Do You Find It Hard to Make Friends as an Adult with Kids?

What seems to happen with me is that I''m wanting that instant click. It takes time and energy to develop good friendships. Focus on the casual friendships to see if they will get closer. It's common for the friendship to be less than comfortable at the start. Only time can build the closeness that we want.

I have a hard time making friends. We moved to Phoenix in feb of 10.......i only have acquaintances, not friends. im just not comfortable with people i guess.

It is MUCH harder to make friends after you have kids because you want someone that meets your needs as well as your kids needs at the same time. I didnt fraternize much while my kids were little except with the neighbors in my neighborhood... it's a phase that will pass as your kids get older.
I think that is why this site is such a comfort, you can talk to women with kids but dont have to have them over for a playdate ;)

Totally hard for me. First if they don't have kids....probably not going to click. If they do, chances are good our kids may not get along, be of the same age etc. I've met women that I like spending time with, but do not care for their kids so much.
I think it's very hard making friends as an adult with children. Even friends I had before I had kids are hard to maintain for one reason or another.

No, it's not hard for me to make friends. It IS hard for me to find time and energy to properly nourish all the relationships I already have. So, I try not to make too many more friends when I may not be able to give enough to the new relationship, and that's really important to me. I'd rather maintain the deep friendships that I have developed rather than spread myself thin trying to deepen new friendships.

Sometimes I get to have a cup of coffee with someone I don't know that well, but generally it's because they need someone to connect with (or are looking for a quick play date), or because I'm looking to learn something new from someone who's got what I'm looking to learn (be it spiritual or scientific).

Mostly it's a time issue, for me. In order to pursue a friendship, I actually have to have the time to do so.

I have to click with a mom. I have a certain intuition about people when I meet them. I'm not psychic, but I read people very well. It's sometimes is difficult for me, especially around negative people, energies, and if others are tense or I just know do not want to talk to me. I get very uncomfortable.

I have actually made a very close friend on this site. I had asked a question about finding moms in my area for a playdate. I met two, one just didn't click, the other, we hit it off right away. It's been close to 5 years now.

It's easier for me having a child. Especially around people I don't know. I had went to a baby shower recently for a friend, and I only knew her and her MIL. I had to talk to other people, obviously, but having a child , and talking with other women who also have children is very helpful. We all share our stories, and it can definetly be a great ice breaker!

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I think for me, meeting a person, it helps if they also initiate conversation or ask general questions ( no personal ones right away) it's a good indicator. Other times for me, a person who has a sense of humour is always a good sign. Someone who can make fun of themselves, and are not so serious. People who load all of their personal baggage, is very draining, and not a good sign for a healthy friendship. This will just turn into a therapy session-one after the other. Or constantly asking for favors.

My main indicator are women who look me up and down. I hate it when they look at my clothes, looks, and how I do things, or what car I drive. I do not like being on the spotlight, or microscope. People like this are never happy, and can be very judgemental.

For me, it's all in the eyes. The eyes are truly the windows of people's souls. Smiling with teeth, showing warmth, and kindness all are indicators of a good friend.

Yes. Its hard for me. I feel like none of my new friendships can ever be what my high school friendships were like. I miss hanging out with girlfriends with no real time constraints like "I have to get home to feed the baby" or so and so "needs to be home by the kids' bedtime, that kind of thing. I've made some new friends from playgroups here and the last city we lived in, but no one I could just call up and chat on the phone with. Also, its difficult to just chat with three kids hanging on your leg screaming, "I want JUICE!!" Just sayin' ; )

YES!!! I was just talking with my husband about this the other day. It's depressing... somehow it seems that I don't click with the parents of the kids my children like and my kids don't click with the children of the moms I get along with. So... I end up spending a lot of time alone with my kids. I know that making friends isn't rocket science but it sure seems that way :( Good luck to you!

Yes! I feel the same way and I like to think I am outgoing, laid back, fun and friendly person. I've thought about why I've encountered so many other moms but have yet to find someone I really click with and I think it boils down to one thing. The only thing I have in common with these other moms I've met is that we have kids. For the most part, we have different interests and if we do share some interests, our kids keep us so distracted and focused on them that it's hard to form real one on one connections.

I am hoping that once my kids get older (i currently have a 2 yr old and 6 month old), things will become easier.

YES! So different from when I was in school and friended whomever was sitting next to me. I've had to really stretch myself in order to make friends and sometimes it works out...sometimes it doesn't. I have to say, I've made some really good friends over the last few years. I've sort of learned to use the kids in a way I guess by organizing playtime if the kids get along. There have been a couple times it's felt akward b/c I just didn't click with the mom, but the kids usually still have a good time and the times the moms and I have clicked have made the others worth it. Now I get my own playdates, just the mommys, about once a month!

I actually have made great friends because of my kiddo. One of my old coworkers was part of a mommy group in my area so she took me with her. One of those girls has become one of my best friends and a group of us get together once a week for a craft night.

Making new friends as an adult SUCKS butt :) lol!!! Thank god we moved back to my hometown, because I was having such a hard time meeting REAL people in the 5 years we were gone! I'm picky though, so that probably didn't help. I wasn't big on just meeting "time filler" friends. I started a meetup play group through meetup.com and met some people through that. I would start there, because if you meet someone you think you would want to hang out with...you could invite them to join the group. There are so many people in the same boat, you will eventually find them. Hang in there sweetie! XO

Yes, it has been difficult to make friends. When I moved to our neighborhood many years ago I right away made a friend. We had such a wonderful time -- until something changed in her and she began to criticize me constantly. I had to let her go. Then I met another Mom who was also very lovely -- but she turned into a complete user. She only wanted to get together if it was something in it for her, i.e. helping her fix her computer or buy a camera or pick paint colors, whatever. It was annoying not to hang out just for fun -- so I ditched her. Since then I've been pretty low key. I am actually surprised at how many people I know -- but I am terrified in taking it further. Just can't do it. I enjoy my space now and am happy to chat or meet for coffee every now and then -- or take walks together. But that's it. I just cannot go through getting my feelings crushed like the last two times. It isn't worth it to me.

It is so hard. I had to drop a few because their values were so different.
Others basically put no effort in.

If I would have realized how hard it was to make true friends, I would have volunteered at MOPS so I could really get bonded with the core moms. I would miss no meetings and I would have kept in touch constantly, even if we were too busy to get together.
We are not getting reaquainted, but it would have been better for my child to grow up with these nice families constantly in our lives. She would already have several lifelong friends.
Don't give up. There are moms just like you thinking the same thing.

I think its hard. With mom's of my kids its really hard because with my older 3 Im the youngest in the "group" of moms. With the two little ones Im more on the older side. There isn't really a place around here to meet other mom's unless I want to drive an hour away to go to the YMCA or other group functions.

I find it no more difficult than any other time in my life. If anything it is easier to make friends because you are not limited to people precisely your own age.

Yea, very difficult.