Do I Have the Blues?

Hi J.,

I am L./aka MOM! I am a single mom of 5 great children ages (12,8,7,5,3). Let me just say I completely understand as an understatement, and can tremendously guide you on all three questions. I also homeschool and run a business. Let's nip those feelings of hopelessness in the bud. Give me a call. And yes, what you just wrote makes perfect sense.

TTYL
L. Hawkins
Stone Soup On Assignment
###-###-####(cingular)
____@____.com

You should probably let your doctor know how you feel, but in the meantime, Vitamin D supplements in addition to your regular vitamins will help fight any cravings and it also improves your mood. Hang in there, it will get better.

(1)I'm not a doctor, but yes that absolutely sounds like depression, so definitely talk to your doc, maybe even see if you can get an earlier appointment if you can't take it anymore. Get online and read about the best way to treat depression - I seem to recall reading that a combination of therapy and medicine are best. (Start your online search with wikipedia - they usually have good, unbiased medical info.)

If not for yourself, take care of it for your baby and child. You'll be able to be a better mother if you can get past the postpartum depression. It can be dangerous - I don't want to freak you out, but... you've got to take care of yourself, too, or you won't be able to help anyone.

(2) Good, fresh healthy food should help your weight and your mood, at least some. But try not too come down too h*** o* yourself right now. More fruits and vegetables, less meat and cheese. Turn off the Paula Deen show, and pick up a magazine with fresh, APPETIZING healthy food.
Vegetarian Times or something else that looks healthy.
(Assuming you have the energy to cook - if you lack the energy, you can try the frozen food section of the health food store to tide you over.) And get a little sunshine, preferably while talking a walk or while taking the kids to a playground.

I'd also recommend taking a fish oil (DHA)supplement,which
has been shown to help people suffering from all kinds of mental issues, PLUS it will make it's way into your breastmilk for the baby (GREAT for building baby brains). It wouldn't take the place of an anti-depressant prescription, but it would just be an added benefit to your diet, and it's also good for your heart. (Don't take my word for it, though, do some online research.) It's very safe - I used to add fish oil to my baby's bottles of pumped milk when he was a newborn. (It was strawberry flavored!) And my doctor OK'd it.

(3) New babies almost always disrupt the toilet training skills of the older siblings, unless the big kid has been doing it a looong time. We went through potty training hell when our second came along. I'd advise you to completely back off, let him go back to diapers or whatever. Just avoid the power struggles or things get more drawn out.

Besides, you've got WAY too much that you're dealing with right now, you can't do it all. If you have to start potty training all over again in a few months, so be it. It sounds like that it's the least of your concerns. Put a waterproof cover on the sofa for a while, until you get through the PPD.

J.,
First of all, hang in there. You are not the only one who feels like this! Secondly, make sure you tell your doctor how you have been feeling so that he can either refer you to another doctor or give you some medicine. Thirdly, I recommend Weight Watchers. It is a great support system for those of us who are emotional eaters and it will help you get on the right track to lose weight. Fourth, do something for yourself each day, whether it is a walk with the kids around the block, sitting outside to enjoy the fresh air, buying yourself a fun magazine to read, ect.
It will get better!

I just read the other answers. I agree with people but please don't take that drug/vitamin/pill that helps you lose weight until you have it approved by your doctor. It was someone's brother (a male). Are you nursing? Your daughter is so tiny. The clothes thing not fitting is tough. I don't know if you have faith in God but He does help and He does not give us more than we can handle. If you feel overwhelmed, hold off on the potty training. It is ok. You need to eat for your baby right now esp if you are nursing. Advice-- eat eat eat. Proteins, some starches, fruit. etc... If you feel like a snack, have it.
Kids regress when child number 2 comes along. Very normal.
I would say- can you ask someone to come play with your son so you can take a 30 min nap? You need sleep my dear.

Your feelings are valid and hang in there. This too shall pass.

Just make sure you don't get too frustrated with the kids. They are kids. We expect SOOO much out of them.

