Ectopic Pregnancy

Updated on October 23, 2007
M.S. asks from Ashtabula, OH
17 answers

I found out in August that I was pregnant with my second baby. A week and a half later, I'm in the hospital because I started bleeding. It turns out my pregnancy was ectopic, it ruptured my left fallopian tube so I had to have surgery to remove the tube and the fetus. I'm having a difficult time moving past this and was wondering if anyone else has gone through this and could give me some advice. The fetus was still alive at the time of surgery and I just can't seem to move past that.

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H.S.

answers from Dayton on

Honey, be glad you are alive. Be glad you alive for your daughter. If that pregnancy had grown you may not be here. You did nothing wrong and you should feel no guilt over what happened.

I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish I could give you a <hug>

1 mom found this helpful
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T.K.

answers from Cleveland on

I have not had the same experience as you. I just wanted to write and say how sorry I am for your struggle. The only advice I can give may not be all that helpful: try to focus on enjoying your daughter, allow her vitality and energy to pull you through this rough time. Good luck and take care.

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K.I.

answers from Cincinnati on

M.,

I had a friend whose wife had three beautiful girls, then an ectopic pregnancy. I can only offer words of comfort and sympathy. Understand that while the fetus was still alive at the time of surgery, there was no hope for survival outside the uterus for long, and there were serious implications for your own life. I know your tiny fetus would not want to cause you any harm. I am so sorry this happened to you. I cannot hazard any ideas on what lesson there was for you in all this; it is just too sad. Try to focus on positive things, hug your beautiful baby, appreciate the love of everyone who offers it, and know that you will never be the same, but eventually you will find peace and healing.

Best wishes,
K.

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C.S.

answers from Lima on

I had two miscarriages last year, and I feel your pain. They were not ectopic and I didn't have to have any surgeries done, so I can't say I understand that part of your ordeal. That feeling is sure to be alot more painful (emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally) to move past than my simple "bleeding".
Whatever the situation, losing a child is the hardest thing I have had to encounter. The only advice I can give you is to reassure you that you are not alone, there are many, many women who have gone thru similar situations, it is just not very much discussed.
My doctor stressed to me that there are many women who have miscarriages and don't even know it, so the unfortunate situation happens more than we know.
Time does heal, to a point. It is something you can not forget, nor should, but acceptance and faith in God helped me through both times.
Not much advice to help you except to understand that GOD has a plan for us and although bad things happen to us, be assured that GOD is not bad in any way shape or form. You must continue to trust in him and pray for acceptance and understanding to move on.

I am attempting to get pregnant again for my third and final child, and am scared of another miscarriage. I have to rely that God has a plan for me and I can not determine what lies ahead!!

Best of Luck M., again time does help heal, tho never totally, in my opinion!

=)C.

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M.R.

answers from Cleveland on

M... I am so sorry for your lost. I had a still birth when I was 6 months pregnant. I was 24 weeks pregnant but the baby was 22 weeks. It's the hardest thing to deal with. You don't understand it at the time, but soon you will discover a peace about it. It took me awhile, but I have another healthy beautiful baby girl:) Everyone tells you that it's better off at the time and there's nothing you could have done, but that never seems to lessen the pain or the doubt that this was somehow your fault of that you could have prevented it. Time will heal itself and you'll go on to have another baby. My daughter is in an urn adn we have a box (which if anyone knows where I could get a good wooden box made or bought please let me know). We don't display her urn or the box anywhere. It'll be 2 year since our lost this October 10th. But I'm okay now and have even learned to accept it. This poem I found when I was looking for memory boxes online. It brought me some peace and I personally love it. I hope it may give you a sense of peace and I wish you the very best. My prayers are with you. I hope this helps.
"Since heaven has become your home
I sometimes feel that I'm alone;
And though we now are far apart
You hold a big piece of my heart
I never knew how much I'd grieve
When it was time for you to leave
Or just how much my heart would ache
From that one fragment you would take
God let this tiny hole remain,
Reminding me we'd meet again
And one day all the pain will cease
When He restores this missing piece
For Jesus heals each tiny part
That holds your memory in my heart"
M.

