish everything will not make them have good eating habits when they get older

When my children were little, no one left the table until everyone was finished-and a three yr old is old enough to do this-he needs to eat at meal time and realize that there will be no opportunity for a "late-nite" snack unless it is a healthy one-also eaten at the table. On nights I served "family style" with everything on/in large platters or serving bowls-where the children could take what they wanted-I had better luck with amount and content.

My aim was not to raise another member of the Clean Plate Club. (The world is full of overweight people who feel "it's a sin to waste food"!
My aim was to have my son eat healthy food until he was full.
Babies and children STOP eating when they are full. If only we could all be like that!
We never made mealtime a battle at our house (still don't).
Food is food. It's not like he's NOT taking life saving medicine or something.
I also have no problem if my son wants another dinner option--cereal, soup, a sandwich.

We, never expect our kids to eat EVERYTHING on their plate.

We teach our kids, to eat, per their body's cues.
They eat when hungry and stop when full.
That is the healthiest way, to eat. Even for adults.
That way, it is not "emotional" eating.
We also teach our kids to put on their plate, what they think they can eat. Not overloading their plate.
My kids are 5 and 9 now, and they know how.

My kids eat. And they stop when full.
They know their bodies.
Everyone, including adults... have different appetites and tummies.
And my kids, also are given snacks. They are constantly growing and they are lean and healthy and tall and active.
They and we, all come to the table at meal times. We eat. They eat. We never have meal time battles.

We, never punish or reward our kids, with food.
And we never have battles at meal times or other times.

When I was in elementary school, there was a Teacher, that would force the kids to eat everything on their plate in the cafeteria. If they did not, she would yell at them, slam her ruler on the table, and would not let the kids leave until they ate everything. The kids would cry. It was awful.
I told my Dad. So one day, he invited that Teacher over to our house for dinner. She came. At dinner, my Dad noticed she did not eat everything on her plate. He told her "You didn't eat everything on your plate. You cannot leave our house, until you do." The woman was aghast. But he told her that that is what she does to the children at school, everyday. So she better do that, too. He also, put in a formal complaint, to the school. The school had had many complaints about this Teacher from other parents, and how she treated the kids in the cafeteria, forcing them to eat EVERYTHING on their plate. The school, reprimanded her. Sternly.
And it never happened again.

Guess what the clean plate club creates...BAD eating habits. NO ONE should be required to eat everything. You should eat until you feel like you don't want anymore, period!! I never eat my whole plate, because I am full before I'm done with it. And, guess what! I eat the rest later. I'm known to eat one plate of food over several hours. I also have good eating habits. I also don't struggle with my weight. I also don't ever feel too full, or regret that last bite. My husband, on the other hand, had "clean plate club" drilled into his head...and he eats every single bite. He also always feel too full, and is struggling to lose 30 pounds. If he sees food, he has to eat it all right there, in that sitting. He is very aware of his habits causing him problems.

Your husband is willing to instill bad habits, into your child. Not good. It has NOTHING to do with manners. I know a lot of fat people with good manners, I suppose. I bet those people would gladly trade their "manners" for getting rid of all those unhealthy pounds. It has to do with eating until you feel full, and eating when you feel hungry. Forcing a child to eat, is a bad thing.

Toddlers are natural grazers (and you can find written confirmation of this in Dr. Sears' "Baby Book.") I agree with you, I think he's a little young to "get it." My daughter is almost 7 and still gets hungry enough for a light snack before bedtime. What I don't want to set up is a lifelong problem w/ food, you know? Over-eating or under-eating. We've also NEVER focused on cleaning of one's plate; we focus on the sensation of full and if she says she's full at that point then I take her word for it.

I vote your way.

Dinner together ought to be pleasant. Why CREATE problems that aren't actually there.

:)

(Tell your husband the Clean Plate Club philosophy was a few generations back)

I agree with your husband. Children have always been expected to come to the table or sit in their high chair pulled up to the table and eat their meal. This starts as soon as they start eating solids.

I don't insist that they clean their plates, but I do insist that they eat at meal time and when they are done, the dishes are cleared away and the meal is over. At no time have I allowed a plate to remain on the table so that a child could come back at their leisure to eat throughout the night.

Having a child learn to sit at the table is not only helpful at home, but it is invaluable if you want to go to a restaurant or to someone else's home for dinner.

