Do You Have a Big Age Gap Between Your Kids? Did It Work?

My daughter was 9 when my son was born. They are now 12 and 3 and absolutely adore one another. She is such a big help. And...just think, I'll have a babysitter in a few years. :)

hi there

my oldest is 26 and my youngest will be 6 may 1st.. i have 2 in between 23 and 19... they all adore her and would do anything for her...it can be hard at first getting up at night again but like the first time you get used to it....and the older kids do help out some.

good luck

M.

I have the biggest yet.......12 years! My son will be 13 in a month and my daughter is 10 months old! It's been great. With that big of an age difference my son has been a huge help and my daughter loves her big bro. Good Luck!

We were nervous about the age gap too, but as you can see by all the responses you received...it can actually work out as an advantage.
My son just turned 9, my gdaughter is turning 8 in a few months and my baby girl just turned 1. So we have an almost-7 year gap. My son and daughter absolutely ADORE the baby. They have never been able to get enough of her since the day she was born, and they still race eachother off the bus to get to her. It is---without a doubt---the greatest we could have ever given to them!!! The baby is SO loved in this home, it is amazing!

My oldest will be 22 in June. My youngest is in kindergarten. We also have two 18 year old sons and an 11 year old daughter. Our youngest was so wanted and hoped for that any adjustments we had to make were easy. The older kids managed to do just fine. My daughter was upset at the news of the pregnancy at first - mostly because she was 15 and embarrassed that her mom was pregnant. By the time my son was born, she was rushing home from school to spend time with him. 5 years later, she still goes out of her way to spend time with him and he thinks she is the greatest person in the world. With love, even a 16 year gap isn't too much!

Hi,

While I only have one, I came from a gap family. There is 10 and 15 years between my sisters and I. It worked out just fine-less sibling rivarly that is for sure, not only do I have a great relationship with my sisters but a great one with thier kids too. Especially since we had our one and only in our early 30's, my daughter is now close to my nephew and nieces children too.

There's 5 years between my son and daughter and they get along great. He adores her and she is always calling out for him so they can play together. My husband and I just made sure that we had separate time with our son so he didn't feel neglected when my daughter came...seeing how babies need some much attention as you know. Also, there are 4 and 8 years between myself and my older sisters. We did fine. I've always been close to my middle sister, but now as adults, I'm a LOT closer to my older sister. I think that is just because I always played with my middle sister.

Just pray about it. The answer will come in time. I hope this helped a little. Good luck and God Bless!

I can't answer for kids, but I can for myself AS a kid. I had a sister who is 8 years older than me and she took care of me a lot growing up. Once she hit high school, she dragged me around a lot with her friends and never complained. Once she was in college I never saw her... but once we were both married with kids- well, we are still very close.

I think it depends on the person though... my husband and his sis are 6 years apart and they don't get along at all... but I think that would be the case even if they were two years apart. My sister and I are very similar and so it works. Good luck!

Hi! I have a 13 yo and a 5 yo, 7 years between them due to infertility. Sometimes it hard to find family activities we all can do, or a movie we all enjoy, but with a little more thought put into it, even that works. My daughter is like a second mommy to him, and he adores her. They also fight alot, same sibling rivalry issues (which surprised me with the age difference). The only truly major problem, is my daughter sometimes doesn't understand why his rules (for a 5 year old) are different then hers. She thinks we are unfair to her many times. We remind her that if she wants everything the same for the two of them, she will be 23 when she starts her drivers training!!!!

Good luck and God bless.

I am a 36 year old mom of two beautiful little girls. My girls are currently 9 and 2 & 1/2. I think things have worked out well for us with the age gap. We involved my older daughter throughout the entire pregnancy, from going to doctors visits and hearing the baby's heartbeat, to the ultrasound, to being the first one in the room after the baby was born. It was neat, because she was able to understand what was going on. After the baby came, she was involved with everything from helping with diaper changes and feedings. (Once I was done breastfeeding at 6 months) To this day, they are very close. My younger daughter says that her sister is her best friend ;) I think it was helpful for us. Our older daughter was old enough to understand that the younger one needs more attention. They are very close, even now. This isn't to say that we don't have the normal problems with siblings! The younger one sometimes wants what the older one has, which gets the older one going. Our younger daughter misses our older daughter when she is at school or a friends house. But,that gives us some one on one time with the younger one. So, all in all, our experience with the age gap was a good one. Good luck to you!

