Do I Have Enough Love to Go Around?

T....If you love one child as much as you say, you most certainly have enough love for another child. I have three, love them all very much even though they are different people. That is what you have to take at face value, they will be different and you love them for that!

As far as pregnancies go, there are really no two that are alike. Take things as they come.

Best of luck:)
M.

I have only 1 child, but we are planning on more. I have heard it said that when a mother has more children, her love isn't *divided*, but rather, it's *multiplied*. I think that's a lovely statement.

Congratulations, and good luck to you.

You will have more than enough love to go around. I to tried for a year and then gave up! When I found out I was prego I was so excited. I am hoping to have 4 kids all togeather! I to was worried about favoring. It's funny how it took a while for me to fall in love with my husband, but it took less then a second for me to fall in love with both my sons! I hope you have a better pregnancy. I was sick all the time to so I know how you feel. Good luck!

T....

Six little words...your heart will swell with love.

C.

LOL. I wondered the same thing. When I found out I was expecting again (my twins were only 14 months old) I was sure I couldn't possibly love another as much as I loved them. After a not ideal pregnancy, and with a sick child, I wondered how I would do it at all.

We plan, God laughs.

It all will work out, and you will be ecstatic. Congratulations!

As a mom of three I agree with the other posters. You love does multiply. In case you are wondering how you can shower love on all at the same time, it just works out. It's not even something you think about once you hold your little one for the first time. ( I've also had rough deliveries and labors and that really didn't make a difference in the end.)

You have enough love. I felt the same way as you when I was pregnant with my second. I was and am completely in love with my first daughter. She is the best thing that ever happened to us and I didn't know how I could ever love the second child as much. It just got worse the closer it got and I really got nervous about having the second child. But I can say my second daughter is now 4 months old and I didn't even think twice about the love I had for her. It is amazing how much you can love two little people the same. Just like the instant love you had for your first one, it will happen on the second. You will find time for both of them. It will just take a little adjusting and have the baby in a sling or somthing when you are playing on the floor with the older one. Her big sister loves her more than anything. Big sister is 3 and is a little momma and always wanting to help. Don't worry about it. It will be wonderful!

Hi T.,
I have four children, each with a different personality. I love each one the same. You will find that your love will just grow with each child you have.

To quote my mother-in-law... love doesn't divide, it multiplies. And that couldn't be more true!

My husband and I dealt with infertility for four years. After our third and final attempt at IVF, I finally got pregnant... with twins! They ended up being delivered 11 weeks early but extremely healthy, just small. They spent seven weeks in the hospital. To be totally honest, I didn't feel any emotion towards them. I loved them because they were mine but I wasn't in love with them. After a few months of feeling that way, I met with my OB because I decided that I must have been depressed. She said what I feeling was totally normal. And she was right. I remember the day clearly that I "fell in love" with both of them. And it's only grown stronger each day! Also, at a class I take them to, we were asked what our most surprising part of parenthood was and I was totally honest to the group saying that I didn't love my kids for the first few months. Once I said that, more than a few people raised their hands saying they felt the same way too. It's really unfortunate no one ever talks about it warns new mothers it's a common feeling because I felt like a horrible mother for those first few months.

Now... the rest of my input: Nine months ago our surprise/bonus baby was born! We had no idea we could get pregnant without medical intervention. You would think that I would have been excited at the news but I wasn't at all... my husband and I had decided, while I was pregnant and didn't know it, that we were done. I talked to my OB about it and she said it's totally normal to feel neutral about it, even upset. And as my belly grew, I did get more and more excited. Once he was born, the love for him was there right away. But my point is, not once have I ever loved any one of my three kids differently. Love truly does multiply. There are days that I prefer one over the others but I think that's pretty common. :-) So... I personally don't feel you have anything to be worried about. You will love both kids so much you'll be amazed.

Congratulations! The human heart has a great capacity to love, just let things unfold and enjoy each stage and experience. I thought the exact same thing after my first daughter was born and then second daughter came and it was more and more love for all.

Hopefully this pregnancy will be smoother than the first!
J.

It is funny how you can look at your children and think you will never love anyone else as much as them, then an amazing thing happens when that next one comes out another little part of your heart goes to that one. I remember thinking how can I love another one before the second one was born. There is just something unexplainable when that next one comes around. I just had baby #3 a couple weeks ago and couldn't imagine life without him. There is definately enough love to go around!

