Do YOU Get Along with Your Siblings?

I do get along with my brother and sister. We are not as close as I would like. My sister is older, but my brother and I used to be very close as kids. When we were teens we kinda started to drift apart. My family stopped doing things together and then we just kinda drifted apart - had separate lives. My suggestion and what I plan to do with my kids, is always do things as a family - make it a priority even as they get older, like Middle and High School. I think if my parents would have done this, we would've all been better off.

I always told my children when they were young and even now friends come and go but family is forever♥ and slso stated that they were to look out for each other at school and on the school bus and where they were and we weren't there like the park and stuff and sometimes they did but that is siblings for you 3 of mine are in their 20's now and are close at times especially when they need something,or a ride somewhere they still help each other out all the time:)

Great question. I don't know that there is anything in particular you can do to foster closeness other than not showing favoratism. I am the middle of five children. I get along with all my siblings however, I don't think I would pick any of them as friends--just because we are so different and have different interests. I see and speak with some more than others. I read some time ago that middle kids tend to grow up to either be very selfish or very accomodating. The older I get, the more selfish I've become (I think in a good way-if you're not happy then no one else will be happy around you).

one of my brothers, who i was closest to during childhood, i don't get along so well with anymore. i looked up to him so much but now he has some abrasive characteristics that i just don't like to be around. it's sad, but that is how he has chosen to be. i think my mom did a good job with us overall and i don't think his personality is my parents' fault in any way. sometimes i'm amazed at how differently my brother and i experienced the very same things growing up. some of those experiences bonded us; others, because of our different views, put a wedge between us. trying to foster good relationships between your kids is a great thing to do, but keep in mind that it doesn't all depend on you.

Such a tough question, because there are so many different factors in family dynamics that will effect whether or not you get along as kids, and in turn as adults. And then spouses and children come into play as adults and that can shift the whole dynamic more than anyone every imagined!

I get along with my siblings. Sure, they still do things that drive me crazy, I'm sure they'd say the same about me. But when we all get together, we enjoy each other's company.

There were times when we were kids when we all loved each other. There were times we all hated each other. There were times when a couple of us stuck together against the others and vice versa. It depending on age, and life and the time.

I was a middle child, and am no worse off for it. In fact, with my own kids I see the benefit to it! All I'd ever thought about what how much you hear about how awful it is, but my middle children/child (depending on head count at the time! lol) have the benefit of getting along with the ones older than them and younger than them, whereas the oldest tend to be more bothered with the youngest and have less in common. Heck, being the middle ground is great! :)

Don't worry about the favortism. Any parent who will say that they've never had a favorite is flat out lying. The catch is that the favorite changes daily. If it's a life long (or even years long) thing-yeah, it's a problem. But geesh, everyone has days where they debate selling one particular child because of their current behavior, and in turn has days when one of their children seems like the perfect child. Some days, my wild and hilarious 3yr old son is my favorite-so full of energy and life and humor. Some days he makes me insane. Some days my 18 month old is my favorite as I watch her learn new things and delight in them! And then there are the days when she won't nap, won't eat and seems stuck in tantrum mode and I wonder if we'll make it to bedtime. She's not my favorite on those days!
The same can be said for any of my other 5 (and I'm sure will be of the one on the way). And my kids all know that when there is a newborn around-it's my favorite. ;)

I think it's great for my kids to see that attention goes through cycles. My 6yr old son had surgery last week, so obviously he is garnering most of the attention as we are working towards his recovery. None of them resent that, because they understand that he needs it right now, and when they need it, it will be theirs-whether that need comes from something serious like his current need, or if that need is in the form of support at an event, help with homework, or just some one on one time to talk and be together. I look at friends who always had all the attention, or whose parents did everything they possibly could to make sure things were perfectly even between them and their siblings, and they struggle when as adults they've had their own children and the attention from friends, family, and even spouse changes focus to the baby instead of them. And in school-you can't always be the #1. Same for work as an adult. Some times you're on top, sometimes someone else is. Life isn't always fair, but you work with what you have, and realize that for the ups there will be downs, and for the downs there will be ups! It all balances out in the end! Better that they understand that as children instead of getting it as a slap in the face as an adolescent or adult.