I'm just curious at what age do YOU think he should learn to sit at the table and eat with the family? He will be going to school in 2 short years. He will be required to sit at the table and eat and will not be allowed to get down, run around, play, and then come back later to eat.

I think you should start developing the habit now. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

sorry....not even going to read the other responses.

I am 100% on your husband's side of this issue. My own sons were taught proper table manners at a very early age, & I do the same with my daycare kids. In my home, table manners includes sitting (fairly) still at the table with the rest of the family....& using proper table manners. No one leaves the table until near the end of the meal. & your DH is right, it's never too early too instill what will come later in life.

For me, it's not a case of eating the whole dinner....it's a case of eating what is appropriate for your child's age. I make sure to serve small portions, a wide variety of foods regularly, & there are no snacks/treats if the meal is not eaten. I also wrap the leftover plate & offer it again before bedtime. I do not use milk/juice/etc as a fill-er-up, either.

One way or another, we have to teach our children lifeskills to carry them thru life....why not start early when it can become 2ndnature & not a challenge/battle?

& now for full disclosure: both of my sons were high-energy, high-activity. Both learned at an early age to be respectful during mealtimes. Start them early....& there's fewer problems. :)

Expecting a child to eat everything on his plate can teach bad eating habits. Grazing (eating when hungry and following your body's cues) is a very healthy habit to reinforce, when healthy foods are offered. I can't imagine forcing my kids to eat everything on their plates, or cutting them off if they need a snack later. Kids have different needs than adults. Their little bodies grow at irregular intervals and they'll need to eat irregular quantities. Hard and fast rules rarely work with kids (in my experience). How about asking him if his tummy is full? (teaching him to listen to his body and not overeat) If he barely touches his food, put it in the fridge and offer it to him later, before bed. You're absolutely right on this one - check out the Sears and Sears 'Healthiest Kids on the Block' book, or their website. You can ask questions of one of the doctors in their group.

I've never expected any of my kids (stepsons, and now DD who is 4) to finish everything on their plate. They eat until they are full, period. It's better for them to listen to their hunger cues and stop when they are full, then be expected to eat more than they feel like anything, just because it means they have nothing left on the plate.

I do expect DD to do a reasonable job, and usually I tell her she needs to eat 4 bites of everything (because she is 4 years old) before she can get down. And if she wants dessert or any kind of treat after, she needs to eat the 4 bites of everything, and NO WHINING about how she doesn't like it, she wants something else, etc. If she doesn't feel up to eating even that much, then she needs to excuse herself, and later she might decide she's hungry enough to try again.

DD is still a bit of a grazer, so she tends to eat most of her food during the day (breakfast, lunch, some healthy snacks) and then by the time dinnertime rolls around, she's not always that hungry - sometimes yes, sometimes no. I would rather that my child eat an overall healthy diet, and know when they are hungry, and when they are not, and when they have had enough, then be expected to just finish what's on their plate regardless of the amount. I don't at what age the mealtimes become more established, but I know my stepsons at ages 5 and 6 were better about eating a decent amount of dinner - but I also don't know what their eating habits were like during the day at Mom's (I do know when they were with us on the weekends, they didn't do much snacking between meals).

Personally, it sounds like what your son is doing is very typical and very normal, and as long as the food gets eaten before bedtime, who cares? I don't know of any books that would help your husband get the reality check that he needs, but maybe having him talk with the pediatrician would help. My mother struggled with weight issues all her life because it was so ingrained in her as a child to be a member of the Clean Plate Club and not waste food, and she carried that into adulthood - but consuming more calories than your body can use is wasteful too. It's not like the food is going to someone else!

I took a nutrition class on healthy snacks for toddlers and preschoolers. It was recommended that if a child is hungry, they can eat a small and healthy snack before bedtime. It is hard for an adult to go 12 hours without eating, let alone a child. With that said, at 3 years old, I think it is completely appropriate for him to learn that there are certain times that are set for eating. My 16 month old already knows his. He should be able to sit with the family for most of the dinner, even if he is not eating. You should be having family conversations and including him in them, so he won't be bored. If he doesn't eat, he doesn't eat, and he can have a small snack later. I think that sitting at a table for only 10 minutes is really too short. Also, you mentioned that he is coming back to the table to eat the rest of his dinner at a later time. It is not clear to me if he will come back and eat in one sitting or if he is grazing. If he is grazing all night long, It is not as healthy as having a dinner and a before bedtime snack. Good luck!

