Do You Ever Just Get So Discouraged That You Just Want to Give Up?

I've been there before. The kids can still have enjoyable birthdays and holidays, though. Go to Goodwill or the dollar store and put together a great gift rather than buying something new. By doing this I was able to load up under the Christmas tree a couple of years. With some careful planning and searching you can find great things that the kids will never even know weren't full price!

If you can scrape together $5-$10, and have access to an oven (not knowing if you're homeless) you can have a pretty killer birthday.

((Toys For Tots takes care of xmas... so no worries there (and then when you're on your feet again, just make sure to 'pay it forward' for another family).))

For birthdays... there are other groups which can help get a present or three for your son. You can add to those, of course, with whatever money is left over from your birthday celebration.

Birthday celebration:

Spend $5 on cake mix and powdered sugar (make your own frosting, it's eeeeeeeasy and costs less than a dollar). Make cupcakes instead of a big cake, and either plan on baking that morning if he likes to help, or start out his day by blowing out the first candle and having a 'cupcake breakfast' (cupcake WITH every meal on his bday... also helps spread out the sugar rush, instead of one giant piece of cake). Use your other $5 on buss passes (assuming no cars or no gas money, if you have either you're even more set) and GET OUT THERE!!! Fly kites, go for a hike, play in a fountain, go to the 'big' library, draw on the sidewalk with chalk, roll down a hill (or go ice blocking), blow bubbles, go skating,

In your profile is says your crafty. Have face paint? If not, have Acryllic? (not for faces, but it's great for arms for "tattoos". But a sharpie would work as well). Is your son young enough for a Birthday Crown? (felt, or paper).

Have any money left over from the $5-10? Hotwheels are 88 cents. Paddle balls are a buck. Glowsticks in empty peanut butter containers (or any plastic container or ball) makes for a GREAT game of 'soccer' at night, and they're dirt cheap right now since it's halloween.

There are TONS of really fun, very free or super cheap things that you can do to make a birthday an absolute BLAST. You just have to get creative about it.

And if you're not homeless, you've got even MORE options available to you. Like "camping" in the living room with sleeping bags, eating popcorn (make it on your stove for less than $1 for 5+ people), staying up late watching a movie. Have a sleepover and make pancakes ($2 to feed everyone) in the morning.

You DON'T tell your kids there won't be presents or parties or special days. You make them happen. On a shoestring, but they won't care. In fact, our 'broke bdays' have been some of my son's favorite days. Being made to feel special can't be bought. And it can't be taken away even if you have to walk everywhere.

Keep your head up love. We struggle too and sometimes I feel the same way but heh! We are healthy and we have each other. Go to your local salvation army and/or the local food bank. You can sign the little ones up for the angel tree. Pray mama and I always keep in mind this too shall pass.

Retail stores are hiring Holiday help. I would go apply at every single store in the mall. You need to be proactive. It's usually part-time work and with your husband not working why do you need to be a SAHM? I understand employers might be cautious with your long gap of unemployment, but if you are honest with them it shouldn't be an issue. As a retail hiring manager, I look for someone that is confident with a positive attitude. Work history is only a small part. I want to know how you handle conflict, what you would do with an irrate customer and whether or not you can multi-task with a smile. Seeing as you are a SAHM, I would think you have multi-taksing down. With retail, the most important thing is customer service. If you don't have any experience with this, spin it from the perspective of a shopper and tell them what good customer service means to you. Anyway, most retail jobs offer generous discounts at their stores, which could help you buy a nice gift or two. Every single store in the mall I work at is hiring right now. I would definitley check out your local stores.

Sometimes you can't wait for the light at the end of the tunnel to appear. Sometimes you need to go looking for it. I would love to be a SAHM, but we can't afford it unless we want to really struggle. I work a lot of hours and my husband works 2 part-time jobs which totals 50 hours. We do this without daycare and without help. Both our mothers are dead so trust me when I say, we have no help. We work opposite each other and it takes so much work to balance our schedules so that one of us is always home with the kids. We both have degrees and do not work in our fields. Do we love our jobs? No. Do we love that we don't live paycheck to paycheck? Yes. We are trying to save money so that one day I can stay home or at least work a lot less. Don't wait for the light, go looking for it. The road to get where you want to go may not always be pretty, but at least it is leading you somewhere rather than going nowhere.

I don't know how religious you are but maybe join a non-denominational church. It would be a great way to meet people beyond acquaintance status - and free to go. Sign up for any assistance that is available to your family - that's what it is there for!! Call toys for tots to get your name on the list. I think you have to be on it early. Use Craigslist to buy stuff. Sell anything you don't use anymore for extra cash. Sell crafts that you make on Etsy. Good luck!!

Oh and your profile said you were in the medical field. I know it's been awhile but maybe you could work and your DH could be the SAHD.

I think of my two grandmothers that raised kids during the depression. I have a picture of my mom wearing a flower sack dress...that is how poor they were. That image usually gives me a bit of courage, if not hope. I am sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I hope your husband finds work soon. If I were you I would also look into what charities might be able to help you give your children a bit of holiday cheer.

God Bless You.

You have my empathy, G.. I've scraped bottom financially several times in my life, and dang if I can't see the bottom again from where I am now. I'm grateful I don't still have dependent children.

