Just wanted to start a discussion with my fellow mamapedia mom's about the stresses and overall opinion/feedback of being a mom. I'm a SAHM (constantly looking for a job though) who really can't say that I'm in love with being a mom. Everyone always needs me and it's so much stress and work with, I feel, very little satisfaction. Just looking for both negative and positive comments about this issue. Thanks!
WOWZER!! Thank you SO much for all of your honest opinion's and suggestions. I'm so glad that I'm not the only mom out there with these same thoughts. I know I need to find a hobby and make more time for myself...all of which I am working on. I already go to the gym just about every day of the week, she goes to the Kids Club and loves it. I'm sending my 3 YO DD to PreK for 2 day/week starting in 2 weeks. I am really super looking forward to that for the both of us. That will give me more time to hear myself think, look for a job, etc. My 2 older DS are at school all day so that helps, it's just that my DS creates so much stress for me because of her age. It's just nice to know that I'm not alone in my thoughts. Thank you so much!!!
Like they say about the army: the toughest job you'll ever love.
No pay, often unacknowledged, under appreciated (but forget to wash underwear one week! LOL), delayed gratification, and so much more.
Remember, moms don't get immediate payment, but we're "building cathedrals", right?
Good for you for being so honest! Yes, there are PLENTY of days that I just don't want to be a mommy anymore..... I miss the days where I could sleep in (sleeping in is 8am now), make the house real dark and watch movie after movie after movie (now I'm running around doing things my son wants to do all the time), etc etc etc... I guess I just miss the days where I could be plain ole lazy and not leave my couch if I didn't want to....
But I do love my son more than anything in this world (even though he drives me absolutely NUTS sometimes)... Seeing all his little achievements and hearing him laugh and say I love you mommy, makes it worth it......
I LOVE being a mommy but i HATE being a SAHM, I would much rather be out working a few days a week to give myself a little break from constently chasing a 2 yr old. i would never change her though NEVER. I just dont like being stuck at home all day every day with no break what so ever from her
I love being a mom with every ounce of my being. It’s like I was born to be a Mom to my kids. Never in a million years, before I had kids, did I ever think I could love another human being so much that I would die for them.
Sure, there are good days and bad days, ups and downs, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
I do LOVE being a mom of 3. I feel I was born to be a Mom. There is no other life for me.
With that being said, yes I find there are days I have trouble finding the balance. My life is on hold for my kids. I work full time and when I say my life is on hold I mean I do not go out, School, My relationship with my husband everything I am there for my kids and that is it. That has caused issues and I am making adjustments (school starting is Sept. and Dates with hubby to start soon.) But I cannot get enough of my kids. We play we talk we read and I love it. I get 9 hours at work 5 days a week, so I can appriciate my time with them that much more. I always have said you SAHM's deserve all the credit in the world. You do not get time away like we do.
It is so refreshing to read your post. Thank you for sharing. So often, I feel like I must be doing something wrong that I don't feel utterly fulfilled by having become a parent & caring for our child.
Some ways/some days, I love being a mom. And other days/other times, I have no patience and the lack of adult interaction drives me crazy. No matter what, I do love my DS, though.
I'm not a SAHM, though: DH & I work mostly opposite schedules, so I take care of DS by myself most nights and often on the weekend, while DH has him during the day. We have insurance through where I work, and frankly, I'm not sure I'd quit to stay home even if I could.
Edited to add: I just want to clarify that I am not criticizing SAHMs or SAHDs. You guys do hard, hard work, for which this is often very little appreciation or understanding. I'm thankful that I am able to make the choice.
I am a 25 yr old SAHM of one 2 year old and I do have my moments where I really dont like being a mom. The crying, the whining, the constant need for attention. However, whenever I go out without my son, all I can think about is him. All in all, yes, I do love being a mom. My sons hugs, kisses and snuggles are all the thank you in the world I will ever need.
We weren't going to have kids...period. Then we both changed our minds when we hit our mid s 30's. Then my DD was born and she sent me into the world of SAHM baby bliss!!! How could I almost have missed this opportunity? I would cry thinking how I almost missed out on being a mom. It was the best thing ever! Even in the middle of the night it was HEAVENLY! She was a great eater, a great sleeper, a happy sweet baby. Then she turned 2.
Just as I was telling someone that at 2 she was a very good form of birth control (she was a good kid...just very strong willed and challenging!), I found out I was prego with our DS! He arrived when she was 2 1/2.
