Does This Sound like Kindergarten Bullying?

"Kevin" sounds like a bully-in-training to me. I think the teacher and/or administration needs to be aware of what is going on to nip this in the bud. I would approach it in a very gentle, non-confrontational way though to avoid anyone getting defensive about the situation. One possibility is asking the teacher something to the effect of, "Do you have any idea what is going on with my son and Kevin? This is what my son tells me and I wondered if you had noticed anything?" I mean that as seeking information as opposed to insinuating she should know what's going on. Good luck.

Yes, this is absolutely bullying! The teacher should be made aware, and the teacher should notify Kevin's mother. If this behavior doesn't stop, disciplinary action should be taken.

Be very firm and clear with the teacher that this behavior must stop immediately.

Well, I think it's pretty typical 5 year old exclusionary tactics. Not exactly bullying, no.

However it's NOT ok, and I would mention it to the teacher. She may be completely unaware of it.

There's a Kevin in every class. Hell, there's a Kevin in every office for that matter.

It's cool you're teaching your kid how to rise above, shrug it off. Kevin's clearly got problems, but there's lots of other kids who don't.

Least that's my take.

:)

As a teacher, I'm going to yell, "TELL THE TEACHER!" Teachers need to know.

Geeze louise. This is totally bullying and this should absolutely be brought to the attention of the teacher. This is not only for the defense of your son but for the sake of "Kevin" who needs to learn a different way.

Perhaps not bullying per se, but definitely something for the teacher to be aware of and work on. I'm sure that Kevin's parents would benefit from knowing this behavior too and the teacher won't have the opportunity to talk to them about it if she doesn't know the specifics. She can probably see some of the dynamic in the classroom but your specific examples may help.

Our elementary school uses the Bucket Filler curriculum for reinforcing appropriate behavior and I have to say that it's been very well received by the kids. My two youngest (grades K & 2) take "bucket filling" and "bucket dipping" pretty seriously among themselves and their peers and use that terminology all the time. If the school doesn't have a specific curriculum for this kind of thing, maybe you can look into Bucket Fillers and suggest that to the teacher if you think it's a good idea. I have noticed that my younger kids report far fewer instances of kids being mean and exclusionary and causing problems than my older kids did at the same school, before the Bucket Filler idea was taught to everyone.

Good for you for teaching your son that the boy's behavior is about him and not your son. Sounds like you're teaching him good coping skills, but I think this goes a little beyond the occasional bad behavior and is something more pervasive that the teacher should handle and address with the boy's parents as well.

It might be somewhat normal, but that does not make it acceptable. Sounds like Kevin is definitely crossing a line and needs to be reminded how to be a better friend. We don't have to be best friends with everyone, but we need to treat everyone with kindness and respect. I would talk to the teacher about it, that you have some concerns because of what you are noticing and you want to bring it to her attention so perhaps she can address it - either directly with Kevin, or with his parents if necessary. If Kevin is not held accountable for what he is doing now, it may only get worse. If you can, you can even spend a day volunteering in the class and if you catch Kevin saying these things to your son or to anyone else, just tell him very firmly, "We don't say things like that to other people." or "We don't treat our friends that way."

I am all for kids learning to stand up for themselves and sort their own problems out, but at this age, they still need our help and need us to advocate for them. My daughter is 4 and is preschool and was having some issues with another girl in her class - not as bad, but similar. I told DD all the same things that you are telling your son. Her teachers were aware of it and would discipline the girl when needed, but I was still getting complaints from DD about how "Susie" was treating her. "Susie's" mom happens to be another teacher in the school and is fully aware of how "Susie" can be - she has basically admitted that she can be a brat sometimes and she has no problem with another adults correcting her if necessary. One time when it was my day to bring snack and stay with the class, "Susie" decided to be all friendly toward DD, wanted to sit next to her, etc. Since I was right there, it was very easy for me to whisper to her, "You need to be nice to DD - all the time." and that was it. Haven't heard a complaint since, and DD has told me repeatedly, "Thanks Mommy!". It just made her feel so much better inside, knowing her mom has her back. Sometimes these kids need to just be called out on their behavior. At one point a group of the kids were at a table playing with play-dough and one little boy asked "Susie" for the scissors when she was done with them. She told him no, she would give them to someone else, but not him. I was right there and very firmly told her, "No Susie, you need to give Jack the scissors when you are done. He asked you nicely and that's not nice to be that way." She gave him the scissors.

I would also think about signing your son up for karate, or tae kwan do. Might make him a little more "bullyproof" and more apt to stick up for himself, and for other kids that are being picked on.

He has the potential to be a bully but kindergarten is too early. It is actually normal at this age because every kid want to feel popular so they do stupid things. Usually by first of second the dynamic has already changed because the kids realize he is being a jerk.

I would make the teacher aware, they can't see everything.

That behavior is definitely mean and unacceptable. I'm hesitant to use the word bully because I feel it is overused. Many people label a kid a bully, and use this as an excuse to write the kid off, instead of understand that it's a child who obviously needs help. You seem to recognize there's something going on to cause the mean behavior, so thank you for your compassion! That doesn't mean the kid should get a pass though. He should be held accountable and taught that it's not okay. So, yes, the teacher needs to know so she can intervene, protect your son, and teach that other boy. Also, the boys' parents may not be aware either, so hopefully the teacher can talk with them and they will also help curb the mean behavior. Best wishes!

