Do You Yell at Your Kids?????

I used to yell at my kids. I used to get yelled at myself. Insted of putting so much effort into a verbal warning, why don't you try this. It is GUARANTEED not to fail. It always worked on me and it works on my children. You said that your boys are 10 and 11? P&P! Privleges and prized possessions. Give them a verbal warning to begin with, if they aren't moved then you move them by taking away privleges like television, internet access, playstations, music, comic books cell phones or whatever it is that they have that they treasure and will just die without. You are showing them that you mean business and I am too sure they want their things back, so naturally they are going to comply with whatever you and your husband ask. Try it and let me know how it turns out!!!!! GOOD LUCK

also guilty. I do tend to yell mostly toward the end of the day. It seems like the kids get more engery as your energy level goes down lol But one thing that has worked for me is the naughty spot like on the tv show the supernanny. But your kids are a bit older than mine so I dunno how that would work lol My aunt does the sticker thing for hers. each day of the week they have 10 stickers. every time she has to get on to them or they break a rule they get a sticker taken away. at the end of the week depending on how many stickers are left they get a treat. if they have most of their stickers they get to buy a toy and so on. Just an idea.

I think we are all guilty of yelling at our children once and a while, some more than others.

To be honest I feel like it's just the age. Ten and Eleven are the start of the ages of lots of homework, plus home chores, and other things. You are being a good mother by being after them to complete these things. You are shaping their minds, bodies, and lives.

I know it feels like all you do is yell or fuss, but know that you are doing it out of love, and that they will see that if not now, when they are 27 and yelling at their kids:)

I would say to help you feel better about it, plan a day where they get a break from homework, home chores, and any other extra cirricular activities. Have a family picnic or take them to the zoo or something.

I hope this was coherent since it's 8 am:) I also hope it helped.

I understand your frustation. I"m in the same boat with my 4 and 2 year old. DD is definitely in her terrible 2s. It's hard to stay calm after a busy and stressfull day. I've come to learn to take my own time out. If I'm approaching the boiling point I just take a book and read in my bed. I only interfer if someone gets hurt or dd's diaper needs to be changed. Otherwise I just let them be for 30 minutes. This has been working well for me. You just have to try different options. Good luck!

Of course I'm guilty of yelling at the kids, (when they are doing as told, etc.) Perhaps you could try some positive reinforcement. When they do as told and complete all chores in a timely manner, they get a reward i.e. rent a video game, a movie, go to the park, something they enjoy doing.

I suspect from what you said of the situation, right now may the time for a sit down heart to heart. Of course all siblings fight and it could be they are competing for attention, but let them know together "they" are all they have and they must learn to get along for the sake of their wellbeing. But just as important set aside 1 day a week with each child where just you and him do something special, preferrably an activity that he likes to do, (push him on the swing set, read a book with him, sit and play his favorite game, bake a cake/brownies/cookies whatever he wants to do, for 1 hour a week, set aside that time (with no interruptions)just for you and him.

Good Luck!
J.

I know what you mean, I have four boys, they are younger. My ages range from 7 to 3 to 1. However, I have twin boys that are 7 who argue with each other and me all the time. It does get frustrating. THe only things I am trying to keep from yelling so much are as follows: I am trying to keep them on a good schedule where they know I expect things out of them every day at the same time and there is no confusion. That way when they start to argue, I look at them and I tell them you know the rules, they don't change it has to be done and that is the end of this discussion. Now does that usually stop the bickering, no but walking away keeps me from yelling and I have told my children I am putting my foot down which means mom is not going to back off, I have reminded them that this is their responsibility and they already know it has to be done. THen I give myself five to ten minutes to calm down and I check on them. Majority of the time they are doing what I told them to do, because the argument did not work, it is almost like a game to them. However, there is that one time when it does not work and I find them playing or doing something else, then I immediately remind them of what they were supposed to be doing and being I found them playing I tell them there is a consequence and I give them a consequence for not listening and when they start getting upset or begging for another chance I tell them no this is it and no more discussing it. This is what will happen. I am not saying this is a cure all, however it has helped. One other thing I do is noone in our house is allowed to yell even if they are calling for someone, if they need someone they are to get up and get that person, this way right up front I am letting them know that yelling does not have a place in this house. I hope this helps. Let me know how you guys are doing. www.workathomeunited.com/myfoursons

