Do You Go to Bed Angry?

Yes! We both usually wake up with a better head in the morning. Sometimes, I just need sleep, to realize how ridiculous I was being. We can usually shrug it off in the morning and have a great day. I don't think you're going to bed angry. I think you're going to be annoyed, that you weren't assumed right, or that he didn't want to stay up and hash it out. Sitting up stewing is not going to bed angry, it's desiring more attention.

One thing, you can still say "I love you" even if you are going to bed angry. Affection should not always come from a feeling. You also have to show affection, when you don't feel like it. I've found, it's one of the ways my marriage stays healthy.

Sometimes I need to gain some perspective first and so I sleep on the issue. My husband and I always hold hands while we fall asleep, even if we are angry. Sometimes, if I am angry, it's hard to reach out and make that contact, but being angry doesn't mean that we don't love each other.

Even if people go to bed angry about an issue, it's always important to say a sincere, "I love you".

Yes, we do go to bed angry sometimes. I, personally, don't get the whole "don't go to bed angry" thing. Sometimes you really just do need to cool down, the next day things are rarely as emotional as they were the night before...at least for us.

There is a difference between going to bed mad and going to bed with resolution on your mind. Sometimes it is best to sleep on things as many times it isnt quite as bad as you first thought. When you go to bed mad it usually means you didnt get your way..... going to bed with resolution on your mind allows you to consider different ways of getting the outcome to turn out agreeable to both of you. Even when you are pissed off you can still say "I love you" before you go to sleep. You don't stop loving someone just because your pissed off.
Best thing to say before you go to bed mad is "I love you but want you to know that this needs to be resolved tomorrow morning because I am still very disturbed." That way he knows he has to face it in the AM and is prepared to listen.

Hi R. ;-)

It becomes easier when you realize you are talking about two different things. The first is the emotion of anger and the behavior of another that triggered it, and the second is the feeling of LOVE, which is what you hold for your boyfriend/kids in your heart. One is more fleeting and 'in the moment' and the other is permanent.

Anger is a natural emotion the body uses to "move things".. so be IN the moment and experience it.. then let it go, which is what it seems your boyfriend is doing. It is more difficult to work through a situation when the emotion is dominating.

You have probably heard of the old saying "let me sleep on it".. and it is an actual truth! When we put our conscious mind to rest, the sub conscious and sub sub conscious mind can then look at the "whole picture" and see the solutions.. hence often we wake up and just "know" what to do or feel better about a situation.

I might suggest that you allow yourself to deal with the situation as you choose, since I am no one to judge if your way is appropriate or not.. BUT.. along with that, perhaps look at the whole situation and separate it: You're unhappy (angry) about some behavior, BUT, at your heart level, you still love your boyfriend. So when he wants to "sleep on it".. you can acknowledge that, AND acknowledge that you are still angry about the situation, but aside from that situation, you still love him, so can honor that favorite thing in the world of telling your boyfriend/kids "I love you" when you go to sleep. This honors your feelings that you are angry at the action but also honors your feelings of LOVE!

Just giving yourself this new option and then going to sleep may begin to change the whole energy around it.. lets see!
hugs,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

YES! I am the total opposite of you though. I need time to cool down and sometimes that means sleeping on it. I have found that I will say VERY nasty things in the midst of anger and if I take time to resinate on it, I will come back much softer. I think when you are not in an argument you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel about going to bed angry. Maybe you can come up with a compromise or maybe he can reassure you with the "I love you" before you go to bed angry and then pick up the issue again the next day.

Never.
We discuss and settle it.
Life is too short. We know people whose spouses have died in their sleep - we don't want to go to bed angry and never get the chance to resolve the issue.
My advice - stay up late and resolve it.
LBC

Yes. Like Tiffany, I'm the one that needs to cool down and sleep on it. And I can still say, "I love you" to someone I'm mad at.

I don't believe in that "never go to bed angry" line. There are times when I need to think about things for awhile--to really understand the "why" behind my anger, to try to see things from my husband's perspective, or just cool off. If that's what your partner really needs, then insisting on resolving an argument before an arbitrary deadline is only going to produce more misunderstanding. The key is that both partners need to agree to "fight fair"--i.e., not sulk, not accuse, and to be respectful. If going to bed angry means somebody is sulking, or truly being dismissive of your feelings, that of course is a no-no. But your insistence on resolving things before bedtime may--I say may--be a case of your being dismissive of HIS feelings. If he truly just needs time to "process" what's going on, then he is not being dismissive. My husband and I are both this way from time to time, which makes it easier--but we have an understanding that this is not a license to let things fester; we come back to it later on, usually the next day.

of course. anger isn't always rational and sometimes even resolution doesn't make it go away.
but i still say 'i love you' and mean it.
i'm quite capable of holding both emotions. i'm multi-talented that way<G>.
that being said, the ol' man and i rarely argue. neither of us deal with it well. we've learned over the years how to hash things out without much anger.
khairete
S.