I will never expect my kids to eat all their dinner. In our home, we eat until we are full and if a plate of food is still there, so what. I refuse to teach my kids to overeat. And I don't care if the food is wasted.

They don't get snacks or dessert unless they finish all their healthy food. If I give them a plate of baked chicken, veggie and mac N cheese - they have to eat their chicken and veggie to get a treat later. The mac n cheese is junk too so who cares if they eat a 1/2 cup of mac n cheese or have a piece of chocolate - it all turns to sugar anyway. We talk a lot in our family about what food is healthy, which are not, and why.

We do what you currently do, and that is for both my 6 yo and my 3 yo. They eat until they are full and the plate remains on the counter incase they get hungry before bed, then they can have some more. They are expected to stay at the table and participate in family meal time though, even if they are not eating, and must ask to be excused.

I agree with your husband also. My kids are almost 5 and 2, and when its dinner time we sit at the table. I do not give them a ton on thier plate. I know about how much they can eat and. I expect them to sit and eat at least the majority of what is on thier plate. If my son is playing with his food and not eating but still wants a snack. guess what do snack no nothing unless he eats and we do not allow him to sit there for an hour either. I think it teaches good table manor's and i feel dinner time is time for family to talk, etc. My kids love to snack but meal time they eat thier meals and then they get a healthy snack later on before bed. If they dont eat they dont get a snack or anything. The longer you let him come and go at the table the harder its going to be to get him to sit there. I want my kids to be able to sit down for a meal at a restaurant or at someone elses house and not be getting up and down. Plus at school they have to sit during lunch and eat thier lunch in the time provided and at daycare, etc so why would i not continue that rule of thumb at home as well. 3 is old enought to understand.

I'm with hubby on this. Leave food out, exposed to the air and it will dry, go bad,go cold (and nuking food strips out all the nutrients), be a smorgasbord for flies, etc. Toss it out if he doesn't eat it or save it protected till the next dinner for him to finish. Discipline starts now. This is a good example of instilling guidelines in a child. Ultimately I would expect him to stay at the table and not have a chance to call the shots and wander away to play. There's a time and place for everything. Let him get away with it now and you're teaching him indifference for the rest of his life. "Mom always let me leave the table when I wanted." He's not too young to start developing habits.
You have to ask yourself if your motives are all about being right and DH being wrong. If there are books, would you want to stick them in his face and "haha I was right"? Being on the same page is more important, and instilling good habits in your kids is more important.

I side in between both of you. I dont think they should have to finish everything (also you should read up on proper portion sizes for toddlers- you may be giving him too much) but from 1 on my daughter sat at the table until we were done as a group or she was done her food. She wasnt allowed to graze and come back for more over and over. Sure when she was little she was offered healthy snacks throughout the day/night but dinner was and is a time to sit together, talk and enjoy eachother (most nights) Now she knows if she doesnt eat a good amt at dinner no desert after.
Its a preference , no one way is right or wrong I feel. You J. have to decide what you want dinner to be. Growing up in a messed up childhood where dinner was always violent or without interaction I always dreamt of dinners together...silly right? anyway thats my preference To each their own!

I agree with your husband! My kids were expected to eat all their food from about 1 year old. Here's how you would work your child into this.

1. Give him a spoonful of everything on the table.
2. Insist that he sit there and eat it all before being excused
3. Give him more from other things on the table as he asks for them.
4. Do not give snacks, juice or milk in between meals - only water.

It might be a bit of a struggle at first, since he's been free to do as he wants for nearly 3 years, but its important to teach healthy eating habits early on! Sitting at the table to eat is important even for adults, it helps us keep track of how much we're eating and also that we're getting enough fruits, veggies, legumes, whole grains etc.... Its easy to fill up on the fun items and not the highly nutritional ones when you're up and down all the time and not finishing your plate. Also dinnertime is family time. The experience of eating and sharing together as a family is very important. Kids should learn to take part in this activity early on!