He was a poor eater, terrible sleeper, sweet baby, smiling all the time, but wow...what a challenge. I still was "in love" with being a mom to an infant but was also a mom to a tough almost pre-schooler!
Now she's almost 4, he's 15 months, and I have my hands full. Both are very strong willed, though wonderful and I LOVE being their mom...but I do it 24/7 on my own. Dh is deployed for the year and I am overwhelmed a lot.
I wouldn't trade it for the world, but there are truthfully moments that I am about to scream if I hear, "Moommmmmy" whined one more time, or get hit by another pea flung from a high chair. Frankly...I need a break once in a while, and don't know when I'll get one.
So...do I LOVE being a mom? YEP! Would I like to be able to take a "sick day" once in a while!? HECK YEAH! Would I trade it for anything...NO WAY. But am I the mom I wish I could be all the time...sadly...no. I get angry, I get frustrated, I want to scream and throw my own tantrums and I have a long way to go to become mother of the year...but I'm doing my best and my kids know I love them and would jump in front of a bullet for them, without a second thought. I've even considered having another (but not until Dh is DONE with deployments).
Now...ask me when they hit their teens...I might have a different answer! =0)
Hi B.! I do love being a mom, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel like hiding under the bed sometimes.
Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself? Sometimes that makes every situation unsatisfying and stressful.
Some people, like my sister, live to be mothers. I am not one of those people. Motherhood snuck up on me! :) I got pregnant on my honeymoon and was NOT happy about it at first! But soon I realized how much I loved being a mommy.
Both of my kids have type 1 diabetes. It's the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. Sometimes I am so stressed that I feel like I am going to fall apart. Then I think of what life would be without my two kids and everything comes back into perspective.
I didn't read all 49 replies but thought I'd add my thoughts. I raised 8 children and wouldn't trade any of them and was so thankful I could stay home with them to teach them our values, see each new step/phase in their lives and just be there. All I ever wanted was to be a mom and I loved children from the time I was a child. On the other hand I think it is a very unappreciated job, you get no thanks for going without sleep and giving up your time and other things. You will make mistakes, yes you will, you may wish down the road you could do it all over and would change many things, but you are giving a life what it needs to live in this world by your love and imput and instruction and it is worth every sacrifice you have to make and every 'nervous breakdown' you have. :-) Children all are different and some you bond with easier but each one has to be loved and valued. I hope you will be 'renewed' in your hard work ahead and just look at a day at a time. No further down the road or it can be overwhelming. Get out once in awhile with other mothers. That helps so much. And don't pay attention to people who act like your job is not worth much or a 'real job'. I bet they couldn't do it themselves.
Let me say welcome to Motherhood. No one tells you that one day you are going to be so tired that you cannot think straight. No on tells you that you are going to be in a battle with someone you love and gave birth to. No one is going to tell you that some day you will love them very much but not like them. No one will tell you that they are in thier car debating if they should go home or keep driving and never come back. No one will tell you that being a mother is a thankless job that you chose to do.
Remember the good out ways the bad. Take time for yourself and get dad involved. There are peaks and valleys in this relationship. You just want to make sure that there are more peaks than valleys.
Don't beat yourself up for how you feel. More women than the ones that will admit it are feeling exactly like you. They just don't have the courage to say
motherhood is far from glamorous, but as much negative as there is, I do feel satisfaction. Perhaps my job before had very few rewards. I worked in a project oriented business and my projects were difficult all the way through until maybe twice a year, I'd see the efforts of my labor come to fruition in a completed project. My children reward me most every day. Yes they are a work in progress, but I'm not putting out fires, dealing with angry clients, late contractors, drawing deadlines. I'm dealing with the loves of my life and even when it hard, I'm happy to do it. I feel sad for woman like yourself who don't find fulfillment in motherhood.
I do love being a Mom. But...it is beyond hard sometimes. I am a single parent so it is all on me (much like it seems to be for a lot of SAHM's I think). It is hard balancing everything and I think a lot of us "lose" ourselves in the process. I find myself getting more stressed as the week goes on, getting shorter with the kids, etc. I think I cannot wait for the weekend to get here! But, then it does and I am a mad woman scrambling to get everything done like the laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc and then I start to think, Man I can't wait for Monday to get here. I try to stop myself when I start feeling this way and make myself have some fun with the kids to bring things back in focus.
I would venture to say that your kids are very young? It will get easier when they get a little older and a little more independent.