Frankly, I think we've all been conditioned to worry too much about it! :)

I have a great relationship with my siblings. We all live in the same neighborhood within 3 blocks of one another. There are four of us, two girls and two boys all born within 6 years, to the month, from one another. (Now we are all ages 38-44.) Our kids, do not realize how rare and wonderful it is to grow up surrounded by family. We all love each other, but I wouldn't say that any of us would call the other our best friend. We have different interests, and personalities, but are always family.

My mother is frequently asked what she did. She doesn't know. We all fought growing up but had a ton of fun together too. My mom didn't worry about favortism..every child needs something different at different times. When we accused her having a favorite she would smile and agree. The accused favorite always was changing, to this day.

What I think did it was my dad's family was always really close, even to this day, we travel across two states once a year to meet with most of our cousins, their kids and all of our parents. My grandparents died years ago, but my grandma's sister and her husband almost always make the trip. Family was made very important. We didn't necessarily click with everyone, but we all shared a common bond. Respect for family was highly modeled. My dad always talks about his family, very positively, even when there have been struggles.

Finally, I am a middle child, the second oldest. Both my brother and I loved being middle children. We never had to pave the way, or be the last, but could enjoy making decisions on the sibling before us and offering advice to the one behind.

My own four children are 10, 11, 12, and 13. My hope is that some day they too will choose to remain close, because I realize that it is very much their choice.

I am 35 and am able to have a .... don't know the word, ... slight, tumuluous, tentative... relationship with my 31 year old sister. I don't know that it was anything my parents did or did not. We just had different interests and personalities, I think having strong traditions and Reasons for interacting would help us to be closer, but alot of the time i could care less to call her just to chat and she hardly calls me. I do it out of duty

My neice is the middle child of two boys and yikes is she a trip, I know my sil goes out of her way to do special girly things but man this is one manipulative child. Not in a bratty way but very sly and knows how to play things to her advatage and she's 6! It's like she wants the attention the older one gets for excelling at sport and she wants the attention the baby gets just for being cute, and there she is stuck in the middle. THat probably doesn't help you but we just spend time with them and i think i needed to vent.

I always thought the saying, "you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family," was right on the money. With 6 kids, I see the different interrelations between the different kids. Don't get me wrong, they all love each other and heaven help the kid who picks on one of my kids and the siblings find out about it! However, not all of them "like" each other. My two oldest are such different people and have different aspirations for themselves that, were they not sisters, wouldn't give each other the time of day (they are 21 and 19). My two 12 yr olds (virtual twins) are almost inseperable, even they are in two different grades and one is a boy and one is a girl. My two youngest are special needs and up until recently couldn't even be in the same room - lately it is a different story. Additionally, my 21 yr old is close to my very youngest, whereas my 19 yr old is close to my 2nd youngest, etc., etc. Working to foster their ability to get along with each other is a great thing to do, and I am sure that you are very good at it :) However, sometimes kids aren't as close as you would like them to be AND how it is now can change dramatically over time (if someone would have asked me 10 years ago about my oldest girls, I thought they would be best friends forever - maybe in another 10 years it will change again). I certainly didn't set a good example for my kids . . . I haven't spoken to either of my siblings in over 5 years (both are into things better left unsaid).

As far as "middle" kids go - I'm not sure what that means. I always thought middle kids were the easiest. Now the BABY of the family, I've always heard those were the troublemakers! :)

Good luck!

My sister and I are exactly 2.5 years apart (she is older). She HATED me growing up. She was jealous because I got better grade, and did sports, etc. I think that my parents were at a loss as to how to foster a relationship between us, and they did it as more of a competition. My mom was an only child and my dad was the only boy, and not close to his 2 sisters. Around the time that my sister got married, she seemed to realize that I was always there for her, and her attitude seemed to improve. I wouldn't say that we are best friends now (I have to bite my tongue around her alot), but we are definitely closer and I do count her among my friends. I think me moving away may have helped too.

I am making a real conscious effort with my son and sibling on the way, so that they have a better relationship, they will be 2 years apart. Asking if he is excited to be a big brother, and all that means - watching out for each other helping out with "our" baby, etc.

