Does Anyone Have a Child Who Is a Member of MENSA, or Know Someone Whose Is?

I too was "diagnosed" as "gifted" at a young age. It just meant that I was "smarter" than the average kid. My parents provided me with a lot of extra learning at home (science kits, computer, books, etc.). When I was in middle school and high school I took part in the "gifted" program which basically took me out of subjects I had already mastered and placed me with other kids to work on projects together. My personal opinion is to leave the kid alone unless he is not feeling challenged in school. Also I think it is important to teach him that there are different kinds of smart and just because he has a high IQ doesn't mean everyone else is lacking. AS for MENSA they have local groups who sometimes send out a monthly letter and sometimes have activities but usually said activities are for all members and aren't necessarily something in which a child would be interested. Also, to be in MENSA you have to have an IQ that is in the top 2% or at least you used to need this. Being gifted doesn't automatically put you in that category. Perhaps the parents could see if there are other kids in the local group then their kid could maybe make a few friends if nothing else.

Our daughter belongs to Mensa. She too was tested by an educational specialist and it was recommended that we apply for membership. (The main reason for becoming a member was to give her peers that she could communicate with and perhaps have something in common with.) Because she was only four - now five - we did not find any activities which she would have felt comfortable participating in. Although there were days organized for little ones, I felt that the organization was better suited to children over the age of seven. We will not be renewing our membership this year.

Another reason for not renewing is that we have enrolled her in a truly amazing school, and because there are a number of gifted children in the school, she is now with intellectual peers. She is thriving and can't get enough of learning. Although I believe that we are all children of God and do all have gifts, this is not the same as being intellectually gifted. The person who we went to for testing explained it this way: Putting a profoundly gifted child - IQ higher than 180 - in a class of average children and expecting them to learn and grow - is like putting an average child in a class of children who have severe special needs and expecting that child to learn and grow. Please tell your friend to cherish her son's intellectual ability. She does not have to make him feel more special or better than anyone else, but in America we need to "grow" these smart children. Not everyone is the same, and people can't be treated in the same way. If your friend's son was found to be a brilliant baseball player, would she deny him the challenges of and access to a superior team in the area. Would she refuse to let him have special coaching? I don't think so!

If your friend would like to contact me, I would be more than happy to share my experiences with her, and if she is in the south metro I could recommend a fantastic school for her son. It is a Montessori - preschool through 2nd grade, "growing" each year to 6th grade - and the director is passionate about education and about giving the gifted child the education he deserves. My email is: ____@____.com.

My adult son is "gifted" intellectually. We were blessed with teachers who provided extra challenges for him, and the "Gifted and Talented" program. Beyond that, he wore big glasses, had big teeth and was generally classed as an egghead. When he grew to his full height at 14 and fit his teeth, got contact lenses and became more confident with himself, he fit in. He was president of his student councils, graduated HS as valedictorian. At graduation, he wrote and sang with a friend his music. He wrote plays during school and was very involved with his own education. He excelled in college. He has had wonderful jobs and is extremely happy in his current high-profile job. What did MENSA have to do with this? Nothing.

The other information people have posted says a lot of what I would say. Definitely check out Hoagies Gifted. http://hoagiesgifted.org for a lot of useful information about their "diagnosis". There is also a book I'd recommend to your friend titled "Losing our Minds" by Deborah Ruf, about gifted education. There are a lot of misconceptions about educating the gifted, unfortunately even among teachers and school officials. Resources available to this little boy can vary widely depending on where they live and even who the teachers are at his school. I would say that Mensa could be a good resource, also depending upon the area chapter and who is involved there. I agree that it may be a good way for him to meet other gifted children, although I certainly don't think there's any reason to put it at age 6. It may be something he decides he wants to do on his own when he's a little older. One person mentioned she didn't like being singled out. That is certainly true for some people, but, many children stagnate in their education without extra stimulation and challenge. The dropout rate among gifted children is shockingly high. As with many things in the realm of parenting, making decisions for a gifted child is highly individualized. There are so many variations in the abilities, needs and available resources for each child. My recommendation is that your friend arm herself with research so she can make the best decisions for what *her* son needs.

It might be good as there are fewer in a class that will be the same so making friends with others qualified for MENSA might help later. The only thing I would not broadcast it to the other kids as it makes the child stand out even more. There are kids who will dislike success and intelligence or pick on bright children when they have any quirks or behavior issues.