Personally my hubby and I are on the 3 year plan. We have a 7yr old, 4 yr old and 1 yr old...
But here is a little family history on me. My dad is the 2nd of 10 kids... Yes, most of them are pretty close in age. Half of them don't talk to each other and havn't for almost 20 years.
I am 2nd of 5 kids. The age gaps between siblings are 1 yr 9 mo, (me) , 6 yrs, 3 yrs, and 7 yrs. That means my older sister will be 32 this year and my brother (the youngest) will be 13.

I have to say I am closer to my younger sisters than my older sister (the shortest age gap)... But even after saying that, i talk to my older sister about twice a week... (we live 600 miles away from all of my family) I talk to my other sisters about once a day... :-)
The age gap can be looked on as a blessing or a curse. To have kids 16 years apart, like my brother and I are means that the older kids relationship with the younger is more like a parental relationship. (I've been there, done that, so why did you just do that?) Where as having them close together means they will either be thick as theives (BFF) or hate each other while growing up.
A 5, 6, 7 year age gap really is not a huge deal. For the things that your youngest likes (lets use barney as an example)your older ones will be old enough to realize that they will get their own reward for putting up with the "baby" stuff.
My sister has a 10 yr old step daughter and a 4 yr old step son AND a 3 yr old daughter. She has found that the 10 yr old is an awesome helper and most places that the younger kids like, she secretly enjoys also...

The only time it gets weird is when my brother is visiting and I have to remind myself he's my brother, not one of the kids... His nieces and nephews are currently... 11, 10, 9, 7, 6,5,4, 4,3,1... (wow, we packed 'em in there didn't we. lol 4 different moms giving birth...) And now that he is 13 I really make sure to treat him as more of a teen instead of a "kid".

My younger brother is a few months shy of 6 years younger than I am. When we were younger, we fought a lot ... nothing physical, just typical bickering. The older we got, the less we argued; when I went away to college in 2001, I lived in the dorms, even though the school was only 45 minutes from where I grew up; when I came home for the summer, my brother actually forbid me from moving away again. We were both in the high school band and lived in a small town, well a few miles outside of town out on a lake so there were very few people our age near us, as a result, we had many friends that were the same; we'd all hang out together. Don't worry, the kids will fight, but it isn't hard to get around that as far as family outings go. Each vacation, my parents would let my brother and I pick one thing we wanted to do in each town we visited. Good luck!

Would you consider ages 6 and 16 a big gap? My oldest was 9 when we had our second, who was a miracle as we were told we would have no more. When I look back, there were activities I missed from our oldest cuz I had to be home with the newborn but at age 9 they understand. Thats where dad comes in. He would take my oldest, Bobby, to his school and sports activities and it gave them a chance to bond. It was an adjustment for me as I was long done changing diapers. I had no baby bottles, crib, blankets...nothing at all. We were both laid off at the time too. But, we cut corners where we can and family helps. When the baby got to be a little bigger, and the weather was nice, I could take Joey (Joey is the little one) to the little league baseball games of his brother. As a matter of fact, Bobby was on the football team in middle school. One of the packages they offered, was one with a "buddy." He wanted me to bring his brother up to the football field so he could have his picture taken with his little buddy. I was so surprised! How sweet. Now, one is in 10th and the other is in first grade. Its is easier now but activites are juggled just like all else.I really could go on and on. You can e-mail me through mamasource if you want to hear more but I may have bored you to death by now. By the way, the baby probably fit in the most. He kept everyone on their toes, was always happy and keeps mom and dad young! They are always the center of attention at a family outing too. Things happen for a reason. Just relax and if was meant to be, it will happen. Don't worry about everything else. Good luck to you.

Its perfect :)

I have 16, 15, 7 and 1 :)

Hi A.,
I'm sorry to hear of the difficult time your having. Yeah I think an age gap is always concern for most. I have a now 16 year old son and had never been married and always wondered if I would & if I did if I would have have more children. We'll I finally ended up finding a good man & we got married last August & are now expecting a baby girl on March 6, 2009 so I'm sure you can imagine my concerns with such a big age gap. My son is however excited to be getting a little sister on top of getting an 11 year old step brother so I guess what I'm trying to say is let things come as they will. Everythig happens for a reason & if it's meant to be then it will happen:) Good luck and take care.....

There are 7 years between my children. My son will be 16 next month and my daughter will be 9. I LOVE it. It allowed me to give each the personal attention they needed while they were so small...it has other advantages to...the oldest turned out to be such a help! wow! He was old enough to do little things like...here...hold you sister while i go to the bathroom! haha, and get mom a diaper...It worked out just fine...