I read a post once about a family that encourages siblings to stand up for each other, even when one is being punished by the parents. If the sibling stands up for them, the punishment is lighter. I like that sense of family, and that loyalty, and I hope that I can foster that in my own children. But I also realize that some of the relationship is just the personalities involved.

Nope. Never. My sister is 22 months younger than me and we always fought like cats and dogs. My scalp is permanently desensitized from all the hair pulling we put each other through. My Mom's Dr Spock book said she should leave us to work out our own problems. Right. Sometimes the only solution is to knock the brat down and sit on her. We're adults now, live in different states and have our own familys and to this day we still can't stand each other. We are opposites. She thinks I am a jerk. I think she is insane. It's just the way it is.

I haven't read any of the other responses, so sorry if I repeat something. I do get along with my 4 siblings, although of course there are arguments here and there (we're all adults, oldest is 31 and youngest is 21). I only have one child so far, though, so I don't have any advice on how to raise your kids to get along well.

I will say that I didn't really get along with my siblings when I was a kid, though. I think there was resentment because my oldest brother was SO smart (straight A's, full ride to a university, got into a top five law school, etc) and such a model child, so there was always pressure for us to be like him. But now that we're older, I don't think there's any lasting animosity. And I don't think it was necessarily anything my parents did--just as we all got older, we became closer friends and can relate on a more adult level.

I'm the middle child of 5--two older brothers and two younger sisters. I felt alone a lot as a kid, since my brothers always hung out together and my sisters are so much younger than me (4 and 6 years) that we had nothing in common. But I became a lot closer to my mom because of that, I think, so I wasn't super upset. I do wish I had had a sibling that I was really close with growing up, though. Now that my sisters are older, we're good friends, so that's good too.

Don't know if I said anything to help, but hopefully you can get the advice you need from someone!

I strongly recommend the book Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber. You can get it on amazon for just a few bucks and it's a GREAT book about this subject. Very easy to read, straightforward, sensible, and helpful.

My brother and I got along very well growing up. We have always had similar interests, and even when he would bug me like crazy, he would never let anyone be disrespectful. So it's no surprize I dated most of his friends and married one of his best friends :) And he loves it, too!
Even now, we're both in our 30s, we are very good friends.

So what did our parents do to build this? Honestly, I don't know. But they didn't bug us or push us together. There was the fighting just like in any family, but I never remember lectures about how we should get along or anything. Just dealing with the issues and teaching us to be decent people. So we just kind of fell into it. Or maybe, because we were given the opportunity to decide it, and we did so much together, it came naturally. And I count our friendship as one of my greatest blessings!

I think it all comes down to the lifestyle and family needs as to how things turn out for each sibling. I have 3 brothers, I am second. My older brother is 7 years older with no one in between us. Mom was a SAHM with my older brother while Dad worked. Then Mom worked full time and Dad was the SAHD until my youngest brother was in upper middle school. Then they divorced (I was 19). Then, Mom took over the major parenting of my two youngest brothers.

We all had different childhoods and recall things so differently. My older brother was always jealous of me (a baby girl rocking his world when he was 7) and I was always jealous of my brothers...they got all the attention from my dad and he treated me differently (I was the girl). Both parents had different parenting styles and that made life very chaotic as it was.

My husband and I approach parenting very seriously and try to stay on the same page for everything. Try to keep the craziness to a minimum and make sure the favoritism is put in check. Kids do notice! I also suggest making the kids participate in each other's activities and family outtings. My oldest brother and my dad rarely went on our family vacations.

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I think it all comes down to the lifestyle and family needs as to how things turn out for each sibling. I have 3 brothers, I am second. My older brother is 7 years older with no one in between us. Mom was a SAHM with my older brother while Dad worked. Then Mom worked full time and Dad was the SAHD until my youngest brother was in upper middle school. Then they divorced (I was 19). Then, Mom took over the major parenting of my two youngest brothers.

We all had different childhoods and recall things so differently. My older brother was always jealous of me (a baby girl rocking his world when he was 7) and I was always jealous of my brothers...they got all the attention from my dad and he treated me differently (I was the girl). Both parents had different parenting styles and that made life very chaotic as it was.

