Do I Take Her Out of Daycare?

I don't want to assume but it sounds like since she is the oldest and the only one, the provider might just have a more rigid schedule around diaper changing versus, trips to the potty. Is the toilet small and is it always available, like at home? She also may notice the attention the "babies" get and wish to be more like the crowd in that environment.. :) kids are adorable and love to role play at 3 as it is but at 3 and with the sound of her verbal and emotional skills, she is most likely trained and just working with the environments and what they offer.

I also would have a slight problem with a provider that did not partner with me in attempting to move in a more positive direction..it sounds like she may be feeling like she is "in charge" in her environment, which is true to a point, however a great provider would at least consider and work with the parents when possible.

I think I am just trying to not judge but really I think she is not the best and diapers are easier for her to work with :(

Your daughter was never fully toilet trained to begin with. If you still have to bribe her to go and remind her every single time to use the toilet then she's not toilet trained. If she "sometimes goes on her own with a few messes" then she's not toilet trained. And if you told the daycare provider that she WAS toilet trained, then that's false advertising on your part.

The daycare provider putting her in a diaper probably means your daughter is having too many accidents. That means it's unsanitary for the other children in her care to have to continuously clean up urine and feces because your daughter can't figure out on her own without adults reminding her constantly to go and then having accidents all day every day. It's not fair to the other kids nor your daughter, and therefore she's back in diapers.

What you don't understand is that it takes a long time to toilet train. A long time and a lot of persistence. It never happens overnight.

The daycare provider is probably telling your daughter that if she doesn't tell her when she has to use the toilet, she'll keep having accidents and will have to wear a diaper like a baby. That's not demeaning, insulting, or degrading. You need to talk to the daycare provider about what your expectations and hopes are about the toilet training, and what she's able to do, as well as "her side" of what's been happening.

You also need to realize that you going back to work is a HUGE and stressful change for your child. That means that even if she were more advanced in her toilet training than I'm giving her credit for, regression with something this anxiety-inducing and life-changing is normal and that doesn't make it the daycare provider's fault. It's a huge transition for a child to go from being home with Mommy on maternity leave to having to go spend the day in someone else's home, someone who is not Mommy and does things differently than Mommy. It's going to take time for your daughter to adjust.

So you need to give it time. You can't rush toilet training. It'll cause a whole mess of problems down the road, like withholding and all the issues that can cause (blockages, bladder infections, UTI's, kidney problems, more anxiety issues).

You are being impatient and without realizing it, very judgmental. I KNOW you are not meaning to be, so don't get up in arms about it.

What you need to realize is that in daycare there are other kids that will be competing for attention. While your daughter may need to be taken automatically on a regular basis, the provider is busy going from child to child trying to teach, train, comfort, change, feed, and just get through the day, all the while trying to meet the different needs of the different ages and personalities in her care. Your provider needs for your child to WANT to go by herself. Your child needs to initiate the going, AND, GO in there by herself.

It's normal for children to reach a point where they could just do it without a grown up. But you said she will go for a treat or candy, or whatever you said she's getting for going. She's not likely going to get that at daycare and at a certain point she should not be doing it just for treats anymore. She is not trained and your provider is right about that.

It's sad that so many parents don't realize that they treat daycare providers rather badly. It's hurry up and train my child so that I can yank her out of your care and stick her in a preschool. We know that so many parents are planning on doing that, even if they haven't said so, so where's the motivation for us? Why should we bear the burden of coaching, poking, prodding, even pleading with the child to pass from the training process to the DONE with it stage when we will just get slapped with having to replace them at that time?

At this point, your daughter knows what she needs to do. The ball is in YOUR court. You need to do the rest. Success or failure is all in your daughters mind. When she wants to, she will. It's your job to find that motivation.