I think you should sit hubby down and tell him how you feel. Tell him, I need a break just like you get. Maybe he will understand and offer to watch the kids once or twice a month and you can go out with friends and be a woman again, not just a Mommy.
B., I seriously love being a mom, but it doesn't mean that I don't feel overwhelmed some days. Mom is a center of the house and the pillar of a home so it is a challenging, exhausting but beautiful journey for me. My kids give me so much reasons to breath for and just the simple detail to watch them asleep every night or seeing them laugh is heaven. I learned that there are woman "made" to be moms and others not made for that purpose and that doesn't mean they are bad persons. It is just simply a matter of purpose in life.
Take just one day at a time. Find a hobby, sport or activity you like and make it your "me time" every week, that will help you very much. Go by yourself or with a friend to Barnes and Nobles or Borders and have a cup of coffee (or juice or treat..yummy!) twice a week or during weekends (as I do when my husband is at home), that will replenish your energies..... rested you will feel like you can be a mommy.
Ya know sometimes I go through the same feelings.
I'm also a SAHM right now, like you, I'm trying to find a job.
Most days I love being a mom. I love my kids.
But there is a good amount of time where I feel like I miss my "old life"
I miss being able to come and go as I please. Miss sleeping. Miss having alone time.
Sometimes I hate hearing the word "mommy" I hate that I feel like I have to do everything! Not saying my hubby doesn't help, because he does.
But I make all the meals, clean, organize, handle all the stressful things in life, take care of the kids, do laundry, take care of my hubby and on and on and on. I know A lot of mommies know how that goes.
I'm 25 with 2 kids, and I feel like i've missed, or am missing my 20's.
But at the same time, I couldn't imagine life without my kids, or hubby.
I agree with a lot of what I've read so far from other moms - no, I don't love it all the time at all. It's incredibly demanding and I'm wearing so many hats that I do get burned out. I feel like I have an insatiable desire to just watch TV or read. I'm not sure I'd get sick of 10 hours straight of it... Sometimes I think I love my daughters to death but don't necessarily love being their mom all the time. I'm not sure how old your kids are but I will say I enjoy it much more now than I did when they were toddlers though. They're 5 and 6 now and I find it much more interesting. So many women want a 3rd or 4th child while I see someone pushing a stroller and literally think "thank goodness that's not me." I don't enjoy the 0 to 3 year time period. I have many friends who feel like I do in terms of being overwhelmed etc So you're certainly not alone. But my feelings are very mixed. Last night I thought how incredibly cute my girls are and what am I going to do when they're too big to carry and hug all the time? I love them beyond words. I read once that people don't have children to bring them happiness. They bring a sense of purpose. That seems somewhat true. In addition, marital satisfaction drops significantly after the first child is born. So most people must find it stressful... But doesn't mean we don't love our children.
I have my good days and my bad days - but wouldn't trade my life for the world!! Yeah, sure there are things I'd like to change or improve upon, and in reality - I'm working towards those changes, knowing that changes don't happen overnight!!
I will say - that my boys drive me INSANE (they are doing their jobs well!!) and there are times I call my sister, my best friend or my parents and tell them my kids are on the next plane out of here - what a wonderful DE-STRESSOR for me!!!
There are times I feel like I don't have balance or time for ME...I miss my paycheck - but I don't miss the hassles. I don't miss calling in sick because one of my kids are sick. I LOVE that I can volunteer at the school or just be there if my kids need me.
I hope you find the balance you are looking for. It's not easy!
i haven't read any other responses (didn't want to have any outside influence) but i absolutely LOVE being a mom. i am a single mom who works full time outside of the home (45+ hours per week) and being a mom is the best thing in the world. my daughter is 8 and it's just amazing. maybe since she is gone every other weekend with her dad i never get frustrated with "being a mom" but of course she is sassy sometimes but it all comes with the territory. plus i only have 1. i'm sure it's easier than having more.
I know exactly how you feel. And I'm not a SAHM...I don't think I could handle doing that...my son (who will be 4 in April) goes to pre-school during the day so I am only with him in the evenings and weekends. He wears me out. I wish sometimes that I could just come home and be myself and do what I want to do. I love him more than anything in the world but sometimes I just need a break from it all...from being a Mom. I was a single Mom until about a year ago and sometimes I feel like I have 2 children...like I'm responsible for everything. My husband has a part-time and a full time job but I feel like I'm responsible for everything else on top of having a full time job and a part time job (taking care of my son). It just depresses me sometimes. Know that you're not alone in your feelings. Good luck and God Bless.