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W.S.

answers from Cleveland on

First of all let me say I am very sorry for your loss, and it is understandable that you are experiencing grief! I have never had an ectopic pregnancy but I have had 2 miscarriages, so I would imagine it would be similar. I did not want the D&C because it just felt so invasive to me, I wanted the miscarriage to happen naturally (it was early), and luckily I never needed a D&C. They checked on U/S and it was all gone. I'm just telling you that because I can understand that having a "procedure" (surgery) to remove the fetus would be a different struggle than a "natural" miscarriage.
Maybe it would help you to look up information on miscarriages on the internet? I found one that really validated the feelings of loss no matter how early it happened, and encouraged the mother to have a burial and/or ceremony for the fetus. I did that and I really believe it helped with healing and a sense of closure; I felt like I was respecting the baby even though I couldn't carry it to term, KWIM? An ectopic pregnancy would not have developed into a live birth, so please don't feel like you could have done something different. It is not your fault and it doesn't mean anything about you as a person or mother. It is not like you chose to have an abortion. But your feelings are certainly understandable!
I don't know how to attach a document but I can tell you the article was written by Andrew Sodergren and the title of the article was "Hope for Healing: Miscarriage and the Dignity of the Human Body" so I hope that helps you find it!
Some other quotes I came across:
"The Bible says our days are numbered before we are born. This child gave us new life in that short time: the joy of sharing our good news with others had been great. Anticipating a new baby in the house filled us with excitement. "

"Even in death, this child brought forth life. Our grief is a gift. We never realized how much we welcomed another baby until then. We see in the comfort and prayerful support of family and friends a tremendous sign of God’s love for us."

Blessings,
Lynn

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A.G.

answers from Dayton on

This can be very hard. I had an ectopic pregnancy about six years ago and they had to remove one of my tubes as well. I just had to keep telling myself it wasn't meant to be at that time. Later I found out that my other tube was completley blocked. The only way for us to get pregnant was through IVF, which our insurance didn't pay for. The 1st time we tried IVF it didn't work. It was very hard for me and I didn't want to be around babies. We thought about adoption but finally decided to try IVF again and now we have 3 year old twin boys. We have since tried IVF again, but was not successful. We are greatful for the 2 precious boys we have and are concentrating our efforts on them. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason.

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B.B.

answers from Cleveland on

M., I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through. Losing a child is never easy. When I was younger I lost my first child to a miscarriage. I still think about that child and wonder all of the what ifs. I am very pro-life. I would have a really hard time with an ectopic pregnancy as well. I was talking with someone once and wondered if someday in the future doctors would be able to transplant a fetus into the womb from the tubes to avoid situations like yours. We can only pray. I wanted to let you know though about a wonderful woman named Linda Henderson. She works for the Cleveland Pregnancy Center and does free greif counseling. I would suggest calling this number and getting the information to meet with her if you have an opportunity. CPC Cleveland Office - ###-###-####. Again I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost my baby my mom and I planted a tree in her front yard as a memorial. It's a beautiful little weeping cherry tree. Every spring it has flowers and it warms my heart to see it. Another thing that a greif counselor suggested for me was to name the baby and so I did. Maybe something like that would be helpful to you.

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C.S.

answers from Dayton on

I had an ectopic pregnancy, and the physical part was so awful that it only added to the emotional mess. Long story short, doc thought I'd miscarried, sent me home, blood tests every 2 days, levels kept increasing, 2nd ultrasound showed ectopic, rushed in for surgery, kicked out of hospital 2 hours later, continued blood tests every 2 days, levels kept going up, got shot of methotrexate, continued blood tests for a very long time, doc not very "warm and fuzzy" about the whole thing. What I found so difficult is that there were no ways to grieve b/c it's not like you can go to a gravesite or something. However, given time, you do move on. It's not something you forget but you can move on and realize that it had to have happened for a reason. A couple of years later, I was pregnant with my son, who is now almost 5 years old. So, there is hope and you are not alone. Grieve all you want-it's completely normal and will help you eventually accept this.

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R.J.

answers from Columbus on

M.,

I have not ever experienced what you've gone through, but offer prayers to you and your family for strength and love during this difficult time - R.