My kids usually eat breakfast like champs. (Usually several fruits, whole grain cereal/bread, serving of nuts, soymilk) Lunch pretty well (either leftovers from the night before, or PBJ), and fight supper (if its something they don't like). My kids stay home, so sometimes (since they eat lunch much better then supper) I will make the main meal at lunch time and save some for hubby at supper. Then I have a better time getting them to eat supper. It just depends on how much they like/dislike the food. Then what I do for supper is:
1. A serving of fruit and whole grain crackers, toast or popcorn
2. Simple foods, fruit and or vegetables (steamed, no extra sauces, onions/garlic, etc... - i.e. boring for adults)

You'll learn what he likes and dislikes quickly. However don't let his dislikes rule what you give him, just give him a small amount instead of a large portion. Teach him that you eat your veggies because they are nutritious and not because you like them. Food is fuel. :)

I know this is difficult, it takes time and patience. But its really really important to teach him this now!!! You are lucky, your husband thinks its important. Have HIM be the one to teach your son, this will take some of the stress off of you! :)

Best wishes!

We only eat at snack and mealtimes. I am not at a point, with DD being 4.5, were I say: you should eat enough to feel full, because there will be no more food after dinner. And I stick to it.

However, I NEVER and will never require that she eats all of her food. Only enough until she feels full and the rest we either wrap up for leftovers or throw out.

I thinks it's ok for your to expect him to eat at mealtimes only and stay at the table until he is finished.

Good luck!

Put him up to the table and give dinner. When dinner time is over the plate gets put away. He can have that dinner as his snack at bedtime. but it should not be left out for him to come and go. hubby is right about that. now having said that at his age he should be offered 1 tablespoon of each food. then if he asks for more give him more but his stomach is very small at this age he should not be having a huge plate of food given.

I actually experienced a similar situation recently, but I'm sorry to say that your DH is absolutely right on this one (don't worry, it wont happen again anytime soon haha). My son is a few months past 2 and before he turned two, I had the same exact problem/discussion with my DH. I decided to try his theory, which was the same as yours, and I had your same opinion, that he was just too young. It turns out that he absolutely wasn't too young, and now, even at 26 months old, he knows that if he doesn't eat his food at mealtimes, he does not eat until the next meal. If he eats all of his food, however, he is allowed a snack or two between meals. Because we expected that of him, and explained our expectations daily, and reinforced our consequences, he 'got it' very quickly. Now, he eats everything he can, and he'll tell us "Full" when he can't eat any more. As long as he gave a good effort, and ate most of it, we count that as eating all of it, and he will be allowed to get a snack later. Your son is definitely not too young to have expectations of him. They very quickly learn what is expected of them, and as long as you are consistant, he'll do as he's supposed to most of the time. :) Good luck!

I think you can teach him there are snack and meal times, but never force anyone to eat their entire plate.

I require as many bites as they are old. And then I normally get a few more out of them telling them it will make them stronger and smarter - both true!!

I think you have 2 separate issues you are talking about here:

1. cleaning their plate ~ no, my kids are not expected to clean their plates but they are expected to eat what they can. If they don't eat b/c "I don't like _____", then they must take 3 bites. They are always allowed a healthy snack before bed if they are hungry. I don't automatically give them one (not a habit I want to start), but if they ask they can.

2. expecting good table manners/eating with the family ~ yes, my kids (even my 3 y/o) is expected to make an attempt at his meal (I know when he is eating b/c he's not hungry vs. just not his favorite meal) and we stay at the table and eat together. I am a very slow eater so the boys know that once Dad is done they can be done too! (then they clean up the kitchen while I am finishing up :).

3 is too young to "get it." Plus, as Bug says, the clean plate club is a recipe for disaster and overeating when the kiddo gets older. That said, I do encourage my 5 yo to eat as much as _I_ think she should, which occasionally (but not always) leads to a clean plate.

Here is a link to an article that provides some interesting food for thought:

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doctor-1/getting-todd...

DD sits with us for meals. She has to try her food before she can leave. She's sat at the table (in her high chair) since she was able to sit up. She may not stay the whole time, but she's only excused when she's done, whatever level of done that may be.

One way to get him to eat his dinner is to give smaller portions. Give him what he CAN finish and offer 2nds on anything else. They really need just a little food. We will tell DD that she needs to eat her small portion of (chicken, salad, etc) before she gets berries, which she LOVES. I do not think it's beyond a 3 yr old's capability to sit and eat. DD knows that if she does not eat a good dinner, she gets no treats later. If SD pops popcorn, none for DD. DD can be excused, but she cannot just wander around. I don't get into a fight about it. She knows the rule. She chooses to eat or not and will even sometimes say, "Okay, no treats. I just want to be excused." Fine with me. I also don't want to force her to eat more than she wants/needs. I want her to learn when she's full, too. So clean plate, no, but we encourage her TO eat.