My husband and I approach parenting very seriously and try to stay on the same page for everything. Try to keep the craziness to a minimum and make sure the favoritism is put in check. Kids do notice! I also suggest making the kids participate in each other's activities and family outtings. My oldest brother and my dad rarely went on our family vacations.

The eldest, I am 7 years from my brother and 12 years from my sister. It's been difficult to relate to them because we are so far apart and certainly at completely different stages in life. My husband & I decided that we would like to space our kids no more than 4 years apart, he felt he was too close in age to his sister (18 months).
There is a fantastic book out there I can't wait to buy, "Siblings Without Rivalry". To my mind it's paramount to remember that our siblings are the people that we know, that know us, the longest in our lives. Siblings know where we came from, and where we are, they are there, like it or not, for the duration.
Good job mommin'!

I am here to answer your middle child question. I am not only a middle child but also an oldest child. My older sister is 8 years older than me, then there is me, three years later another sister, and two after that a brother. So I'm oldest of group two... but that also puts me as a middle child. I've noticed through my years of being a grown up (am I a grown up already!?) that I display many more characteristics and traits of a middle child than an oldest. Yes being the middle child was challenging. I still to this day feel ignored, manipulated, left out, um.... lonely and sad. My mother, whether or not she realizes it, favors our older sister when you line us up. But has to listen to my younger sister complain (nearly constantly) about mostly everything... Baby brother is well, still the baby and we all have issues with that as his big sisters! Although if I were to pick a fav sib it would be him. We are pretty close. To this day I feel left out when we all get together, like the one that really is invisible. But I'm a grown-up now, and I'm also the only girl that lives near 'home'. So when we do get together, I fade into the background just like I used to and go with the flow. It is just easier that way!! Oh SO much easier!

Growing up I went through different challenges than my other sibs did. I think I paid greater attention to my parents' marriage, money issues, and emotional challenges. I often limited myself (no name brands, and I wasn't involved in expensive sports or arts activities) not understanding or letting my parents know that I would be involved, wanted to be involved in these things. I felt I was a burden and I didn't want to be the one mom fought with when buying school clothes, shoes and activities. I realize now that I have hind-sight that it wasn't that big of a deal to my parents, they would have done whatever needed done so I could compete and act and do the things I enjoyed doing. :)

Advice going forward for you. Watch your middle child closely. Maybe he/she doesn't look like they need that extra hug or encouragement, but he/she does. But be careful not to spoil that child. Love them as best you can. You are you and you are only one and I know it is hard to divide your time and pay attention equally. Just do your best. As your children grow up, they will understand what it is like to be a parent and a husband/wife. Being a kid is hard anyway! Do your best and I will too!! :)

Good luck, hope some of that helped!!
V.

I have a sister who is 21 months younger than me. When we were really young, we fought like crazy. As we became teenagers and into our early 20s, we became very close. Over the past several years, though (we are both in our early 30s), we have drifted apart. Now I barely speak to her. We are in different stages of our lives, and I realize that we are extremely different people.

My parents definitely played favorites (her), and I do think that has factored into our relationship today. Growing up, when we would fight, they would almost always take her side. I feel that they didn't let us resolve our own conflicts enough. They just wanted peace and quiet, so my sister quickly learned that the quickest way to win a fight was to scream. As the oldest, I was almost always blamed.

As the years have gone on, and even as recently as a year ago, my parents have supported my sister financially in ways that were never even offered to me. It can be hard not to resent it, although I'm fortunate that I don't need this support as much as she does (which in itself I sometimes think is a result of them babying her).

I recently read a book called "Loving Each One Best" that offered some good advice for multi-child families. As far as what you as a parent can do to foster close sibling relationships, I think mostly you need to just love each child for who they are. Let them work out their own conflicts - within reason, of course. Obviously, you don't want them physically harming each other. But kids will find the stupidest things to bicker over, and they don't need or even want you to jump in and end the fight for them. Don't compare them to each other. Try to curb any overt favoritism. I believe it's reasonable to expect that you're going to like one child more than another at any given time. We're all human. But if you find yourself consistently favoring one over the others, it's time to give your non-favored children a little more attention.

