Ex Wife Issues!

Updated on October 23, 2010
K.I. asks from Lindenhurst, NY
19 answers

So, I am a little disappointed and somewhat irked!

Yesterday I posted about my SS's 16th birthday party we were throwing him...it was to be an XBOX marathon sleepover...we sent out 25 invitations 3weeks ago, to boys and girls, his closest buddies (about 10 of them) were then gonna sleep over...he was very excited! All but 2 of them were members of his church (LDS, Mormon), the 2 that are not Mormon opted to go to homecoming instead...that's fine.

As it turns out, his Mom thru him an XBOX party at her house last weekend...they all started playing Halo (a favorite amongst us all, yes it is a shooting game but we like it) after a bit his Mom came and and saw what they were playing and proceeded to take all the games away that were not rated E, the boys, in true teenage boy fashion tried to convince her to allow them to continue to play it by stating they all have played it before and how fun it is, etc. etc....she then proceeded to call all the parents and told them
what they were playing and how she didnt know that is what they were gonna be playing, then proceeded to tell them that we have way worse games at our house (totally true) and how she recommends that they not let their kids come to our house because they will not be properly supervised. So, they ALL cancelled...not one of his friends is coming to his party!

Seeing how we are not Mormon, I totally understand how these parents (her friends and fellow church goers) would agree with
her and take her recommendation on the matter...but it still sucks! SS was very disappointed!

For the record, I am not Anti Mormon (my BFF) is Mormon...and this are 16 and 17 year old boys we are talking about...Not lil' kids! The Ex wife is just so very controlling and strict and tries to undermine everything we do...especially since last year when the oldest SS moved out of her house into ours, since then she has done everything in her power to make our lives miserable...and it is getting seriously old!

Also, some people hear "stepmom" and assume this is a new situation, which is not the case...I have been stepmom since the boys were 5 and 2...so we have been dealing with her craziness for a very long time...I usually try not to let it bother me, but like I said it's getting old! Not only did she steal our party idea but then she ruined it!

I feel terrible because this was gonna be SS's first EVER "friend" party, he has never had one at his mom's and seeing how all 4 of our boys have b-days within 2 weeks of each other we have always clumped them together and had a family only party on one of our weekends when the in-laws were here. Atleast he got to have one party right! I am trying to look on the bright side!

Why are some people so manipulating and mean...I just don't get it!?

Thanks for taking the time to read this...I love this site! I feel better just writing down my feelings and sending them out into the void!

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So What Happened?

I did schedule the part for Homecoming weekend because none of the Mormon kids are allowed to go to school dances, those are also "not properly supervised".

We will never conform to the ex wife's wishes...she wishes my hubby were dead and that he signed over his parental rights...she
also is NOT tolerant of anything that is not a Mormon activity, that means no school sports or clubs or dances or friends who are
not Mormon. The boys and parents of the boys' friends were given an "approved friends list" when they entered HS...she actually
went to peoples houses who were not Mormon and gave them a list to show that their child was not on the list, so they should not
try to be friends with her sons! She is crazy...I mean really off!?

My nephew was going to our local amusement park with his buds this weekend, it's all decorated for Halloween and the roller coasters go backwards...so SS is going with them...they are all the same age and get along really well...so it will be OK!

Featured Answers


answers from Bakersfield on

This had nothing to do with the games, the party or the kids feelings, it's all brought to you by "the ex wives club".

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

Change the theme of the party.
And if the games are rated appropriately for the boys' age I don't see who could possibly make a fuss.

2 moms found this helpful

More Answers



answers from Tulsa on

she is buying her sons love so to speak. so have a board game birthday party instead. or card game. he will grow up hating his mom for this. give it time it will bite her in the a**

4 moms found this helpful


answers from San Antonio on

Girl I feel for ya. What a pain in the you-know-what!!! Try to make light of it and take him and one or two best friends out to a cool place for dinner or something. Do you have Dave N Busters?

What sucks the most is that this mom has ruined a fun time for her son and all the boys. The boys are all the ones hurt by this no-big-deal-video-game thing. Mom's made you look awful too. I know what you're saying about video games. And geeez - they're 16 yrs old. What's the big deal?

Try to have fun. Make sure your s-son knows you wish the situation were different. Try to make it not a big deal.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

God love us step moms!!!! Everytime we piss bio mom off she witholds kids from us. I like to give a little dose where its due. Do something way cooler, like a poker night, teach the boys how to play and make it charitable throw ins. Idk like loser picks up trash or volunteers. Something that shows them that fun doesn't have to be vulger but it doesn't have to be lame either. I'm sure 50 moms out there disagree but trust and believe these kids know way worse stuff and at this age all you can do is guide them in the right direction. Not to mention don't churches have something like casino nights? Clearly it can't be too bad.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I'm surprised you planned a party for homecoming weekend! but I hope you can quick call the other parents tell them they will NOT play violent games on Xbox and convince them to come ? Maybe a Guitar Hero or Rock Band marathon or other ? rent videos that are funny not contraversial- maybe older ones they may not have seen like Zoolander, Animal House, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, (ask for more suggestions on Mamapedia! I dont know much about Mormons but I know you cant invite a lot of Quakers and them expect them to play violent games! This is about your stepson's B day not your issues with ex wife! I hope you can salvage this party for his sake!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

wow....sorry that happened. I don't happen to like the Halo game, but I don't think it was the mom's business to be a busy body and inform everyone else. I trust my kids to hold to their values no matter where they are at- and I'm sure it wouldn't have been a problem to opt out of that particular game.
I was born and raised Mormon, and I think it is sad when parents won't let their children interact with any one except other Mormons- you miss so many great people that way!
Anyway, it sounds like you are handling the situation great! Keep being an awesome mom!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Stockton on