Praying for you.

Hi J.,

A little depression is somewhat normal after childbirth. A lot is not. It tells me that something in your system is a little off kilter, probably exacerbated by the birthing process. It should be a simple fix. I didn't say quick, I said simple :)

My very first suggestion would be to get to a chiropractor. Besides helping your immune system and your overall health, a spinal adjustment can correct anything neurological that is affecting your moods and thoughts. I personally recommend an Upper Cervical Specialist. They are truly in tune with your entire body, not just one symptom. (upcspine.com has a listing of specialists, I didn't see one in Senoia but did see one in Tyrone. They are listed in no particular order so just read thru them.)

The next thing I would recommend is nutrition. Improper nutrition can affect, not only your weight but, your mood. If you are a depression eater, I'm sure you're not going for the broccoli, lol. You really need to be on a good absorbable multivitamin that can give you the nutrition and the energy you need to keep up with your little ones. Not just any multivitamin will help and some will actually do more harm. If you want to go this route, please write back and ask, I'd love to help.

J., as long as you're depressed, it's impossible to have any self control over your eating. You need to take this one step at a time and not get overwhelmed. DO NOT stress about the potty training right now. That will come as soon as he wants it and when he is more used to having a new baby in the house. You don't need that weighing on YOU right now. And he needs YOU to get past this depression.

Let me know if you'd like more information. Like I said, I'd love to help.

God bless,

M.

J.,
a couple of suggestions for you...first of all, your son may very well regress anyway since there is a new baby in the house, so what i suggest on that, (and what our doctor suggested to us a few years ago), is...don't push the potty right now...let him settle in...running to the potty for you is a pain anyway right now..so let him wear pull ups, and worry about that in a couple of months...as far as the blues go...definitely talk to your doctor when you go...you are probably still very hormonal, but if you still feel this way when you go to the next appointment, tell them...they will probably ask anyway, and if they don't, they can help you only if you tell them. you will feel so much better once you figure out how you're going to fix it...if you're not opposed to medication, sometimes you need it for awhile after a new baby...i did...and no one really tells you to expect that...but lots of people end up with those feelings. get out and walk them in the stroller...the weather is so great right now, and you will feel better getting a little excersize...good luck!

J.,

I have found that when I ask myself if I'm down, then that means I'm down.

Please take it easy on yourself. Don't worry about the potty training, or losing weight, or anything else that you think you need to accomplish right now. Meet needs of sleep, food, water, basic cleanliness, and let the rest be.

Take some deep breaths, pray a lot, and go on a walk every day. Be honest with yourself--what do you need? Then find a way to get it. You don't have to be a tough superwoman who does it all, get help if at all possible. Just for one week, take the laundry to a drop-off place. Eat off paper plates, cut whatever corners you can.

A nurse told me that the litmus test for post-partum depression is: if you ever feel like you can't or don't want to take care of your baby or yourself, then it's time to ask for help. For me, that came in lots of ways, but it did include zoloft. Yes, I also changed my nutrition, and went to the chiropractor, and took fish oil, and prayed a lot, and the counselor, and did a lot of writing, but the medicine was the kicker for me.

God bless you. I'm sure you are a wonderful mom, and this is your sign to start mothering YOURSELF.

A.

Hi J.,

You should probably give your OB a call and let him or her know about the symptoms you are having. I had a lot of anxiety after my first son and struggled with baby blues after my second. I felt the way you described. Tired, emotionless, not interested in anything. I talked with my OB, got on medication, and saw a counselor. It all helped a lot! The other thing that really helped me was getting together with a close friend with kids my son's age. It allowed me time to have adult conversation and the boys kept each other entertained for a while. I'm struggling a little bit again b/c we are new to the area and I'm trapped at home since I have a one year old who takes a morning nap and both boys nap in the afternoon. My two year old really needs some other kids to play with, so I'm reminding myself that this is just a tough season in my life and it will be over much too soon. But it is hard sometimes! Just know that there are a lot of other moms dealing with what you are dealing with. Also, don't be too h*** o* yourself about losing weight. I read once that it took 9 months for your body to get where it was when you had your baby, so it will take at least that long afterward to get back into shape. Also, if you are nursing, your body will hold on to some fat stores to make sure it has enough energy stored to produce milk.