Given your "update" a different answer is in order! Don't feel that you're doing anything "wrong" - some kids still need diapers at age 5 (I also worked as a daycare provider). With potty training, as with everything else, there's no "right" and "wrong" there's just what works for you and your child and what doesn't! I guess I was lucky cos my son was "ready" to give up diapers at age 2 and never had an accident, but my daughter took longer and still had the odd "accident" for about 1 year after being "trained" (during naps or at night). Whenever I felt anxious about my firstborn reaching a developmental milestone, my physician grandfather always used to tell me "Relax, he'll be ___ (walking/talking/using potty or whatever else I was concerned about) before you know it." At the time it seemed like he was "late" for everything ... yet now he's an amazing 18 year old - and yes, he passed ALL the milestones... in his own time! :) Cherish all of this - it will be a distant memory before you know it!

Sounds like she needs to be around more children her age. She is going to have a accident here and there. On another note, most daycare centers/ home daycare will have the children on a potty schedule. Seems to me that they are not investing the time to keep the consistancy with her potty training. I would look for another preschool, if your able to get her back on schedule in a weekend that should tell you something about the way the daycare is running.

ONe of the things you are paying for is that your provider chip in with potty training. If she can't help you out, then find a new place.

When I trained my daughter, she would have accidents in day care. I just gave 2 extra everything (socks, shoes, pants, undies). She learned.

Good luck.

You are not impatient, and you are NOT judgmental. You are a loving parent with normal expectations & concerns. Oh, the horror!!! Just kidding, of course ;-)

Based on your info, it sounds like you have her in an in home daycare. Having a big mix of ages isn't always a good thing.

Sounds like the daycare provider doesn't want to actually help or doesn't know how to help with the training. IMO, she shouldn't be caring for any kid past their 2nd birthday, if that's the case. It's a normal expectation that she help with it - at a center they'd be helping as soon as you asked them to.

She is causing your DD to go backwards, and undoing all your hard work. I would find another place, personally. If she is that lazy/unhelpful about something so important, then what else is she slacking on? That's what I'd be wondering.

Don't even get me started on the provider calling your DD a "baby". That alone is enough to pull her out of that place. Totally unacceptable for someone who claims to love & wants to work with kids. I'd wonder what else was being said.

My recommendation is to get your daughter in a daycare or preschool with before/after care with kids her own age & teachers that can handle kids that are at potty training age. It will be good for her to be with kids her age, and to see peers going potty, as well. Since she has to be trained for preschool, find a daycare that will work her on it & transfer her over when she's ready.

I think any good parent would find another place for their child, personally. You are a good mom to be so worried.

It sounds to me like the daycare lady is lazy, and doesnt work with her - yes i understand she watches other kids too, but degrading your daughter and making her feel like a baby is NOT going to help. If your daughter can "go" when she is offered treats etc. then she can control it (at least enough to be potty trained). I would absolutely put her in preschool - my 3 year old son is in preschool and he has been completely potty trained since he was 30 months old. Also, his school is filled with 3 year olds, so they do a potty routine every hour - singing and dancing and "trying" to go potty" especially if there is one child in the class who is less potty trained than others. Peer pressure to go potty is BIG at this age. My bet, if she can wear big girl underwear long enough to get into a preschool, she will completely trained within two weeks.

Just so you know, my son has had 2 accidents at nap time during his year at the school - no big deal, they change his clothes and tell me when i pick him up what happened and that he needs new clothes. Preschool teachers are pretty understanding.

Good luck!

If she is toilet trained she will not revert. but you taking her every half hour or hour is not her being trained as previous poster said it is you that is trained. I can understand a daycare provider not wanting to do the big girl pants if she is still having accidents 20 percent of the time. thats a lot of messed pants, messed beds, messed chairs etc for her to deal with. Each time your child wets / soils herself the daycare provider has to clean your child and the area she was in. if she is still doing babytalk, not telling you and or going by herself she is not ready. give it a little bit of time. a daycare has no choice in taking her untrained. a preschool however does have the choice. you may have to put her into a daycare setting rather than preschool.