The teacher needs to be made aware of the situation. Your son needs to stick up for himself.
The child's mother needs to be made aware of what her child is doing. But start with the teacher. Request a conference.

Yes, this is bullying. The boy is being verbally and emotionally intimidating. The teacher needs to know about it. Chances are high that the boy is feeling bullied himself and is acting out the behavior with your son because your son sounds like a kind, sweet, laid back boy. It would be easy for a child desperate to exert and feel some power to wield it over your son but still feel like your son is friends with him. I would bet that this boy has an older sibling or a neighborhood bully treating him similarly.

I'm having flashbacks to Darcie telling me that Jenny wasn't my friend in Kindergarten.... I agree - it is crossing over a line... maybe not full on bullying but for sure something the teacher should know about. Darcie and I had problems all the way through elementary... I wouldn't want that for your child.

Stop it now.

J.

I think you are blowing this out of proportion by calling it 'Bullying'...I think for the most part this is 'normal' childhood stuff that ALL of us have to learn to deal with.

~I know ALL of my kids have come home from school at one point in time and said 'So and So doesn't want to play with me'!

It is only a big deal if you make it one. Teach your child how to NOT let these things bother him and you will be doing him a huge service!

This does not sound like bullying; it really sounds like the way little girls treat each other. You're not my friend anymore; x is not your friend either; you can't be in my club; etc. It's all I see happening with the little girls.

Obviously this kid has some issues, but he's not violent and he's not bullying your son. I don't know what you would tell the teacher other than this boy is not nice to your son, but not everyone is always going to be nice to him and I don't know that he should expect that. It's just not how the world works.

I don't consider this bullying at all. Misguided and potentially mean, yes; bullying, no. Maybe this kid has never been in a group environment and has no idea what is the proper way to act. The behavior you're describing makes perfect sense for a kid who doesn't know how to deal with multiple kids in social situations. Basically it sounds like the kid is clueless and needs some direction.

Probably the best thing you can do for this kid is tell the teacher, let her deal with him, it's part of her job. Socialization is a huge part of kinder, if she doesn't know there's a problem she can't help.

Best thing you can do for your son is to role play. Walk him through different scenarios and give him the tools to respond - even if that means a set script he just repeats "Please don't talk to me like that Kevin, it's not nice". Definitely set up some play dates with other kids from his class so he can expand his circle of friends. Don't underestimate your son, empowering him to stand up for himself is a great gift to give him.

Harmless? Depends on his victim, really.
Your son might deal with it OK, but who knows about his next target...
I think an note/email to the teacher is necessary at this time, for sure.
Better to nip this in the bud.
Good luck!

My son is in kindergarten, also. I think that it's probably harmless- kids this age are working the social boundaries and finding their place. Some are better at it that others. Kevin probably has something going on at home that is fueling these insecurities. I also find that children with older siblings sometimes repeat what a brother or sister says to them to their classmates. Just keep a check on it, and if it continues or escalates, or if your son seems upset or sad about it, be prepared to talk to his teacher.

As a kindergarten teacher, I would want to know if that was going on. Just explain what has been happening or what your son has told you, ask the teacher if she has seen anything, ask her for solutions. Even if the teacher isn't aware (and that is possible...some kids are sneaky!), she will probably start watching in the future.

As other noted -- normal, yes; acceptable, no. You don't say how your son is taking all this; is his reaction more bewilderment? Sadness? Anger at Kevin? The things you are saying to your son are all good.

But the teacher does need to know and do give her specifics just as you have here. You may be surprised to find she does know all about Kevin's ways and that Kevin has other targets besides your son. I would tell her in person and be ready with some concrete suggestions -- mainly that the school guidance counselor should come into the class on a regular basis (if he or she does not already) and do "guidance lessons" that focus on bullying but specifically on excluding other kids, etc. (Often bullying is thought of as physical and these young kids need to learn it isn't necessarily just physical.) Guidance lessons each month are a regular part of our schools' curriculum from kindergarten on up so if it's not happening in your school, perhaps it should be. By the way, these lessons should not name or "call out" Kevin individually! They should be broad lessons but ones that handle the kind of bullying you (and now the teacher) know is going on.

Most importantly, continue to equip your son to deal with this. He will encounter it again in other forms. You won't always be able to help -- nor will he always welcome your help as he gets older. So he needs to build the skills to handle these kinds of thiings himself. It is hard to get kids this age to understand that kids like Kevin want their attention very badly and this is how they try to get it; it's hard to get a K age child to "just ignore Kevin" even though that is the best policy. But keep the lines of communication open with your son, talk to the teacher and the counselor too, get a lot of good books for kids on bullying and exclusion, and oh yes -- ask that Kevin not be in your son's class next year.

Awe, breaks my heart reading this... Yes, I think "Kevin" is being a bully... Yes, I would definitely make the teacher aware of the situation..

You should definitely tell the teacher and the school. If possible, your son should sit down with the teacher and relate some of these events. This behavior is inappropriate and should not be tolerated at all. It is bad enough as is, but will get worse and worse if the situation is not rectified. In the meantime, I would try to urge your son to just walk away. Avoid this Kevin as much as possible and if asked why, tell him. He needs to know how hurtful this all is, and your son needs to know that he doesn't need to accept being treated like a doormat.

I feel bullying starts young. Yes, I would talk with teacher in a private meeting, if she can be more observant at recess time. I feel if they can catch it early maybe this child can be saved...