Every sibling will not get along when they are children. In my opinion, the worse you fight with your siblings when you're young, the better relationship you will have when you are all adults. It's just part of the grand scheme of things. Yes, my brother would hit me, and urge me to do things I shouldn't. Yes, he would chase after me with butcher knives, "pretending" I'm a little goblin. But my brother and I now, have one of the most special relationships in the world. He is one of my bestest of friends.

What a great question! I wonder about this often myself. I have 2 older brothers and 1 younger sister, we're between 38-44. We were usually paired off in the "girls" and the "boys," so I didn't interact as much with my brothers as I did with my sister growing up. With that said, family time spent together was very important and we did things as a family unit all the time, to my parents' credit. However, we used to fight alot during those times. I wasn't sure if it was because of personality clashes or getting on each others' nerves or what. I was VERY close to my sister until she got married and had a child. Now she's a different person and avoids me like the plague. Not sure why or what to do about it, but my brothers have noticed her behavior too. Also, one of my brothers married a mentally unhinged woman and he's now the not same guy he used to be.. so that relationship is strained too. Ironically, the brother I clashed with most often as a kid is the one I like best now! He and I were the middle kids and we were also the most strong-willed and independent. But we're also the most successful and have the more outgoing personalities. So, life throws you curve balls and you never really know what's going to happen down the road. I thought my sister and I would ALWAYS be best friends. But our relationship seems irrevocably changed and I'm still at a loss for why. And I never thought I'd get along with my older brother as well as I do now and I am glad about that. My parents didn't show favoritism, necessarily, but more of a "we're all in this together" family unit approach to parenting. I hope I can do the same for my kids. I have a couple stepkids thrown in there too, which adds another challenge to the mix. Aye aye aye, does it ever end... ;)

in my family there were 4 of us. my younger sister and i were the younger of the family. and of course her being the youngest she was a princess and still is even though she is 44 years old. my older brother who is 5 years old than me and an older sister 7 years older than me. my brother and i never did get along and just lately are starting to talk some. my older sister died almost 20 years ago...but she was the best!! all i can say is that my parents raised each of us to be who we are and not alike. each of us have very strong points and great self esteem! try to take special time with each child alone to make each one feel special and so you can get to know each child as a person. don't compare the kids against each other and help each one to become a great person for who they are!!!

I have 2 older brothers and we get along fine. Not especially/particularly close, but not distant either. We don't live close enough to be in each other's daily lives... but usually get together on major holidays when we can (sometimes we all have to do the in-law thing, lol).

I would say that nothing my parents did really made much difference. Except that the fact that they DIDN'T do anything blatant may mean that they were very conscious not to show favoritism....so they may have been working really hard at "not doing anything in particular".... lol.

We also all have quite varied interests as adults, so while we may have grown apart somewhat... we still love and respect each other, and each others spouses,etc... and would do whatever we could in a time of need. Mostly the growing apart is just like other friends from way back... your life changes and how you spend your time and your interests change, too.

However, my two SILs had some issues due to parental favoritism, etc... but as they got older and more mature (and out of Mom & Dad's house, lol) they became much much closer; and any "issues" from it became directed at the Mom, rather than each other. So, be mindful~ lol

It's great that you have noticed you may favor one child. Now do your best to correct that. Don't favor one child. Be objective and fair. Equal consequences, age appropriately. Don't have one young child babysit a younger child. Allow each child to be themselves and help them excel at what they love, whether it is something you would like or not.

If you foster each child as an individual and teach love... Then I believe they will love each other.........however, each child is different with difference personalities and you cannot control a jealous nature or whether certain personalities clash. Just love them anyway.