I think this is a terrible idea. No child should be:

a) singled out
b) made to feel different
c) put in a situation where he feels that he has to compete or live up to expectations of intelligence

particularly when so young.

I was a "gifted" child. What's more, my parents were told that my IQ was extremely high (150 - 140 is considered genius). So, the school dutifully pulled me out of my regular program and put me in special programs every so often. There were two things that I enjoyed about this program. I got to play Where in the World is Carmen San Diego and work with other students on problem solving challenges. Otherwise, it was a HORRIBLE experience - and a life-changing horrible experience.

This experience left me feeling stupid - and it left me doubting how I fit in with other people. Belonging to this "club" for "smart people" completely changed how other people interacted with me, what teachers expected of me, and how willing people were to work with me. Teachers were willing to consistently give me the benefit of the doubt because they knew that I was smart, and so I became lazy. Other students didn't want to be my friend. I felt different, all the time. I became terrified that I would fail and let people down, that I would only prove to others that it was a mistake and that I wasn't really that smart. I stopped taking intellectual risks (which is what it takes to grow!) because of this. My growth in all areas was STUNTED because they put me in these groups to try to make me grow.

I am now a teacher, and have been for 10 years. I have worked closely with students from across all levels of "giftedness." I have yet to meet a student who is NOT gifted. Perhaps not in reading, math, or solving spatial challenges, but truly gifted in *something.* There is nothing stopping your friend from seeking out summer programs, providing challenges, etc. for her child. My daughter loves her "Big Brain Academy" game for the Wii. She loves Carmen San Diego as much as I did. By all means, challenge the child... but joining groups that separate, etc. is a BAD idea.

I've got a gifted child (or two) and it has never occurred to me to contact MENSA.

There are different levels of giftedness. If the child is profoundly gifted, then he is profoundly different from other people, and in that case, MENSA could possibly be helpful. However, as I understand it, they are an organization for adults, and I haven't heard that they advocate for children. I could be wrong. If the child is moderately or highly gifted, as most gifted kids are, then MENSA wouldn't really apply.

I think the place for this mother to start is Hoagie's Gifted Page. (I don't know how to do links within Mamasource.) Google Hoagies -- it has a wealth of information and is the right place to start.

Your wording was interesting. I wouldn't say that a child could be "diagnosed" with giftedness....more that a child can be "identified" as gifted.

Our nephew who is now 12 is in MENSA and has been for many years. It gave him activities and studies that he was interested in and outlet to be "smart". They live in a small town and the schools were not able to help him and he was often bored in class and then would cause disruptions. With MENSA and another 'gifted' organization's help he has a laptop and does his own higher level school work and helps his class mates. He had already skipped 2 grades but his social skills really prevented him from going up more. Now he can do the higher class work and be with kids he can relate to. Its important to not make him feel isolated because he is gifted but part of a group and still maintain friends his own age in other activities.

Hi,

My husband is active in the Twin Cities Mensa Chapter, and my son and I have attended some activities as guests, so I can tell you what I think.

If a minor joins Mensa, the child's family and siblings are invited and encouraged to attend most (it might be all?) Mensa events with them. There is an active children's group in the Twin Cities, but I don't know how big it is. I've read the monthly Mensa newsletter, and they get together at least once a month for social activities like sledding. From what I can tell, it is a very laid back group that just simply enjoys socializing.

The boy may benefit from friends he meets at Mensa, and his parents may benefit from talking to and networking with other "Mensa parents". The local chapter DOES advocate for gifted children to make sure they don't get lost in the shuffle at school. Having a gifted child in mainstream education can pose just as many problems and issues as having a special-needs child in mainstream education.

Like anything in life, Mensa is some people's cup of tea, but not others. Also, Mensa may not be appropriate now, but could be later, or vice versa.

I would encourage the parents to contact their local chapter for more information. They may be able to attend a couple of events as guests to see if it is appropriate for them right now. I know the woman who coordinates the kids' activities--let me know if you want her contact info.

Being gifted does not automatically make you Mensa-eligible. One must have an I.Q. in the top 2%. Mensa has its own test that people can take to see if they're eligible, and there is a long list of other tests (SATs, standardized tests in school) that can also make you eligible. Since I.Q. tests and their measurements vary wildly, there isn't "one" I.Q. that automatically makes you eligible, if that makes sense. The local Mensa chapter would be able to tell them if any of the tests he's already taken would make him qualify. In the event that he would need to take a test for eligibility, he and his parents should be prepared for the fact that he may not have an eligible score.