Kim,
I think what you are supposed to do is be calm and say "when you quit arguing and want to talk about it, we will talk but I am not going to argue with you. I am the parent and you are the child." You are also supposed to not give in or give them what they want while they are in that argumentive state. I think that you are supposed to ignore them until they are quiet and then start over again. For example if they are wanting to go to the park and you tell them to pick up their toys and they argue, you tell them when you quit arguing and do what you are told, we will go to the park, otherwise I will sit her and wait till you do what I told you to do. And then really just wait. When they get ready to go they will do what you said to do without having to argue. You have to chose your battles. If they came from chaotic homes and you are trying to give them a more stable and balanced life, don't teach them to argue. They are arguing because it is probably all they know. They have probably witness that all their lives. Now is the time to show them that there is a different life and this is how we are going to do it from now on.
Congratulations on being 46 and taking that responsibility. I have remarried an angel after being married to the devil for 16 yrs. My husband now, always wanted children but he too had a bad marriage and knew it wasn't right. So we had a baby last year at 45. So I am not 46 with a one year old and it is wonderful. My life is so differnt (CALM) and it is so much better at an older age... unlike the others from my past marriage, I enjoy this little girl.
Hope this helps. I am not that perfect as a parent either but my husband is a child psychologist. I have listened to things he has said.
M. T

All parents yell at their kids once in a while.. some more then other's of course. When my two oldest boys were a little older then the ages as your boys, I suddenly realized that I was yelling a lot. Not that it did any good so I started whispering. It took a week or two on concentrated effort but whenever they'd raise their voice I'd calmly repeat, "I'm not yelling so you're not allowed to yell". They'd quiet down.
That was 2 years ago and we still all have to struggle sometimes because kids sure can do some stupid things that make parents mad lol. I read somewhere once.."Yelling at kids is like trying to drive a car without a steering wheel."
I agree with the other mom about having one stress free day for the boys where they do something fun. I know with you having rheumatoid arthritis that it limits the things you can do sometimes but boys are really easy to find something simple for them to do that they like. Are they in any after school activities or on a softball team or anything? Martial arts are fun for them too and if you can sign them up for it, that can go a long way towards helping them learn self control and anger management.
I think it's wonderful that you and your partner have took these boys not only into your home but into your hearts too and are giving them a better life. It's kinda odd how you try to make things better for your kids and then you realize, them being in your life has made your life so much better too.

Hi Kim,
I think we all have times when we yell at our children! Our boys are 17 and 13 and there was a time when it seemed like all we did was yell at them, our house seemed a mess looking back. But now, I can't remember the last time we yelled to be honest. I don't even remember when the yelling stopped, I guess kids just hit an age when they start doing more of what you expect and you don't have to yell so much anymore. I think you are perfectly normal!
I'm going to pm you also, I have some questions about rheumatoid arthritis.
K.

My pediatrican recomended a good book called 123 magic. I am normally not to big on "guru" books however this one is very practial, with good reasoning behind what they advise. Your boys are on the edge of the age range but I think it will help. I used to be a "yeller" with my daughter and get caught up in the argument however my household is more smooth now that we have read the book. I do advise that you follow the book and read the first 11 chapters before you start because you will run into things you might not know how to handle according to 123 magic if you don't.

Nothing to be proud of, but sure. I get frustrated and yell. I would say that every parent being honest would say they have yelled at their kids. Of course this is not the example we want to set for our kids. I have taken to sending my daughter to her room to remove her from the situation while I calm down, and counting to 10 is underrated. Good luck, and take deep breaths!!