Embarrassing Question About Sex

My husband was uncomfortable with sex through both of my pregnancies as soon as I started showing. No biggie though because I was too exhausted for sex the first time around(worked as an elem. teacher) and I was so miserable the second time(delivered almost 10 lb. baby boy). I think it is fairly common. Men get so easily uncomfortable about women's medical issues. Good luck and congratulations!!

I've heard that it's ok... as long as you are careful and be "gentle". I've known many cases about preterm labors and many preterm infants in the NICU after "rough" sex.

Tell him to get over it... I think its just an excuse. Ive had 3 babies and my husband and I had sex more during pregnancy than we did before I was preggers. He thought it was sexy and coult not keep his hands off me. take charge and tell him you want it NOW! :o)

as long as the dr says there is not reason not to then tell him to go for it! when you are pregnant sex can be better then ever!

This is a very common thing! I'm actually the one who's more concerned than my hubby, though. I've found that certain positions are a little uncomfortable when I'm pregnant, but that's an easy fix...we just change positions. Just reassure him that there is no way he can hurt the baby, or you, and that sex is very safe during pregnancy (as long as there aren't any complications)! Show him reseach either from books or the internet to back you up. If he needs more reassurance, then have him go with you to your next OB visit and talk with your dr. about his concerns. This is completely normal to feel this way, but there's really no reason to worry.

At the risk of embarrassing you more, I have to say, "If he does not want to actually have intercourse for fear of losing the baby, there are other things the two of you can do to remain "connected". I won't go into details, just use your imagination! :)

This is so common with most husbands... not only are they afraid of hurting the baby, just the thought their child is right there and they don't want to, excuse my french, cum on the baby... there is a lot of mental things going on with him...it really won't get better until the baby comes... then you don't have any time to have it anyway...

Have him come to a checkup with you, and ask the doctor to confirm that it's all fine...trying not to embarass him.

I'm not sure what you mean by freezes up so I will just offer my opinion as one of the few Mr. Mama's here on the Source. My wife is 29 weeks now and really pregnant! But to be honest, I'm just not aroused by the pregnancy. She is so beautiful and glowing but having sex just doesn't seem like something I'm capable of - for two reasons: I feel like the child is there between us (you wouldn't have sex with your kids watching?). And two, we tried it awhile ago and it was just too much work! My wife isn't as mobile or flexible as she used to be obviously, and all I could think about was if she was comfortable, stressed, hurting, etc. Perhaps the first issue is just one of my personal quirks, but the second I think is more legitimate. I don't know, if during your pregnancy you can still get into position like you used to it may be a moot point. My wife and I have had this discussion and for now we are just happy to snuggle and cuddle and have belly time without the booty call.

there are other things you guys can do without actual penetration but with the same outcome. like someone else suggested, you can also try positions that lend themselves to a much more shallow penetration and your husband can limit how far in he goes and always finish outside of you.

my husband never had a problem with it until a few days before I gave birth, but that's b/c our son had dropped a little and he actually could feel him. until then, it was never a possibility.

good luck!

I think that is fairly common. Like my husband was afraid he would poke the baby's head. I guess just tell him it is ok and you cannot hurt the baby, and maybe have your OBGYN tell him at the next appointment that sex is ok.

My hubbie and I didn't have any type of sex from my 3rd month on... He just wouldn't do it and couldn't do it..

It was hard but it's normal for them to freak out a little...

Make sure he's hugging you and caressing you so that you still feel a connection... kissing and other intimate gestures that don't involve intercourse.

I'm sure this is quite common. Have him go to your next OBGYN visit and have the Dr. reassure him that sex is not only great for your marriage, great for your self-esteem (especially as you're getting bigger)and good for the baby due to exercise and the release of wonderful hormones! I'm 26 weeks prego and my husband used to feel the same way!!!!

It might help to get a man-oriented pregnancy book that talks about sex and pregnancy. That way he'll know what's going on and not going on in there (LOL). I'm sure there are chapters that deal specifically with sex during pregnancy, which might help. A "too much info" suggestion - you can be on top, or spoon fashion - then he won't have to worry about the baby getting smooshed :)

Good luck!

Find a book about sex and pregnancy. Bring in a scientific side to the situation. Sex is healthy and good for you and your husband during pregnancy. He won't hurt the baby. Where he's going and where the baby is right now, he would have to be PRETTY Big to hurt the baby, from what I understand. He needs to enjoy it while you still enjoy it. It's fun as you get bigger trying to figure out how it's going to work. Hopefully he'll get over the scared part and enjoy it again soon. Good luck!

I would suggest buying one of the dad-to-be books - they all reassure men that it is okay to have sex with their pregnant wives. If he enjoys a little humor, I highly suggest "What to Expect When Your Wife is Expanding" - it's a humorous take on all of the crazy prego wife stuff - but it's also very informative. Also, if you have any friends who have had babies whose husbands have survived it, you might suggest they talk to each other.

J.,

I understand where are both coming from, I read your replies 1st. My husband and I took 8 yrs to FINALLY get pregnant and he and I only had sex a few times in the very begining and then at the end trying to go into labor, which by the way didn't work for us, we had a due date baby. I wanted the sex, but he didn't since it took so long and hard for us to concieve...We did alot of cuddling and my husband read to our son every night and enjoyed feeling him kick and hic-up.

Congrates, Enjoy and have a wonderful pregnancy.

K., mother of a 16 mos old and wife of a great husband.

My husband also used to get a little freaked out when I was pregnant with our 3 month old. You should have the OB reassure him that there is NO WAY he is going to hurt the baby and that if for any reason you are uncomfortable you will promise to let him know. You can also go to www.pregnancy.com and research it there so he can read what it says about sex and pregnancy. Good luck and congrats on the baby!!

J., this must be your first pregnancy. When I was pregnant I wanted that closeness with my husband. It made me feel wanted. If the doctor has given you the ok for sex, go for it and enjoy. You have enough sense to say that hurts in that position. I think that most women have sex almost up to the time of the birth, unless the doctor says know or you say no. He needs to enjoy this time, because there is a period of time after the birth that sex would not be advised. And you and him both will be very busy with the baby. Tell your hubby to relax and know that the baby is protected in a sac. I am a mom of three, so that is my opnion on the subject.
J. W.