I'll be praying for you too!
J.

Hi J.,

You are not alone! I feel this way occassionally and I'm sure lots of women do too! I only have one child and work fulltime, but never seem to catch-up or have a free moment for myself! I gained 86 lbs with my daughter and lost all but 36 lbs by the time she was 3 or 4 months old (she is 2 1/2 now). This is what I did to reach my pre-pregnancy weight, but I did wait until she was not breastfeeding anymore and was 2 years old...SlimFast drinks for breakfast and lunch, plus a 1/2 turkey sandwich at lunch and a sensible dinner of meat and veggies (sometimes basmati rice too). I absolutely hate to exercise, so this worked for me by limiting the amount of fat and calories I consumed. You just have to tell yourself to be good, don't finish the childrens food on their plates, and don't eat the candy or desert you want so desperately because you will be a "hot mama" in a few months!!!! I hope this helps. Good luck and see a doctor if you think you need to get help for depression. I have taken anti-depressants before and they do work! Take care of yourself! D. H.

I experienced the same thing with my first child. It was quite severe. After a few months I had to go on medication. I was told by my female doctor that this is not at all uncommon. I felt like you described . . . a robot. I seemed to watch myself passively do all the correct things day and night but I wasn’t "there". I was told that hormonal changes can cause or exacerbate this. I couldn’t sleep either, same thing . . . I would get to a place where I was dozing off and then bolt upright to check on something or do some task. Sleep deprivation can cause serious problems. You will be OK. Just make sure you explain your feelings and fears with your doctor at your next appointment. This too will pass.

When I was pregnant with my second child a few people told me how hard the first 2 months would be and I was like, okay sure. But then when I was living those two months I knew what they meant. It does get better. It can't hurt to mention it to your Dr, but I promise it gets easier everyday. Good luck.

Hormones cause havoc (including depression). Try supplementing with progesterone cream (or a prescription cream provided by doc) as often dips here can kick in the depression. Also, give yourself a break. Stick that diaper back on them if you have to right now. Often, they regress after a baby for a bit. In a few months, things will ease up and you can do all the potty training stuff! No one will document in his college application (use humor if you can, it gets us all through the day!). No pullups for him though, if he needs to be a little one, he has to wear a diaper (don't say it scolding, just confirm that is the rules of potty) :).

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you have just done the greatest thing a human can do - you gave life. That comes with a small price of weight, you are beautiful for that. Say it over and over and over until you know it is true. Yes, eat all the fruits and veggies you can stand and drink lots of water, but now is not a diet time. Now may be a great time to get out and walk with those kids and enjoy the weather and getting them outside.

I would love to hear you see a great Osteopath (Dr. Armond in Suwannee) to stop the early onslaught of depression and recover your body from this wonderful thing you have done - give life. I have experienced the power of this healing, it is amazing. But if you have any thoughts that run in the category of hurting yourself or your kids, know that this is something many women go through and get help immediately.

Maybe "Down came the rain" by Brooke Shields would help support you. I have not read it, but respect the interviews i have seen.

God Bless, J

Hi Mom,

Wow, you really have your hands full! It is hard enough to try to potty train a small child but with a baby in the house and the hubby gone at night! WheW! it makes me tired to think about it.

I am concerned with your email. It sounds like more than the Baby Blues. I had post-partum depression with my 3rd child and I didn't want to DO anything. I didn't want to move!

Call your Doctor, get an appt this week. I am worried about you.

Email me ____@____.com You have a friend here if you need to talk. You are in my prayers.

W.