But my daughter and I came through a really tough time when she was 8-9 and I left her abusive father. He refused to pay child support most months. We had to save for a few months to get the designer jeans she didn't think she could live without. But we had a fabulous time, being together, doing projects, taking walks, reading, playing games. Kids are really resilient, perhaps more so than parents, who are often trying so hard to live out our own unfulfilled dreams through our children.

My daughter looks back on that as a really great time. I send you this wish, that you will someday look back on this as one of your great times, too.

And get involved, if you can, in the Occupy / 99% movements. Too many of us are in crisis, and our legislators need to hear our voices.

Yes I have felt that discouraged. OF course you will celebrate your son's birthday. cake mixes are 1.99, Buy him a book, a dollar store toy, Do something fun-have dinner together and watch a family movie with popcorn, let his best friend sleep over (if this is your older son) search online for free things to do in your area like visit the mint to see money made, or visit the best play ground in a 30 mile radius .....
Hope things get better!

I think, well at least I have my health.

I hope things get better for you...it's so hard to be in dire straights financially. I was dirt poor all through college, my 20s and the beginning of my 30s and now things are fine, but I remember the days of having no money to even buy meat most of the time and eating a lot of 25 cent Jiffy mixes.

There IS sunshine at the end of the tunnel and you have to have faith about that. Can you do a babysitting swap with a friend and work 2 mornings a week? If you can afford to make a cake and get some hand me down toys or toys from thrift stores I'm sure your children will be happy. What ages are they? I am sending good thoughts your way.

I can tell you of my experience as a child who's parents were both laid off and were out of work for a long time. My parents made no fuss about what they could do and what they couldn't. It was just stated that they couldn't afford Christmas or birthdays for awhile. In the end we all made things or bought very inexpensive things for each other. The Christmas that they were very broke is one of my favorite memories. We really concentrated on what we had and not on what we didn't. I found that it really brought us closer and I am thankful for the experience. My Mother loves to remind us that God has something better than ever planned for us.

Do Keep your spirits up, be a model for your kids that happiness is not equal to the amount of money one has. If you have extended family, reach out to them if at all possible to host a small family gathering for you son's birthday. If not, make him king for the day let him choose the meal of the day (my daughter chose oatmeal :) I am sorry to read of how difficult it has been for your husband to find work. When I took time off after my daughter was born, no one would hire me because they felt I was overqualified. It took me 16 months to find my present job. However, consider jobs that have flexibility such as an in home support worker you can be a caregiver for someone who is disabled or aging. Good luck and chin up!

G., I'm sorry you and your hubby are going through this. I don't have any advice. I do want to tell you though you aren't alone; keep your chins up, if you can. Talk to everyone you know and ask them to let you know of any opportunities. Networking is the best thing you can do. You've heard the old saying "it's not what you know, but WHO you know". There's a lot of truth to that.

Is your husband drawing unemployment? Make sure he makes notes on all his interviews and when he applies, because he really does have to show proof for his unemployment benefits. Out of the blue they'll ask for proof of looking for a job. (That happened with my sister's husband, and his paperwork was all over the floor of the car, sigh! My poor sister!!)

Sending you both strength,
Dawn

Have you considered applying at at daycare? My daycare is hiring and they pay about $9 to start and up to $14. Our daycare has a couple of openings and they say it is really hard to find someone. Also, the retail stores are already starting to hire for the holidays. Although these may not be "great" jobs, they bring some money in.
Good luck!!

Try to keep your eye on the prize. That's what I do, because, Lord, when it rains, it pours sometimes!

You know, everyone says "jobs are scarce" but I have been seeing a LOT of help wanted signs lately. Not *great* jobs....but something. Maybe you could get something retail for the holidays since stores are hiring and your husband can watch the kids and keep looking for HIS job?

As for your son's birthday--get him O. thing. It doesn't have to be elaborate or big. Spend the day together as a family doing some family stuff: a walk, a hike, a bike ride, etc. He'll love it.

Good luck. It's OK to vent. Chin UP!

I just want to thank you for sharing this. My husband and I have been very blessed! This has opened my eyes to what so many people are going through. I had forgot what this feels like. I will be praying for you and your family to get through this . always remember things won't always be like this. I know it's hard to be happy. A couple of years ago we were in the same position and it was be very depressing for my husband and I. But we got through it and I know you will you too! God bless you and your family! again, thank you for sharing your struggles. I will be donating to toys for tots this year because of what you shared!

Things last year were very tough for us. I made presents. Now I do have alot to make things from in my house because I love to craft. You can make these times special and fun without much money. For the birthday pack a picnic dinner and go to the park. Hand make a card, spend the time playing together. We did the nativity story everyday with our children. I made a foam scene that they got to put one on each night. We had a lollipop after dinner, or drank hot cocoa. I got a few very cheap toys for their stocking and a new pair of jammies (they needed).

Try and cut back on as many expenses as you can. I walk around turning off lights all the time. I use fans instead of A/C as much as possible. Walk to the store instead of drive. Cut cable and phones. I even cut back on the kids showers. They take one everyother day. Wear jeans 2 days instead of one to keep laundry down. I know it isnt easy but you can get through. Even though my husband has a job now things are still tight. We had to use credit just to pay some bills. (((HUGS)))