My brother and I were 5 years apart. Altho I wished we went to highschool together, it was so fun having him be soooo ahead of me that teachers knew him, and loved me for it! He was a GREAT protector of me, so far apart that he was a protector and not mean. It gives me peace to know if mine are that far apart it will be ok. Also, my Grandma had 8 kids...the other 7....the oldest and youngests are GREAT friends, even do real estate TOGETHER! Also, one of my brothers friends was a senior in highschool when his mom had the youngest, and they are great now! So many things to teach the baby! Anyway, I say, worry is only going to add to the fertility process, so give it to God, and know when the time comes, God won't give you more than you can handle. If HE layed it on your heart for another, you will have another, in HIS time!

I just scrolled through the answers, and I'm not sure if you even need one more story...but I grew up with a sister 7 years older, brother 5 years older, then a brother 21 months younger. Growing up I was closest to my older brother, and my sister thought I was a pain! After my sister and I both moved out- we are very close. Now I have a 13 year old son, and an almost 2 year old son- they adore each other!! Things work out as they should, don't stress. It is a little crazy with a new baby- I forgot SO much-it was like starting over, but pretty quickly you hit your stride and things fall into place. Good luck!!

speaking from a kids standpoint, my only brother was 8 years older than me. We didn't fight, didn't quabble over toys or space but also weren't very close. by the time I was in middle school he had moved out and shortly thereafter got married and had a couple kids.
Now that we're older we are close! I babysat for his kids, and now his kids baby sit for my kids!
We hang out as friends and it's wonderful!

I have twins, so our age gap is only 10 minutes! My mother in law, on the other hand has 11 years between herself and her only sibling (sister).

She often talks about how difficult it was in the beginning since she was old enough to really get the impact of a new baby on the family, yet today they are truely best of friends now. Her sister's kids are more like grandkids to her than niece and nephew. There is a closeness to the entire family on hubby's side, regardless of age.

From the parent perspective, I can imagine that in some ways it'll be harder, others easier. Easier because the older kids can take care of themselves in many respects and should be able to help with the odd jobs moms get stuck doing a lot of the time - putting away groceries and folding laundry for example. I think one thing to keep in mind is regardless of the children's ages overall, they still will want one on one attention from you and to make it all fit in will be important.

I do have a cousin with a 20 yr old, an 18 yr old and then a 9 yr old, 8 yr old, 6 yr old and 5 yr old. Same relationship, just found out about the thyroid problem causing her difficulty concieving after #2 way late, then it was all systems go! They wanted a boy- and #6 finally fit that match. With the two older ones off in college now, the younger four are in many respects like starting over.

SO much to consider. SO many options. Best of luck in your choices!

I think babies always fit in! God bless you as you go through this journey! Hope you are able to add to your family since this is what you really want.

Hi A. - a big gap......the absolute best. I've got three and half years between my oldest two. Then I waited until the eldest was nine and the youngest almost six. Now, more than five years later, I can't tell you how wonderful it's been. They both absolutely adore the little one, and did right from the start. There was absolutely no jealousy issues because they were both so much older and didn't feel threatened by the little one. My eldest one called the baby `a chick magnet' all through middle school as all the girls were crazy about him! Now, I've got built in baby-sitters when I need to go out (only leave him for 30 minutes or so with the 11-year-old, but the eldest is almost 15 so can be left for an evening). In terms of family outings, the little one just tags along - and they tend to be very adaptable. Mine is SO happy because he knows everyone loves him so much - I really hope you get pregnant and experience this joy - Alison

This doesn't sound like a big age gap. My oldest and middle are 2 years apart. There are 7 years between oldest and youngest. they each developed individually, but also have had their moments as bonded brothers.

3 years is not a big age gap. 13, maybe.

my sister and I are 9 yrs apart and we did great together. she could be a pain and ai could too, but we've always been close. I was the built in babysitter, which did build or relationship a lot too. I can't imagine not having my little sister.

My husband started a bit early... so I(my husband) have a HUGE gap...my step-children are 13 & 15 years old (they do live with us) and my son is 5 mths, yes 5mths :)...it's not a problem for us. We still go to dinner or putt putt golf together or wherever and my step-children are a BIG help. If there is somewhere we want to go and do not want to take the baby,my Mom usually babysits (its her 1st grandbaby). The only thing we do not do is go to the movies with the baby, but my step-kids want to do that own their own anyway. My aunt has a HUGE gap also, her son is 15 and her daughter is 5. It works for them as well. So I think it will work for you as well, you gap won't be as big.