21 answers

Ever Feel like Chopped Liver?

I posted a question about my husband wanting to give his long lost friend money for their wedding and it was high to me. We agreed upon an amount but it got me thinking....

My husband was willing to drop over $200 on a long lost friend and he has not gotten ME a thing in years. Not for Christmas, Valentines Day, My birthday, Our Anniversary! Nothing zip, ziltch... nada! I didnt include mothers day cause Im not his mother right? I shouldnt expect anything, right?

Does your hubby do this?

I gave him a gift for Christmas and I gave him just a card for his birthday because I got nothing from him for Christmas or Valentines day and no surprise nothing for my birthday.

Feeling like chopped liver... lol

1 mom found this helpful

What can I do next?

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In all seriousness, it's not funny. If he ignores you on special occasions and it's not agreed that you don't want or need the recognition, then dropping $200 on anybody else is rude and a slap in the face. There's something wrong here if he thinks his wife doesn't need anything, ever, and you feel shafted.

3 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry. Yes, this has happened to me, probably because I never can answer his question about what I want. I really do wish I could make up my mind and then I wish he could read it. :)

But please know that you made my day. I haven't heard the expression "chopped liver" for years, and it reminds of my Mom and Grandmother. Thank you!

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We too have slipped into the "it's money from the common pot anyway, so we don't need a special holiday to buy what we want".

From the male perspective - love it. Maybe not male, per say, but from the non-gift-giving among us. Don't get me wrong, I love getting something special for her, and she for me. But every year - four times per year (valentine, bday, xmas, mom's day)

If we stay married 20 years that's 80 friggin' "special" and "meaningful" gifts.

That's ALOT of pressure on a guy!

:)

4 moms found this helpful

In all seriousness, it's not funny. If he ignores you on special occasions and it's not agreed that you don't want or need the recognition, then dropping $200 on anybody else is rude and a slap in the face. There's something wrong here if he thinks his wife doesn't need anything, ever, and you feel shafted.

3 moms found this helpful

I would ask him why he doesn't get you gifts (if you haven't already). Some people don't really care to receive them - and maybe (just maybe) he's one of them, so giving them doesn't really rate high on a priority list for him. It does seem odd to me, but I would flat out ask him what is going on?

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Well, my husband is bad at gift giving. He's right on track with Dad On Purpose - it's all from the same pot, and what do I really like anyway? He's just not going to buy me jewelery 4x per year.

BUT, if he makes no effort for me (and I don't care what it is as long as it's a thoughtful effort) then I assume he wants me to do something special for myself and I usually get a spa treatment or new purse or something :)

If you don't get what you want, you take it :)

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Apparently he believes he's your gift that keeps on giving.
Men are so unaware sometimes.
Tell him tonight if he wants some "liver pate'" it's gonna cost him ;)

2 moms found this helpful

my hubby is also a crappy gift giver. i started telling him what i wanted and he has done better. (or even picking it out online, showing him, and getting it myself!)

yes, i'd feel like poo in your shoes. tell him that. it's pretty crappy that he's willing to throw down $200 on a long lost friend but can't spend $20 to get his wife a bouquet of flowers for her birthday. and then start showing him things you want and telling him, "this is what i want for christmas babe." that's what i had to do, it takes a lot of the hurt feelings out of it.

2 moms found this helpful

I am so sorry. Yes, this has happened to me, probably because I never can answer his question about what I want. I really do wish I could make up my mind and then I wish he could read it. :)

But please know that you made my day. I haven't heard the expression "chopped liver" for years, and it reminds of my Mom and Grandmother. Thank you!

2 moms found this helpful

Giving money is easy for guys, they don't have to go shopping or worry that the recipient won't like what they picked out.

If you want something, ask. Be general or be specific, or what the heck, take him shopping and point. I do this with my sons. This way, they buy me something I really want but is a small luxury I'd otherwise do without. We go home and they wrap it. I have a terrible memory and am surprised when I open it. And we are all happy.

2 moms found this helpful

Have you communicated how you feel to your husband. If not... then do it now because he can't read your mind.

To me the major Halllmark days are just that, a day. We do things for each other during the year as we need and want it vs waiting until the specified Hallmark day.

My husband has not given me a card in 20 years nor do I expect one. We don't keep up tit for tat on things we do for each other as well. Life is too short to worry about how someone didn't get you something special on a certain day. We are a couple 365 days a year, not just Hallmark days.

As for the wedding gift, that is a very nice amount. I sure hope it is truly appreciated by the receipients.

1 mom found this helpful

I would have a serious problem with this. Maybe because I tend to be pretty outspoken with my husband, but I probably would have said something along the lines of, "So it's okay for you to want to spend $250 on a wedding gift for a friend you don't even see any more, but you can't be bothered to get something for YOUR WIFE for her birthday or a holiday?" I mean really, what gives? I would have said something a long time ago! Hubby has always gotten me something for Christmas and my birthday, while our anniversary, Valentine's, and Mother's Day tends to be flowers and/or dinner out. He'll spend the money on me before he will spend it on anyone else! Girl, you need to stand up for yourself! It's not even about materialism or anything like that, it's about him acknowledging who you are to him and appreciating what you do and showing you that he cares enough to want to let you know!

