The Invisible Mom
It all began to make sense -- the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids would walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie
this? Can you open this??
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'
I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?'
I'm a taxi for order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
Some days I'm a crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock? Where's my phone? What's for dinner?'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going, she's going, she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just returned from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.
It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devoured - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw
everything.
A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
‘No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.’
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend,
he'd say, 'You're gonna love it there...'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.
Do you feel the same?
.
Seriously Denise P, do I need to be crying at work??(lol) This was beautiful. Thanks for reminding us that we have the most important often thankless job, and what we build others after us will see. Thank you.
Another teary eyed reader here! That was beautiful.
Let's not forget the fathers too. My husband is the stay at home parent and does a fantastic job of it.
Thanks for sharing.
Just so you know I sent this to my mom. I think of her this way I hope to be this way for my daughter.
Excellent! That was an excerpt from "The Invisible Woman-When Only God Sees" by Nicole Johnson, in case anyone is wondering.
Love this and of course I can SO relate...what mom can't?
The rewards are so often intangible and small, but most of the time...enough :)
Especially when you look at the big picture. It really makes you look back and appreciate your own "invisible mom" though doesn't it?
AMEN!!!
I loved every single word of this.
We all know as mothers that we are not doing this most important job on Earth for the gratitude or the celebrity of it because, let's face it, if that's what we're waiting for we'll be waiting forever. We do it because we love it, we love our kids, we love the families that we've built with our bare hands.
I look at my kids with awe on a regular basis amazed at how the sum can be so much greater than its parts.
Being a mom is the best, most important thing I'll do with my entire life and I'm ok with that.
WOW ~ Denise, that was so beautifully and eloquently written. Thank you for sharing, this was amazing! I do feel this way...and until now I didn't know how to put it into words or that there was even an explanation for it or that anyone would ever understand. This brought tears to my eyes.
Here's to our Cathedrals!
Your post touched me and brought tears to my eyes and peace to my heart. Thank you.
This is the best post I have read on this site! I loved it! Thank you Denise!
thank you for this. there are days i lose track of what i am really doing, and start feeling sorry for 'what has become of me,' or 'did i work hard all my life, so that i can cook, clean, and worry?'
thank you.
L.
Beautiful. Thank you.
That was awesome! I'm printing it out to save. Thanks for such an uplifting post :)
I'm glad you reposted. Apparently not the 4000 character issue....:)~!
That is O. of the most beautiful analogies to motherhood. I think I just might type that up. With your permission of course.
My girlfriend sent me this a year or so ago. It made me burst into tears because sometimes being a mom IS a thankless job. Thanks so much for reminding me again that it is all worth it.
L.
Yes - and I'm crying. Thanks for the perspective, that I sometimes loose sight of.
Sometimes... I don't get up at 4 to bake pies, but I get up at 5 to go to work and sometimes forget that my children may never thank me for the gift of an education, but their accomplishments are more telling of the time, effort and tears.
I often wondered why my parents were so invested in where I went to school and what I did with my life. In becoming a parent I now understand how much of their time and effort (and resources) were poured into us and that in many cases they are measuring their success as a person by how far we go in life.
Thank you for posting this- it's really beautiful.
You just did exactly what I suggested in my PM...
Great minds... :)
Anyhow, LOVELY post. Brought tears to my eyes. It's a good thing to remember from time to time that God does see.
Thank you for posting - and re-posting this!
Gosh, darnit, you made me tear up! Snif/smile :)
I think we all do. From time to time. Its easy to sacrafice for our families. When faced with a choice to do for ourselves or our family we will always choose family, but that doesn't mean we are immune to feeling resentful once and a while. I just have to remind myself at those times that I am faces with lots of choices and I inevitably choose family. And I am blessed!
Thanks I needed that!
What a beautiful post :)
Beautiful writing, Denise. Thank you for sharing this post with us!
((hug))
Tears in my eyes. Thank you.
What a beautiful tribute. It brought me to tears.
Thank you.
THANK YOU for posting this, as a SAHM that also nanny's part-time, I can only hope the children feel my love for them and that in turn as they grow, they will share that love and be good, moral, helpful, kind, and loving individuals....Thank you again for this reminder for us moms that think noone sees are sacrifices :)
Fantastic extract.!!! Thank you Denise
A few lines from O. of my poems "The Message" about an old mother passing to the next world.
Passing on the message
Old of age,the woman
Her journey rocky,many roads unknown
Circling to the ancient shell
Many wise tales to tell.
In this world many evils
Narrow minds
Riddled with fools,meddling with the web.
Only spoken words
Santuary for the never travelled souls
Tradegy for the creative mind
Use your strength passing through
Steady,peace be blessed within your place
The holy men will cry
Three days wakening
The mother smiled
As she spread her wings
Soaring above all limitations
Seducing nature to her feet.
The songs of the dead
Roots to the reborn
Cycle of live.
B. k
I cant help but think this sounds SO FAMILIAR ~ Like I've read/heard this same story somewhere else.....
Do you think I could read this to my children on Mother's Day???
Tears rolling down my cheeks???
Thank you for taking the time to insert this beautiful excerpt into our lives!!
Happy Mother's Day to you!!
Love it! Love it! Love it! loveitloveitloveitloveitloveit. Love it!
