"Exclusive" Wedding Dilemas and Stressors!

Updated on July 28, 2008
C. asks from Littleton, CO
4 answers

I am hoping there are other mom's out there in my position or have been at one time. My family and I are attending a BIG FANCY wedding in August. The invitation says "coctail attire". Not a problem, have a "little black dress" to wear. We are special guests and our children are in the wedding. I have to have "appropriate" attire for the rehersal dinner and also the bridal brunch the next day. Both events will be held at a country club. The bride and groom have both been previously married and both have grown children. Are nice dress cotton shorts and a nice blouse approprite for the rehersal dinner? Are dresses my best bet for all 3 events? Any ideas where I can purchase 2 "nice" outfits for cheap (2nd hand stores). Also, for jewelery to go with the black dress...silver, pearls, gold...????
Now for the second half of my dilema...Our daughter's are not to attend the rehersal dinner (also, WAY past their bed time) or the bridal brunch. I will need to find childcare as my husband will be doing something with the men. Is it approprite to bring my own babysitter? SHe will need to stay the night (2-3) with us, as the wedding is out of town. How much should she get paid. I want her to earn what she is worth and enough to show her how much I appreciate her help. I also need her to know this is a special occasion and I am unavble to pay her this much for a few hours here and there! SHe will care for the children 3 different times throughout the weekend. SHe will have to bathe and dress them for bed 2 nights and put them to bed as well. During the brunch, she would have to feed them lunch and possibly put them down for nap. I have a regular teenage babysitter that I use on a regular basis. We would provide all of her food and drinks as well as her transportation. If you were the parent of teenager, would you feel this is too overwelming and too much responsability for one person. Also, what do we do with her during the in between events times. There will be other teenagers there, but she does not know them. My children know her very well, she has babysat for me since my older daughter was 9 mos old. The wedding and reception are at the bride and grooms house, which is where we are staying. I am very protective of my children. Another parent of young children is providing child care for her children and others if needed (possibly). But, I will not leave my children (or would they stay)with someone I do not know. This is a huge stressor, I just need some ideas suggestions, comments from other moms who may have been in my shoes at one time. Thanks so much in advance for taking the time to respond.

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answers from Denver on

If your children a part of the wedding party, they should be invited to all activities!

You will need nice dresses and look the rich the best you can. Other wise they need to take you as you are.

Like your other advise, it will cost you a small fortune to take the babysitter with you. I would make sure the place has a pool so the kids are not stuck in the room the whole time.
Have fun,
C. B



answers from Denver on

No, nice shorts will NOT work at a country club for a rehersal dinner, and probaby not for the Bridal Luncheon either unless you're playing golf before hand, or the events are in the 19th Hole... no matter how nice the shorts are. It doesn't have to be an after 5 dress for the reception, but you don't want a sundress either. Stay away from cotton.

I'm going to suggest going to Kohls for a nice dress. They have great sales and their prices aren't too bad in the first place. Ross is also REALLY good, but you have to sift though the racks.

You're not going to like what I'm going to say about the babysitter: Plan to pay the babysitter several hundred dollars. I'm going to say $300 bare minimum. I don't know how much you pay her per hour, but you have to keep that in mind. If you normally pay $10/ hour, it's going to be different than if you pay her $5 or $15/ hr.

Most importantly, you CAN NOT pay her only for the hours she's babysitting because she's committing her entire weekend (2-3 days) to being with you. It's assumed that you're paying for her transportation and food. You wouldn't ask her to pay her own, would you? LOL. Even if you're paying for her food and "drinks" (??? I hope she's not drinking while she's taking care of your kids!) she's still not going to be able to go with you (unless she has a car with her,) and depending on how old she is, she maybe too young to hang out with the other teens whether she knows them or not.

Something else to consider is where the other parent that is supplying childcare is keeping the other children. Is it at the home of the bride and groom where the reception is being held? If not, maybe the bride and groom don't want kids in the house during the reception. I would not assume that it's okay to have the kids there.

If the child care provider IS keeping the other kids at the house, maybe you should reconsider letting your kids stay with the other provider since after all, you'll be in the house too.

Good luck with all of this! Don't forget to give us an update!



answers from Denver on

I say dresses for all wedding weekend events. I was in my sister's wedding a couple years ago, and don't like that people dress so casually for things these days. I've never taken a babysitter out of town, so I don't know about that. I would consider going with a local sitter who could be there only during the hours needed, not the whole weekend; or sharing your friend's sitter. If that is an option, it seems silly to me to take a sitter with you for the entire weekend.



answers from Denver on

My husband is an "executive" and I'm a stay at home mom who's more comfortable in sweats and a t-shirts, but I have attend a lot of formal events. A trick I use is the all purpose little black skirt (I bought a nice one on sale at Talbots, but Kohls and Ross have great stuff too) Top the skirt with different blouses. Wear some cute strappy heels. Then add nice jewelry to dress it up a little more. Fake diamond studs are a good choice. ( I've had people actually compliment me on them...Ha)

Country club attire calls for either a dress or nice skirt and blouse. And of course the most important thing to wear is a smile! I know that sounds corny, but it's true. Confidence and friendliness will out-shine your clothes and be the thing that people will remember.

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