My brothers and I are all very close. Yes I'm the middle, and no it's not that bad. It's harder when your young, because your always to old or to young, for what you siblings are doing. But it all works out.
I think the thing is to let them work things out themself, to an extent. Also set aside time for them to play with just each other. They'll have great memories of the times they used their imaginantions ect. Just my thoughts

I have 3 children too and I worry about this constantly. We are all human and so I admit there are many times I favor one child over another, however as someone in a previous post wrote that does change on a daily basis so I try to appreciate the great things in each child and the key I think is not just to appreciate it but to point it out to the children. My husband is the oldest of 5 and he is not close with his siblings at all. As a child he could do no wrong. His mom had him on a pedestal and I think his siblings resented it. I was an only child so this sibling thing is all new to me. However, my best friend is so close to her sister and brother it is awesome! Growing up I remember how fair her parents were with each child. The same rules applied for everyone. Plus, they had friend time and family time. They reserved one day for them to just be with each other. I am trying to foster the same relationship with my kids. We are all busy with crazy schedules, however every Sunday is just family day where we all hang out with each other. Of course my kids fight, I think that is normal, but I do think they are pretty close too and I just hope it continues through their adult lives.

I get along great with my brother who is 3 years younger than I am. My sister, who is 8 years younger, is a spoiled brat. She lies and manipulates to get whatever she wants. She is 35 years old now and this is still going on. She still has a credit card from my mom and dad. I think she is a very unhappy person. She takes every chance she can get to discredit my brother and I. I think my mom has created a monster that she can't handle. I live a state away so I really don't care. I would say to be careful not to spoil any of your children. My brother is the middle child and he is a fantastic person! My son, who is the middle child, is having a few issues. I do not think that they are related to being a middle child but other issues in his life. My mom wants to blame it on the fact that he is the middle child. I feel like if she tells my son that it is OK to have trouble because he is the middle child then he will. Mind over matter!!

I was the middle kid and I loved it. I always was under the radar and it was great! Also, out of my sister's I am the most successful. That probably did not come out right, but it is what it is.

I don't get along with my sisters all of the time, but it has nothing to do with the way my parents raised us. It has to do with our personalities.

Be the best parent you can and things will work out. I will have 2 boys and I do hope they love each other better than me and my sisters do:)

This is a good question. I see that you're received alot of advice already. i was the youngest in my family. I remember growing up that I was very close to my brother who is two years older than me. We were best friends in many areas and very different in others. We just accepted the differences. Yes we did argue at times. That is normal. I wasn't as close to my sister who is six years older than me but that changed when she got married and I started to occasionally tend her children. It helped us to build a really strong relationship. Over time, my brother has made some choices that has separated us in many ways. We are no longer best friends as we used to be, but that isn't due to anything my parents did.

With my own four children ages 28-20, I've always tried to treat them equally. But in hindsight, I've noticed that not giving one extra attention over the others when that prompting would come has left me with some regrets. Don't make the mistake that giving one of your children extra attention from time to time is choosing a favorite. They all have individual needs and will have the need of extra love, direction or discipline at various time during their life. If you haven't noticed that your children all have different attitudes, different personalilites or different preferences yet, you will. Work with those differences in a positive way to bring out the good and discourage the bad. Always with love and of course with firmness when the situation requires. Give them a good role model to follow, my parents did that very well. I can only hope that I did the same for my kids. Only they will know if I was. Treat them with respect, and they will return that to you. Maybe not during their teen years, but it will return when they get through those tumultuous years. It will, however, make the teen years easier on you and them if you already have a good relationship with each child and have learned to have conversations with them about what's important to them. Threat them like individuals and do things together as a family.

You are building a foundation that they will build their futures on. Family togetherness was something I was raised with. Frequent summer picnics. Annual family vacations - to this day we hold a family reunion each summer. Breakfast together every morning and dinner together every night. In our busy current day world, I haven't been as good as any of these things as my parents were. I only hope I have done enough.

All you can do is to do your best and be aware of your children's needs. Create situations where they can interact so they can build those friendships as a normal course of life. (Picnics, dinners, chores, etc.) Work, play and pray together.

Good luck.

I am the youngest of two brothers. We all have a good relationship between each other. We talk about things with each other, and we are always there when the other one needs us. We all had a hard life, and we learn to stick together so we would have the courage to go on.

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I am the youngest of two brothers. We all have a good relationship between each other. We talk about things with each other, and we are always there when the other one needs us. We all had a hard life, and we learn to stick together so we would have the courage to go on.

I am not sure if there any steadfast rules but I know that my brother and I never fought and were always very close. Not sure what my mom did different but it worked. That being said, he got married a couple of years ago and turned into a different person, now he is stealing work from my husband, sneaking around and lying about money and how he gets it. I am so upset, I find myself avoiding him. So there is no way to tell (I am now 40 and he is 34).