In the end, Mensa is just ONE of the many resources available to parents. Good luck!

ETA: Here is the link for MN Mensa's Gifted Children's site:
http://www.mnmensa.org/giftedchildren1.html

Minnesota Council on Gifted and Talented www.mcgt.net

This is a great organization that provides tons of information and insight! There are informative meetings (CHAT nights) for parents and fun things for the kids to do. There is a Yahoo group attached to MCGT where members pose questions, exchange ideas, and share research.
Recently MCGT sent out a list of summer camps that gifted children may find interesting. There are also Mensa mixers and a Mensa children's group that is associated with MCGT.

I'd encourage the Mom to attend a CHAT night. They are free to both members and non-members and are centered on a specific topic. Usually there is a well-informed presenter. Next CHAT night is:

Minneapolis Chapter CHAT Night: Family Potluck/Picnic
When: Thu, May 21, 7pm – 9pm
Where: Burroughs Community School, 1601 W. 50th St., Minneapolis, MN (map)
Description: Each CHAT Night will be oriented around a different topic of discussion and will begin with a brief presentation about the topic. The primary purpose of the CHAT nights is to provide ample time for parent discussion around a specific topic of interest and for families of gifted kids to make connections. Childcare will be available for a nominal fee. Contact ____@____.com with questions.

First of all, "diagnosed" by whom?

2nd, being labeled as "gifted" is not always a gift. I was labeled "gifted"in first grade. I enjoyed getting to go to do other neat things that the regular class wasn't doing, for the first year or so. Then it became obvious that adults seemed to think "gifted" meant "better than", and the expectations were really high, and for a long time, I thought I was stupid if I couldn't understand something instantly, like we "gifted" kids were expected to. It really undermined my self-esteem, and even now, I am afraid to do things I don't already know how to do.

Being pulled from the regular classes was seen by the other kids as "weird", whether it was for a gifted class or for a "special ed" class on the other end of the labeled spectrum.

Being in an environment where you are with other gifted kids is actually really a lot of pressure to compete and to be better than them. So instead of feeling smart or normal in a regular class, I ended up feeling really dumb compared to some of the other gifted kids.

Now if a kid is truly off the charts- super genius, then getting him in some sort of intellectually challenging club or program might make sense, but if this kid is not way off the charts on intellect, then it may do more harm than good. And if he IS super intelligent, then what he really needs is not just intellectual stimulation, but to make sure his whole world doesn't turn into one big intellectual exercise. Does he socialize well? Is he also "street smart" - does he have common sense? Can he solve practical daily-living problems, not just tricky test questions? Does he relate well to his peers- meaning kids his own age of varying intellectual ranges?

I would honestly much rather see his parents help navigate life as a well-rounded child, rather than seeing life only through the "smart-lenses".

the one thing i have to say about this is that no matter how 'gifted' a child is, you have to be more concerned with their maturity level and actual ability to handle that kind of pressure. some kids are fine, other kids need to just be kids.

we all would like to think our kids are genuises, but its MORE IMPORTANT to let kids be kids, they have all the time in the world to become all that they need to be. he could jump ahead a grade, but socially, perhaps that wouldnt work.

my mom was told i was very gifted - as i was reading 3 grade levels ahead of my peers. the kindgergarten teacher recommended the gifted child classes, but they were an hour away from us, and my mom knew i was not socially ready. i did just fine and have a successful happy life the way i am. i dont know how i would have ended up if i had been pushed into such a pressure filled environment. it could cause much frustration in a child, when the most important thing to kids developmentally, is just being a kid!

i would recommend that the mom do all she can with her child herself. encourage her child to do the things he wants to do, and enjoy being a kid! if she wants to discuss bumping him ahead a grade, great! if not, thats fine too. there is no reason to push a child when they can just be a kid. :D however, theres no reason to not encourage a child to be all that he can.

so yeah, i guess im just saying that im not completely against these sorts of programs, but i really highly suggest that any parent thinking of them proceed with extreme caution. we all think our kids are the best, but that doesnt mean the world will... and we should be letting our kids be kids instead of pushed into the competition and rejection of upper level education or soemthing. he can be the kid whos the top in the class, taking classes for college credit in high school. isnt that more rewarding that being with a bunch of other kids who are all doing the same as him? he would feel just average instead of as successful as he can.. i dont know maybe that idea is messed up :P
anyway.