I love being a mom. I love my children more than life itself. That being said...
Sometimes I am REALLY tired of being a mom. I need 2 15 minute breaks and an hour lunch. I swear....If I could do that I would feel great about my job. Sometimes it's thankless, sometimes it feels like the day is never going to end, sometimes not having enough money because I am home stresses me out.
But then I think, If I was at work I would have missed my morning cuddles, the "I love you's" I get all day, the first steps, making sure they are eating what I want them to eat, watching what I deem appropriate...ect. So, I guess I am glad my "job" is a stay at home mom...just wish I could get better pay and some health benefits! lol
I think that no matter what, SAHM or Working mom...there are stresses and negative and positive. I am happy with the decision that we made.
I love being a mom. I'm a mom to one natural son, three older neices, two older nephews and one step son. The youngest is now 14 and will turn 15 in a few short weeks. Yes they need you and can suck you dry if that is your focus. I tried to focus on the fact that they need me to teach them everyting becuase they don't know anything. It is my job to teach them to be healthy, whole, functioning individuals in society. I was a stay at home mom to 6 at one point and I loved creating memories for them and knowing the foundation I was laying for them would be things that they will share with their children. I destress by having my "village" step in when needed. It takes a village to raise children. Where is your village of family, friends, and hired hands? When do you take time for yourself? This is vital to successful child development. They need to see you doing things for yourself too. Balance is key. They are little for a short while. No job can take the place of the joy I feel from raising my children, all my children.
I love being a mom. It has completely changed my world and the way I look at/think about things. It's to the point where when I see celebs like Jen Aniston who has it all but doesn't have kids, I think about how much they're missing out on and how they might never know what life is really about. I love my little guy so much its really crazy. I wasn't even a baby person before him and now I just want to work in a daycare ;p
I think you might feel the way you do b/c you're a SAHM. Some moms aren't cut out to be just at home looking after their kids. I would personally love to do it (I can't due to financial reasons) but you should definitely keep looking for a job. It'll help you to appreciate what you have at home if you're away from it for 8 hrs/day :)
I love it, but it drives me nuts at the same time. Yesterday I told my husband, I feel like I'll never be alone again. That sounds like a good thing but it doesn't feel like it right now. :-) It sounds like you are in desperate need of some time for yourself! If you can't find a job soon, find something that requires you to leave the house, at a set time, at least once a week. Join a book club, volunteer, take a class, anything. If you are away from your kids long enough to miss them, you'll start to enjoy them more again. Hang in there!
IMHO, nothing is better than being a mom. Yes, it can be a thankless, stressful job at times - but nothing beats it. Some days are really hard but most days are awesome. I'd do and give anything for my kids. I work full-time, and that helps, but it makes my nights go crazy. And right now I'm between contracts so it is easy for people to think I am a SAHM mom and ask for a million favors. I'd love to be able to stay with my kids more, maybe work part-time. It sounds like you're stressed though. Get some you time and it will be better :).
I'm a SAHM of 5, I wouldn't change anything. But, I do know what you mean. Stress, work, always being pulled in several directions, no time for yourself. But now my youngest is 2 1/2 and will be going to half day preschool two days a week next year. It kind of scares me to think that there will be times when I have no children in the house. I'm excited about having time to get stuff done, but at the same time I wish they'd stay little a while longer. :-)
Don't worry, time will fly bye way too fast and before you know it you won't have all these needy little ones at your feet anymore. That's when you'll realize how much being a mom really means.
Wow-I am sad for you that you don't get satisfaction out of being a mom. It is not for everyone though thats for sure. I personally get much more satisfaction out of being a mom than working. I had a really good job and made great money-and could even work from home if I wanted to. But being with my kids was so much better than working it was a no-brainer for me. I love that my kids need me and I need them just as much. They complete me more than any job ever would. I do wonder though how much financial situation plays into it. I am fortunate enough to be in a position where money is not an issue at all. My husband makes more than enough for us to live comfortably and to do anything we want and we don't live beyond our means. So its almost like if I went back to work it would be for only my personal fullfillment -which I never achieved through work nearly as much as I do from being a mom and volunteering in our community anyhow.
Hopefully you can find a job soon that will give you the personal satisfaction that you are lacking from your life.
