Executive Moms Who Left Their Careers to Be a Stay at Home Mom???

Hi A.,

I stopped working in Corporate America when my children were in grade school. I took a position working from home and it worked out great. I was able to be there for my children and my family but yet earn income. I now have my own business working from home and it works around my family's schedule. You don't have to give up a rewarding career in exchange for family priorities. I recommend working from home for any mom who still wants an income or a career but yet wants time flexibility and make family the first priority.

K.
www.completesensenetwork.com

I'm not going to lie and put flowers around this situation, but my last day at work was when I went into labor with my son and frankly, it's been the hardest transition to date in my life. I miss work. I hate being a dependent. I don't like not making an income, but I chose to sacrifice for my kids and I hope it pays off. Having a moms and mops group helps, but I still miss it. I'm not going to lie. Some moms love it, and some feel like I do. It's a toss up. No one can tell you what you will feel, but be prepared for either so that you can deal with it appropriately. Good luck.

A.,
Here are a few things that I noticed when I stopped working and stayed at home. I want to preface this with I love staying at home! I now work part time to help make ends meet but my husband is at home with the kids when I am gone so I still consider my self a SAHM and love it. (I do love my job, it gives us a little extra cash to do fun stuff and I still get to have adult conversation and job satisfaction.)
The first thing I noticed is that I really thought I could get more done in a day when I stayed home. I realized that I had set my self up to fail by planning too many things to do in one day (trying to be super mom). Now I have made my schedule more flexible and I find that I am not as disapointed with my self.
(Sorry but I think this might turn into a novel)
The second thing I noticed is that my social life really decreased. No more going out for lunch at work, meeting friends later etc. I found that I needed to find new ways to get my social interaction. I found places to go with my little one and really enjoyed talking with other moms. It was really fun to get out of the house and enjoy my adult part of life.(I still find time to do things with friends too and occasionally have a date with my sweetie)
The third thing I noticed is that recgonition for jobs well done (like at work when you accomplish a big project etc) wasn't as satisfying with house work. I really struggled with this one and finally wrote down the things I wanted/needed to accomplish that day and then I would cross them off. This was very rewarding. I also rewarded my self with a "no chores for mommy day" were I don't schedule any housework chore (except meals and dishes) so that I could find time to craft, read, or do something I really enjoy.
The last thing I noticed is that I missed having my own spending cash. Not a lot of cash but just like $20 or $30 dollars to go out to lunch occasionally, get a cute top on sale and not feel bad or stuff like that. My husband was feeling the same way so we alotted ourselves a certain amount of cash each month for fun spending. It was a life saver.
Well there is my novel. Good luck with your transition and futre family plans!

A.- I commend you for wanting to make the decision to stay home. I chose to stay home after working my career for 8 years. Every mother out there is going to have different experiences with staying home and I am sure you will get a ton of feedback. In my opinion, the bottom line is that you will love staying home but you will most likely struggle with your decision and find your new roles difficult to accept some days. Just like in a career you will feel challenged, you will find joy, you will be relaxed one day and stressed the next, you will constantly be problem solving etc... The difference is---you don't get paid for it. So, on top of now being the "director of domestic affairs" in your home, you have to watch what you spend and try to be creative in finding cheap things to do with your kids. After 2 years of staying home, I am finally starting to accept my new roles and I am more aware of the rewards.

Out of the blue one day, my mom sent me a daily reading she gets via email. She must have picked up on my uncertainty over my decision to be a stay-at-home mom and felt this reading might help me. I re-read it often and thank God everyday that I was blessed to stay home and watch my kids grow up.

Let every man be occupied in the highest employment of which he is capable and die conscious that he has done his best.
--Sidney Smith

Doing something that we feel good about never loses its importance to our lives. And it need not be a prestigious occupation for our work to be important. In fact, who are we to decide what kind of job is truly important? The most menial of tasks may have a profound impact on a particular man or woman today, and that's what really counts in God's grand scheme.

It is said by some that the highest order of employment is the offering of love and acceptance to the people on our paths today. For us to define employment solely in terms of career is shortsighted. Every minute we're awake we're busy with something, and that means we're employed.