FYI, we do often give DD a small healthy snack before bed. But sometimes it's just more dinner if she really didn't eat well.

I'm 29 and I still don't always eat *all* my dinner. However, I do think your son should be eating at the table with the family at dinner time. 6PM he sits at the table to eat. 6:10PM he decides he isn't going to eat any more. Totally fine. Off he goes. His food is put away. 6:30PM he decides he wants to eat. Ok. Out his food comes and he eats it while sitting at the table. I would limit it to coming back to the table once (or twice if you feel that would be better). I wouldn't allow coming back 7 times between 6:10 and 8:15. I agree that he shouldn't get snacks if he doesn't eat dinner (that is to say if he only eats one bite or two grapes or whatever then he shouldn't get a snack; when he is hungry he should be given his plate at the table). In our house the girls have to eat an *adequate* amount of dinner to get a dessert or a snack later. What is adequate is determined by we parents but it doesn't mean they have to eat every single bit of food that is on their plates.

I think a three year old is old enough to understand the concept of eating a meal at an appointed time and place.

I don't expect my kid's to eat all the food on their plates when I am the one to dish out the food. I am the one determining how hungry they are, not them so I can't expect them to eat a bunch of food when they just might not be that hungry. Once they start dishing their own plates, then yes I expect them to eat everything off the plate. I do expect my kids to stay at the table until everyone is done eating, if not my younger two get distracted by the ones leaving the table and say they are done eating without being full. Once everyone leaves the table I throw their food away and they don't get a second change to eat.

I do think that at age 3, a child is old enough to eat dinner at dinner time. But I wouldn't create major drama if the child wasn't hungry. I think I'd set expectations that he eat at the table with the family, and that he gets one snack after... but not the ability to graze all evening.

PS. Also wanted to add that I'd never require a child to finish everything on their plate. They know when they're full, and we as parents need to respect that. Just like I wouldn't want anyone forcing me to eat when I'm not hungry!

My son is 3 1/2 and this is what we do. I give him a reasonable serving for his age and he has to sit at the table and not get up until he is done. If he doesn't like what we are having he has to take 3 big bites (since he's 3 soon it will be 4..I got that from another mom on this site) then he needs to leave the table so we can finish eating and so he won't distract his little sister from eating her dinner.

If he doesn't eat all of his dinner he doesn't get a snack before bed. If he asks for anything I will offer him more dinner. Dinner time used to be a big battle for us in the past, but doing it this way has made things much better.

I honestly think kids need to be offered food every 3 hours or so. Their little tummies do not hold as much as adults. They use it up much quicker too. They do NOT need to go to bed hungry. That is uncomfortable for anyone. They do need a snack before bed, they do need a snack after nap time, they do need a mid morning snack....they do need to sit at the table regardless of wanting to get down and wander. They should NOT walk around with food. They should sit down while eating, it is a big deal if you have to turn them upside down and pound on their back to get food out of their throat due to running around with it in there.

I think you both need to sit down and compromise.

My 3 year old is expected to eat her dinner if she wants a snack later... if she doesn't eat... she gets her dinner as a snack... or nothing at all. we don't force her to eat, but we do make her eat 2 bites. She has to stay at the table till she is excused. We give her modest portions so we aren't wasting tons of food... and it isn't uncommon for her to eat an extra scoop or two when she is hungry. She actually is a pretty good "eater"- even though she is skinny as a rail!

bedtime for her is at 10:30 dinner lands between 6:30-8:30 depending on my husbands work schedule. We wake up as late as 11:00 am sometimes and that is just our families schedule. We do not do special requests at dinner time, although if she asks me for something in particular before dinner plans are decided I usually don't mind making it- in those cases I DO expect her to eat a decent amount.

I never make her finish everything, but there are those times that she will eat literally two bites, say "I am done" and then want a treat 10 minutes later- nope, she gets to eat some more dinner first. She is allowed to not like new foods, and very seldom it occurs when it is obvious she just plain doesn't like what is served. I am not without mercy (having been literally forced to eat steak and ham as a child- which I HATE) so- if she truly dislikes it I will offer a basic alternative- PB&J, a Meat & Cheese sandwich, a banana with cheese - etc. If she refuses that- too bad baby cakes! I am not a restaurant.