I love being a mom. I don't really love parenting. Being a mom, to me anyway, is the fun stuff - the hugs, the smiles, the swoop up in your arms and plant a kiss. Parenting is teaching rules and manners, enforcing consequences, teaching right from wrong, coordinating schedules. That is really hard. I find that I am happier when I try to do a little more "mom" stuff to counterbalance the "parent" stuff.
I love that I am a mom.
She was unexpected but saved my heart.
Going on 2 years of being a SAHM and I realize I miss working. I am not in love with being a SAHM anymore (because it is stressful), even though I am in love with my SO and my daughter.
Hang in there!
i love having my daughter. i really miss being out of the house though. i recently became a stay at home mom. and as much as i love the time with my daughter, there are days i can barely stand the sight of her. with the stress of moving in with my fiance, starting to stay home, and money troubles, there are days i'd rather be anything but a mom. one less responsibility when i feel like i'm going to scream. but... then i look back and i'm so thankful for my daughter. she is an amazing little girl, and always knows how to make mommy smile. i'm so thankful i decided to keep her instead of placing for adoption. she is my miracle baby.
I might be late in answering this and I haven't read all of the other responses, but I can honestly say that I love BEING a mom, but I don't always love everything ABOUT being a mom. My DD is 3 and I love her more than life itself, so much so that I can't even begin to describe it, but then there are all those times, day after day, that I feel like she is sucking the life out of me and I would give anything for one whole day to myself, including being able to sleep in. The constant demands, the whining, the backtalk, the non-stop chattering - many times I am just like, REALLY? I can't even step into the bathroom to go pee for 2 seconds by myself?
The way I keep it in check is to remember that we almost lost DD a week before my due date, due to fetal distress that turned out to be the umbilical cord being wrapped around her neck. So I feel that guilt whenever I think I wish she would just be quiet for a while or just play by herself for a few hours. And I also remember what my mom once said, "They are only little for a little while." My mom remembers being in that mentality where she could not wait for the next step - us being potty trained, or being in school full-time or whatever. Then all of a sudden they are dropping me off at college and she's wondering where the past 18 years went. Now she wishes she had taken the time to appreciate those little moments more, instead of always wishing them away. Our kids will be grown and gone soon enough. Another saying I heard once is "The days may be long but the years are short."
Sometimes i feel overwhelmed too, we all do. Thats when the husband or sister, or MIL, or friend needs to step in and give us a spa day, or a night on the town. I know i so rarely take the opportunity but it would be good for everyone if i did.
I love being the mom even with the the challenges. It is these tough moments that make the good ones even sweeter. I think I have found my purpose. I am actually a little stressed out about the way future when they don't need me and are out of the house.
Even though I am college educated, I don't want to go 'back to work'. Hopefully, I can stay at my job as a SAHM for a long time to come.
Perhaps I feel this way because my kids are spaced out by a decade. I can see that my hard work is paying off with my eleven year old and I know that I won't always be up in the middle of the night with my toddler; she too will be eleven far too soon.
But that being said - I work full time as a teacher (my benefits and health ins prohibit me from staying at home), which winds up being 7:30 am to 5pm at school most days, plus grading and lesson planning at night and on weekends.
I look forward to putting overwhelming work away and being overwhelmed with sticky hands, messy faces, pitter patters of feet, sweet baby kisses, big belly giggles, imagination inspired stories, Dora and Diego marathons, dirty knees, and big big hugs. So when I get to be with my children it brings me peace.
I love my daughter more than I ever thought I could love someone.
And I would never choose to give her up or not be her mom anymore.
But if there was a chance to go back in time and not be pregnant... It would be a HARD choice.
My husband and I are always so desperate for 5 minutes of alone time together. And we have suffered so much financially and even separated one time because of all the stress associated with being new parents.
Now 5 years in, we are a lot more stable and have definitely adjusted.
We both love her dearly.
But I/we still can't help but wonder what life would be like if I/we had never had a child...
And I know for sure I will never have another.
I love being a mom. I also loved having a career for 15 years. So now it's nice to have a change of pace. It's very rewarding. I'm not looking forward to going back to work, but it will happen at some point, and I feel all the stress and multitasking while "keeping a good attitude" I'm doing is keeping me used to a high work load and professional self control. Unlike my old jobs, I can't be replaced in this one by someone just as good me the day after I leave. And my bosses and coworkers never loved me quite as much as my kids do. But BOY do I miss money and health insurance. It stinks to lose those when you leave work to do another even harder very important job with more hours.