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B.P.

answers from Cincinnati on

I had an ectopic pregnancy as well but the fetus had not grown. I was a work at 9:30AM and in surgery at 1:00 as it ruptured, and emergency surgery performed. The doctors told me that there is no way to tell how the ectopic pregnancy occured, but it was nothing I had done. The dr told me that baby could not have survived, as there is no where to go. They can't save the baby, but they can save you. When mine ruptured, they told me I could have died. They shared that this is unusual and unfortunate. If it's of any comfort, I was able to have my first healthy baby a few years later and he is healthy as a horse. It's never easy to loose a fetus but remember we all get second chances. You have a husband and little bundle of joy that needs you. I wish you the best of luck.

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S.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I can only imagine how you are feeling,and my prayers are with you and your family. I have not experienced this myself, but I do know how dangerous a pregnancy like that can be. The only thing I can say is that time can heel wounds. Just focus on your precious daughter, maybe that could help take your mind off the pain you are feeling.

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C.S.

answers from Toledo on

I kinda went through the same thing. My daughter was 1 year old and I found out that I was preganant again and we went for the ultrasound, they really could not find anything but the sack so they decided to wait another month for the fetus to grow, the sack continued to grow but the fetus did not, which meant that the fetus had died, I was scheduled for surgery where they scraped the inner walls of the uterus to remove the fetus and I had a terrible time moving on because I had already recieved a due date and everything. I knew when the baby was to be born and it hurt so bad every time that date came around, knowing that I should have a child. But eventually it does get better. I ended up preganant two years later, and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, needless to say that I was scared the whole pregnancy that I would lose it, don't get me wrong it still crosses my mind about the child I should've had, but as time goes on it gets easier. I feel your pain!

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T.W.

answers from Columbus on

When my husband and I were trying for our first child I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was a lucky one b/c it didn't rupture my tube, but I was given methotrexate (a low dose form of chemo). It dissolves the "tissue". I had a very very hard time with this b/c yes, the fetus was still alive when I had this done. I even had to stop trying for a baby for a while so I could move past this. I know this is hard and if you want to talk more just respond and I can give you my email address or even my phone number! I know it's hard to see it now, but everything happens for a reason and if you wouldn't have had the surgery you wouldn't be here today. The fetus couldn't survive in the tube. I know it's difficult to grasp and I don't think you ever get past it, but you do eventually accept it. I've had misscarriages also and I can remember each and everyone one of them specifically. You may need to speak to a grievance counselor b/c they can help with support groups also. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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K.M.

answers from Columbus on

Dear M.,
I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time. I understand, to an extent, how hard situations like this can be. I have never had an ectopic pregnancy, but I know these can be difficult because there is currently *no way* for a baby to survive in a fallopian tube so the only way to handle it is to "dissolve the tissue" to protect the well-being of the mother. I know I would struggle with this since I am pro-life and it's so hard to accept there are no other choices at this point.

Anyway, I am a strong believer in the theory that everything happens, when it happens, for a reason even if it doesn't become clear for quite some time. And the good news is that you are still healthy and that you can still conceive another beautiful child when the time is right. Please know there is nothing you could have done to have prevented this from happening.

Blessings to you and your family!!

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E.B.

answers from Cincinnati on

M.,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that the loss of a child is the worse kind of pain. I lost a child due to a miscarriage in 1989. Just know that God had a reason for your loss & that in time the pain will lessen.
God Bless,
E.

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S.R.

answers from Cleveland on

M.,
I'm very sorry for your loss - it is a very traumatic experience to go through such an ordeal and not only your body but your mind and heart will need time to heal. Do whatever you need to do to mourn the loss of this little one. And, let your beautiful little girl that you have at home with you bring you some joy and love. I had an ectopic three years ago that required emergency surgery. They had to go into both my tubes since they were both swollen until they found the fetus. Afterwards, my right tube healed closed and I had to have another surgery about a year and a half later to surture them open (some docs did want to remove them altogether but I had no children at the time). I know it's hard to understand why it happens or fathom the fact that they have to terminate a pregnancy like that but no matter what they do, the pregnancy cannot survive as an ectopic. I too wish they could've just plucked it from one place and put it into another. All I can say is just take the time to heal and mourn. And, also, talk about it to some of your close friends. It helps to explain why it's such a painful process. I even wrote a lot down re: how I felt afterwards. I also prayed alot ... Anyhow, I wish you well. Feel free to email if you would like to - [email protected]____.com care and God Bless You.

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