I think that you should call all of the parents that had said yes and then declined after she called and let them know that you understand where they are coming from and try to change the party to something else - Can you just go out to dinner with the boys or something? Or maybe a pizza party and watch a movie - of course ask the parents what movie they would suggest and make sure it's appropriate and EVERYONE approves. What a pain in the rear......but it will all be worth it in the end when you SS has a good time with his friends and sees how accomodating you have been so that he could have a special day. Maybe he would have an idea of what he would want to do different too - maybe ask him first? Good Luck with the ex, she sounds like a real winner!!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Charlotte on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from Anchorage on

Can you re-schedule his sleep over with a different theme, and call and talk to each of the parents personally when you re-invite them to the new party? I know it sucks, and his mom sounds like a real piece of work, but what is done is done. Talk with your son about what he would like to do at this point. Could he do a pizza and movie party, and you could talk to the parents about what movie will be shown? I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Some women have a hard time sharing their children, and will do things to hurt others that love that child, even if it hurts the child as well, just because she feels unsure or replaced.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

Dear InMy30’sAlready?’s,

I am a Ex wife ( i am not in the ex wife club) . I agree with you that she sounds nuts. My two oldest children had the best both worlds. We have had parties together, apart.......always fun. My ex and I get along just fine. Not all ex wifes are totally out of control. She just sounds bitter as hell. I hope he has a great time on his birthday regardless!!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Sharon on

i am sorry about ur issue.. but seems like the mother is a roral b****... i would ask ur stepson/son if he wanted a different theme for his party good luck
i know how hard it is

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Seattle on

I am so sorry. It is very sad that she doesn't realize who she is hurting the most, her son. I too am a stepmom, not a new one either. I realize the frustration and even though I am blessed to get a long well with the ex I run into situations that I need my husband to handle. Can your husband talk with her to help set her straight? I know the damage is already done, however, this mom needs to realize what she just did to her son. Since I came from a broken home I know how much it sucks having two different homes, when I got married and became a stepmom I knew I would do things different, I wanted to make sure my stepdaughter never felt pulled between the two homes since there are major differences between the two. My husband and I take things up with the Mother without involving our daughter and we make sure to never talk poorly about her Mother in front of her. In your situation you can support your stepson and ask him what he would like to do instead of the Xbox party and just redo the whole invite. This is awful, I am so sorry.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

Look at it on the bright side...she sure keeps your life interesting!! :) In a couple of years, you won't have to deal with her, and you will have a quiet normal life.



answers from Minneapolis on

Sheesh. I am not a gamer. My husband is and my kids will be. I am also not thrilled by *some* of the games and the older they get, the more and more they will be allowed to play these. By 16, I am pretty sure they will be playing anything my DH plays.

And though plenty of mommy's are anti-gaming, anti-tv, anti-whatever...I would like to think I always take a minute to apply the moderation rule and the as-long-as-you-are-doing-it-with-them rule. Seems like you are applying both. This was a special occasion and the games are ones you are familiar with. You are right. It really is too bad that children as used to play and adult's sad game of emotional manipulation.


answers from Dallas on

Sounds like it would have been a great party... I'm with you and his daddy that think it's okay for him to play Halo and such games. We are both moms so our opinion count a lot, but what about what dad feels? If she was still married to him would she allow her son to play the game if he felt it was okay? Not that the games is the worse part of it, I find her having the same "theme party" as you had the bigger issue. Maybe you could reschedule doing something else. I'm sure you've talked with your son, what does he want to do? So sad...



answers from Las Vegas on

I see both sides to this. I guess the best way to put it is that is sounds like my same issue I had with my sister while she watched my daughter. I didn't allow soda drinking at a young age, but with her Aunt, my daughter was allowed. I didn't allow rated R movies, but my sister believed as long as it was with her it was okay. She allowed the kids to do what they wanted and felt I was too strict. The reality was, it was my child and she should have respected my wishes, I gave birth to her and she was only visiting her Aunt, not given custody and control.

So to fix that, I had to cut the visits, probably something you or your husband don't want. Can you compromise for the kids and honor their mothers wishes? I am sure this was all very embarrassing to him or them. There is nothing wrong with avoiding this until they are 18, but in her view it is not appropriate at their current age. Why not do what you can to make things easier for the boys? Even if she was a killjoy.



answers from Philadelphia on

Well you sound like a supportive attentive step mom. However I don't approve of Halo and games like it. I am not Mormon. I am Christian but does that really matter at all. I don't want my kids to be entertained by killing people. They are allowed to do the games that are age apporiate BUT nothing overly violent. It is against what I believe in. I want my kids to not be aggresive towards others and I think on one level I would be condoning if I said playing those games were ok.


answers from Albany on

hhhmmm, are you very sure he even wants a party? Neither one of my boys wanted parties after 12 or 13, even with friends in lieu of boring fam members, all they want is cash or gift cards, tehehe! All their friends seem to play the same xbox live or online games together everyday anyway, they don't need to be in the same house!

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