I have my moments, as I'm sure all Moms do, where I just want to run away....But, overall, I love being a Mommy! I also loved being a Mommy when I was working. Being a SAHM is not for everyone! This is only supposed to be a one year thing for me. That is probably one of the things that keeps me sane!
I love the fact that I'm a mother, and of course I love my boys more than anything and more than I ever thought possible, but I could have been happy never having children as well! It was a decision my husband and I came to slowly and not something I always wanted to do. I'm glad I did it, but I don't feel that motherhood defines me. It's a big part of my definition now, but I have other areas of my life too. I also HAVE to have breaks frequently. I cannot abide anyone, even my children, 24/7 for days on end. I think everyone needs space! I work on REALLY trying to enjoy these young years, but I would be lying if I didn't often wish for them to be a bit older. I know every age and stage has its challenges and issues, but the 2 year old crying and screaming and the overall neediness of small children gets extremely tiresome and nerve-wracking to many of us! I was a SAHM for 4 years and I've been a working-outside-the-home mom for a year now. While my kids are so young, I would like to have a part-time job instead of a full-time job, but that's a pipe dream most of us don't have the luxury of realizing due to childcare costs (no reason to pay for it if it's going to eat up all you make working part time). I'm definitely a better mother when I'm away from the kids for awhile each day -I can tell you that.
I'm glad I had children, and I enjoy them and enjoy motherhood a great deal -just not all the time. I get extremely tired of some of the women who post on here and in life in general who act like any woman who doesn't view her only reason for existence as being a mother and who doesn't want a ton of kids or to be constantly surrounded by children as somehow lacking. Being a mother is fantastic -and hard and stressful and irritating, but there's a lot more to being a woman if you want it and you're not bad for feeling that way. I think you'll realize more satisfaction with motherhood and life in general when you are able to find a job and as your children age and you can see the positive things you've taught them come to bear.
I love my son every day no matter what... being a "mom" is a JOB and I don't think anyone in all honesty could say that they LOVE their job every minute of every day especially when that "job" doesn't come with "personal time".
I work full time and then go home to my "other job" of wife and mother- my husband shares the responsibilities completely, but there are some days I want to strangle my non-parent friends who complain about their "10 hour work day"... when they get home they can "turn off" completely without any real consequences. We don't get to sit down together most nights until 9:00, but we chose to have children and don't regret that choice.
I love being around my husband and son and watching him grow into a little person, but wish that I didn't have to discipline him. I don't want my son to be a jerk, so we do it, but wouldn't it be nice to just hang-out and play all day??
We just went off the pill b/c we want more children and we both love parenting. It's hard work and it is unfortunately not recognized as "work" by some people and some days I miss being able to shower without someone popping in to ask a question, but overall I think it's the best thing my husband and I have ever done.
It can be difficult. I am recently a SAHM and I'm not quite used to it yet. My son is also 17 months, and he has decided that hitting is fun and listening is not. So dealing with that all day can get challenging. But at the same time, I wouldn't change a thing.
first off, yes, i truly am 100% in love with being a mom. but i wasn't always like that. the first couple weeks of my son's life i didn't feel that bond, and i never had that magic "aha" moment when they handed him to me at the hospital. i was a first time mom and older (29) and had lived a lot of life without being someone's mommy. i had to learn. now i am almost obsessive lol.
i truly believe we are happiest when there is balance. i work ft and i truly love my job. it sounds like at least part of your heart is in the workplace too. if all you had ever wanted to do was be a sahm you'd probably be reacting to being unemployed a little differently. some of us just aren't wired to be sahm's. i hope that you find your balance soon!
Im a SAHM and I love it. I couldnt imagine being away from my DD all day. I tell my husband almost daily how thankful and grateful I am to be able to stay home with her and I really dont know where he finds the strength to go off to work everyday all day. We had a really rough night last night (teething) and yes obviously in the moment its stressful because you are tired and baby is cranky and cant be soothed but the 'bad' or stressful times are few and far between and the next day when your little one wakes you up laughing and giggling in the crib to start the day it always makes me feel like the luckiest mommy in the world. Kids grow so fast too that I always remind myself that I need to appreciate them now as they are because before I know it she will be off to school, then a teenager off to the mall, and then dating, college, marriage, babies, OMG time goes by so fast.