She is the oldest at 3 years old at a day care? Do you mean a home day care? She may be ready for actual child care where she will be with other kids that are her age and she'll see them going and get back on track. Otherwise she's just 3 and will move forward, backslide, shoot forward, backslide even further than before, move forward slowly, etc...it's normal for her to have periods of being trained then suddenly stop using it all together.

It sounds to me like she's regressing because she's the oldest in her daycare. Does the pre-school allow pull-ups for nap time? I would get her into pre-school as soon as you're done with your week off of toilet training. Explain to them that she is newly potty trained (all kids have accidents even when they're so-called trained) and you have provided a full set (incl. socks & shoes) of extra clothes in case she has an accident. Ask them to remind her to go (they will likely have scheduled bathroom breaks as well) and ask if they can change her (or have her do it herself) into a pull-up for nap time. Each morning on the way to pre-school talk about how she's a big girl and to remember to go pee and poo poo in the toilet at school. Let her know who she should tell if she needs to go. When you arrive at the pre-school, show her where the bathrooms are and remind her again that we don't go to the bathroom in our underwear. I used to ask my son, "Where does pee pee go?" he would say, "in the toilet", then I would ask, "Where does poo poo go?" he would say, "in the toilet". I would then say, "Great job. So, all day today, you can go pee pee and poo poo in the toilet. Make sure to let your teachers know."

Again, there will be accidents, but the more she is in an environment with kids her age and older, it will be more structured for going to the bathroom and she will rise to the challenge. As it is now, she is just being like all the other kids - there is no real incentive. And, clearly, the daycare provider doesn't have time or desire to continue on the sort of potty training care she needs.

Best of luck,
S.

My mom had a licensed daycare for 20 yrs, I was a nanny too, so I know daycare. Kids can backtrack a little when a new sibling is born, or a parent goes back to work. That might not help w/some things like baby talk, & potty training.
I can't imagine calling a child a baby, I certainly hope that was a misunderstanding. Many older children need reminding to go to the bathroom. It might help to make sure they know how often you remind her. A diaper, especially if her friends there don't wear them isn't right unless it's needed. I'd try & work w/her teacher, if they aren't willing to try, or make your child feel bad you may need to change. She needs to be willing to go when asked, but if she does, & usually makes it, that's usually a child who needs extra clothes just in case, & perhaps a pull up for naps, if needed. Kids tend to do better not wearing diapers, especially around peers, when their ready. If they can't work w/you, they may have their hands too full already.
JMO, if I ever heard a teacher call a child a baby or act like that, in front of them, I'd be more than impatient!

It sounds like theres a little of a problem on both ends of this one. I would say if she isn't telling you that she has to go after 5 months and she is still having accidents and is "offering to go for special treats" she isn't potty trained.

She is, however, ready to potty train if there is consistency at home and at daycare. I agree that she may regress at daycare because of all the babies, and I wouldn't necessarily assume that the provider is *calling* her a baby.

I would expect though, that the daycare provider work with you to help her potty train and not to just put her in diapers because it's easier (if that's what she's doing).

If it were me I would sit down with the provider and talk about it. I would let her know that you're looking into preschool ( which I also think it a good decision at your daughter's age) and that you'd like her help in the potty training process. If your provider is experienced she will know how to do this and how to help you. Kids DO potty train differently and one method does not always work for every child. If your daycare provider isn't willing to work with you, I might think about putting her someplace else. I ca't imagine that being the case though. Potty training is pretty basic developmental stage that a daycare provider should be open to.

Remember also that just because she is potty trained at home and may not have accidents there, she may have them at daycare or in another play or school environment. And even after she's potty trained she may have occasional accidents for a little while. The sensitivity of listening to her body will wear off a bit and she'll forget or wait too long to go. All normal and expected.