I think that it is always a bit scary to have another baby. You wonder if there is enough love, time, resources, etc for this new life. I think that the hormones of pregnancy don't help with this feeling either. However, I think that when you have another child that if anything, you love both children more. I can't explain it, just that it is fun to see how they are alike, but also how they are so different. You will do fine, and just remember that your thinking while newly pregnant is different than when you are not pregnant, and don't allow yourself to worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will take care of itself when it is here.

I know you have received a lot of responses that I don't have time to read right now, but I just wanted to wish you the best for your pregnancy. Also, my 11 yr old stepson is my DD's best friend. He gets her belly laughing the way nobody else can - those sibling relationships can be great!

Hi T.- you will be pleasantly surprised by how much love you have for both of your kids, it doesn't seem that way right now, I thought the same thing when I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was 2 1/2, How could I possibly love another child as much as her? But you do, it's natural and you learn to balance your time with each of them and as a mother, you will be aware of how much you are giving to them and just want to make sure they both know how much you love them. It's not always easy, they are kids. You will obviously experience new, older stages with your daughter first so you may feel like you are being h*** o* her and not your second child, the baby, but that's all part of them growing up. I just make sure I tell them both I love them every day and give lots of hugs and kisses.

Have you seen the doctor yet? It sounds like you need to come up with a good plan. Pregnancy does take a lot out of you and you have soooo much that you do! I agree with all the other mothers who have responded, you will love this baby. I always panic when I'm pregnant and think "How am I going to do this?" (currently due w/#5 in May) Somehow it all just works out. Take care of you. I was so sick with this current pregnancy in the beginning. My mother and older kids (6,7) were helping out so much while I was laying on the couch! (My husband works nights and has to sleep during the day) If life becomes too much right now can you cut hours at work or drop some classes? Each of my pregnancies were so different. My last one was easy, my first one was not so much, and this one is the absolute worst. So have hope! I don't enjoy being pregnant, but love the babies! Wouldn't trade any of them. I have heard that if you suffer from PPD it is likely that you will again, but this time you can be more prepared. Again, talk to your doctor honestly and have a plan of action. I would also talk to him about the labor process. Your tailbone is a concern that you should address. You sound like such an amazing woman. Good Luck! I hope you have an easier time this time, and that all goes well.

Isn't it funny how things turn out. I remember feeling that my oldest may think I don't love her any more if I give the second one to much attention. Then it dawned on me that I have two beautiful children and I have given her the best gift ever, her brother. We allowed her to introduce him to everyone as her baby. She was so pleased with him she couldn't quit talking about him. It was the best thing for her. I have to admit that she was getting very spoiled being the only one and it really helped to improve my parenting skills to have two.

Now we are waiting for number six. We really are able to see what a gift each child is and how they have helped our whole family. We didn't get to keep our fourth and fifth babies. They passed away before they were born. My other children were so incredibly sad. The funerals were the hardest things my family has ever went through, but it has pulled us together and made us stronger. I am glad we were able to have even those babies because we are better people for it. We had decided not to try again. It was a very hard decision. My other children kept praying for another brother or sister and my husband and I just kept telling them that we just couldn't do it right now. Well, God had a different plan I guess. This little girl is planned to show her little face Feb. 2nd. We were scared when we first found out. I just didn't know how we could bury another baby if this one also died. I decided to just be thankful for each day she was still alive inside me because that was one more day I had with her.

I don't know how religious you are but I would just recommend saying a little prayer that you have the strength to do what ever it is that you are asked to do. That is how I got through the tough times. Somehow I was able to do it. Not all pregnancies are the same and three year is the medical world changes a lot also. Each time I have a baby I can't believe how the treatment for things has changed. You will be alright!

Something I read in parenting article really said it well: you WILL favor one child more than the other, but at different times. My first is so much like me...we fight, we argue, and I understand him in a way I don't think my husband does. My baby...well, he's not quite as much like me, and he's very needy sometimes, and that's hard. On the other hand, my first has almost killed my second (only partly joking there...) and I couldn't have imagined hating my first like that, either, or the love and protective instincts I felt for #2. I got pregnant when our first was just 2; we lost the baby at 11 weeks, but I remember absolutely panicking at about 10 weeks: I am NOT ready to have this baby. I am NOT ready to give up Eli being my #1. I am NOT ready to share him with another child! By the time we were pregnant again, my first was old enough that I thought, I'm ready, and I'm really glad he won't grow up so selfish of my time. Anyway--my point is, it's an evolution. I think it's perfectly normal to think that one is your favorite, but I think that varies, and even if one IS your favorite, she won't always be. :) I wish you a healthy, happy pregnancy!