Good Luck with your little one(s)
I can see your reasons to a point. I mean I had children and I most definetly love them, but some more adult challenging work/conversations would be nice..lol I would rather be the one home raising my children as opposed to daycare and I thank God that with my husbands' work that we are able to afford me staying home to raise the kids. Perhaps you just need an out. Find a playgroup or a mom day outin that you can go to with the kids to have more adult interaction. It's hard but overall I think it's well worth it in the end that my children have me home to help them grow and to just be there for them. I wouldn't mind going back to my job, I loved it and I liked dealing with what I worked with and whom I worked with. But I think my children come first, always!! Is it a stressful job, ABSOLUTELY!! I've heard that a SAHM works the equvilant of 2 full time jobs.. yikes!! But I find it gratifiyng at the end of the day to know that I was the one here taking care of the bumps/bruises, the kisses, deciding what they ate and how they were to behave! Perhaps you just need to find a social circle. I don't really think it has to do with the way your mother treated you. I for one did not get along with my mom and she never went out of her way to do 'special' things for me. To this day she hasn't met her youngest grandchild! She has no desire to make a relationship with us, and that's sad. I just feel lucky that I have the opportunity to be there for my children. I can honestly say yes I love being a mom, along with all the quirks it presents within my life. I hope you find your love for it too.. God Bless :)
I love both of my children and I love what I am doing for them -- how I am contributing to their life and the love that we give and receive. Being a mother is just one facet of who I am though. I am also a wife, sister, friend, someone who likes to learn, travel, work, take on new projects.
I have a couple of friends that seem like they were just born to be a mother. One in particular has been talking about it with me since 5th grade. That seems to be her biggest goal in life and she has been blessed with three wonderful kids. That's okay for her though. Different strokes for different folks. I just know that if someone were to tell me that I had to pick; be a mom exclusively or pursue your other ambitions, I don't know if I could just be a mom.
But when I was feeling under the weather the other night and my daughter came in and rubbed my tummy like I do for her when she is sick, my love for her and my son right then and right there is so great that I feel as if I can just melt right into her. Nothing compares to these blessed little moments.
This reminds me of the "grass is always greener" line - once you find a job, you will probably wish you were at home more!
I absolutely LOVE being a mom. I can truly say I was meant to do it.
I work full time and have children. I would love to work less to be home with them more. I also know if I don't allow myself enough "me" time, I get stressed! Massages, yoga, working out AT THE GYM - not at home, lunches/shopping with friends, dates with my hubby every now and again (get dressed up in NON mommy clothes!) all help keep me grounded. It is so important to allow yourself this time. It really will help your outlook, whether you are working or not.
I think you will find some satisfaction in working. If you can, try working part time at first, if that works for you of course. I would love to work part time and have the "best of both worlds". But I do understand where you are coming from. I feel great intellectual satisfaction and stimulation at my job, and being home all day with children is challenging to say the least! Maybe take a class or two, join a book club and do other mentally stimulating things.
I work outside the home fulltime too however, God blessed me with these little miracles!!! I love them and yes love being a MOM!!!!! Wish I was only working parttime to have better balance. Yes kids are a lot of work but I can't imagine my life without them.
How long have you felt this way? Sounds like you are stressed. Do you get a break so you can come up for air? If not, I suggest you do and if necessary counseling. I've had that and it helped tremendously
Usually I enjoy being a mom. There are some days, though, where it is a thankless position (but I'm not in it for thanks...and I am hoping when my girls are adults they can look back and know they had a good childhood; that will be thanks enough). Being a SAHP isn't for everyone but parents who work outside of the home still sometimes feel as you do (life isn't all fun and games...sometimes it is difficult and children can be challenging). I guess you could liken it to the quote about character being what you do when no one is watching. The same applies to being a mom...you do the best you can even though you might not get any recognition for it.
Had our one and only child late in life (3 months shy of my 44th birthday). Today I am a 53 yr old Mother of a 9 yr old girl. I do realize that everyone's experience is different, however, I did bond from the first moment. I will admit thatit is the hardest job I'll ever love! Balance is key and finding something you are passionate about. (My "passion" is my home-based business which I've been involved in for 8 years, since our daughter was 2 yrs old, mainly because what I do makes a living, while it makes a difference). All the best to you! ~ S.
1. The love, education and nurturing part and
2. The work, lol
I love being the loving nurturing mom, but I don't necessarily like to clean poop, clean bathroom, cook, grocery shop, 24/7.
Some moms work outside the home and have the "luxury" of doing all that and more. Other moms stay home to do both.
If you don't like to clean, laundry, etc - then maybe working outside the home and let someone else do that stuff might make you enjoy being a mom more.