A broader definition of employment gives every one of us a chance to put in a productive day. Knowing that our presence, our words, our willingness to listen to someone else has made life better for them makes it better for us, too.

I will go to bed fulfilled if I have shown love and respect for others today

I won't lie to you. It was hard for me to maintain my identity when I put my career on hold to have my boys. I still have remind myself (and require my husband to remind me) that my career is not "who I am" and that my job as a wife and mom is terribly important. My preschooler is so smart and sweet and I attribute that mostly to the fact that I was able to spend so much time with him in his early years.

If you want to meet up and support each other and let our little ones play, please contact me. We mamas need to have an outlet and support.

N. ###-###-####

I found that the hardest thing for me was feeling "cooped up" and lacking adult interaction. Now I make it a priority to get outside every day, especially to get exercise. A little bit of sunshine goes a long way towards improving your mood and outlook on life, and my kids always love some outside time too. It's even better if you can find a friend who can walk with you a few days a week. Best of luck to you! You have made the best choice in the world!

Hi A., I'm so glad you asked. I left a very successful job 17 years ago to be a mom. We have 3 teenage boys and a 12 year old girl. I enjoyed being home with them so much that I decided to homeschool them and I'm still at it all these years later! My advice is this: learn who you are and what defines you so that you don't think being a stay at home mom is worthless. There are no bonuses for a great job done, no accolades of praise for outstanding work, and the pay off of hard work often isn't noticeable for MANY years down the road. All that said, no one has a greater reason than you for your kids to be GREAT human beings, no one has so great a stake in their futures as you. And, your kids were given to you (not to the day care workers, pre-schools, schools etc.) They are yours to mold into greatness. It is a job, it is a career and it is so worth it. You just have to know what you're going for and that the reward is in turning out amazing young adults who are useful and beneficial to society, who love and respect you and each other and who love life and learning. Seize the Day and enjoy the adventure! K.

I have only one piece of advice. Stay dedicated to your decision. I meet a girl who could not humble herself to just being a mom. She was restless and ended up going back to work. Dedicate yourself to your child/children and don't look back. I took the vow to be there whatever it took. All my college and skills just prepared me for sleepless nights, my husbands home-base business,helping in my community volunteering and kids homework. God is faithfull.

you have some great responses already! I would only add that I felt a lot of isolation with my first child as all my former friends did not have kids, and then I joined the international moms club, they are divided up by your neighborhood, and that opened the door to many other moms in my area that I could talk to, set up playdates with, etc. and I met some that were also professionals at one point in their lives so the club has really helped me. you can find your club online via google

I commend you for taking on the most important job in the world! I left a career in the high-tech industry to stay home, and I've never regretted it! In comparison, the corporate world seems so artificial, and the things that stressed me out seem so unimportant when talking about the life of a human being!

Like others said here, it's a must to join a group. I joined a MOPS group (Mothers of PreSchoolers), and also got involved with leading the group. It was an AWESOME experience for me AND my kids! (MOPS is different from some groups in that they have age-appropriate childcare/preschool while moms get together. www.mops.org)

Don't listen to those who try to put-down your decision.
You sound like a competent, intelligent woman -- who better to raise and teach your kids, than someone as talented as you are! The whole day is full of teaching moments, and YOU are the one best qualified to teach them. And, even the nicest daycare centers or nannies cannot possibly love your children like you do.

One downside is that you won't see immediate results from all your efforts -- no paycheck twice a month to give you a pat on the back. But keep your resolve! All your work is improving their brains and strengthening their hearts and values. My boys are 4th and 6th grade now. I'm still involved at their school, in the PTO, classroom mom, field trip chaperone, etc. I can't imagine not being connected with them in this way.

Even on days when you don't have anything "scheduled," I recommend creating an event/activity. Simple things like taking a snack to the park (also try different parks), going to the library (look for the kids groups too), or the play area at the mall. Keep up on news or current events, read books (I read a lot of parenting stuff), listen to music -- whatever you like to do something for yourself.

I admire you for taking such a great step for your family!
Good Luck!

Staying home with your kids is a personal choice although many people have opinions. Do what's right for you and your family. With that said, if you do decide to stay home, my advice is to stay busy. Get involved with playgroups, or MOPS/MOMS groups, or something. Get out of the house with the kids. (Running errands doesn't always count.)

