It seems that, lately, every time I scold my son he puts his head down. Is this manipulation, Should I worry?
It sounds like he doesn't want you to see his feelings are hurt. You may want to talk a little softer but make sure you have eye contact and use a time out chair. Say to him is your head down because you feel bad and then let him know what he did to upset you and thats why he's sitting in the naughty chair.
Are you being too harsh? Maybe the little fellow has had a hard day!:) Maybe he's trying real hard to impress you and you haven't recognized his efforts, only pointing out the negative.Seems like a little dialogue in needed here. Talk with him, try to find out if something is bothering him. Talk, talk, talk.
Well, without knowing what you're saying and what tone of voice you're using, it is impossible to know if he is trying to manipulate you. However, I think it is just possible that what you're doing is shaming him, because putting the head down and making depressed body movements sounds like he is exhibiting shame.
Instead of scolding, maybe you could try educating or instructing him. Try to always remember that he is just 6 years old and cannot always remember the right thing to do for every situation. Also, he simply does not have the self-control that adults or other, older children have, so he's going to need reminding and repetition in order to get certain behaviors right.
Getting angry at him for being a young child with limited attention span and limited memory and limited social skills, is like getting mad at him for his hair color or his height -- in other words, if you get mad at him for things he doesn't have any control over, then you are setting up an impossible situation for him. That's going to make him feel like a failure, and trust me -- you don't want that.
Remember...as the parent...the worse he feels about himself, the less he's going to feel like trying to do better. Give him smaller, less complex tasks and more basic expectations with more reminders, and see if that does not improve his behavior. I think you will find that the more things he masters, the more things he knows he can do right, the better he will feel about himself, and the less he will act out and perhaps even TRY TO GET NEGATIVE ATTENTION.
Make sure you give him lots of positive attention for the things he does right...and just postive, loving attention just because he's your son and you love him. It's really important that kids know they are loved just because they're your kids. That's the greatest self-esteem of all, and there's nothing on earth that can replace that kind of feeling comfortable with yourself, if that feeling is lacking.
Peace,
Syl
I think it depends on how you are scolding. Of course you need to correct him, but if you are using negitive comments, he will developem a low self esteem. You might try "You are such a smart little boy, and we have discussed you not jumping on the couch before. Do you remember? You can get hurt, and mommy doesn't want that." Or, try saying we don't jump on the couch because you can get hurt and it might break the couch. What we you pretending to be? (After he responds, you can say: What a great iminagation you have!, But lets try to be superman or a lion hunter or whatever he was pretending by doing this instead. And suggest an acceptible alternate.)
I also think that he is of the age where he realizes that what he did was wrong,(and that's why he's hanging his head) He may be truley sorry, but in the excitement of what he was playing he just plain forgot, and now you're mad, so he could be upset with himself. Just make sure you re-enforce his good points, and try to find acceptable substitution for whatever was causing you to scold him.
No, you don't need to worry, that is a sign of his respect for you. I think it is a good sign, so long as he understand why he is being scold, and that you are trying to correct his bad behavier.
Yes, there are times when your child will not be happy with you and one of the other posters was concerned you were being too h*** o* him. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Welcome to parenting.
Fact of the matter is that you are the mom. You are the authority. Sometimes, kids don't want to respect the authority and understandibly want you feel bad for them and not scold them. That's completely understandable, but a line has to be drawn. You have to be firm when you scold them or you will send mixed signals. It's not okay that they try to divert your actions ... LOL.
Have him look you in the eye when you speak to him and when he responds to you. He is sulking - pouting with his shoulders down as in "pity me" - when you are scolding him. I wouldn't exactly call that respect ... more of a diversion to the blame. It is natural ... but you can change his way of dealing with it without even raising your voice.
Once you have scolded him and he gone to time out he can sulk all he wants, but when you are speaking to him or if he is speaking to you, you can quitely ask him to please sit up and look you in the eye.
You aren't alone ... That used to be an issue with my youngest who is now 10. It's no longer a problem. I just look at him and say "excuse me?" and he straightens up and speaks clearly to voice his concern or opinion without whining or sulking and is actually more open with me because we have learned to communicate well with each other.
Good luck!
