Don't Want Certain People to Visit at the Hospital After Birth.........

Updated on June 05, 2008
B.H. asks from Burnsville, MN
13 answers

I am having my baby this fall and I donot like my fiance's sister. She isn't being supportive of my pregnancy, disrespectful to me and is really rude to me.Insists he needs to get a DNA test when the baby is born yet he's the only guy I've been with the past 2 years. I don't want her at the hospital at all. Not even sure I want her to come to my home afterwards to visit baby. She's really close with her brother and has babied him big time since their mom died a few years back. She's extrememly jealous he's moving into my townhouse and away from her. I've tried to be nice and have no more patience. She's 32 and has no life of her own. I am having a c-section and I'm highrisk pregnant so there it is highly likely I could have another preemie. Not sure I even want visitors much less his whacko sister. How or what can I do? Can I tell the nurses I donot want her visiting? If my baby is in the Nicu or Special Care nursery can I tell them noone visits the baby without ME? My fiance thinks I'm being unreasonable and I could see him sneaking her in without my knowledge. I know sounds petty but it's a big deal to me. Bottom line until she can treat me with respect I don't want her anywhere near my child because I don't want my child to grow up seeing that and thinking it's ok to disrespect me as well.

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So What Happened?

I'm glad most of you understand where I'm coming from. I will be carrying this baby for months on end and it's our private family time. I will be having a c-section and looking like crap I want to hog my baby up for the first few days. I do have a select few visitors I do want but that's it. I don't need any negativity or stress this should be a happy moment for us.

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answers from Sioux City on

"My fiance thinks I'm being unreasonable and I could see him sneaking her in without my knowledge."
Not what you want to hear, but I would hesitate to marry a guy like that. And if you're not married, you can probably bar him from visiting too.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from St. Cloud on

Hi B.! All I could think about when I read your post was how I felt after my daughter was born....exhausted, vulnerable and very protective of my family and space. I totally agree that you should be able to control who visits you and your child. Giving birth is a very emotional time and it's normal to want peace and happiness.
No one has the RIGHT to visit you in the hospital, it is a privilege. The nurses will be glad to help you with your request.
You CAN have your fiance sit down with his sis and tell her what is expected of her as far as behavior should you allow her to visit. Even if you graciously allow her to come it is TOTALLY acceptable to insist that she treat you respectfully and with manners.
Congratulations on your growing family and I pray that you will have much joy and that the people around you will only add to that joy!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

ISH! Until you can get your fiance to understand completely about how you feel, and support your decision, you could be causing some stress in the family, even though it's her that's doing it, but 'they' will think it's you making waves. I'd work on your fiance and get him to understand. Cry if you have to and if you think it'll help him to understand that you've been hurt by the things she's done/said, and that she is not welcome at the hospital. Perhaps if he truely understands your feelings, maybe he can have a chat with sis and get her to back-off, or piss-off. She won't want to miss the visit, so my bet is that if she knows how you feel...she will probably start being nice, especially if she thinks that she won't be invited to the hosp. If he still doesn't understand,..then make a deal with him that none of his family are welcome, for fear of singeling her out and hurting her feelings. Perhaps he'll be willing to see reason if you deny him the entire package, instead of just one missing piece. (like we do with piece of candy, or none....of course, they always choose one.) If that still doesn't work, then I'd tell him that you will call her yourself and tell her that she is not welcome...certainly, he'd rather do it tackfully, thinking that you would not let his sister down easily. If it still doesn't work, I'd make that call and tell her how you feel and that she is not welcome. Good luck.



answers from Minneapolis on

Hi B.
in my opinion you need to talk to his sister and find out why she does not like you. My SIL was the same way with my husband (his mother passed away before we were together). She thought I was going to take him from her use him and then be done with him. She also thought that the only reason we got married was because of the baby. We had a LONG talk and a few more after that and things are pretty good between us now.

As far as not wanting your child around her because she is disrespectful of you is fair but your child will need to learn how to deal with these type of people at some point so who better to tach them than you with your SIL. I really hope you can get things worked out because to marry into a family that has issues with you is very difficult. Good Luck :)T.



answers from Minneapolis on

I'm not fond of all of my in-laws but have to keep in mind that my babies are their family, too. Grin and bare it and let her see the baby.


answers from Janesville-Beloit on

You certainly can restrict visitors! I did when I had my daughters and when my daughter was in the hospital. As for when you get home, either send out a letter or an email to all your friends and family just stating that you don't want visitors just showing up unexpectedly, as things will be crazy with the new baby and trying to organize school for your other daughter. If you have to, put a sign on your front and back doors stating the baby is sleeping, please no visitors.