Staying home with my son has been the best decision we have made. I love it and wouldn't go back to corporate America as long as I have a choice. It's the best "job" I've ever had.

Good luck with your decision!
C.

You are going to go nuts. Please keep in mind that whatever intellect you may have is going to go down the tubes...especially when they hit two. I'm speaking humorously but there is some seriousness to it. I was in a rewarding job too and I quit once I became pregnant. I missed the social time and the mental stimulation. It would behoove you to make sure you find a good mommy group and try to get involved with something if you don't plan to work part time. Make sure you take some sanity breaks. Most of all, make the most of this time with your kiddos. They are awesome and so worth it. Regardless of needing frequent sanity breaks, I've never had more fun. You world is all the brighter. Have fun!

I left a very great job which I worked very hard for. I earned my Master's and always wanted my Ph.D. someday. But what it came down to was that I could always work, but I only have this small amount of time to raise my kids. You only get one shot to raise your kids. Do you want to do it or do you want the lowest bidder to? Because that's really what it comes down to.
There is a lot of sacrifice to give up such a career. It was hard at first, and continues to be at times. I feel like if I would have stayed in that position, I would be doing bla bla bla now. And making so much money. But I wouldn't get to see my kids but for a hurried time in the AM and then I'd have to come home, cook, clean, get kids ready for bed and go to bed myself. And where does husband time come in to play? I'd never get to spend time with my best friend. And if we did take a date night, I'd feel guilty that I am leaving the kids...once again.
When the kids are in school, I plan on going back. Sure, I'll be 10 years or so behind, but heck, I can work till I'm 80 if I want. And I know I will never regret staying home.
To keep my foot in the door, I work part time. I was trying to make my way up the ranks in administration at the local community college. Now I teach to keep my resume up. Sure, when I get back I'll be older. But so what?
Good luck in making a decision. Just remember, you only have once chance at life and do you want to go to your grave saying "wow, I worked hard but my family suffered" (because all families with 2 working parents have to sacrifice some) or do you want to say "wow, I loved the time I spent with my kids because I know I only had one chance to do that."

Most importantly, hang around women who believe that being a stay-at-home mom is valuable, that raising your own children is the highest, most rewarding calling. Ask any child out there, if they would rather have their mom at home or go to a babysitter and you will get your answer. Children should be the highest priority.

Avoid those people who will question what you are doing, ask you if you miss the corporate world, wonder why you would "throw out" all of your education, blah, blah, blah. They are thinking about their wants and dreams.

Whatever you are missing in the corporate world, look to see what is a good replacement for you. I missed the social contact at lunch, so I made lunch dates with other women with kids at my house or theirs. I missed having the money to get a sitter and go out to eat with my husband, so we swapped babysitting with other moms. I missed getting those reviews of how well I was doing, so I would look at my kids' faces or at the files I kept of their precious artwork and "love notes." I still have the cards my husband bought for my kids to scribble their names on for my birthday or Mothers' Day. (My kids are in college now.)

Enjoy your new life!

A.,
I totally agree with the other response too....it is a "transition" but, well worth it!! I think it is important to have the balance...especially making sure you connect with other moms, etc. who are home. This will help you not feel "isolated"---you know what I mean. I have been home for 6 years and have had my ups and downs....BUT, I WOULD NEVER TRADE IT FOR GOING BACK TO "CORPORATE". I recently just decided to start my "own" business out of my home...selling Arbonne. I love it. It is nice for that little extra (or a lot....which is what I plan to do....since I can still be home). It has allowed me to get with other girlfriends on a consistent basis and give me something else that I enjoy along with raising my kids. You just need to know the LONG TERM benefits of being home are priceless! Your family will thank you for it in the long run. Hope that helps a little....let me know if you have any other questions....a lot of us SAHM have been there, done that!