As far as the middle child syndrome, I have a middle child and worry about it all the time. They do seem to get the shaft and picked on from both sides. I am doing my best to keep the playing field even. We will see if it works.

Good luck

I am 6 yrs older than my brother. We were not close as children, my mom used me as her sitter when he was little. We both resented it.

At age 12 my mom and dad divorced. I became more of the sitter for my mom and any of her friends she went out with on weekends for FREE. She did not allow her friends to pay me nor did she. I was pretty much her "help" around the house.

I moved away as soon as I possibly could. I made sure I was at least a plane ticket away from everyone. I do get along with my brother but we are so different I've even questioned my parents if one of us is the product of an affair.

He tries to be a good man and husband. They live hand to mouth as far as finances but they do share a lot of love with their children, one of which is an adopted foster child who is absolutely adorable.

I do believe the age difference was a major impact on us not being close.

I have 6 sisters and a brother. Yes we have great relationships but i cant always rust them nor can I be around some of them long. However we are always in contact and in each others lives. you cant expect them all to get along great but it started with my mother explaining that family is key in life and siblings are going to be the only thing that will be there when no one else is for you. It was a good way to make us bond, understanding family is a unit that moves and flows together always. My mother always made us play together and take family trips it really helped. Middle children im sorry are always left out only because we get forgotten once in awhile the baby is always too young and the oldest gets to do everything first. Its not parents its just life. Its like always coming in second, never first. Middle children need a little extra attention ont heir age,desires and capablities. they cant handle themselves because they are inbetween the oldest and youngest, they still need your understanding where they are at in life. I think many parents work too h*** o*t he new stuff from the older kid and the soon to be for the youngest and forget the middle child is there waiting.
Dont favor kids, they are all unique and wonderful,whent hey are bad its not them to hate but their attitudes. be open to all subjects even though you disagree, children are their own people not your vessel.

I have 1 brother who is 2 years older then me. Growing up we were together all the time and down right hated each other, even through high school. Then we both went away to college and missed each other terribly. Now as adults we are closer then ever, despite the fact that we have almost opposite views on everything, lol. He lives right down the street and our families are all very close. Not sure why we were so h*** o* each other in our youth.

I am the oldest, with one younger sister two years younger. I never got along w/ her as we were night and day. now that I am older I get along w/ her better as I dont live w/ her. my parents did treat us very very differently and that is why i think i did not like her, besides the fact that we were very different people with differnt interests. my sister was more wild, but sneaky at it so she got away with lots of stuff and I never got away with anything and they thought i was the 'bad one" when it was really her, so that caused problems too. I was also always mad bc there were some times they treated us so differently, but other times when I thought they should they did not: for example I was always mad that I had the same bedtime and had to be home at the same time as her even though I was older. I do belive that each child is a uniquie person so as much as you would like to parent them the same, you really really cant, but you should try to be fair and explain to them why you do what you do. as long as they feel loved, respected and listened to it should not be a problem. growing up I always felt disrespected (long off topic story) and that had a lot to do w/ it too. hope this helps and take heart in knowing that even if they are not bff now there is a chance that when they grow up they will become closer

I am the youngest, and the only girl of 3 kids. I think we get along okay (we're 29-34 years old now). We don't call eachother all the time now, yet as teens, we all had our little problems. Brothers had issues with drugs. I felt ignored as parents dealt with my older brother's drug problems. Later on, brothers felt like I was favored since they paid for my college. They were adopted at birth, so they probably thought parents were playing favorites. But that wasn't the case - I got college b/c that's what I'd wanted. Parents spent my brothers' college savings on drug rehab for teenagers. We don't do a whole lot together now, yet see eachother at Thanksgiving and Birthdays.

So all that being said, I'd suggest to just love your kids, have them help eachother, do a lot of fun family stuff, and be ready for issues when they're in their teens. Try to stay one family unit even when the going gets tough. I think that would have helped us.

