Divorced and over 40+? - Los Angeles,CA

Updated on March 14, 2012
C.P. asks from Los Angeles, CA
9 answers

I just read an article online that said over-forty divorce is up 50% in the last twenty years. Depressing. I NEVER thought I would be single in my late 40s (now early 50s), but here I am. Want to know if there are other mamas out there in the same boat. If so, do you have a paddle? Life vest?

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answers from Phoenix on

I was 39 and in an unhappy marriage. Then it hit me...life is too short to spend it unhappy. So I kicked out and immediately divorced my husband. I married him at age 30...thought I waited for the "right guy". Had 2 kids with him, divorce was not an option...but it happened, and I was the one that did it. Now, at almost 45, my life couldn't be better. I'm happily married and have a step daughter. My kids are happy too. I trust my husband 100% and he is the best dad for my kids. My ex simply takes them every other weekend like he is "legally required to do". So sad. But yes, there are lots of us out there. And some of us end up WAY better off than we were. Good luck!

7 moms found this helpful

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answers from Chicago on

Hi C.,

I am 40 with an 11 year old daughter. I divorced her dad (my 2nd husband) in 2005.

I will say it took me a bit longer to acclimate after this divorce. Maybe because I was older. Maybe because I felt like a double failure. Maybe because I was married longer. Maybe because I had a child and ventured into the single parent arena along with the older divorcee arena. It made me a cougar milf :-(

But, 7 years later.... having spent my 40th birthday learning to meditate in Bali with a hindu guru I feel like I know myself for the FIRST time in 40 years. It doesn't irritate me to online date and see the hoards of 40 year old men who want skinny, pretty 26 year olds - and are silly enough to think they have a shot (and there are many). Because being 40 and single made me NOT be bitter for the first time. So, it opened me up to find a guy who could handle me. All of me. The way when I was younger and trying to be who someone else wanted me to be was a recipe for finding the wrong guy.

Because I was able to look myself in the mirror and LIKE ME. And for a long time I would look myself in the mirror and not like who I saw. And if I didn't like me..... well then who would?

So, 40(+) and divorced gives you the opportunity to get to know who you are, who you want to be and who you have the opportunity to become.... the way being divorced at 26 might not. Because you have that much more life experience within you upon which to draw.

I think women today won't take it the way that women of past would or did or had to. We have a choice. And finding yourself and your happiness..... sometimes that means staying and making it work. And sometimes that means picking yourself up when they don't stay and make it work. And sometimes it means being smart enough to call it like you see it and get out. Thoughtfully.

I think you have your paddle and your life vest. But I think you have to follow the yellow brick road, though, to find out that you have had them all along. You just have to find them, pull them out, dust them off and inflate them.

This is the best journey, 40+ and divorced. Because it's the one where you find YOU.

Good Luck.

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

Hi C.,

When I was 39, I realized that I didn't want to be married anymore. I had two kids and kept pushing that thought down, but it kept resurfacing. My divorce was final in 2005 (at age 41). I decided to go to law school, even though I was going through a divorce and my kids were ages 5 and 7. Everyone said that I wouldn't be able to do it, but I didn't listen. Instead, I took it one day at a time and succeeded. I am happy with my life. I love being single. I meet men through shared interests/hobbies, and groups that I belong to. I recently joined a hiking club that I am looking forward to being more involved in. I feel at peace. Perhaps it's because I have my children (teenagers now). Whatever it is, I feel a sense of freedom that I did not feel while married. That's just me, I know that everyone is different.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Biloxi on

Heck C., I am 46 and have never been married. I have a child - oooo, scandalous. LOL I am just now beginning to wonder what in the heck I am gonna' do with myself when he goes off to college in 2 years. I've not given it much thought till now.

I do know that developing other interests is important, as such I have ties to the local volunteer community, have developed some strong friendships, and keep in close touch with family. Oh, and I went on a blind date this weekend.

So, all in all, I am slowly filling my "calendar" for the inevitable day when I have an empty nest and must re-discover what it is to be just me.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Appleton on

My divorce was final in 1981-yep 31 yrs ago. I have been in a couple of relationships since but not in over 10 yrs. I am happy being single. The remote is all mine, I don't answer to anyone, if I want to paint my walls bright red I can....

I am fiercely independent and love it.

btw I'm 57

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Baton Rouge on

I'm forty-seven and about to be divorced. I initiated the proceedings. I would rather be single than be with someone I can no longer live with.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Lynchburg on

Hi C.!

I first want to send you a hug....((((((hug)))))...

And no...you are NOT alone. I have been officially divorced since 2005...and I am 52 now.

I take great pride in my kiddos...and how they have been dealing with a bad deal from their father (my ex)...

BUT I am having a great deal of fun being the 'author' of my next chapter in my life!

I am sub teaching now...as I figure out what 'I want to be'...and really enjoying it!

I have no 'paddle'...nor a 'life vest'...BUT I am having a great deal of fun figuring out my next 'new' career...

Cut yourself some slack...and volunteer...'sub'...write...exercise (or EXORCIZE) and find what 'moves' you!

I wish you peace.

Best Luck!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from La Crosse on

My parents divorce was final Feb 13th after 34 years of being married. They both are 55.

I feel really bad for both of them. Neither want to be alone but they have no clue where to start to looking either... wish I had some answers for them as they both dont want to do the online scene.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

One of my favorite bloggers is still dealing with a sort of surprise divorce. They were married over 30 years. She seems to be finding her way through it (and she's a great writer). You can check her out at http://bossybetty.blogspot.com.

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