I think when you combine all the work (responsibility) with the nurturing part, then you become overwhelmed and being a mommy seems stressful, but I think knowing I am able to shape the next generation provides the best kind of fulfilment anyone can have. That should be your motivation!
I always wanted to be a mom. And though I have days that I wish I could have some time to myself, I do love my kids. I am a SAHM and about twice a week I wish I had a job, just so I can get away. hehe. Being a mother is not an easy job to have. I know women that have children, but have nannies or put their kids in daycare. My boys are 7 mo., soon to be 5, and soon to be 4. I look forward to our oldest starting school and we may put our 4 year old in preschool of some sort. My mom watches 2 kids after school for a women, who doesn't really spend time w/ her kids, just has them in alot of activities and buys them things. I could never do that, but I guess that works for her. The kids get rides to and from sport and events. So though I could never do that (my parents were always there for our games and such), it just works for others.
When push comes to shove, then I absolutely would have to say I love it...BUT I have felt this exact post on many a day! There is at least once every day when I'm reminded how precious my children are and that love really does make the world go round (so cheesy! I know it right?!), but those moments usually come in between hair pulling, table climbing, sibling arguing, etc. But that glimmer is what keeps me going...most days. The other days I keep motivated by refusing to do laundry and going to have a play date with my girl friends. We let the kids play and have some coffee! ;) It's a tough balance. You are not alone, and satisfaction has to come from within, and some days that is tough. Hang in there, I feel you!!
i wouldn't ask for it to be any different. but i only have 1 kid and 3 steps 1 grown and on her own and states away. the other 2 steps are only with us every other weekend so really it's just dh and i, we get breaks everyother weekend cause my dd is from a previous marriage, dh and i have no kids together...yet, so we get those regular breaks.
I will be the first to admit that I did not want children. I was all about my career. I was engaged to a guy who we both thought was sterile. Obviously he wasn't. He flaked out as soon as I got pregnant. I left him at 7 months pregnant, because if I stayed in Tn then I wouldn't ever be able to leave a 100 mile radius of him. My daughter is 4 now, and I can't say anything negative about being a mom. I would love to go back to work, someday, but for now she won't be in school for 2 years, and I know that after that our time will be limited. I want to spend every second with her. We don't spend every waking hour together, and we do clash sometimes, but when I am at work (a few hours a month) I miss her. If she ever sleeps over friends houses I miss her. Work can wait. Life is too short, and I don't want to miss out and regret things later. I am lucky to be in a position that I am in and I definitely do NOT take it for granted
I wouldn't take back my kids for anything, but I truely am mentally exhausted already and my kids are only 1 & 2. I feel like have ADD now. I can't remember anything without writing it down or think straight anymore. I didn't even get to enjoy my second son's 1st year of life due to my eldest son's skin disorder. Even during the 3 months of maternity leave following my 2nd son I had to spend tapering my eldest off of topical steroids. All I wish now is for him to get better so that I can start enjoying the time I have with my kids. My son's skincare is very time consuming & because he scratches so much we rarely go anywhere. If we do, I have to do alot of prepping in advance. My husband & I have also separated partially due to the stress from our son's illness & sometimes I think about giving him custody of my eldest just so I don't lose what sanity I have left. I can't stand seeing my son in so much pain & watching a disease take over his entire body. I get so angry sometimes just looking at him & sometimes I lash out on him because of his condition. I know it isn't his fault & I'm trying to learn how to accept what's going on, but it's really hard. I've spent the last 2 years trying to figure out the root of his problem & haven't been able to focus really on anything else.
I pray for the day that my kids & I can just get up & go without in medical treatment. It would be a piece of cake to me now! I'm not sure what type of stress you have to deal with with your kids, but be thankful if your not dealing with any children with chronic medical conditions cause it could be alot worst. I never get to sleep even 1 or 2 here in there that I do get to catch up on rest do nothing for me. It's even gotten to the point where I dose off at the wheel & at work all the time. Thank God I have a boss that's really understanding.
I hear you! No I am not a mom that is IN love with being a mom of small children...I stay home by choice and I am not changing my mind anytime soon. I love my children, my husband, and my life in general but I do not wax eloquant about mommyhood. I don't complain (or have a lot to complain about) all the time but I don't bottle up my frustrations/stresses either. It is a challenging thing, being a parent, I feel satisfaction and pride in a job well done (mine) in hindsight but in the midst of MOMMY,MOMMY,MOMMY! I am not so happy :)