Dear J.,
Don't be worried, because worry never solves any problem. Do mention this to your doctor. As far as feeling as though you have no energy and you feel fat, I know that I can help you there. There is a company called Isagenix, it is nutritional products. My son broke up with his girlfriend and he gained 50 pounds eating because he was so depressed. He was really down and had no energy for life and I was concerned so I looked into these products. They are all organic and wonderful resources for the body. The shakes will be excellent for your 2 1/2 as well. Anyway, my son started this program and has lost 50 pounds, is working out, feels better than he has felt in so many years. His attitude is wonderful and he is happy again and feels like himself, all with NO medication. The body is a miracle and if we will simply give it the nutrients it needs, it will work in miraculous ways. It will be a great product for your husband as well. Our cells are reproducing completely every 7 years and if we do not give them the nutrients they need, they do not reproduce well. Then I started taking the products and I have lost 10 pounds, never had more energy and feel like a new person and my menopause symptoms have eased up tremendously and after having high cholesterol for many years, my bloodwork magically came back great. I can't say enough good things about these products and I really believe they can help you. If you have questions please call my son Tony B., ###-###-#### and he can tell you how to order them and start to feeling better. Also, I invite you to join our female online community www.TheHeartAlliance.com and meet other amazing women. There is no cost. I hope this helps you. I truly believe it will. D. B., CEO & Founder, The Heart Link Network www.TheHeartLinkNetwork.com and www.DawnBillings.com
D. B. is the author of over 15 books, including Greatnes & Children: Learn the Rules, and creator of the new parenting toy/tool called the CAPABLES which can be used to teach your children how to grow up to be extraordinary human beings who truly know how to live their dreams.

J.,
It's hard to have kids...period- ESPECIALLY when you don't have night time help and you have a newborn. Someone in my nieghborhood told me of these nighttime nannies that come to your house and put the baby to bed-feed them (if you can pump- or if you are formula feeding) and then leave in the morning. Dont stress about potty training rightnow- try to get some help- babysitter, mothers helper- so you can get some rest. as for eating- if your nursing- your hungry all the time- try filling up one of those gigantic water cups and drinking thru it thru the day- if not- buy fruit and veggie trays that are already cut up- and nosh on those- those were my favorite when I had a newborn.
Please dont' stress out abotut he eating- my baby is 22 months and I'm still hungry all the time and my hormones stil have not blanced out. with my other two it took until they were almost 3 yrs old before I started feelign normal again. If you are not nursing - have you tried any natural supplements? like st johns wort or SAM-e?? those helped me. Make sure you have plenty of friends to talk to also- it always helps to have a friend!
Cut yourself some slack- your baby is only 3 weeks old- I think I sat permanently on the couch for the whole first year of my 3rd sons life! It rocked my world-so try not to stress- talk to your Dr about the way you feel- if yo udecide to go on meds- then that is what you decide- be sure to take them NO less than 9 months- or you'll put your body into a hormonal mess! IF you go the natural route- get lots of support- try to do something for yourself( work out- go for a walk, join a book club- get a message)
Good LUck sweetie- take it easy!
Nikki

Hi, J.!
I know that everything can get very overwhelming sometimes. I would suggest a diet and exercise regimen for you. I have lost almost 30 pounds and feel better than I have in years. I have cut out some of my carbs and joined a Curves gym (which takes only 30 minutes three times a week). Or other gyms offer daycare. If you can't get out of the house or afford a gym, maybe start stretching and doing situps, pushups, and some type of cardio exercise (walking the stroller around the block). I think you might find getting some of the weight off will help you energy level, and exercise will release endorphins that will help you feel better about yourself. And, I know it's hard, but try to get as much sleep as you can, and make sure you drink LOTS of water every day. Most people stay dehydrated and that can/will also lead to depression. Also, you might want to consider getting involved in church. A healthy spiritual life has never been known to hurt!
Good luck to you and always remember that those little babies (and husband)need you so much right now! Just love them as much as you can because they could be gone in a heartbeat. Life is way too short.