Bedtime, nighttime snacks can be a bad habit to get into... when we are tire we are more likely to fork over convenient foods rather than healthy foods to our kids... and kids may catch on that they'll get what the really want if they hold off and don't eat dinner. Plus, for my daughter asking for a snack is one of her tactics for avoiding bedtime. I don't see that being moderate about food (expecting them to eat SOME - even if not clearing their plate) would cause eating disorders or food issues.

There are two different issues here. One is "finishing your plate", which seems like you have under control by not requiring your child to eat everything in one sitting regardless of whether he's hungry or not. And that should continue. NEVER require a child to eat if they're not truly hungry - their bodies are well aware of when they need nourishment...or not.

The other issue is the "joining the family at the dinner table" issue. I think 3 is not too young to start training in this area. 10 minutes at the table is not unreasonable, I think. Obviously that will increase as he gets older.

My kids went through the same thing when they were young. Now that they're older, they STILL sometimes try to get away with "but I'm not hungry...", I tell them "well, you don't have to eat, but you DO have to join the family at the dinner table." I have no problem with them not actually eating - if they're not hungry, I'm not going to force food down their throat. But they had BETTER participate in dinner by being present at the table. And if they're hungry later, they're old enough to get themselves some leftover dinner, as long as it's not *right* before bedtime.

I LOVE the idea of family dinner together, and I try to cook foods that everyone WILL enjoy eating. But sometimes it doesn't work out that way. If the kids come home from school REALLY hungry (which they do sometimes), they'll have a rather largish snack after school, or sometimes even a full meal. Obviously, they won't be as hungry at dinnertime, so I won't expect them to eat another full meal just a couple of hours after their large after school snack. I'm ok with this - it just means we'll have more leftovers for another meal later on in the week. But as long as their dad and I are sitting at a table eating OUR meal, the kids are expected to join us for conversation, etc.

It sounds like you want to train your son to eat when he's hungry and your husband wants to train your son to eat at 6pm. I'm with you...he should eat when he's hungry. But I'm also in agreement with your husband on training him to sit at the table while the meal is being served and eaten. *Most* of the time, as he gets older, you'll find that he WILL be hungry when dinner is served...sometimes he won't...but usually he will.

At age 3 they should have a say in how much they should eat. Have him help dish up his plate. I don't make my kids finish everything but if they say they are full I will say "finish your veggies and you can be done" Compromise. If they totally do not eat then I wrap it up and they can try eating it later.

I do not make them clean their plates, but if they do not eat a healthy amount or if they eat nothing and then want snacks afterwards they do not get any.
Plus I have never been a snack before bed kind of person. You eat at dinner, 5:30-6. Bedtime for 2 yo's through 5 or 6 was 7:30.
Everyone sits at the table. If you leave then the next meal is breakfast.

Too young to start this - I get where DH is coming from but this is better started around 5 vs 3. We fed my son seperately from us because he wanted the social part of the dinner table not the eating part, so he could come visit and sip on milk while we ate or go play and he ate his dinner quietly and separate. Now, my son also has ADHD and has shown signs of it his whole life and eats better alone in general, otherwise his focus is on the "party" at the table vs the food. So, we have found that it still works for us to eat seperately, but now once he walks away from his meal that is it until breakfast next day.

At that age I fed my son just before we ate, then about 30 or so min after we ate. Typically he would have the meat and veggie part of dinner before us, then a fruit or yogurt or cereal etc after. 3years old is just too young still to understand the concept your DH is looking for - he is not wrong, just early.

I give each of our kids the amount that I know they can eat. If they do not eat all of it that fine...but usually they do. sometimes depending on what it is, I give them less and they ask for more.

However, eating, then getting up and coming back...no way! I am not a waitress and do no bag up food or let it sit on the table for them to eat when the "feel" like it. We eat as a family.

We do allow an apple before bedtime if we feel they ate enough dinner.

But never, never do we get up and come back to pick at our plates more.

So you're right in they shouldn't have to finish what is on their plates I agree with that...but I do agree with your husband that dinner should be "finished" (does not mean Happy Plate) at the table before being excused.