I was the youngest of two. My older brother and I fought like cats and dogs. He was a selfish A-hole then, and still is to a large degree. That being said, we have a 'cordial' relationship now, and always have since post adolescence. We only really see each other at Christmas and occasional holidays/vacations. He lives in our home town in Cali. He was jealous of me, and I was always looking to get his 'acceptance'. I'm a 'people-pleaser', and he is not. He had a temper too, and I was physically scared of him, since he was always bigger than me. We also played together a lot, but we almost always ended up in a fight. I probably instigated things from time to time, but my family will certainly admit today that he was generally the 'issue' - not me. My mom took the 'it takes two to tangle' approach (she read a lot of Dr. Spock parenting books back then), so she would punish us both when we fought, which just made us both more angry. She realizes now that was not the best approach, but at the time thought it was. My mom was a SAHM, dad worked - same company for 40 years.

Fastforward to today, and my mom (and my SIL) both suspect that my brother has Aspergers... I almost didn't have kids as a result of my childhood. DH and I eventually decided to have one, and when that went fine, I purposely waited 4 years and had the other. I am not fond of the 2-3 year age gap, which is quite common (bro and I are 2 3/4 yrs apart). Just my opinion.

As for favoring one or the other, I know my MIL does, and I sometimes wonder if DH does based on how he disciplines them, but I don't think I do. I have found myself being frustrated with one more than the other for a period of time - e.g. when we were trying to potty train my youngest I actually found I was so angry with how he intentionally had accidents (like he didn't care, and again - I'm a people pleaser, so I have difficulty understanding that non-caring emotion), that I didn't want to be around him. However, once we conquered that, it's like I flip-flopped to my oldest bugging me about something and seemingly favoring my youngest. Always temporary though depending on what is going on in our family.

I did get 'caught' calling my youngest "hi handsome" all the time, and my oldest said one day "am I handsome too?" I usually call him "hi sweety", because he is my sweety :), but now I try to throw in a "hi handsome" once in a while.

I get along with my brother and sister now that we're all adults, but we had our moments of bickering when we were all younger. It started diminishing in jr. high, and by high school we had lost interest in arguing -- probably because we all had more freedoms and, with driving, more autonomy. (No pun intended!) I think my own kids fight more than my family did, which might have something to do with how strong-willed they all are. I agree with you --- I want them to be friends!

Re: middle child -- I was one. I did at times feel overshadowed by my exceptionally athletic brother and sister. The fact that those two were more alike made me feel like the "black sheep." (And they called me that too!) Now, in adulthood, we've all made our own way, and I am blissfully free of it even mattering how athletic I am in my forties! I love my siblings to pieces and we wouldn't think of wasting the precious little time we have together with fighting!

I am the oldest of 3 girls. me and my youngest sister are the best of friends we do alot together. she loves my husband and my son more than anything. and i love her girlfriend and their dog like they are part of my faniy.when it come to our middle sister neither of us want much to do with her. there are reasons behind this. she is a very bad person and we both don't want her in our lives. we both feel bad about this but it is the life she wants, she would rahter never see her sisters again then become a law abiding citizen.My baby sister and me are best friends when i do get a moment to do my own thing I always am with her. my mother was a very selfish women so the older kids always had to do the "mother" kinda things so my baby sister was babyed more then i was.

I was #6 out of 7 children. My younger sister is 6 years younger than me. When she was born, my eldest brother was 18. The first three were boys and then a girl then a boy (died when he was 18) then me and my little sister. None of us dislike each other (except my older sister who hates me). I cannot live in the same house with my little sister but I get along with her fabulously otherwise. She is my best friend (except for my hubby of course). As for my own children, I have a son who is 11 a girl about to turn 8 and another girl who just turned 4. I do give more attention to each at different times. I think its necessary. My middle daughter does seem to get less attention. I'm not sure if its because (I think) she doesn't need it (she's super smart) or if I'm giving attention to her brothers schooling (who does need it). My hubby did take her out for a daddy-daughter date just recently and she was on cloud 9 for about a week. Just make sure each child gets atttention. I would love to be able to take them out, just the two of us, sometimes but I haven't been able to do that. I do make sure I tuck them in each night and tell them I love them. frequently. I also tell my son he is my fav 11 year old, my daughter that she is my fav 7 year old, and my baby that she is my fav 4 year old.