Do I Look Pretty?

Updated on April 14, 2011
J.C. asks from Columbus, OH
20 answers

Okay Ladies. How often does your husband or significant other compliment you? My wonderful man is funny, sexy, highly intelligent, warm, caring, honest, blah blah blah. I've got it made. Please don't get me wrong I really I know how lucky I am.

Except. ... He never compliments me. I could spend an hour and a half getting dolled up and nothing. I never get a 'You look nice" or pretty or beautiful or lovely or cute. Nothing. My husband has just never been one to hand out the compliments. And sometimes I fish for one. I ask, "Do I look okay?" and I get, "You look fine, Honey" (sigh)

I hear "I love you" several times a day. He's a wonderful father and provider and partner. I bless the day we met. I can't imagine my life without him. So why am I hung up on this? It almost seems as if I need his approval more since he's so stingy with it. Is it just something I have to learn to live with? Perhaps because I'm getting older and feeling more worn. Not so fabulous. Do I just need to count my blessings and shut up? I know there are a lot of other things to worry about and I'm even having a hard time posting this because it sounds so trivial. Is it important to you to hear it?

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answers from Pittsburgh on

Well, you probably have him too used to you looking awesome all the time! Kick it down a notch--you know, kind of like having ugly bridesmaids?

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Richmond on

I hate having to fish for compliments... but sometimes, when I really go out of my way to look nice, I want to know it was worth the trouble, you know?! I don't look nice for me all the time, sometimes I want my guy to be proud to have me on his arm! 'Look dude, I did this FOR YOU!'...

But I don't know which is worse, NOT getting compliments when you throw some makeup on, or ONLY being told you look pretty when you happen to have make up on ;)

2 moms found this helpful

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answers from St. Louis on

Does groping count as a compliment? Because I get that a lot. :)

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

Do I think it is important for me to hear from my spouse that he thinks I look pretty? Not really. But what I think the REAL issue for most of us, isn't that we look pretty....but rather that we feel somehow acknowledged. Whether it is for what we do around the house, what we do for our families, what kind of parent we are to our kids, or what effort we put in to look nice, really is irrelevant to the main issue....acknowledgement. And we ALL like to be, at the very least, acknowledged from time to time.

I don't hear "you look nice" from my husband every day. Usually a couple times a week he'll casually say something. But, heck, I don't "really" do my hair and make-up but once or twice a week.... sooooo....
But I DO hear (probably as often as I hear "you like nice"):
"the house looks nice today", "dinner smells good", "that was the best (insert dinner dish or dessert) you ever made", "the kids sound like they had a good time", etc. All of those are little acknowledgements of how my being in the world has made it a nicer place for my family. THAT's what we really want to hear.... isn't it?

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I once asked my husband "do I look alright?" before we left to go out. He didn't even look in my general direction and said "you look great." I just stood there to see how long before he would say anything else.

When he saw me, he smiled and said "Really. You do. But you always look great."

So now, I just stand. I wait for it. Eventually, he gives up a compliment with a smile. But I'm like you. He is awesome in every way and I too, bless the day we met. Love, love, love him. I think as I get older, I want him to still think I am fabulous, and I want to hear it- not always, but just sometimes.

Now let's go hug our husbands!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from St. Louis on

My gf and I were just discussing this. Her husband cooks, does laundry and cleans. But, he never tells her she is pretty or is romantic.

My husband chases me around with his tongue hanging out while stepping over the laundry that needs to be put away and ignoring the timer on the oven.

If only we could combine the two to make one man!!!

He tells me he loves me and how attractive I am, what a wonderful wife and mother I am, etc. at least 4-5 times per week. When he goes a week without saying so, I start to wonder if something is wrong!

We all need that "reassurance". You want to know your hard work is being appreciated, just as if you slaved over a meal all day and no one said a word about how good it was - and you should communicate this with him! These are your feelings - don't let anyone tell you they are trivial. What is important is how you communicate them to your beloved.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

I think men are sometimes uncomfortable if their wife/SO looks really good. It's that man compitetion thing. He's afraid if you look too good some other guy will want you too. What they don't realize is by telling us we look great or even a whistle in our direction makes us feel good. And we need that.
I always tell my sons 'a smart man knows the answer to this question--does this make my butt look fat?' -- answer 'No sweetheart you look beautiful'!
Do you tell him he looks good? Maybe if you tell him he'll get the idea.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

Mine used to be like that too and then I told him that I wanted him to give me the once over before we left because he should know what the others are looking at! So now we give each other the once over before we leave the house it's kind of our thing. Mine tends to compliment jewlery and accessories more than anything so that is what I pull the stops out on for him and if I know he likes something I will wear it often.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

My husband is constantly telling me how gorgeous I am. However, once in a while he slacks off and doesnt say it for a couple of days and Ill say something like... Man, I look so bad today! and he'll combat it with saying something like.. you look beautiful!! It just reminds him that he needs to say it more often. Its not that Im vain or anything, but I hear it from other guys a lot and I really only *want* to hear it from my husband. I also constantly compliment him.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Cincinnati on

mine used to be better at complimenting me but I also used to be better about looking nice. NOW his way of telling me i look nice fall somewhere in a comment about 'tagging that' later on tonight...soo cheesy.
Otherwise they will come in a card on our anniversary...but pretty vague considering I am reading the card after JUST waking up and not feeling so beautiful.
Its not important for me to hear the words but more see it in his actions. is he home on time? does he communicate? is he sexy in the bedroom? does he (sometimes) do your honey do list or listen to your requests?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

