Does a Child EVER Not like It's Mother?

1. It's no disgrace to get counseling just to help yourself through this and to know you've been proactive.

2. My best guess, from this distance, as to what is going on is that your daughter loves you, and feels safe with you, and that you are the complaint department. Biting at this age is often the result of knowing that communication happens with the mouth, somehow, but not being able to use words. So you get bites and screams. Especially if she's not talking yet, that's probably what she's trying to tell you - 'mom! I can't make anyone understand me! You're may last hope here, mom, you get it more often than anyone else! Help!' Does this sound right? If so, don't let her bite you (no need to get rough, just evade and say 'no') and if you think you know what the problem might be at any time, try talking for her 'you're sad because Grandma's leaving' or 'playing is more fun than getting changed'. See if this helps. Good luck, and most likely, this too shall pass. And odd as it seems, this behavior probably does not mean that she doesn't like you!

Hi L.,
I'm going to give you frank advice because I have a daughter who's 5 now & was/is just like yours. First of all, you need to "gut up" and get over feeling sorry for yourself. You have to make a decision that you're complete & happy no matter how your daughter acts towards you. If you go around feeling like she owes you, you will spend a long time feeling sorry for yourself because she's not acting like you "imagined" you child would.

Second, my daughter was & is just like yours. She has never grown out of it. And what I have discovered over the past few years is that she doesn't act like this towards me because she HATES me...she does it because she loves me soooo much. There is a special space there between the two of us...an understanding. She's free to be her worst self with me. Now, she's not allowed to be disrespectful. But for the most part whenever she's frustrated, angry or grouchy I get the brunt of it.

Like I said, you just take it in stride. Be thankful that your daughter feels so close to you that she can express her true self...good & bad. The way I see it is I see a side of my daughter that no one else sees. I see into her soul almost...and as she grows I sense what's behind the face she puts on for others. She knows this & it's created a special bond between us because she knows she can really express her feelings to me & I won't judge her...or get MY feelings hurt...or reject her. I am her solid rock.

Take heart, I felt the same way as you when my DD started acting like that at 12 months old. But now I look at it as a blessing in many ways. You daughter loves you...don't EVER think any different.

Your daughter does not hate you. she just likes to try your patience. You do need to set boundries with your dau. and continue to discipline her the best way you see fit. Have a mommy and dau day. Stop asking for kisses she will only hurt your feelings. when she wakes up say good morning and give her a kiss and before she goes to bed do the same and continue to tell her how much you love her. She will come around. All children are different. My son won't even let me go to the bathroom by myself!

Hi L.,
Don't let it get you down. I promise you that it will get better. She is just testing you. It sounds like she is with you much more than your relatives and her father (since your a stay at home mom). That is why it seems like she is more excited to see them because she is used to you.
Just continue to do what your doing. Reading, breast feeding and your other activities.
I am sure that she feels your frustration. You should just try shrugging it off.
I am sure that your in-laws did not mean to offend you.

By the way, wait until she turns 11... That is a whole new chapter to deal with...!!!

Good luck and keep your head up.
C.

Dear L.,

My heart aches for you, because I feel that what your mother-in-law said to you was inappropriate. Regardless of whether she intended to joke or not, there are just some things you can't joke about. I hope you can disregard her comment as careless and thoughtless, but I know sometimes it's hard to disregard those statements.

Have you tried asking your daughter, at a time when she is not upset, why she does get so upset with you? You may be surprised at what she tells you. It may just be that she's with you all the time and wants diversity. Or she may have done something that she's worried you will find out and be very upset about. It's worth a shot.

Another thing you can try is asking her to reach out to you, and then withdraw away from you. You can do this over and over with her until you see her smile or laugh about it. You are letting her choose to move herself closer to and farther from you on her own, so she doesn't feel she's being forced anywhere. And I know it sounds silly, but it has worked in many cases (when a child is very hungry or tired it doesn't usually work), when it comes time for someone to leave her with you, YOU act like YOU don't want it to occur. Kind of mock-grouchy or fussy yourself - "Oh no! I don't want us to have to go together! Oh man!!! What are we going to do?!!!" you may be surprised when you get a puzzled look and then a smile.

Regardless of what you choose to do, I hope you remember that you and your daughter are both very independent people who want certain things, and happen to need each other too. I wish you the very best of luck.