A nurse once told me depression is a result of repressed anger. You are going through a very emotionally challenging period. I understand your desire to reconcile this issue and I believe that it is possible to work through your emotions, forgive and move forward. We live in a society that conditions us from birth to repress and suppress our feelings which is why more of us are turning to medication to make life bearable. If you would prefer an alternative solution look into EFT. Emotional Freedom Techniques involve a simple tapping process that clears unwanted or crippling emotions out of the body. The beauty of learning this tool is that you can teach it easily to your children. Children are very sensitive to their parents emotional energy. They know you are unhappy. Check out the site emofree.com, or youtube for instructional videos or I would be happy to answer any questions.
I wish you peace.