There never is a question that you will love your children the same. I have 2 and one on the way. You just have to reassure your oldest. Good Luck and congrats!

Trust me when I say this... you do have enough love to go around. I can understand the lack of excitement when it was so unexpected. Just think of how happy your daughter will be to have a sibling! Plus, there is a lot less time between her and her sib than you and your sibs, so she prolly won't really remember life without one! Good luck to you.

Considering what all you've been through, what you're feeling is totally normal. Here's a little encouragement though. The past doesn't predict the future. You may not have morning sickness this time around. If you do have it, it may be milder, or not last as long. Your labor may go more smoothly. Your body knows what to do now. You may not have PPD again. If you do, you and your doctor will be prepared this time. And your heart grows with each child. There will be enough love to go around. That's why you get those 9 months to prepare.

Although it is hard to imagine sometimes because everyone's feelings for their first is so strong...you will have just as much feeling for the second and so on, if you have more. Love is something that you never run out of! You probably don't love your husband any less after you had a child, sometimes that love can grow even stronger. It's the same with your kids, you love them all so strong. Love just replenishes itself all of the time. If you experience PPD again, just know that it is the depression and not a sign of how much love you have for that child. Just remember how you reacted with the first one and how much you love her now. Don't worry about your daughter either. She will LOVE her new sibling more than you can imagine, just always reinforce how important being a big sister is and how much you love her. She will be more than fine.

T.-
YOu will definitely have enough love for a second child. I had many of the same fears when I had my 2nd eight months ago. My first will be 5 in a month. I was scared I wouldn't be able to give as much love and attention to another because my first was such a miracle. They are completely different children. My second has endeared me to him for so many different reasons and I can't imagine being without either. Just remember, if the baby is crying and your older child is fussing - help the older child first. She may remember whereas the baby won't. We also spend time at night where all three of us cuddle on the sofa. I think that helps my older one to know he is still my baby too. Plus I involve him in caring for the baby like getting diapers or playing a little with the baby. I make sure to do things with my oldest while the baby is in his playpen or sleeping. Don't worry - even if it takes a bit, the love for your 2nd child will grow & grow!
J.

I kind of know what you are saying. My husband and I tried for 5 years to get pregnant and then I had my thyroid removed and bam! I was pregnant. Then after our son was born we decided to wait until he was at least a year before trying and since it took so long to get pregnant we didn't take any precautions and when he was 10 months old we found out we were pregnant. I felt as though I wasn't going to pay enough attention to him and was going to miss things with him because of the new baby and needing to take care of her. And then she was born 3 1/2 months early and was in the NICU for 3 months and 5 days and I don't think I had a day (after being released)that I didn't think of and see each of them (other than a few days that I didn't go to the hospital). I cannot imagine my world without either of them and it is almost like your heart grows and you find ways to incorporate the older one with the younger and vice versa and don't forget those one on one trips to the store or to get gas or whatever. If dad is running errands he can take one of them and you each have one on one time with the kids. This is what my husband does and actually our son does not like doing anything without his sister. It will be fine and you will get through it. Your daughter will have some adjustments but she will also get through it and probably enjoy the companionship of a sibling. Good luck and Congratualtions!

My goodness, you had a rough first pregnancy and birth... are you sure you aren't having a subconscience fear to going through that again? If it is that you feel you will favor one over the other, I can assure you that each child is favorited in one way or the other, just make sure they are evened out. I use to tell my kids "who is my favorite 2 year old?... who is my favorite 3 year old" and each of the ages, that way they know they are all my favorites. I have to say I enjoyed time with each one seperate and I think that is good, to have total attention from mom. Each year before school, I would take each one shopping, just the child and me, for the school supplies. We also went shopping a lot with all the kids together.

Now I will tell you, my first pregnancy I was excited about. I didn't have a hard pregnancy as you but was in a bad marriage which I left when my son was 3 weeks old.