1 mom found this helpful

My husband is not like this so I can't comment on that part, but you said something that got me thinking. You said "I'm not his mother right?"
My response is, you're not HIS mother, but you are the mother of his children! That means something! I agree with the others that say sit down and tell him how you feel.

1 mom found this helpful

You don't give much info here, but certain cultures and certain religions are like that. One of my sisters married into a religion that they don't celebrate birthdays or holidays, so nobody gets anything except for weddings and showers. My dad was against it and told my sister's husband that in our religion we celebrate and give gifts, so his kids are getting Christmas presents and they won't be wrapped in newpapers as my sister's husband wanted. (I have lots of sisters. It's just the one that married into a different religion.) My hubby is from a different culture, so I set him straight as soon as I seen it coming. In his culture, what other people think of you matters more than family. Even friends are trusted more than family. They had no idea of what "family" really means. All that mattered when they came here is that they "look good." You really have to tell your hubby how you feel. If he doesn't want to get you any gifts, then don't get him any; but do treat yourself and buy your own gifts. My hubby doesn't like shopping, but he knows he'd better give me something so he gives me money to buy whatever I want. If it's not enough, he'll give me more. He's always afraid of picking out the wrong thing. As for Mother's Day...MIL was the one that said to my hubby, "She's not your mom." He told her, "But she had my son." I told her, "She's not my mom, but I give her a gift anyway...and my dad always gave my mom a gift to show her how much he appreciated her.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you want gifts or do you just not want him to give them to other people? I kind of feel that way, don't bother buying me bath and body lotion for my birthday, give me the $30 and let me get a new top or a pair of shorts that fit me.
But i would be sooo sooos oo hurt if he was giving gifts to other people.

I remember your post though and it make me think your hubby is just maybe showing off a bit and expressing to this long lost friend that he missed him, but it's not like they can have a heart to heart and say "Bro, I was destrought when you weren't in my life to watch sports with on ESPN but I"m so glad we reconnected."

So as long as you compromised on the amount and as long as DH has other ways of showing you that he loves you, then i thinkyou are ok.

1 mom found this helpful

No, my husband gets frustrated that I don't let him buy me things (christmas ok ,but not bday, valentines day ect) We don't have alot of money and I don't want it spent on something I don't really need when we might need it for something important.

It's quite disappointing when your better half is such, because my husband belongs to the same category. No gifts too on special occasions and I feel that he does not care whether I get hurt. I have not been buying him anything too for a long time and I don't feel guilty for doing so.

We try to make Christmas and Birthdays special. I was born on mother's day, so I always get cheated! When father's day rolls around in June, then his birthday in July, I know exactly what he wants for each. For father's day I often get him something he would like, yet needs.

You have to tell him you liked when he bought you gifts.

Heck NO!! You should not feel like chopped liver!!! Because your a nice person and might feel guilty for it. I would have done the same thing. My husband would think nothing of giving a 200 dollar gift to a friend. But really if I asked for 200 dollars I would get the third degree. Like you I need to talk to my husband about certain things that bother me. Go out to lunch and talk to your husband about this, it certainly bothers you. Good luck!

I think it's mean. Many men are simply so ignorant and inappreciative. I'm in the middle of a divorce. He was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to both me and our daughter and he still is! But he is so manipulative that he has everyone convinced (including the Guardian ad Litem) that he's wonderful and I'm making it all up. So things could always be worse.

My husband is very good about this, but we actually discuss and tell each other our expectations before each event. If you want gifts you might try telling your husband a week before the event.

"Next week is my birthday and it would make me feel good if you bought me a little something. I don't expect you to spend a lot, but I want to feel as though you appreciate me. I have even come up with a list of ideas of what you can buy me. Also, I'd like to go out to dinner." Then hand him the list. If he stills ignores you then you have some talking to do.

You need to discuss this, and the way you are feeling about it. Perhaps he comes from a family of non-gift-givers. As his wife, I think that you do deserve gifts on special days! Let your husband know that you are hurting over this. I think it is important to give and receive gifts within your family, and this includes you especially!

My ex was like that also. The last Christmas we were together I told him I wanted x y z for Christmas and my birthday (my b-day is Christmas Eve) and our wedding anniversary Jan 4th. So I had 3 major events in a 10 day period and he never 'remembered me'. Anyway I told him what I wanted and if he didn't buy it I would go shopping and buy it myself. Funny thing that year I got not only gifts but what I wanted.
His family was horrible at gift giving. His mother who in her own opinion had the best taste always bought things in her taste ----- even if she knew you wouldn't like it or they just bought totally wrong stuff. Like one year his little brother bought their sister a basketball because he wanted one -- then 'borrowed' it. Just inconsiderate fools.
But your hubby needs to know how much this hurts you.----- Or you should buy him chopped liver for Father's Day this year and tell him it's how he makes you feel when he forgets you.

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