No Never !! we never go to bed angry at each other ...you may not wake up in the morning...treat each day like it is your last and work through the problem..how would you feel if in the morning you woke up but your hubby didnt? you would have to go through life knowing you never got to tell him sorry or i love you.

Sometimes, but it's never a good idea for me. Yes, anger and love are two different emotions and although I know that I still love my husband when I'm angry with him, I can't tell him. I don't want to kiss him good night or hug him or tell him much of anything, especially not that I love him. Probably sounds childish, and maybe it is, but I need to get it all out and resolved before I can move on. I actually kind of think it's one of my biggest flaws, but for me, if I go to bed angry I wake up angry. I don't get over it. If it doesn't work for you, then don't do it. I try to resolve all issues before bed and my husband understands this about me. We try and work it out. If you need to do that too then just communicate it your BF during a down time and tell him that you need to hash it out to feel better. Maybe you can wait a little bit if he needs time to think, but don't wait all night! ;)

i have only gone to bed angry a few times in my life. since i moved in with my boyfriend we don't go to bed truely angry. yeah i'm still aggrivated sometimes. but never angry. we get in a fight, then we cool down for a little bit. my boyfriend goes out to his car to smoke and i stay inside and usually cry because that's how i handle being upset. then when he comes in he appologizes for getting angry, and we talk about it a bit. then i finally cool down. we try to go to bed at the same time after we fight, and he will applogize again once we're in bed and we cuddle. i usually am not angry the next morning. the only time i'm angry is when he never comes to bed at night... but that's another issue.

on our wedding day some older friends advised we "never go to bed angry." We hash it out until we reach an understanding.

mutual respect is the key!

Often. I need the night to process how I'm going to approach the problem instead of just saying "you're a jerk!" The next day I'm much better at coming up with a solution-oriented approach, or speaking in "I statements." If we talked everything out before bed, the problem would be made so much worse by the exhaustion!

Only once in the 8 years have we been married did I get so mad that I slept on the sofa, though. Boy, did he know that he f'ed up that time. : )

Usually not, but we have had a few moments like that. I realized that there are times when you both need time to cool off. My sister and her husband do that often, but they need it to cool off all the time. The situation and the person's needs in an argument vary, so there's no right answer. Hope this helps! I can relate!

Nope we never go to bed mad because I can not. I have to have it over and done with before sleep or I will not sleep. He knows this about me and we do try to solve any problems we may have had. I have to say I love you and a hug before sleep also.

Maybe its because I am still young and so is my husband since we are both 22. We get into a lot of fights because he's so lazy and procrastinates. He's good with helping with our son but other then that its nothing but sit in front of the tv play games or on his computer. Yes I go to bed angry all the time because when I want to resolve it he is still mad and won't talk or sometimes the other way around. I find myself not even saying I love you to him anymore only because I don't feel loved. If I want a back rub or something he complains and whines or tries to make a bargin like if you give me sex I'll give you a back rub. Its insane. We are gonna try some counciling for communication and his anger.

"Honey I want you to know tht I love you and I am still angry but I am willing to sleep on it and come back fresh in the morning to dicuss the situation with even more vigor" he will say "Honey let's just say you're right and get some sleep." maybe? I wait until everything has calmed down-and the discussion is more objective than reactive-then I bring it up when husband is willing and amenable to talking-keyword-talking-not yelling and foaming at the mouth.

We do go to bed angry sometimes because sometimes a little sleep and a little break from fighting gives you perspective. We always say we love each other before bed though - and a lot of times, that helps start the path to forgiveness too.

I don't go to bed angry. My husband and I rarely have arguments because he works two jobs and I also work full-time outside the home so we don't get a chance to agrue much about anything.
But..when we do have a disagreement I like to get is solved before bed because by the morning my husband will act as if he can't remember what I was upset about and I have to go over the whole thing again. It's just too exhausting.
Also, by morning whatever I was mad about probably would not be a big deal anymore. I would be on to the next problem like looking for something to wear to work.LOL

No, I try to never to go bed angry. One of us will say "lets just agree to disagree and get back to loving each other" or something like that. Then we get back to being happy, because one second of being unhappy is a second missed of being happy! Good luck!!!

YES I do almost everytime if not there will never be a cooling off period it would just keep going till I throw my arms up & say i'm done & walk away he hates that but it has to end sometime..I say I love you to all 3 kids daily before bedtime during the day etc. me & hubby don't it is said more with actions on his part than anything..I personally can't stand to be told I love you by a BF/hubby several times a day my kids are different..My ears just scream when I hear people on the phone say I love you over & over again sorry to much TMI...Anyway I do calm down before bedtime but the hurt & anger is still there it maybe gone by morning but not always i'll address again

I went to bed angry........really, really angry for the first time in 22 yrs about 2 weeks ago and I couldn't stand it but I guess that is with everything there is a first. It bothered me in such a way that we both agreed that from now on we'll get 5 mins of sleep if it means resolving something before going to bed mad at eachother.