My second pregnancy with my second husband who I married only a year after leaving my first husband (knowing my second husband for 6 months) I was not ready for another baby on the way. My oldest was just a baby himself. I cried, my husband rejoiced. When I held her I was so filled with love for this tiny baby, just as I was with her older brother. When she was two years old I decided that it was time for another. My overies shut down with the birth control pills. For each month for over a year I had to go to the doctor, have a blood test done to see if I was pregnant and then have a shot to kick start my overies. It took a while but I did end up getting pregnant and there is 4 years between my daughter and her little brother. The biggest difference there was that I had more time alone with him since by the time he was born the older two were in pre school and kindergarten, which was nice bonding for us. My kids are all grown and each have their own life and life styles. I see my youngest most since he lives in this town and the other two live farther away. I can say I love all my children and enjoy time spent with each. Their personalities and busy lives dictate how close we are now. My youngest is the father of my only grandchild and she is the light of my life. I too wonder if I could do justice to another grandchild when I have one, then I just think back on how I felt with each of my babies, I will do just fine... just as you will.

Enjoy your pregnacy and make sure you include your daughter in all the excitment, making it her baby too to keep jealous feelings out. Make sure you let her know that you love her very much and the new baby won't take any of that away.

The best gift you can give you child is a sibling!!!
You're not dividing you love . . it is going to multiple.
It is the best feeling ever to watch siblings love each other. You love dogs, husband, child - of course you can love another child. I'm very excited for you just thinking about it! God doesn't give you more then you can handle.
He has definitly blessed your family;)

I just have a question. What does DH and DD and NFM mean? I don't know these.... I must be sooo out of the loop:)

Hello T.,
I didn't read thru the other responses but am going to guess mine will be more of the same. You will ABSOLUTELY have enough love for baby #2 and your first child will be so grateful to have a little buddy to help take care of.

I got pregnant with #2 when my first child was 10 months old. It wasn't planned and quite honestly, I was totally freaked out! I felt horrible that I would be taking attention away from my first child and so on.. fast forward to today-they are best buddies and child 2 has all sorts of different qualities child 1 has different qualities and you love them both equally but are so blessed to have them both you will never want it any other way!

I hope that this pregnancy goes a little easier for you-each one was soo different for me. A suggestion for birth would be look into water birth-it's better than drugs and you won't have the pressure on your tail-bone!

Good luck and god bless,
A.

Hi T.,

Your feelings, right now, are not unusual. That will all change soon....you will love #2 as much as you love #1....and #1 and #2 will love each other unconditionally. Sometimes you will question their love for each other, but believe me let someone else try to hurt either one of them, and you will find out how much they care.

C.

I have 4 little girls. I love them all. They each have such different personalities. You can't help but love them for who they are.
I'm sorry to hear about how the last pregnancy went. I hope this one is better. Even if it's not -just think of the wonderful little child you will have afterward. As for your other child-involve him. Let him know that is is special to have a little brother or sister.

Congrats on the new baby! I hope this pregnancy goes better but if it doesn't, you'll know that you will survive! Regarding whether or not there is enough love, the short answer is a resounding YES! I have to say though, it did take me longer to bond with the second baby, but once I did, I was in love AGAIN! I do go through fits and starts where I feel like I like one over the other. When the baby wasn't sleeping through the night, I favored my older. When the older was potty training and being defiant, I favored the baby. Just remember to give yourself a break, and don't feel guilty as your feelings change over time and go back and forth. Overall, you will love the 2nd baby with the same intensity that you did your first. Good luck!

I do not have two children but I wanted to let you know you are not alone. My husband and I are discussing having baby number 2 and his biggest concern is that he won't be able to love #2 as much as he loves his little girl. My biggest concern is, like you, I did not have an easy pregnancy/birth. Both my husband and myself are from two children homes and we are both the younger child. He always felt his parents favored his sister. I have always felt that my parents didn't play favorites and loved my sister and I as much as any parent can love a child. Remember the way you just magically fell in love with your daughter? It will happen with the second one as well. But don't be surprised if you do enjoy the company of your daughter more so than a baby. After all, you daughter has a personality and babies are pretty much just stagnant for the first few months. And also remember that all pregnancies are different so this one might not be so bad. Your feelings are totally normal.

You have an infinite amount of love so no need to worry! You are giving your daughter a sibling and that is a great gift.

I find with my two kids (who are very different) I don't love one more or less than the other but you learn to love and appreciate their differences and you love them for who they are. So remember your second child will be a unique person who will open your eyes and heart to ways your current child doesn't - it is a wonderful ride. ENJOY!!