It's because "Do I look pretty?" is a loaded question right up there with "Does this make me look fat?".
There are SO many pitfalls in just about any answer they could give, men (if they are smart) either ignore it or try to side step answering.
My husbands standard answer is "You are Always beautiful to me, Dear!" even if I'm covered with mud from weeding the garden for 4 hours.
Looks fade. It's a fact. But there's inner beauty and that's forever.
Don't get hung up on what's on the outside.
Insecurity does not lend itself to beauty, but confidence does.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Philadelphia on

You know, it's weird. I rarely, if ever, "dress up". My lifestyle is a jeans-and-t-shirt lifestyle. Last Friday, my husband and I had a meeting where we needed to look somewhat nice, so I did what I could. Later that evening, my husband said to me "honey, you looked really good today"...and it just HIT me: it had been AGES since he'd said anything remotely resembling a compliment (on my looks, he compliments me on other things all the time). I then realized just how much I'd missed being told I look pretty. Now, I am confident in my looks and most of the time, I'm pretty well pulled together (even if it's just jeans and t-shirts) and I do my hair and makeup almost daily, because I want to look and feel good for MYSELF. But being told by my husband that I looked nice, well, that kinda made my day. So although it seems trivial, we all like to hear nice things unexpectedly, that's just human nature.

Maybe handing out compliments isn't a habit with your husband. But I bet he shows you in other ways how much he loves and appreciates you. And I also bet he thinks you're beautiful all the time, with or without makeup, fancy clothes and done-up hair. I bet he, too, feels blessed you're in his life - and THAT'S the most important thing!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Spokane on

Actions speak louder than words. You say he's never been one for compliments, so why do you expect them now? It's not like he suddenly *stopped* complimenting you, right? He probably has NO IDEA this is bugging you so, you have two choices: let it go or explain to him that you value his opinion and are feeling a little 'less than cute' lately and could really use a little encouragement.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I rarely have the opportunity to get dressed up but my husband compliments me almost every day on how good I look and how I just get better with age. I love that about him because most days I do not feel pretty, that's for sure :)
It sounds like your husband is a great guy though, maybe he's just not very good with compliments. Maybe you should tell him though if it does bother you, you're entitled to your feelings after all.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

My husband is fabulous too... and sometimes not so clued in with the compliments. We have been together nearly 15 years and I still want him to tell me I am beautiful. So I started asking. Not the "do I look okay?" but instead "am I cute today" (if that is the look I am going for) or beautiful or sexy. I typically get a better response when I use words other than do I look okay or fine. Sometimes the question is what it takes for him to stop and really look at me. And often I get a kiss with it :)

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I do....and he sure lets me know if he doesn't like what I am wearing!!! I know this when he says 'Oh that's what you are wearing today" and he'll repeat himself until i get the message...Right now he doesn't like the fact I carry big purses...! Iove my big coach you need the compliment don't be afraid to ask...You deserve it especially if you put in extra effort.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Bloomington on

yeah. just mention to him that you like to hear it, and maybe if you say something like "it makes me feel sexy when you say i look cute" he'll be more likely to mention it. :)

i know what you mean... it's not trivial to us women :) i should tell my husband the same thing too...



answers from Dayton on

How do you express your love for others? Just a guess, but you probably compliment people. It is called a love language in particular, Words of Affirmation. There are 4 others, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Touch. This is taken from the book, "The Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman. (speaking of which, I heard Marriage Works! Ohio is bringing him to Dayton to give a talk. Tickets are very reasonable and it includes a dinner! Go to for more info.) You notice it missing because this is how you feel comforted, warm, and excepted. People will often have 1 or 2 and sometimes more that really make them feel loved when they receive it. (Personally, I love hugs!) So mine would be? You got it...touch. The funny thing is I came from a family that rarely expressed any physical affection toward each other. Hmmm, no wonder I had a difficult time feeling accepted. Your husband doesn't give them that often because it is probably not his love language. People have a tendency to give what they like but once he knows that a compliment says "I love you" more than anything, I bet he would be more willing to give you more. Meanwhile, you can figure out what his is so that you can make sure he is feeling loved too!

I hope this helps!



answers from San Francisco on

I don't need it a lot, but every once in a while is nice. My husband's pretty stingy on compliments too. But it is important to hear compliments occasionally.

No, it's not trivial. Does HE sigh, when he says "you look fine", or was that you sighing?

I suggest you train him. "Honey, you have all these other wonderful qualities (list the ones you told us), but just once in a while I need a compliment. Could you try saying _______ (fill in blank)." Then have him repeat it. Hopefully, since he's not a jerk, he won't mind humoring you, and maybe he'll learn from it.

I assume his parents weren't big on praise and compliments when he was growing up, since he's uncomfortable with it.



answers from Cincinnati on

I compliments almost everyday. I even get whistled at for having on dirty cleaning clothes. I think its nice to hear it once in awhile. Sometimes to be silly I;ll just ask if my butt looks big in something and then I'll stick my butt out.

Its trivial maybe to some degree. He loves you just the way you are. If he doesn't care how big or small or sideways you are then thats good. I don't think men are always great at knowing when something looks good on you. I know mine doesn't.

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