Did I miss something here? why is it Diapers of Underwear? maybe she should be in pull ups? Pull ups let her have the protection of diapers, but the ability to be a big girl and go in the potty when she realizes she needs to.

We had a similar issue with our daycare telling us our daughter was not ready at 25 months old.. she would tell us at home when she needed to go potty, but at daycare got too busy playing and needed to be reminded that she needed to go. It took them about 5 months to feel she was ready to wear big girl underwear... but oh-boy my little one was SO EXCITED when they finally said she could stop wearing pull ups. It kind-of boiled down to the providers needing to feel comfortable that she could recognize when she needed to go. an accident here or there is expected, but not multiple times a day.

We also had her in big girl underwear at home, and talked to her about what the teachers expected from her before she would get to wear underwear there. (tell then you have to go potty, let them know if you need help, don't refuse to sit on the potty)

sound like at a bare minimum you need to have a sit down with your provider and get on the same page about what expectations are when she wears underwear.

I would agree with the others though that if you are bribing her to go potty, she is not really trained - you are telling her to go, she is not figuring it out herself.

Hi E.! How frustrating, for many reasons. I am a daycare provider and what I have found most effective when the children are with me is to just build going to the bathroom into the next activity. Examples: "E., we are getting ready to eat lunch, please go potty & wash your hands." "E., Thanks for helping me pick up all the markers. Before we do the next thing, please go potty and wash your hands." "E., it's almost time for your mommy to be here, please go potty & wash your hand so you can be all ready." At this early stage, I don't think it's really up to the child to tell us when he or she needs to go to the bathroom. It really is up to the adult to make sure the breaks are built in to the day, whether at home or at daycare. Perhaps you can tell her that is what you are doing at home, and ask her how she is handling it during the daycare hours. At home, perhaps you can help your daughter be more conditioned to going to the bathroom on her own by incorporating trips to the bathroom before she puts on her pajamas and before she gets dressed in the mornings. Something that is consistent each day, and easy to add in. Easy for both you & your daughter is the key! Since this lady has been your provider for 3 years, the two of you should be able to speak openly and develop a plan to help your daughter in this adventure. Peace, B.

Hi E., as a mother and a childcare provider myself, I would have to say she is not potty trained, it sounds she goes on the potty if there is a bribe, you said she offers to go for juice or a special treat, that's not potty trained, waking up dry is part pf being potty trained. Honestly E. if your daughters speach is so well that she can say " She's says I', a baby mommy, then she should have no problem saying when she has to go potty. I have a 2 1/2 year old in my daycare that tells me and then just goes on the big potty, and she wears panties at night and stays dry and gets up at night to go potty, that's what potty trained looks like. Changing her daycare isn't going to help, daycares are pretty much ran the same way, at 3 she should be potty trained, it's not her fault, you have only 2 to 3 hours a day with her before bed times, that does not even count as a part time mom, that is less than a part time mom, I'm not trying to be mean but geez, ask the daycare provider if she has the time to really work with her, because I know here I'm the one who really potty trains all my daycare care kids, at home its just an instention of what I am already doing with their child. But the key thing NO DIAPERS PERIOD you can't do diapers and big girl panties without confussing her, Give her the time she needs, if you don't have that time ask your provider if she does. J.

Put her in preschool asap. She KNOWS how to go potty and in a more encouraging environment, she's going to do better with it. Time to get OUT of that daycare.

It sounds like you need to work with your daycare provider or find a new daycare person. I worked in a daycare center and we had many kids who were in the middle of potty training. Many of them wore pullups, but we PARTICIPATED in the potty training. Every child was different, and we helped out. Usually we asked the children if they had to go once every hour when they were first learning. We did it on the hour, and we had a list posted of who was in training. It's really NOT a big deal! Some of them got rewards for going, and we would give them the reward--just like they would receive at home (of course the reward was usually M&Ms or something and they received their reward in private so the other kids wouldn't get jealous).