Good Luck! I have a BIL that I cant stand!



answers from Minneapolis on

There's a lot of good advice here. I'd be annoyed beyond belief if my boyfriend's family member accused me of what she has, requesting he get a DNA test. Given that, however, I'd simply tell him that, since she doesn't believe the baby is her niece/nephew there's no reason for her to be at the hospital! End of discussion.



answers from Omaha on

I feel you need to sit down with this women and have a long talk about her not liking you and saying the baby is not her brothers, if you can't make her understand that she is standing in the way of her brothers happiness and yours then there will be no place for her in your lives. maybe if she knows you can't be push around she will change her ways or be out of your lives forever. let her make the choice then your fiance can't blame you for anything because at lease you tried. what ever you do do get her mad by yelling at her you have to be better then her and stay calm good luck



answers from Minneapolis on

As a nurse myself I can tell you that we handle visiting restrictions every day. Simply tell the nurses at the nursing station that you don't want visitors. It's not a complete guarentee that someone won't sneek past the station but it does help. If your baby ends up in the NICU or special care nursery, they automatically limit and restrict visitors so you won't have to worry. Sorry but I don't have a whole lot of advice for after you go home. Good luck!



answers from Milwaukee on

You have every right to feel the way you do. If you don't want visitors ( or ones in particular) then you should just lay down the law. This is your/your fiance/baby's big day. You don't have to be rude about it. Just tell people that you waited a long time for this baby and that they can see you once you are all settled. Give them the old "don't call us, we'll call you line." You could secretly invite those you want, on a "invitation only" basis. This is your baby, and you want the birth to be special. I felt the same when when I gave birth. I think it's the mama instict kicking in. brother in law dates some creepy girls and it makes me downright LIVID thinking about those girls touching my kids!! Not very nice of me I know but I totally get what you are talking about!! You're the mom, take charge of the situation. Explain your feelings to your fiance and hopefully he'll feel compassion for your plea. Also if you talk to your labor/delivery nurses about not wanting visitors they are usually very good about keeping guests at bay. The hospital I delivered at this past NOV 2007 actually recommended limiting visitors while you are in the hospital to maximize new family bonding and recooperating. GOOD EXCUSE TO TELL THOSE YOU DON"T WANT!!! I would be really surprised if they let unauthorized visitors in the NICU. I think they keep pretty high security around there for safety and health precautions. Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy/birth. I used to let my emotions get the better of me thinking of different scenerios and things that would make me mad. It just made me hyper. Relax and talk to your nurses. You are the mom. Be in control of the situation.



answers from Des Moines on


I can understand your pain. My sister in law is constantly in and out of our lives. My husbands mother passed when he was younger and we do not have contact w/his father for other reasons. I feel bad that we do not keep in closer contact for his sake & for all of the kids sake, but I get tired of walking on eggshells around her. Wondering what I could do or say next to make her mad. I would definitly go with the others suggestions and have a visitors list that she not be included on.

Luckly my husband understands what his sister does, and supports me with her. I would certianly sit down with your fiance and explain to him how she is and how she makes you feel. With a high risk pregnancy you need no additional stress!

Good luck to you!




answers from Madison on

You are not being unreasonable in any way! I felt like my hospital experience was awful because my ex boyfriend's whole family showed up with people i had never met. I didn't even try to nurse my daughter for hours because i was so nervous and on the spot.. It was very depressing and uncomfortable. So if you can, i would use other peoples suggestions to have a visitor list or tell people ahead you do not want visitors at the hospital and that you will call when you feel up to visitors (and then only invite the few you do want there). Or have a good friend there who will be the one to tell people to leave if they show up. That's what i would do the next time around. Good luck!



answers from Rochester on

You can definitely tell the hospital staff who is allowed to visit and who is not. My list of visitors was included in my birth plan. My mother-in-law's name didn't make it onto the list. I decided that this was a time for my husband and I to celebrate our family, not me sitting there gritting my teeth and listening to an onslaught of insults and "advice" (because clearly, after two previous children, I still had no idea what I was doing).

Does your fiance even acknowledge what his sister says/does to you? You aren't being unreasonable at all, especially considering the risks both you and your baby have. I hope things get better for you in the coming months, and you and the baby are in my prayers. :)

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