Hi A.- Congratulations on being able to stay home with your children. I am a pharmacist who always worked part time. After the birth of my third child, I was able to stay home for about 4 and 1/2 years. It was far more difficult then I ever imagined. My third was an extremely difficult baby and although I wanted to be the one to stay home and raise him I often had many days thinking... Is this what it is all about? My two other boys were much older and already in school. After years of dreaming about being a stay at home mom I used to joke " I am going on Oprah to tell everyone how difficult this is!" It may have also been that I was an older mom my third time and I felt somewhat disconnected to other younger moms staying home with their children.
At the beginning of this school year I went back to work part time again (1 to 2 days per week). I can not tell you how happy I am. I am so thankful to have a career that enables me to do this. It gives me just the right amount of time to get out of the house and also to be able to spend alot of time with my children.
My only suggestion is this- stay home with your babies- I don't think it is a decision you will ever regret. However, if you have the opportunity also try to stay in touch with different aspects of your career. That way in a few years you can go back to work when the kids are a little older. I will tell you this - the grass is never greener. I believe staying home and working are equally difficult in different ways. Just try to enjoy the experience while you are in it.

Hi A.,
By all means, go for it! I never in a million years would have dreamed I'd be a stay at home mom, but I am and I can tell you it is the biggest, most rewarding challenge I've had thus far. The biggest adjustment was being able to give the kids my full attention after being paid to multitask for so many years. Of course I miss the big pay checks as well, but we have made many adjustments to make it work.
My last job was running a beautiful, successful restaurant but I was working 40 to 70 hours a week which was hard with a 4 year old; thankfully my husband was great with him. Then I became unexpectedly pregnant with my second after concurring cervical cancer, and after being rear-ended by an inattentive teen, I almost lost the baby. Three days later I was back at full time work, without knowing I had a sprained back. I left my job just over a month later because it was too much stress after everything I had been through. Leaving was the most difficult thing I have ever done and it took months to become adjusted to not working, but like I mentioned before, it has proved to be the most rewarding challenge so far and I am so glad I am at home with my beautiful children. I can always go back to work but a child is only a child once and if you miss out on that, it can never be replaced. Good luck and always remember to go with your gut!

I was teaching for four years (I had my Bachelor's Degree) while I went to school to obtain my Master's Degree. In Decmeber 2006 I graduated with my Master's Degree in Elementary Education. I also obtained a reading endorcement and an SEI endorcement. I had my son in January of 2007, took 4 months off work, returned for 6 weeks to finish the school year, and never looked back. Staying home is harder than working in many ways, but it's also the most rewarding and challenging thing you can do, in my opinion. Some days will be hard and you will want to pull out your hair and run the other way. Most days will be amazing, though. Like the others said, get involved with a moms group and find some activities that will get out of the house every once and a while, but most of all, relax and enjoy the ride.

HI A.,
I left a 20 year career, launched my own biz and then adopted a baby girl who is now 2.5 years old. I have trimmed my biz to PT and so 3 days a week I am home with her, 2 days a week she is in daycare and i work. it was a huge shift, and I am verythanful that I am able to do both, going cold turkey as a full time mom would not be the best option for me. I think it is key to figure out what your needs are, then plan from there. Since you already have one little person you have a sense of what that is all about--I didn't. Happy to talk sometime or meet for a coffe if you'd like.
L.

Hi A.! I'm happy to hear you are thinking about becoming a stay at home mom. I am a Certified Nurse Midwife (CNM) who quit work in 2005 when I had my first child. I absolutely loved my job delivering babies and teaching resident physicians in a hospital setting and it paid really well too. However, I wouldn't trade the last 4 years home full time with my 2 kids for anything. The way I see it, you can always return to work, but you can never turn back the clock and relive the first 5 years with your kids. I have no regrets and I happen to be living my dream.
I must admit, though, the first 6 months were the hardest. My expectations were really unrealistic (I visualized rocking a sleeping baby and sipping tea each afternoon to classical music surrounded by an orderly house I had time to clean) especially since I gave birth to a high need baby who screamed her way through her first 6 months. Without making this note into a book, I offer just a couple helpful tips. Make sure you connect with other stay at home moms who live nearby. You will need adult conversation and empathetic ears. Make sure your husband shares your vision to be at home (mine does and it's really important) and give him time to adjust as well. Keep current on your career and knowledge base through continued education. Don't expect that just because you are home full-time, your house will be clean and neat and the children always at their best. We SAHMs have challenges in this area because there are more people home to mess things up.
Best wishes! R., married midwife mom of an almost 4 yr. old and a 9 month old.