She's in DAYCARE, not preschool. Kids in daycare often are in the middle of potty training. Preschool is different. However, your daycare provider may have a limit of how many in diapers she can handle. I would talk to her, her solution of sticking her in a diaper is NOT helping you.

So it seems, the Daycare is sabotaging her?
Or they seem to 'insult' your child because your child is coming home saying "she says I'm a baby Mommy... I wear diapers at Daycare...."
Degrading a child that way and calling them names, is a HUGE bad thing.
So on that fact alone, I would choose a more hospitable Daycare.
IF any Provider/Teacher called my child names... degrading them, for simple biological errors, I would be pissed. I would pull my child out of there.
That is mean.

Now, all kids are different per potty readiness or ability.
It can take time.
But at home you said she IS, able?
But still, it is still ongoing... which is also normal and common.
They are not rocket scientists about it, yet.

As for night time dryness though... night time is COMPLETELY different than daytime pottying. Night Time "dryness" is not something that is BIOLOGICALLY attained, until even 7 years old and this is normal and per Pediatricians. Night Time dryness, is about the organ development/bladder/brain/nerve connections. Not age.

It seems she needs encouragement, which she is NOT getting at the Daycare. They don't help matters.
They don't seem real kid friendly, at all.

The Daycare is the problem.
Not your child.

Also, she is among younger children, at the Daycare.
Thus, she acts/talks like them. Which is common.
An alternative is, besides "Preschool" is to find a "Playschool" type place. At places like this, it is not as hardcore and they do do 'teaching' to the children, but also, ACCEPT the child for who they are and will help with toileting. Which your Daycare, is not doing.

My son went to a Preschool/Playschool type school. They taught some academics/circle time/concepts.... but ALSO accepted kids in diapers at ANY age... and helped in transitioning a child to the toilet. My son was not completely toilet perfect yet, when he attended at 4 years old. And then he was... while there. And now at 5, he is proficient.
But my son, did pottying... very gradually. I went by his cues.
And kids still do have accidents at this age and Preschool and Kindergarten and even in 1st Grade. My Daughter's teachers all told me this.

Anyway, your daughter is young.
A child will become proficient at the toilet, when they are ready and when their physiological cues, are in place.

JessicaWessica provided you some good advice that I'll echo. You should at least have a talk with your day care provider and figure out a plan that you can work together on, or find somewhere else for your child.
I wanted to add that potty training regression was a very big, and immensely frustrating issue to deal with. Our son was 31/2 when our daughter was born. Her birth was combined with my husband getting off the road from work-related travel. Our son was toilet trained completely before our daughter came. Consistently no accidents, even at night, both at day care/preschool and home. We started having multiple pee accidents at school, and home, then went to having really angry tantrums, and pee accidents every day at school, then having BM accidents at school - it seemed it couldn't get worse on the toilet-training front! Luckily, our kids are awesome together - have NEVER had any aggressive behavior there! We talked to our Dr. about this, and he said that for a 3 year old, getting a new sibling is rough stuff, and even if they don't overtly have anxiety or anger at their new sibling, their brains revert back to whatever they were doing when they had a monopoly on parental attention. It's not intentional, or vindictive on their part. It has taken us a few months to stabilize.
We've been doing multiple things to try to get through this - potty charts with stickers for no accident days, talking to him about being a BIG BOY, having boring white underwear after accidents and "cool" action hero underwear for accident-free days. The only thing that I REALLY feel has been beneficial is having 1-on-1 time with ME. It's amazing. If I've had to work a weekend, suddenly he'll start having accidents. If I spend an HOUR just one-on-one doing something, we'll go a week with no accidents at all. this makes complete sense - to him, he's had to split time with just me, with my husband coming home, new baby arriving, and me going back to work. That's 25% of the attention he used to get from MOM.
Give your daughter some precious one on one time. Get on the same page with your care provider, or find a new one that you can work with. And most importantly, Be patient. She'll get it eventually.